This is just an AU story that has been replaying in my head and I just had to release it.
ALSO I apologise for not adding a new chapter onto my main FF: Their Story. I have just been really busy with exams and I am sort of stuck but I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.
The boy- no, man- stood opposite him with a stern expression, his bright green eyes fixed on Remus. Those were the same eyes which had always stared back at him if he had made the wrong move, but this time they were full of determination.
"Kingsley gave me this to deliver to one of his aurors who has to return it to work but at the moment the auror can't. I have to meet up with Arthur to discuss something very important so I can't drop them off. I was hoping you could do it instead," said Harry, holding out a sealed file towards him." it's not much, just some paper work and other details that the auror will need."
"Are you certain no one else was free to deliver this? I'm sure there are many others out there. Why not send it by owl?" Remus asked confusedly, his brow knotting together.
Harry paused for a moment, his mouth hanging slightly agape, words forming on the tip of his tongue." Because it is important information and it's better if someone were to take it."
Remus sighed heavily, taking the heavy file from his friend and looking at the address." They live near London?"
"Yes, there's an alleyway near the neighbours where you can apparate to. Be careful because it is quite a busy little village."
"Do I know this person?" Remus asked, hoping he didn't so that he would only have to drop by quickly and then resume his day.
"You may have met once or twice before," said Harry slowly." Just be careful ok?"
"Harry, you're speaking to your old defence teacher, I am quite capable of looking after myself thank you," Remus smiled, tucking the file into his worn cloak pocket. Even though he had received a great deal of war hero money, Remus had yet to buy himself new clothes.
"I mean it, be careful," Harry repeated before walking out of Grimmauld place and disappearing from sight.
Tonks wiped her arm over her forehead, careful not to use her paint covered hands as she kept a close eye on the little boy beside her. His turquoise curly hair hung over his eyes which were concentrating on the paper in front of him. Their paint brushes had been cast aside half way through and they were now mixing and printing all sorts of colours onto the wide stretch of paper. Teddy wanted to decorate his room and so this picture was to be hung on the far wall next to his full body mirror.
"How about we use some blue Teddy? There's heaps left," Tonks said, handing the paint tray over to her son.
"Mummy, do you like green?" he asked, his small hands mixing the yellow into blue.
"Well, green is a very lovely colour, can you change your hair into green?"
Teddy scrunched up his face, his soft and rosy cheeks brightening as his hair flashed to a vibrant green." I did it! I did it!" he squealed, delighted with the change." Mummy's turn, mummy's turn!"
Tonks followed his actions, growing her hair long and green before tucking it away with a crocodile clip. Teddy giggled, pointing his small green covered hands to his mummy's hair which now had paint smudged into it.
"Silly mummy, now your hair's red too!" Teddy giggled.
"Am I silly Teddy?" Tonks tapped a finger to his cheek, leaving a read print." Now you have a red spot on your cheek."
The small boy laughed, moving forward to stick both of his hands onto his mothers face, only just covering her cheeks. When he moved them away, Tonks had two small hand prints left on her face and she smiled at Teddy's amusement.
"Mummy looks funny," he laughed.
"Teddy looks funny too," said Tonks, tapping his little nose with her finger, leaving another red print." He's got a red nose now."
"Just like Rudolph!" Teddy gasped excitedly." He's Santa's reindeer, but we're not meant to tell." he put his finger to his mouth, smudging paint over his mini pink lips.
"No because if you want Santa to bring you presents you have to keep it a secret," Tonks shushed." Now, let's get this painting done so that we can let it dry and have some cookies for lunch."
"And a chocolate fwog!" Teddy said, throwing his little arms into the air excitedly.
"And a chocolate frog if you're good."
"Next time Uncle Harry comes we have to show him our drawing," Teddy insisted, stamping green hand prints onto the paper again.
"Well then, if you can finish this soon Uncle Harry will be able to see it when he visits this afternoon then," Tonks said, painting a flower with her fingers.
"Mummy, can you draw a hop- a hippe- a hipagwiff?" asked Teddy, halting in his painting.
"Just like our friend Hagrids? Buckbeak?"
"YEAH! Draw buckbeak!" Teddy squealed excitedly.
Tonks began to swerve her fingers over the large paper, curving in all the right places. She drew the eyes and the wings, showing the many feathers. Teddy watched on, fascinated, his soft green eyes following every detail while his hair unconsciously morphed back to his turquoise curls. Tonks got him to colour in the wings, using his small hand prints for the feathers. Once she knew he was distracted, Tonks quickly slipped from the living room into the kitchen, gathering a plate of biscuits and Teddy's favourite flavour of pumpkin juice. From the top cupboard she plucked a chocolate frog, placing it on the plate as well before heading back out into the room. A smile spread over her features as she took in the small, paint spotted frame of her four year old son, bent over painting. He was quite artistic, drawing constantly, his room filling up with his art work. His birthday had been only two weeks ago and Tonks had presented him with a great selection of paints, all colours of the rainbow. Since then he had hardly wanted to do anything else and Harry had brought by a massive role of paper as well as a new toy broom.
Soft green eyes shot up at her, lighting up as soon as he saw the plate of goods. In seconds he was munching down on a chocolate covered cookie, smearing crumbs onto his rosy cheeks.
"Slow down there little Hippogriff, we don't want you to get a tummy ache," Tonks warned, wagging her finger.
"I'm a big boy now mummy, Harry said I have to eat a lot."
Tonks laughed," yes you are a big boy, how old are you now?"
Teddy shot his hands up instantly, showing a frenzy of fingers before he found the right amount." Four!" He exclaimed triumphantly as Tonks ruffled his curls.
"Do you know how old mummy is?"
"No, Uncle Harry said it's too much to count. He said that mummy is getting older," Teddy covered his mouth, giggled behind his hands mischievously.
"Well then, you have to remind mummy that she has to tell Uncle Harry off," Tonks huffed in mock anger." Because mummy isn't that old, Teddy."
The little boy nodded, eyeing up the Sweet that remained on the late," can I have a chocolate fwog now mummy?" he asked innocently.
As soon as Tonks gave a slight nod Teddy snatched the box and pulled out the special card, making sure to get a firm grip on his frog. His eyes lit up with delight and he held out his card excitedly." Mummy, mummy! I got Uncle Harry!"
Tonks moved closer and sure enough, there was Harry in a frame of gold. The words "The Boy Who Lived" were scrawled across the bottom in gold ink, the history paragraph bellow.
"Yeah you have! You'll have to show that to Uncle when he gets here. He should be here really soon," she said, picking up the empty plate and returning it carefully to the kitchen.
"Grandma said that Uncle Harry is very fa-fam- famoes," Teddy said, following his mother into the kitchen." She said that he got lots of pwizes."
"Yes he did. Your Uncle is a very great wizard Teddy, he saved lots and lots of people," Tonks explained, rinsing of the dish before drying it and returning it to the cupboard.
Teddy gazed down at the card in his hands, thinking deeply." Mummy," he said softly." Do you think I will ever be as good as Uncle Harry?"
Tonks' eyes fell on her small son and she smiled warmly. Moving over to him she knelt down, placing both hands (still covered in smudged but dry red paint) onto his shoulders and raising his green eyes to meet her dark ones.
"I know Teddy," she said intently." That you will be the best wizard ever."
Teddy grinned happily, his baby teeth glistening white. His happiness nearly brought tears to Tonks eyes as she put her warm hands back onto his cheeks." Now, why don't we go and play with your new broom, mister?"
Teddy rushed off to his room to retrieve his gift from his godfather and Tonks listened to his fast footsteps. She didn't know what she would do without her little ray of sunshine, brightening every single day and lighting up her nights sometimes as well. She was lucky to return to him since she had chosen to fight in the battle, gambling her life and his future in the process. But fate had brought her home, to his happy company even though she lacked a massive part in her life. These thoughts she instantly abandoned since it wasn't her fault life was like this, that Teddy would grow up fatherless. She had seen him at the battle, watched him comfort Harry and the Weasleys from across the room as someone attended to her small injuries. He hadn't even bothered to glance in her direction let alone talk to her since the day he had left. But that didn't matter. He chose to take that path so Tonks would just continue down her own, raising her little ray of sunshine in their new safe and happy world.
The soft breeze brushed through his brown, grey-flecked hair, ruffling it slightly. The gravel pathway crunched beneath his feet as he strode towards the small cottage with white wooden walls and baby blue window panes. Bunches of flowers grew neatly around the walls, guarding the house partly while letting out a harmony of sweet smells. A cherry tree towered over the house from the back, birds fluttering happily from branch to branch, singing merrily in the sun.
Remus came to a stop at the door, glancing behind him and then at the house number to make sure he had the right address. He knocked on the door three times before dropping his hand to his side and taking a step back patiently. Fast muffled footsteps came from behind the door, stopping just behind the wood. He heard a child's voice call out something before the door swung open, revealing a small boy with paint covered cheeks and turquoise hair. Remus' breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped beating for almost a second. It wasn't the hair nor the nose or the mouth that caught him of guard. No, it was the eyes. The eyes he had seen so many times, staring back at him in the mirror. Soft and green.
"Mummy, a mister is at the door," the boy called behind him.
"I'll be there in a second Teddy." That voice! The voice Remus thought he'd never have the privilege of hearing again. The voice that had sung him many songs, the voice that belonged to the woman he had loved more than anything. His heart skipped a beat and a sweat broke out on his forehead as he realised where Harry had sent him.
"Teddy, why don't you go get your broom and I'll meet you out the ba-"the voice stopped and Remus caught sight of the woman who had once been his. Her perfect lips hung open slightly, her eyes wide with disbelief and green paint smeared over her smooth cheeks. She looked him up and down, up and down, before moving over to the little boy with turquoise hair. He clutched onto her denim shorts tightly, his face barely reaching her mid thigh as he hid partially behind her.
"Remus?"
"Hello Nymphadora," Remus said, only just managing to utter the words.
Tonks quirked her head slightly to one side, a strand of green hair falling over her eyes which she immediately brushed away." Well this is a surprise."
"Indeed."
"Mummy, I thought you said Uncle Harry was coming," the little boy said, is voice almost a whine.
"I thought so too Teddy," said Tonks, not taking her eyes off Remus. It was as if he were a magnet for her gaze, her dark orbs running up and down his frame.
They stood in silence for a moment, Teddy nudging his cheek into the side of Tonks' leg as she brushed her hand through his curls. Suddenly Remus remembered as to why he had come and he pulled the file from his cloak quickly, basically shoving it into Tonks awkwardly. She caught it in her free hand, checking the front to see the contents.
"Oh thank you, I was wondering when I was going to get these," she said, tucking it onto the shoe stand and turning back to Remus.
"Well, uh, Harry wanted me to bring them to you," Remus replied, shooting his gaze away because he was unable to look her in the eye. instead it fell onto the boy- Teddy, he reminded himself- clutching onto his mothers legs, his delicate little fingers playing patiently with his lips.
Tonks noticed his eyes trailing over her son and she felt an odd need to protect him; to keep him away from the man who had nearly ruined her but at the same time given her something worth living for. But she stopped herself, thinking of just how impolite that would be.
"Mummy, who is that?" her son asked, pointing towards Remus and breaking her back into the present.
"That's Remus Lupin," she said simply, since there was no reason to be worried about just a name.
Teddy grinned towards Remus unexpectedly, usually being quiet around strangers." My middle name is Rewmus," he giggled before retreating behind his mother's leg.
Remus' heart jumped joyfully. Even though he had left Tonks she had still given their- no, her- son his name. Then his heart began to ache as he stared at the wonder before him. his wife and child, standing in front of a small, cosy cottage, smudged with paint and looking absolutely adorable. But his mind reminded him of what he had done, how he had hurt his Dora. No, she wasn't his Dora anymore. She stood in front of him, strong and guarded, sheltering her son, defending him till death. He had cast that away when he had left, thinking he was protecting them from himself. Because he was afraid that the child would be a werew-
His mind stopped, his eyes opened in shock, zooming over the boy in lightening speed, searching for any signs. Immediately Tonks knew what was wrong and she ruffled her son's hair again.
"He's not what you think he is, Remus. The doctors have checked him, there were no signs," she said.
Remus sighed, relieved that he had not passed over his affliction to an innocent angel like Teddy." I was just- just, uh, making su-"
"I know. But he's healthy," Tonks interrupted, smiling down at the boy clutching onto her leg.
"Mummy, can I have another chocolate fwog?" Teddy asked, his big green eyes pleading.
"But you just had one little man," Tonks chuckled," why don't you show Remus your new card? He's close friends with Uncle Harry."
Teddy nodded sharply before taking off in the direction of the living room. Remus and Tonks watched him go, smiling slightly as he stumbled over his feet in the rush.
"You can come inside for some tea if you want," Tonks offered, her eyes meeting Remus' again.
"I, uh, should probably be going. I have, um, a few errands to run," Remus lied, knowing that if he went inside, he wouldn't want to leave.
"Of course," Tonks nodded," was just offering. Teddy could use the excitement since Harry is obviously not coming. Well, have a nice day Remus, and thank you for the file."
She began to close the door, trying desperately to conceal her slight hurt behind her features. but before the door clicked shut, a foot jammed itself to stop it. Shocked, Tonks reopened the door to find Remus on the top step, far too close.
"Tea sounds great," he said quickly.
Remus followed Tonks through the house, trying to keep his eyes away from her graceful body. It was extremely hard and he found his gaze wondering more than it should have been. Instead he looked over the photos that hung from the wall, special moments that had been captured by a wizarding camera. There was one in particular that he liked, a photo of Tonks lying across the couch at her mothers, a young Teddy Lupin sleeping on the dip of her stomach while his head rested on her chest. They were both sound asleep and Remus guessed that Andromeda had captured them in that blissful moment.
The kitchen was neatly set up, a breakfast bench cutting it off from the small but cosy living room. Tonks set the kettle on the stove, flicking her wand to boil the water. She muttered a quiet spell, vanishing the paint that remained on her arms. Teddy came waddling back into the room, carrying a gold and red card in his tiny hands, smiling proudly. In a swift movement, Tonks had lifted him from the ground and had placed him on the counter, away from the steaming kettle.
"This is Uncle Harry," Teddy said shyly, holding out the card for Remus to see.
He moved slowly closer to get a better look at the picture of The Boy Who Lived." Yes it is, do you have any other cards?"
Teddy glanced over to his mother expectantly. She rolled her eyes and reached up into the cupboard, retrieving the small pile of chocolate frog cards. Remus tried not to notice that her t-shirt inched up a bit, showing off a sliver of smooth skin at her waist. He immediately returned his gaze to his little son who was swinging his legs back and forth. He took the cards from his mother, shuffling through them awkwardly before pulling out a blue one.
"This is Abus Dumledore. Mummy said she knew him. She also said that he was a great wizard and that I am going to gwow up to become a great wizard too," he said, a blush rising in his cheeks.
"Once you go to Hogwarts for a few years Teddy," Tonks reminded him as she made two cups of tea and filled a glass with milk.
"Uncle Harry went to Hogwarts too. He learnt how to fight bad wizards there and now his is an auwor just like mummy was," Teddy explained, placing the cards down on the counter beside him.
"Mummy is still an auror Teddy. She's just too busy looking after her little naughty boy," Tonks cooed, gently squeezing Teddy's nose causing him to giggle.
"Mummy's silly."
Tonks smiled," Teddy, did you know that Remus used to teach Uncle Harry when he went to Hogwarts?"
Both Teddy's mouth and eyes shot open in disbelief." Really? You teached Uncle Harry how to fight Dark wizards? He said he even had to fight a dwagon too."
"Yes, I taught Harry when he was younger," Remus said, smiling slightly at his son's excitement and accepting the tea from Tonks.
"But he's not fighting dwagons anymore. He's too busy kissing Auntie Ginny," he said, poking out his tongue
Tonks choked on her tea, spitting it out and coughing heavily. Once she recovered she turned to her little boy who was giggling behind his hands again." When did you see that, little mister?"
Teddy covered his eyes as if attempting to hide from his mother." Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny were kissing at Uncle Harry's birthday."
"Were they now? Was that when they were supposed to be watching you?" Tonks raised her eyebrows questioningly and Remus couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from his lips.
"Uncle Harry said not to tell anyone. He said it was a secret," Teddy hushed, giggling.
"Well mummy is just going to have to have a little talk about what Uncle Harry should be doing around other people," Tonks said, sipping on her tea again.
She carefully passed Teddy his glass of milk which he accepted with a wide grin, slurping loudly from the glass. The kitchen fell into silence as they drunk their beverages and Remus couldn't help noticing that his tea had been made just right. After an absence of four years Tonks still knew how he liked his tea. Guilt flashed through him, remembering the last time he had spoken to her directly, telling her that their marriage had been a mistake and against his better judgement. Most f his being wished he had listened to Harry, when the boy had yelled at him to return to his wife and unborn child. But Remus had pushed away the best thing in his life and he could still see the fresh image of the tears trailing down her smooth cheeks where his lips had once passed.
"Remus? Remus?"
"I think he's asleep mummy."
"Remus, stop thinking so deeply," Tonks said loudly, waking Remus up from his thoughts.
"Oh, uh, sorry," he stuttered awkwardly, finishing his tea.
"And that is why people shouldn't think so much Teddy. It's not good for you," Tonks explained jokingly, while her son giggled uncontrollably.
Remus smiled despite himself." Not thinking isn't good either Nymphadora."
"Mummy doesn't like it when people call her that," said Teddy as Tonks' expression became hard.
"That's right, and there's a reason for it."
His heart sank a bit in his chest, and his eyes fell to his feet which he shuffled awkwardly. Silence fell once again like a bucket of cold water being tipped down a drain. Being an oblivious child, Teddy just continued to swing his legs happily, not noticing the tenseness in the room.
"Baby, why don't you go and wash off the paint while mummy gets dinner ready?" Tonks asked, breaking the silence." You know how to turn the shower on."
Teddy nodded before springing off the counter, landing clumsily on his short and chubby legs before running off down the hall. Eyes trailed after him again, lingering at the door until they heard the shower turn on and the water rush out of the nozzle.
"You're welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like," Tonks said, turning her back to Remus as she pulled noodles from the cupboard. With her wand, she levitated a pot of water onto the stove which she clumsily filled with noodles.
"I uh, I think I should be going."
"Yeah I know. To run those errands right?" Tonks muttered, leaning against the counter.
Remus blushed awkwardly, running a hand through his brown, grey flecked hair, shoving the other into his pocket. He hated how this felt, the big wall in between them that separated them from being together. But he had been the one to build that stupid wall, the one who had pushed her onto the other side and away from him. Oh how he wished he could take that back. How much he yearned for her touch every single day and night, every second of every day. He knew he didn't deserve it and that he had caused her unforgivable pain which he couldn't ignore.
"Since you haven't moved I'm guessing you're staying so could you please take off your shoes and then set the table in the living room," Tonks instructed, her attention changing back to the noodles.
Remus nodded, taking his shoes back out to the door before returning to the kitchen. A delicious scent greeted him at the door and he paused, standing beneath the frame to just watch. Tonks whizzed around the kitchen, mincing some meat into the pan while adding a bit of herbs. Although she was trying hard not to, bits of herbs and foods dropped onto the floor or spilt onto the counter. He watched her form flounce around, her hips swaying ever so slightly while strands of her green hair freed themselves from her clip.
Without turning around Tonks said," instead of watching me cook it would be more helpful of you to set the table."
Startled at being caught Remus hung his head slightly, taking the plates and cutlery from her hands to set on the table. He arranged it neatly, straightening the knives and forks to perfection. Back in the kitchen Tonks was still stirring the sauce when she felt warm arms wrap themselves around her left leg. Teddy gazed up at her happily, his wet hair hanging over his forehead. A hooded towel with a hippogriff printed on the front hung from his shoulders, preventing the drips of water from hitting the floor.
"Well hello there Mr. Hippogriff," she cooed," how can I help you?"
"Are we having noodles for dinner mummy?"
"Yes, I'm making your favourite," Tonks replied, ruffling his hair like she always did." Do you need any help getting changed?"
"I got a new pair of knickers on but I can't get my pyjamas down," Teddy frowned, sticking out his pink bottom lip.
"Remus can help you darling," said Tonks, shooting Remus a pleading look." Just take him to your room."
"I really, uh, don't kno-"but he stopped midsentence when Teddy clasped his tiny hand around Remus' calloused one, pulling him off through the door.
Once the left Tonks slumped against the counter, letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding in. She relaxed her lungs and massaged her head, trying to clear all her thoughts. Half of her being wanted to run after the pair, pull her child away from the man who had broken her heart and protect Teddy till death. But another half kept her in place, saying that it was only sensible. Hate filled her at the fact that she still loved Remus, that he still occupied her heart which also belonged to Teddy. Tonks remained there for a few moments longer before the pot began to boil over. Swearing loudly, she returned to her cooking.
In Teddy's room down the hall Remus was trying to get the little boy to dress, showing him the front of his pants. But his son was too busy showing Remus everything in his room; varying from favoured toys to possessions that others had given him. The object Remus found most amusing was the toy broomstick from Harry. Sirius had given his godson the same gift when Harry was young and now the boy had bought Remus' son his own broom.
"Mummy says I'm going to be a great flyer when I learn how to fly and that I am going to be in the Qwidich team for huffpuff," explained Teddy, pulling his pyjama t-shirt over his smooth bare chest." Mummy also says that Uncle Harry was in the Gwiffindor Qwidich team when he went to school. He was a seeker. Mummy says that I can choose what I want to be, but she used to be a, um, a boo- um beater."
Remus nodded politely at every word, handing Teddy his pyjama pants which he easily slid into." Your mother is a very talented woman."
"I love my mummy; she always tickles me and tucks me in bed at night. And she scares away the closet and bed monsters," Teddy said defensively." Grandma Molly says that my mummy is really brave and tough. So does Grandpa Arfur and he says that she is a good friend."
Brave indeed, Remus thought sadly, picking at a loose thread in his pants. She would have to be since you bloody left her and Teddy. Look at him, he's a spitting image of her, the snarky voice said in his mind. The same voice that had told him to leave Tonks and not come back, the voice that had echoed inside his head to keep him away from her every night and day.
"Rewmus? Do you have a daddy?" Teddy asked quietly, coming to sit next to the man on his bed.
"I used to, but now he's in a happy place," Remus replied cautiously, not wanting to speak about death in front of someone so young.
"My daddy never comes home. Mummy says he has to save the world and that he is a vewy impor- imporant man. She says that he is always too busy to come home to say goodnight," Teddy said, staring at his swinging legs.
Tears stung at the back of Remus' eyes, threatening to break free. It pained him to see someone so young wishing for their father to tuck them into bed every night. And it hurt to know how Dora had still told Teddy good things about him despite what Remus had done. How she had described him as important. That was definitely something he didn't deserve. His son should hate him; hate him for leaving and not ever being there.
"Mummy sings to me before I fall asleep. She says that the song she sings is one that my daddy always liked. She says he liked hearing her sing, just like me," Teddy added, looking up into Remus' pained eyes.
Heaven, the muggle song that Tonks had always sung. She had sung him to sleep some nights when the nightmares plagued his dreams and he would wake up horrified. But Tonks would just pull him into her arms and stroke his hair, singing softly into his ear.
"Auntie Ginny says that I have to be a good boy for mummy. She says that mummy loves me heaps and that I am mummy's best friend."
"I think your mother is calling us for dinner," Remus croaked, turning his head away so he could wipe the falling tears away.
"Noodles are my favouwite food and mummy always makes them for me on a fwiday," Teddy explained, hopping off the bed and hastily disappearing out the door.
Remus' head fell into his hands as he squeezed the tears from his eyes. Even though he had torn Tonks' heart, even though he had broken his wedding vows to her, not a single person had uttered a bad word about him to his son. His son that hoped his father would come home to tuck him into bed at night and listen to his mother sing. But his foolishness had led them to this and he knew that there was no reason for Tonks to forgive him; no matter how much he wanted her to.
The dim light of the lamp showered the room in a warm glow, reflecting off the crème walls gracefully. The sun had long since sunk below the horizon, leaving outside dark with glittering stars. The sofa beneath Remus felt comfortable yet horrible at the same time. It brought back many happy memories as well as the ones that repeated themselves in his head. He had kissed Nymphadora on this couch for the first time in her flat on a snowy evening. He had napped with her on this couch during their time together. One evening he had even pushed away his judgement and proposed to her, forgetting about the consequences. They had also made love on this couch. But the worst memory was the one where she had fallen onto it for support, crying her heart out to Remus as he turned to leave. Leaving her, pregnant and alone, while breaking promises and her heart.
Now she was on the other side of the house, singing their- no, her- son to sleep softly. He could hear the soft melody of her voice passing through the walls, echoing down the hall and reaching his ears. He'd ached for that sound for so long, wishing to hear it again.
A glass of red wine hung in his hands as he waited uncomfortably for her return. Tonks' own wine glass sat lonely on the lounge table, waiting for her return also. The sound of footsteps made him sit upright, changing his position into one more relaxed.
She entered from the door behind him, wearing her baby blue pyjama shorts and loose 'Weird Sisters' t-shirt. Teddy had told her to wear her pyjamas too and had forced her to come and sleep with him for a while.
Tonks shuffled towards the sofa quietly, stumbling once but regaining her footing easily. Her glass found its way into her hand and she plonked down next to Remus, tucking her crossed legs beneath her. With one swift wand movement, the log in the fire grate burst into flames, red and orange tongues licking away at the wood.
"Sorry it took so long, usually he nods off so quickly. But tonight he had a lot of questions to ask," Tonks said softly, sipping her wine and staring into the flames.
"Its fine," Remus replied awkwardly, sipping his on wine to avoid speaking.
"Most of them were about you actually," Tonks turned to him." asking about who you were and how your and Harry are friends."
"And what did you tell him?"
"Only what he needed to know."
Silence. The crackling of the fire blew sparks up the chimney in mesmerising movements. Neither of them spoke for a while, nor moved except for sipping their wine. Tonks finished first, placing hers back onto the table and leaning back with a sigh, closing her eyes tiredly.
"Thanks again for the files. It should give me something to do for when he's napping."
"I was only dropping them off for Harry," Remus said, unconsciously placing his glass right next to hers.
"Remus?"
"Hmm?"
"If Harry hadn't sent you, would you have come to visit eventually?" Tonks asked, furrowing her brow.
No." Yes," he lied, shooting his gaze back to the fire.
"I can tell that you're lying Remus, and don't worry, I wasn't really expecting you to come back anyway," Tonks replied bitterly, following his gaze into the heated flames.
Moments flew by and the silence began to choke Remus, trying to squeeze words from his throat that he couldn't seem to form. He wanted to apologise and beg for forgiveness but he knew that with Tonks, it wouldn't get him anywhere.
"You didn't know that it was me he was sending you to, did you?" Tonks asked, not even bothering to look at him.
"No I didn't."
"Would you have still come if you had?"
The words caught in his throat, wrapping around his tongue and refusing to leave his being." I- uh- I don't know."
"Thought so, you don't know a lot of things. Sometimes I wonder why you even became a professor." That was a low blow, even for Tonks, but she couldn't help it. She had offered her hospitality to someone who had never really planned on coming. Someone who wished they hadn't come at all.
"Dora I-"
"No, you lost the privilege of calling me that when you left," Tonks interrupted icily.
"What do you want me to say? I know I have stuffed up and I know that I don't deserve to be here," Tonks huffed angrily." And that I don't deserve to see Teddy."
"You don't deserve anything. I was still heartbroken when he was born and when I saw that he had your eyes... I just..." she trailed off hopelessly, turning to look at the photos that littered the walls." At first I could barely look at him it hurt so much. But then I just... I don't know... gave in to the fact that you weren't going to come back. Every day I expected you to come rushing through that door to apologise and ask for forgiveness but you never did. Teddy is so much like you; he reads a lot and he loves chocolate. He loves it when I sing to him and his favourite song is 'Heaven'. He is overly polite to people he doesn't know and he's always so calm. He always sleeps on the right side of the bed, just like you used to."
Remus cringed, listening to the hurt in her voice even though no tears were falling from her eyes. She was hurting inside and shoving it down with the walls that she had. Remus hated seeing her like this; sad and hurt, wishing for nothing more than comfort.
"I'm sorry Nymphadora," he muttered quietly.
"I can tell you're sorry Remus, but do you really think that those two words are going to change the four and a half years that you weren't here? That those words will just let you back into my life, back into Teddy's?
"I know Dora-"she scowled" Tonks, that I don't deserve-"
"You've already said that! Don't you understand Remus? No matter what you do I can never stop loving you and that's what I hate. I hate that you'll always be in my heart and that every time I look at OUR son, I see you. He has asked me so many times where his father had gone and when he was going to come back, but I could never answer properly. I could never tell him that his father wasn't coming home. I couldn't destroy his hopes."
Remus nodded in agreement, falling silent again since he couldn't think of any words to say. He wanted to be a part of her life again, their life. He wanted to be able to hold her in his arms and watch his son grow up, waving him off to Hogwarts. But Remus had destroyed that, he had destroyed any hope of coming back when he slammed the door shut to her flat.
"If you wish for me to leave I will," he muttered tiredly, running a shaking hand through his thing hair and over his slight stubble.
"Because leaving is what you do best isn't it Lupin?"
"No, it isn't. But I don't know what to do Dora," Remus said, his voice rising." I'm sorry for leaving but you must understand that I had my reasons and that I was worried for you and the child. I was a coward and I still am one to this day, but that doesn't change the fact that my heart is yours. It always was. If I had a time-turner I would tell myself to get back inside and never leave again because I made an unforgivable mistake. I wanted to come back but I was protecting you-"
"Yes because I didn't get hurt at all," Tonks commented sarcastically." Keep your voice down unless you want to wake Teddy up."
"I'm sorry that I missed your pregnancy and Teddy's birth and I could hit myself over and over for doing that. I miss you every single day and its torture living without you."
"Torture? For you? Remus, I had to go through an entire nine months of pregnancy alone in the middle of a war because my husband ran away from me. I had to watch Teddy grow to be like you alone and I don't know whether I should hate you for doing this or love you for giving me my little ray of sunshine."
Remus was about to apologise when the corners of her eyes began to leak tears. He immediately shut his mouth, holding in the words he was going to say just in case he was going to inflict more hurt upon his wife.
"You know, I thought that after the war you would come back. When it was all safer with Voldemort gone and the prejudice decrease on werewolves. But when you didn't even look at me after the battle I knew that I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Remus, what would you have done if I had died and you had survived? Where would Teddy be?"
He thought for a moment, continuously opening and shutting his mouth in search for the right answer." I don't know," he concluded.
Tonks hung her head in disappointment, picking at her nails sadly." Well then, I guess my mother would have taken him in."
"You survived though so there is no need for those thoughts," Remus rushed quickly.
"Why are you still here Remus? Don't you have errands to run?"
"You know that was a lie Dora," despite the situation, Remus was smiling.
"Don't smile; there isn't anything to smile about."
"I apologise," said Remus, wiping the smile of his face and gazing off into the flames. They reminded him of his Dora; fiery, glowing, beautiful, mesmerizing, warm and calming. Something that you would look forward to when coming home.
"There's no need to apologise, I'm just being snappy again," said Tonks, rubbing her hands over her face.
Not being able to help himself, Remus trailed his eyes over her face. Her eyes were a soft bluey-grey, her lips still as full as always but for the first time he noticed the dark rings under her eyes and three smile wrinkles. The last time Remus had seen his wife was at the burrow after the war. The Order had been called for a meeting to discuss further information and details. Back then Tonks had been slightly brighter, having only had their child two weeks prior. But now her face was that of a worn mothers; a mother who cherished her child and loved them with all she had.
"You have your reasons," Remus said after a long stretch of silence.
"Are you going to Harry and Ginny's engagement party at the burrow tomorrow?" Tonks asked quietly.
"Yes, Molly brought the invite to me personally. Are you going to be there?"
"Of course, Harry is Teddy's godfather after all," Tonks revealed." And Teddy wouldn't want to miss out on seeing everyone. Especially George, Kingsley and Harry himself."
"When were you able to get Harry to be the Godfather?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows questionably.
"When they were at Shell Cottage I sent a patronus to Bill, telling him that I was alright and that if he ever saw Harry, he had to ask him to be the godfather. It was really good timing too because they were leaving the next day."
Remus nodded his head sadly. He wished he had been the one to ask Harry, he wished that he had been there at Teddy's birth and most of all; he wished he had never left. Looking around the room he pictured how it could have been if he had never walked out of that door on that rainy day. He could have been cuddling with his wife on the sofa; laughing and drinking wine while talking about how their days went and how they had missed each other in the hours apart.
The big hand reached the eight signalling that it was time for Remus to go. He stood slowly from the couch, the pillows bouncing back to their original shape.
"Thank you for the tea and dinner," he said, bowing his head slightly." It was very nice."
"Thanks for dropping the files off, it was very much appreciated," Tonks replied, her gaze fixed onto a photo of her mother and Teddy. Maybe she had been expecting him to stay or at least beg to stay but Tonks couldn't help the anger that bubbled within her. He was leaving again and this time she wasn't even going to try and stop him.
"You're welcome," Remus said, waiting for her to show him to the door. When she didn't he just nodded his head again and walked towards the hall. He turned around to catch one last look at the woman he had let down and abandoned. Tonks looked beautiful in the fire light, flames flickering over her dark eyes.
The door closed silently behind him, but before it sealed the gap Remus caught the distinct sound of crying from inside. His whole being halted, frozen to the spot while his mind fought his heart over what to do. In the end, his mind won out and he trudged heavily down the path, disappearing into nothingness.