A/N: My first fic for the Rukia Birthday Drabble over at the IchiRuki livejournal community. Although, it really isn't a drabble, is it? amused
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters or concepts. I wish I did, but I don't.
Rukia is not naïve. Unlike some people (person, really), she knows that there are limitations to her power that she will most likely never get over. She knows she is strong, strong enough to become one of the strongest Vice-Captains in the Gotei-13 if given the chance, but she knows that there is a ceiling. Most shinigami never achieve what she has done in the last few months. The grumbles about how she was only around due to nepotism have been replaced by respect and admiration from those who have seen her shikai in action. But she knows she will never be like some people (one person). She will not be able to achieve bankai in three days or three months or even three years. She needs time, has always needed time. Shikai did not come easily to her, like most things in her life, unlike her position in the Gotei 13.
There had obviously been questions on why, after decades, she had not been able to hear her own zanpakutõ's name. Most did not ask her, either fearing retribution from the Kuchiki house for their rudeness or just not caring enough about the status of the young noblewoman's power. But there had been the few who did show some concern: mainly her superiors in the 13th Division. After all, Rukia may not have been the strongest shinigami candidate back in school but she had always done well enough that her teachers believed she would achieve shikai after a year or two and become at least a 20th seat relatively easily. But it never seemed to happen. Ukitake-taichõ would give her time off each week to communicate with her zanpakutõ (which led to grumbles from her fellow Division members), but it didn't seem to help.
While this had thrown Rukia off slightly, she had tried not to let it get to her. She didn't have shikai? Fine, she would just make do with what she had, maybe refine her already capable kidõ skills. She did not seem to need shikai to defeat hollows and wasn't that her job? Zaraki-taichõ couldn't communicate with his zanpakutõ and nobody said that he was incapable of doing his job (to his face).
She had gone on like this for years. She is sure she must have felt guilt at not trying to become stronger before Kaien-dono's death, but she had blocked off many things about that time, trying not to think of them too much. But circumstances were different after Aizen had betrayed Soul Society and she had found herself in a castle in the snow. The rooms were slightly cold, but Rukia had barely acknowledged it. She had become used to the cold at different points of her life and, besides, she had more important things on her mind then.
She had walked through the halls of the empty castle. The European style of it is different from her brother's palace, but Rukia knows the layout of this place. She has walked through it at nights, even before knowing what this place was. The tapestries on the wall are diverse, some bright with color and others dull from age. One tapestry, found at the bottom of a flight of marble stairs, is of a cliff, looking out at over a vibrant sunset. It's beautiful, but Rukia has seen enough sunsets in her life to know that the beauty of them can not take away the pain of losing friends. She tiptoed down a hallway, feeling that walking normally would disturb the silence of the place. She finally found herself at a closed door. It is not locked. She is sure of that. It is never locked.
"Why are you just standing out there, Rukia-chan? I'm in here," a surprisingly husky voice giggled. Rukia had opened the door silently and walked in. The room inside is only slightly different from the rest. It looks like it could be a bedroom with its large bed and drawers, but there is no fireplace inside to keep someone warm in the winter. Rukia shivered and tried to wrap her kimono tighter around her. "Oops, sorry about that." A delicate hand gestured to the open window, where snow was flowing in from the storm outside, but didn't make a move to shut it.
"You are who I think you are?" The words had come out before Rukia could stop them. A blush had come to her cheeks, but the woman had only giggled and looked up at her brightly. Rukia had been reminded of Kusajishi-fukutaichõ, although the woman was full-grown and certainly did not have that crazy hair color. She was beautiful; pale skin that seemed to glow in the dark room, hair that was darker than Rukia's own, and a noble, beautiful face.
"Sode no Shirayuki," the surprisingly husky voice said. "It's been so long, Rukia-chan." She did not sound sad. Her hand gestured to the window again "It's a beautiful view, one that should be enjoyed between friends, no?"
Rukia had hesitated, but walked to the window anyway. There was no view, the snowstorm outside having concealed it. She shivered again, before looking at the woman dressed in only a thin, white dress. The woman did not seem to notice the cold.
"You said your name was…."
"Sode no Shirayuki." The woman practically began squealing. "Ooh, that feels nice to say!"
Rukia had felt lost. Years and years of wondering in the very back of her mind, and there was her zanpakutõ just telling her this huge secret. She had imagined a large struggle, a fight. Yet Sode no Shirayuki (the name would roll off her tongue awkwardly but lovely if she said it) only stood up from her bench and began twirling around the room in jubilance. Rukia had gotten on her knees and bowed her head to the floor.
"I would be honored if-"
"Oh, be quiet." Rukia had glanced up in shock. "We're friends, no, Rukia-chan? No need to bow. Stand up, stand up! Just tell me what you need!"
Rukia had stood up uneasily. What did she need? A shikai? Would that be enough to take on Aizen, Ichimaru, Tousen, anything they threw at her.
"I need… power."
Sode no Shirayuki had looked up at her, eyes no longer sweet.
"Power?" she drawled. "For what, Rukia-chan?"
"Revenge." The word had come off Rukia's tongue easier than she had expected. The woman shook her head.
"No, no."
Rukia stared forward.
"Yes, yes. Aizen has done innumerable deeds against both Soul Society and myself that need to be pun-."
"I've heard enough," the woman shrugged. She threw her hands in the air. "Nope, can't help you. Sorry."
Were zanpakutõ allowed to refuse their wielders outright? Rukia had heard about them being difficult to use during her studies, but this was different. Sode no Shirayuki seemed bored with her request.
"Why won't you help me?"
Sode no Shirayuki glanced at her before looking at her nails in disinterest.
"Revenge isn't my thing, Rukia-chan." The woman took a deep breath before continuing. "It's not going to do you any good. You want revenge for that Kaien-dono?" Rukia stiffened. "You're not going to get it. You're welcome to try, of course. But Aizen will just cut through you and it'll be the end of your story and therefore mine. I'd rather live, thanks very much."
"So…" It had not made sense. What- Why-"How am I supposed to fight?"
"With your power, obviously."
"But you just said that you will not help me."
"No, I said that I wouldn't help you with revenge." Rukia had stared at the woman. "Now, Rukia-chan, what do you need?"
"Power," Rukia muttered, feeling dazed.
Sode no Shirayuki had looked up at her, eyes smiling.
"Power?" she drawled. "For what, Rukia-chan?"
What did she want power for? Revenge, she wanted revenge. She wanted the ability to strike Aizen down where he stood, to make him feel as weak as she had felt for the last half of a century. She wanted- Rukia clearly remembers how a slight frown had crossed her face at that moment and Sode no Shirayuki had raised a knowing, perfect eyebrow. Kaien-dono was dead. Even if she could Aizen, which she knew she never could, Kaien-dono would still be dead. So what did she want this for?
"I want power… so that I will never be weak again." This all sounded so familiar. "I want power so that those I care about won't be hurt or killed."
Sode no Shirayuki grinned.
"He was the same way, you know." She walked over to the window sill and sat down, smirking. "You know, that's a good answer you just gave. I would have also taken 'to wreck shit.'"
"To... wreck… what did you just say?"
The taller woman burst out laughing.
"Ah, never mind, Rukia-chan. I must have stayed for too long in that boy's mind." Here she had given Rukia a mockingly stern look, before standing up and starting to walk out of the room. "Come on, we should get started while the weather is right." Rukia didn't move. Sode no Shirayuki had turned to her, confused. "Rukia-chan?"
"Sode no Shirayuki," she murmured. It sounded nice.
"Yes?"
"Will I be able to… to… wreck…?"
Sode no Shirayuki howled in amusement as she left the room.
"Oh, Rukia-chan, we should definitely have talked before this."