TOO LATE FOR KATE?
Disclaimer: Castle belongs to ABC and Andrew Marlowe, and I am only borrowing them and will return them safe and sound as soon as I am done. Granted, in my world, they would get to where they're going a lot faster than they are. I make no money from this and am doing it for entertainment purposes.
Author's note: I thought it would be interesting to see a Castle whose background is very different from the writer we see. That's where the story idea began. Thanks to Galxychld for help with the editing process. It's useful to have another Fanfic author on hand.
Chapter 1
Agent Kate Beckett was feeling all pumped up. She'd spent three months in Washington DC and had been instrumental in solving a major drug smuggling case working with the Attorney General's office, and had been invited to a party by Special Agent Stack. Nothing improper had happened, but she'd missed the evening flight to New York. The one she'd asked Rick Castle to meet.
She felt a little guilty about not answering his calls the first week, but she was so hot to solve the case she ignored them. After the first week, he'd stopped calling. She wasn't really worried. After five years of his following her around it was a sure thing. He'd even asked her to marry him.
She hadn't answered him yet. Just as the 757 touched the runway she fluffed her hair and applied fresh lipstick. She exited the aircraft and put her long legs to good use.
After passing through customs she retrieved her bags and looked for her friends. She quickly spotted Lanie and her dad, but no sign of Richard Castle or anyone else.
"Lanie, where is everybody?"
Lanie looked angry as she answered. "I don't know, Agent Beckett. We haven't heard from Castle in over a month."
Kate's head pulled back at the venom in Lanie's voice, as well as how disturbing it was to hear her say Agent instead of her name. But another part of her was instantly worried. She knew how impulsive Castle could be.
"Where are the guys, my team?"
"They're not your team anymore. You abandoned them, just like you abandoned Castle, just like you abandoned me. I don't understand you, Kate, Castle risked his life for you and you dump him. I see why pride is one of the seven deadly sins."
Kate's face paled. This was Lanie, her best friend. She wasn't on her side.
She immediately pulled out her phone and called Castle's number. After seven long rings the answering machine came on. "You have reached the phone of Richard Castle. Mr. Castle is not available at this time. Leave a message." Kate shivered. It was Castle's voice, but again it wasn't what she was used to. It was flat, almost monotone.
Jim Beckett and Lanie could hear the fear in Kate's voice as she said, "Dad, take me to the loft. Something's very wrong. This isn't like Castle."
They quickly drove to Castle's loft. Kate let them in with her key. The loft was cold and dark with an unused air about it. Kate turned on the lights and went into the kitchen. Castle's usually well stocked refrigerator was empty except for some ice cream in the freezer.
"Lanie, check the garage!" She went into his study and booted up his computer, hoping that there was a message left for her. There was nothing. She hit recent searches. A series of articles came up under arms smuggling in the Southwest.
She suddenly remembered that before he became a full time novelist, Castle had been an investigative reporter with two Pulitzer Prizes to his credit. Almost in a panic, she ran into his bedroom and looked into his closet. All his high end suits and sports clothes were there but several pairs of dark jeans and shirts were gone, as was his black leather jacket.
She checked his safe. Gone were his laptop and his digital SLR.
Lanie came back into the loft. "His Ferrari's there but the F-150 is gone!"
Two years ago, Castle got bitten by the off road bug. Surprising everyone, he hadn't purchased the most expensive luxury SUV he could find, but a top of the line Ford F-150 4X4 pick-up.
It had a turbo-charged V-8 engine and every bell and whistle Ford could put on it, but again, surprising everyone, it wasn't wearing a flashy paint job but was plain white with a tan interior.
Now she really was in a panic. Not only had Castle taken off on his own, he hadn't left an easy way to trace him. She knew that he'd learned enough about police work to cover his tracks if he wanted to.
She had another chilling thought. A few months ago, she'd been teasing Castle about his lousy marksmanship. He'd said, "Maybe I'll do something about that. There's this place out in Arizona called Combat INC. They offer a week long combat pistol course. I just might take it."
Kate sat down on a sofa. "Oh God Rick, what have you done, where have you gone? I love you, I need you. What have I done? Why did I make you wait for my answer?"
Now the tears came for real. If he'd done what she thought he'd done, the men he was investigating were totally ruthless, totally merciless. He could be killed and buried out in the desert and no one would ever know for sure, what had happened to him.
Lanie came over and sat down beside her. "What's wrong, girl?"
Brokenly, Kate said, "It's Rick. He's just gone. No note, no call, no message, just gone and I don't know why."
Lanie rolled her eyes and said, "That's bull, Kate. You do know why. What did you expect that he'd be your plaything forever? That man loves you, or maybe at this point, loved you, but for five years you jacked him around.
"You only told him that you loved him when you thought you were going to die, and even after he risked his life to save yours, you put your pride and ambition ahead of your man. He may not be your man any longer. You can only hurt someone so many times and they decide not to be hurt anymore. You've hurt that man a lot. He's a good man, even an amazing man, and doesn't deserve what you did to him."
Kate looked at her friend, tears streaming. "I thought you were here to comfort me."
Lanie shook her head. "Normally I would be, but this time you don't deserve comfort. You need someone to make you see how cruel and selfish you have been. Is glory more important to you than Rick? Is a career more important than a life? Is his life just not worth it to you?"
Now Kate got mad. "Lanie, that's a cheap shot! I love Rick!"
"Do you? Think of how it looks to Rick. You're in DC, and you don't return his calls. He could find out all about how well you do your job up there, but not from you. Feeling abandoned makes a person do some crazy things."
Kate stood up and went into the bathroom to wash her face and repair her make-up.
When she came back out, she said, "Lanie, somehow I'm going to find him. I'm going to make him see that I do love him and that I want him, for as long as he'll have me!"
Lanie gave her a quizzical look. "How are you going to do that? The man is smart. He won't use his credit cards and he always has plenty of cash. You can't put an APB out on him because he hasn't broken any laws. You don't even know where he's going."
"I saw some articles on his computer about the Southwest," Kate said as she ran a hand through her hair.
"The Southwest is a big hunk of country, girl, where are you going to start?" Lanie asked.
Kate started pacing as she bit her lip. Suddenly she stopped. "Combat INC., that's where I'll start!"
"What's that?" Lanie asked.
"It's a private weapons training school in Arizona. Rick said he was thinking about going there!" She turned and ran to her father.
"Dad, come on we're going to the precinct. Lanie, we'll drop you at my apartment. Please pack a bag for me? I'm going after my man!" Once the decision was made Kate sprang into action and small smile on Lanie's face further convincing her that this was the right thing to do.
At the precinct Kate ran into Esposito, first thing. He looked at her with contempt. "What are you doing here, Agent Beckett, coming to visit the peasants?"
Kate was shocked. She'd never seen Esposito like this, at least not towards her. His eyes narrowed an almost hateful look on his face. "What do you want, Agent?"
Kate tried to compose herself. "You know about Rick and I. Just before I left for Washington he asked me to marry him. I wouldn't answer him. He's gone. No note, no call nothing. He used to be an investigative reporter. I think he's into something very dangerous. He may be carrying a gun. He's never done that before."
Now Kate was pleading. "Espo, I've lost so much in my life. I've ruined so many chances, I can't lose Rick. I have to bring him back. I have to bring him home to me."
Esposito almost sneered. "Somehow I don't believe you. You've been busy playing the hot shot Fed. Even if I did believe you, you've done too much damage. Castle started out as a silly poser but he became a very important part of this team. His input helped solve a lot of cases. After you left he stayed away for about a week until Gates asked him to come back. He came back. Actually, Richard Rogers came back. Rick Castle didn't. Oh, he was still good, still had the insights but the jokes, the wisecracks were gone. Rick Castle was gone. About a month ago he came in and a he said was, Bye guys, I'll miss you but I'm done. We tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't listen. We've heard nothing since. The look in his eyes that day, I've seen in soldier's eyes, those ready to die."
He paused for a breath, a muscle jumping in his clenched jaw. "I don't have a lot of friends and I just lost one, thanks to you. Don't bother calling Ryan; he feels the same way I do." Esposito turned his back on her and walked down the hall.
Captain Gates walked into the room. She looked at Beckett, her face stony.
"Does the Federal Government have some business with the 12th precinct, Agent Beckett?"
"No Captain, I just wanted to talk to…"
In an absolutely icy tone, Gates almost hissed, "Then get out! Your selfishness destroyed my most effective homicide team. I thought this would be a good career step for you, but not the way you've done it. You're not welcome here."
Beckett almost staggered from the mental shock. Except for her dad, everyone she loved was turning against her.
She sadly walked from the precinct to her favorite coffee shop. As she sat down with her coffee, she remembered all the times Castle had shown up with a smile on his face and her coffee cup in his hand. She might never see that face again. She put her head down on her arms and cried.
An hour later, she made her resolve. She wasn't accomplishing anything sitting here. If she was ever going to be happy she had to get her life back. She had to get her friends back. Most of all she had to get Rick back. That federal badge was a cold comfort at night.
She went into the library and used the computer to look up Combat Masters INC. She left the library and called the company.
Kate took a deep breath and said, "This is Federal Agent Katherine Beckett. I need to ask you a few questions about a possible recent client of yours."
"Is this a criminal matter, Agent?"
"We don't know, yet. An important New Yorker has not been heard from by his family or friends in over a month. It's completely out of character for him."
"Let me put you on hold while I check with my supervisor."
The two minutes that she was on hold seemed like an eternity to Kate.
The woman came back on the line. "My supervisor said that it's okay, so go ahead and ask your questions."
"In the last two weeks, have you had a Richard Castle register?"
"Sorry, Agent, no Richard Castle."
"He may be using an assumed name. What about Richard Rogers or Alexander Rogers?"
"No, no Rogers at all."
Kate was getting really frustrated and let out an exasperated sigh. The only lead she had wasn't panning out. Suddenly her eyes widened as she had an inspiration. "What about Jamison Rook?"
"No Jamison Rook, but there was a Jim Rook here. He took the Combined Combat pistol and Combat Shotgun courses. He left yesterday. We were surprised. Most of our clients are police or security personnel. He graduated second out of twenty."
Kate was excited now. "Can you describe him, please?"
"I'm just the receptionist. Let me have you speak to the course manager."
Another woman came on the line.
"Agent Beckett, I'm Samantha Stevens. I'm the course manager, also a senior instructor. How may I be of service to the federal Government?"
"Can you describe one of your recent clients, Jim Rook?"
"Easily, he left quite an impression."
Kate, irrationally, got a little steamed. She could hear the admiration in the other woman's voice.
"Big guy, stands about six one or six two about 210. It looks like he's been working out, lately. Brown hair, blue eyes, handsome man. The way he went through that course, he's mad as hell at somebody and I damn sure wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of his guns. One strange thing though, I can tell when a man is gay and he's not. But when I tried to correct his stance, he'd flinch away. He didn't do that with the other female instructor."
Kate bit her lip at that. "Did you say guns a minute ago, Ms. Stevens?"
"Yes, he had us customize a Colt Officer, a Colt Combat Elite and a Remington 1187 police shotgun. He also bought a pair of holsters and spare magazines."
"Thank you, Ms. Stevens, you've been a great help."
Kate ended the call, went back to the library computer and called up the school's website, which included photographs of the instructors. Samantha Stevens had golden-brown curls and big brown eyes. She could have been Kate's sister.
Tears filled Kate's eyes again. "Oh Rick, I really hurt you this time, didn't I? Please don't let it end us. Dear God, don't let him do something stupid and get himself killed. I don't know if I can survive it."
Kate logged off the computer, went outside and hailed a cab. Lanie should have my bag ready by now, she thought. On the way to her apartment she called the airline and reserved a ticket.
She would call Washington and resign when she got to Flagstaff and turn in her badge at the office there. Meanwhile she'd use her federal credentials to get her gun through security. It was a personal purchase, not an issue one. She didn't have to turn it in.
On the way to the airport, Kate turned to Lanie. "You're right, Lanie. This job isn't worth it. I've lost most of my friends, I've lost the life I loved, and I lost the love of my life. If I can't get him back I don't know what I'll do."
From the front seat, Jim Beckett said, "Katie, you may be surprised at this, but while you were gone, Rick and I got close. I went over to his loft one night, just before he disappeared. He was really down. You leaving him was bad enough. But what was worse was he didn't feel that anyone needed him anymore. Alexis was all grown up and away in Costa Rica. Martha met someone that she seemed to be serious about. He couldn't write. He said that he had something to do and was leaving immediately. I tried to talk him out of it but I couldn't. He's hurting, he's angry, and he's lost his way. I told him to snap out of it and find a project. He said that he had one. As I was leaving he put on the strangest song, I think it was called Winter Born."
Lanie gasped quietly and said, "I know that song. Kate, if you don't find him and bring him around he's going to die out there."
Kate's face registered her fear. "Why do you say that, Lanie?"
"Because of a couple of lyrics in that song."
"What lyrics?"
Lanie's voice trembled as she repeated the lyrics, "Within this moment I am for you though better men have failed, I will give my life for love for I am winter born. And you have asked me for this sacrifice and I am winter born."
Kate started crying again. "What are you trying to do, turn a knife in my heart?"
Gently, Jim said, "No, Katie we're just trying to make you see how important it is that you get it right and make him love you and believe in you again. If you don't we've lost him. He can't come back from this without your love. He doesn't want to." They reached the airport and luckily this flight was lightly booked. Kate's credentials got her through security and on the aircraft in short order. She tried to sleep on the plane but couldn't She was too worried for Rick.
The plane landed early enough that Kate was able to secure a motel and rent a Ford Mustang GT. She was also able to purchase a police band scanner and a police two way radio.
That night, in the motel, she wrote out her resignation from the Attorney General's task force.
She tried to watch a little TV but nothing interested her. She tried surfing the Internet with the same result as the TV. She then opened the local newspaper. In the arts section, she came across a review of the latest Nikki Heat book. There were pictures of the front and back covers.
The picture of Rick Castle hit her like a punch in the gut. An anguished moan tore from her throat and she dropped the paper. She curled up on the bed, her whole body shuddering with her sobs.
Nothing that had happened the whole day hit her like this. That Rick's mischievous smile might never be hers again was too much to bear. Her imagination was too good. She'd seen too many crime scenes. It was too easy for her to picture Rick's body on a crash cart, his life draining away, the monitor going flatline.
She could picture Lanie's cold stare and accusation. "Cause of death: multiple gunshot wounds. It's all your fault, Kate."
Or Alexis's tear-stained face, hatred in her eyes, saying; "Why did you leave my dad? He loved you more than anything and now he's dead. I hate you, Beckett!"
Lying there, fully clothed, physically and emotionally exhausted, Kate finally fell asleep, but her sleep was tortured by replaying those nightmare scenes over and over.
Kate awoke, still tired. She looked in the mirror and was shocked at the red eyed, drawn face and disheveled image. Is that me? My God I look terrible. I won't get anywhere looking like this!"
She realized that she was terribly hungry. She hadn't eaten anything the previous day.
She quickly showered, shampooed her hair, and used a double dose of eye drops. She carefully applied her make-up and dressed in fresh clothes, put her dirty clothes in a laundry bag, gathered up her things and checked out of the hotel.
She found one of the better chain restaurants and ate a good, solid breakfast.
She then drove to the local Federal building and went to the Attorney General's field office.
The receptionist said, "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I'm Agent Katherine Beckett. I would like to see the supervisory field agent, please."
"Just a moment please, I'll see if he's busy." She pushed a key on the intercom. "There's an Agent Beckett to see you, sir."
"She can come in."
The receptionist nodded and said, "Go right in, Agent Beckett."
Kate entered the agent's office. A tall, gray haired man stood up and offered his hand.
"I'm Senior Agent Ken Talbot, Agent Beckett. I've heard good thing about you. I think that you'll be one of our rising stars."
Kate shook his hand, then said, "Thank you, sir, but I'm not here for accolades. I'm here to resign." She took the resignation, her badge and credentials out of her purse and laid them on the desk."
Agent Talbot looked shocked. "Can't we talk about this, Agent Beckett? You can go a long way in this organization."
She sighed. "There is nothing to talk about, sir. I've made up my mind. This job has cost me too much. It has destroyed my personal life. It may cost me the life of the one person dearest to me, if I don't resign. I might make a lot of sacrifices for this job but I won't make that one."
Talbot reached out a hand to try and restrain her. At the same time he said, "You just started. Think how much you can do; think what you owe your country."
She brushed his hand aside and with a furious look on her face said, "What I owe my country? I've already paid a price too high for a beauocrat like you to comprehend. I lost my friends, I lost my own self-respect and I've probably lost the man I love, maybe my last chance at happiness. To top it off, a powerful politician, a man protected by corrupt officials and self-righteous pseudo-cops, ordered the murder of a good cop and my mother and he can't be touched. Don't try to tell me what I owe!"
She stormed out of the office and jumped into the Mustang, burning rubber as she took off.
She stopped at a gas station to get a map and directions to Combat INC. which was about 30 miles from Flagstaff. She also stopped at a coffee shop and started to order her favorite Grande Latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, but the order caught in her throat. She ordered black coffee. She wasn't going to drink latte again, until she could drink it with Rick.
It had been her favorite long before she met Rick Castle but it would now be forever associated with his goofy smile as he handed her a cup.
She had no trouble finding Combat Masters. She pulled up in front of a long, low, modern office structure. She could see several large training buildings and open firing ranges.
Kate drew in a deep breath then stepped out of the car. She was nervous. A lot of her hopes were pinned on what information she could get here.
And just what will Kate find when she opens the door? Stay tuned to find out. Remember, reviews are appreciated!