"Britta, stop messing with your tie. You're acting like an eight-year-old."
"I can't help it, this tuxedo is so uncomfortable!"
"That's because you didn't get it fitted properly. They do make tuxedos that are tailored for women, you know."
"Which made me look like an assistant in a magic show. Besides, the women's styles didn't match yours. The best man's tuxedo is supposed to be a similar style to the groom's. That's how weddings work."
"Says the woman who refused to buy the tasteful black dress that was picked out with her in mind because 'buying a dress for a wedding is playing into the hands of the wedding-industrial complex.'"
"Well, it does. I refuse to be a slave to the hegemony, Jeff. Argh, this tie is driving me nuts!"
"Well, suck it up, princess. Don't make me send you over to the kids table."
"You can't. The best man has to be seated at the head table during the reception."
"Hold on, let me take this call. Oh, it's for you! It's the hegemony! It says, 'welcome to the plantation!'"
"And Annie would never let you."
"Mm. Yeah, OK, you can stay. Just, do me a favor and stop messing with your tie. Everyone can see you up here."
"I don't see how you people wear these things around your necks all day."
"'You people'?" Britta, have you been an anti-Semite this whole time? And to think I invited you to my bar mitzvah."
"Oh, please. Just because Annie made you convert before the wedding doesn't mean you're any less agnostic than you were when we met."
"You're wrong, Britta. When I stood at the front of the temple and read from the Torah, that was the day I became a man."
"Whatever, Wingerstein."
"And hey, remember when Annie and I disappeared during the party afterward? I was becoming a man then, too."
"You are such a pig."
"Yeah, but don t tell Annie, otherwise she might not-"
"Please don't finish that sentence."