Sonny and Chad are perfectly happy but – OH NO! Chad is cheating on Sonny with – GASP! - EDWARD CULLEN AND JACOB BLACK! HOW WILL SHE EVER SURVIVE? By the way, any insults do not represent my actual opinions. Unless they're directed to Edward.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or SWAC.

CPOV

"Oh, Chad, I'm so happy we're finally together!" Sonny smiled her too-wide grin that really made me want to rip her teeth out slowly one by one.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know why I agreed to go out with the whiny so-called comedian when I could be out on a romantic dinner date with the hotness that is Jacob Black. His eight-pack made me absolutely gush, yet I was here with this – girl? Maybe – who was actually a bit pudgy.

"Chad? What are you thinking about?" That was Sonny for you, always worrying that my mind was wandering to some other girl. Girl. Ha.

"Only the sexiest person in the world." I smiled to myself, and she took it the wrong way, of course.

"Awwww, Chad, you're so sweet!"

SPOV

"HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH MY BOYFRIEND?" A booming voice erupted behind us, and I turned around to find a six foot tall ripped guy glowering down at us.

"Boyfriend?" I squeaked in a girly voice.

"Jake?" Chad squeaked in an equally girly voice.

"You know this guy?" I shrieked, panicky. "Why is he calling you his boyfriend?"

"Er... uh..." Chad twitched spastically and dropped to the floor, convulsing, leaving me face to face with Giant Indian Dude.

"Because he is my boyfriend," Giant Indian Dude said venomously. "And who are you?"

"I am Chad's girlfriend!"

CPOV

I watched Jacob and Sonny from my fetal position on the ground.

Jake gasped dramatically while pulling his arm back, punching Sonny in the stomach while exhaling.

Sonny then proceeded to fall to the ground in a loud and annoying death scene, screaming, "MY ORGANS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!"

Jacob laughed evilly, and I rushed over to him, my arms thrown out on either side.

I ran into a hard wall of unwelcoming. "YOU CHEATED ON ME! I SHALL NEVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!"

Sputtering, I finally managed to shriek, "WELL... I still have EDWARD!"

JPOV

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" I watched in awe as the leech walked out of the bushes in all of his sparkly glory. "I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU, AND IT IS OVER! SO! OVER!" He then picked up his also-sparkly pink sequined purse from the bush, swinging it around and slapping Chad with it weakly.

"YOU WERE SEEING THAT – THAT – BLOODSUCKER BEHIND MY BACK?" Suddenly I was shaking, and I exploded into my sexy wolf form.

"Ohmygawd!" Chad exclaimed, his mouth a perfect O, his face twisting into a grimace as I snapped at the air. "Don't hurt me!"

I reached a paw out, clawing at his right arm and issuing a high-pitched scream.

EPOV

I could feel my eyes becoming darker as the dog shredded Chad's arm.

"The – the blood," I said quietly, and hesitated for a second before latching my teeth onto him.

Our job was finished before anyone could react to the screaming, and we both escaped to the nearby woods.

"You know," I started, "We're both pretty hot -"

"You look like a foot," he snarled, and I winced.

"Yes, well... maybe we can see past my looks." I took two steps toward Jacob seductively, and he wiggled his eyebrows. I leaped into his muscled arms and we took off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

THE ENDDDD :D

Yeahh. I was bored.