A/N: This was written after 3x15 when Iris broke off the engagement. A quick little something I wished happened between them. I hope you enjoy!
AS LONG AS I LOVE YOU
Barry's eyes open at the feel of someone's hand over his. He's still at Starlabs, his shoulder throbbing a little less with each passing second. When he looks up and sees the intruder, a heavy breath of relief washes out of his lungs.
"I thought you went home,"
"No," Iris says simply leaving his side to fetch one of the stools off in a corner. "I wanted to but I couldn't leave you like this." Her hand is cradling his again before he can push out a response.
Truthfully his stomach is still in knots and there's a dull ache echoing at the back of his head. He knows he's screwed up and that failure weighs his shoulders down, makes the darkness buried deep inside want to surface with a vengeance. Closing his eyes he allows himself the luxury of reveling in her presence. The hardest part is knowing that in some ways he's failed her most of all.
"Are you okay?" Her fingers comb through his hair as she asks, a hint of sadness mirroring her concern.
"No." His answer is a whoosh of air cloaked in honesty and pain. Iris's lips purse together before she rests her hand over the area of his chest that isn't covered in bandage. Tears spring to her eyes and she wants more than anything to change the circumstances, to wear his ring proudly, to let the world know she's his but she can't. Not now any way.
"You understand why, right?" Her voice is heavy and her eyes search his pained expression. He's staring at her, his irises jet black, his eyes rimmed red.
"I do but it doesn't make it hurt any less." She dashes the lone tear wandering down her cheek away, and shakes her head in a back and forth motion.
"I'll be your wife one day Barry. I want that, more than I can possibly express but I…" She opens and closes her mouth trying to find the right words to express her emotions. "I don't want fear propelling you, propelling us." Her heart sinks to the bottom of her stomach, her hand tightens over Barry's and she doesn't wipe the next tear that escapes.
"I want you to ask me because it's the right moment, the right time…for both of us." Barry nods wrenching his eyes away from her face to stare up at the ceiling, he can't bear to look at her knowing he's the reason for her answer. He loathes seeing tears come to her eyes. He hates knowing he's caused this outcome. Fear. The word is bitter in the back of his throat. His own fear made all of this happen. Fuck. Emotion is livid in his chest, thrashing around it's confines. It's not the end, he tells himself, it's only the beginning. It has to be.
"I love you," He murmurs glancing back at her. "I love you more than I've ever loved anything," He repeats the same statement from their conversation earlier in the corridor outside of the cortex and it rings just as true.
"I know," She brings his hand to her lips and presses the softest kiss to his knuckles. Water falls out of his eyes at the telling gesture because he does know, he does know that she loves him just the same. His nostrils flare as he releases a puff of air wondering how he could've tainted their relationship the way he has, let Iris down the way he has.
Iris pushes off the stool and leans over to place her lips over his. That's when his other hand comes up and twists in her loose curls, holding her to him. A part of him is afraid, he's so afraid but he buries that fear. He'll sacrifice his own life for her, no matter the consequences because she's everything to him and he can't survive without her. He can't imagine a way to survive without her. She's not only his heart, or his soul. She's woven into the very fabric of Barry Allen.
Her mouth moves over his slowly, it's not meant to be heavy. She wants to convey herself, to make sure he understands why she's saying no for right now, why this is the only plausible answer.
"I'm going to do it right," He whispers into the kiss. "I swear it." When Iris pulls away she stares into his eyes, and cups one of his cheeks. She rubs her nose against his slowly, her eyes filling with tears again because she doesn't doubt him for one second.
"Let's get through the next three months first," He doesn't respond, he doesn't make any sort of movement. This woman, this gorgeous, strong woman is his and only the promise of her becoming his wife settles a nerve inside of him.
Now more than ever he plans on stopping at nothing until Savitar is defeated. Savitar must be defeated. Iris kisses him again, her hand splaying over the uneasy chaos of his heart.
"Lay with me?" he asks when she pulls back to rest her forehead against his.
"Always."
A plan to save Wally is already forming in his mind but for right now, for right now all he needs to feel is the heavy press of Iris's frame against his, the steady and safe knock of her heart. Barry makes room on the bed and she climbs on beside him. Her leg curls around one of his and she rests her head on the center of his chest. The future might be unclear but his love for Iris West will never be.
