Making Amends
by Meimi
In the end, he'd done the right thing. He knew it. But all he felt was disappointment. Funny, he'd thought that having his soul saved would've eased some of his many burdens, but not so much. Then again, they were all self-imposed. Maybe even the Savior couldn't save him from himself.
Landing quietly on an empty rooftop amidst the Warren, Noel couldn't help but sigh heavily at the events of the day. He'd screwed up again. Royally. Yeul would be so disappointed in him. And so would Serah. And Hope. Damnit. Noel collapsed backwards against the dingy roof and stared morosely up at the evening sky. He could see it now. Yeul would be frowning at him, in that way that ripped his heart into tiny pieces and stomped on them. And Serah, well, Serah would've smacked the crap out of him. And then there was Hope. Oh god, Hope. They'd gotten so close after the Chaos hit, worked together through so much. They'd saved so many lives and maybe... maybe they could've done something more. But then Hope had vanished. Gone from his life just like the others. Hope's reaction to his stupidity would've been terrifying, but he'd give anything to experience it. To be perfectly honest, he'd be happy to face the fury of all three, because at least then they'd be there with him.
So stupid of him. Stupid stupid stupid. He'd known that prophecy had been crap. It had been much too good to be true. The world never worked that well. Maybe he couldn't admit to it, not even to himself, but he'd known it had been a complete and utter lie from the very beginning. And yet he'd still followed along, chasing after a dream that would've only ended in tragedy if he'd succeeded. There would've been no forgiveness to be had. No chance for amends. No chance for any sort of salvation. Not for him. It would've been Caius all over again, except only worse.
"Not human anymore, huh Lightning?" Noel muttered as he crossed his arms behind his head. "What a load of crap. You knew exactly what to do to make me remember myself. No one who's given up their humanity could've figured that out."
Lightning... Lightning was a bit like Snow. Neither were really friends for various reasons, but they were still important. They still had a huge pull on his conscience, whether he liked it or not (and he certainly didn't like it much when it came to Snow). If he'd followed through, if he'd killed Lightning, he might as well have killed himself. Life had never been about giving up. Not for him. Thanks to Caius, he'd tried it once, and then thanks to Serah he'd seen just how empty a gesture it was.
No, he'd keep fighting. Fighting for the people who needed an idiot like him to stand up for them. Even if the world really was ending, there was still so much left to do. Lightning had saved him from committing an unforgivable sin, but he still needed to atone to those three. He'd most definitely earned their contempt, cold shoulders and what he knew would be hours and hours of getting yelled at for being a brainless twit. But he also needed something else. He needed to show them that yeah, he was beyond stupid, but he was really, really sorry about it. And that meant that it was time for the Shadow Hunter to get off his butt and start doing the good work again: terrorizing the elders at the Cathedral and making sure that everyone in Luxerion, absolutely everyone, was taken care of.
Only then would he deserve to get yelled at by the two best women in the entire world and one very determined and easily irritated guy.
It was something to look forward to.