Disclaimer: S&H do not belong to me and no profit is being made.

Warnings: some violence.

CHAPTER 1

Voices, he heard voices coming from far away, a whispered voice, but he just couldn't focus. Words floated into his hazy mind, "He has to deal... like killing his partner... best friend... Not surprising he ended up here..."

What did they mean? He was too dazed to comprehend and to concentrate. Partner? Killed?

All sense of time and direction had been lost, but as he gradually regained consciousness he became aware that something was terribly wrong. He was lying on a bed, with restraints on his wrists and ankles. He tried to move but could not and was still too groggy to realize where he was or what had happened. As he gradually began to recover, he became aware that he was restrained on a hospital bed. He tried to sit up without success.

"STARSKY" he screamed, or thought he screamed. It was only a whisper. The voices came back to him - partner? Killed? NOOOO. The nurse came back and prepared a needle to give him.

"Please no - tell me what happened" he whispered but the needle went in and he was out in minutes.

When he awoke again, he struggled against his restraints to no avail. He had no idea of how he had got here or where he was. Starsky - where was he and why wasn't he here? Then the words came back to him - partner, killed. Oh God - what had happened.

The doctor entered his room. He was slightly familiar to Hutch, but in his confused state he could not immediately place him.

"Mr Hutchinson, how are you today?" The doctor asked politely.

"What happened? Why am I here and where am I? Where's Starsky, my partner?" he was still very groggy but managed to get the words out. He was fighting a rapidly rising sense of panic. Where was his partner? Starsky should be here but his absence was painfully obvious. Surely he hadn't been killed? Dear God, no, anything but that. Hutch struggled to remember but his mind remained cloudy and he couldn't seem to focus.

"We have some difficult territory to cove,r Mr Hutchinson. Am I right in assuming that your memory of what brought you here has been blanked out?"

Hutch just nodded.

"Not surprising really - when something is too painful to remember, the mind sometimes takes over to protect itself. There is no easy way to say this, so I'll just tell you. Your partner is dead and you killed him. You then tried to kill yourself and that's why you're here." The doctor spoke coldly. The cruel words washed over Hutch as he tried to comprehend the enormity of what he was being told. He just stared at the doctor, completely unable to even begin to grasp what he'd been told.

He killed Starsky? He swallowed – it wasn't possible, it simply wasn't possible.

"No, No, No.." Hutch tried to scream.

The doctor moved to sedate the increasingly anxious detective, but he pulled himself together with difficulty.

"Please" he was sobbing, "I'm okay. I need to know what happened…please…"

The doctor looked at him and decided to continue.

"You had an argument I believe, over a woman," he referred to his notes. "Kira Clark?"

Hutch nodded but they had sorted that out - hadn't they? He had realized his mistake the moment Starsky had walked in on them. He'd known instantly that his friendship to his long time partner meant more to him than the woman and he knew how close he'd come to blowing it all. It wasn't as if she'd been special, and he'd risked so much to sleep with her. The image of Starsky's face and the deep hurt was something which had burned itself onto his heart and even in his confused and disoriented state, the sight was only too visible to him.

Hutch felt his eyes fill with tears. Oh God, no, please no. There had to be a mistake. Why would he have killed Starsky? He was unaware that he had whispered the words but the doctor had heard him clearly. Watching him with concern, the doctor responded.

"Shall we finish for today?"

"No" was all he could manage "I need to know what happened". Even if it killed him, he thought to himself, feeling sick, and numb with shock.