Who would fucking know that being a vampire wasn't all that great? You. You would know. Why? Well, look at yourself. You're a 4'8" little vampire. Yes, a vampire. They're real. Unicorns, bigfoot, vampires, all those are real. Except for a few things, but only because you've never seen any of them yourself. Even though you're old, you still have yet to see some things.
You will never reveal your actual age, since well, for one it's not important since you're immortal; and two, it makes you seem like an old man, and you hate that. Especially since you were bitten at 17, stuck as a hormone-crazed teenager. It fucking sucked. What else sucked? Teenage emotions and feelings, the biggest pain in the ass being crushes.
Oh who were you kidding, this is full-out goddamn puppy love, romcom love, and your ass somehow got caught up in this bullshit. What was worse? The person you were head-over-heels with was a guy. You aren't even sure if he's gay. But, that's not the worst part. Your crush, your little love interest, was a hunter.
Not just any hunter, but a vampire hunter. Just your fucking luck. Of course you would have the biggest crush on a vampire hunter. The world seemed to have it out for you and you had no idea why. Maybe it was because you came from a wealthy family? Maybe it was because you were throwing the big middle finger at nature for being practically immortal.
You had no clue, but you hated it.
This crush had spiraled out of control fast. You met him on an online game (you can't remember which one now) a while ago, you two quickly started a rivalry. That rivarly started turning into jokingly teasing each other about crushes, becoming a bit nicer, and soon, well, you exchanged Skypes with him.
That was around the time your crush on him started, since he had sent you a selfie of himself. He was tall, broad shoulders, lean but bulky body, brown hair with a purple streak, and gorgeous eyes. You, on the other hand, were a short bottle-blond vampire with acne and huge hips. It was, well, awkward. He said you were cute when you sent your first selfie to him, but you still had your doubts.
Vampires weren't supposed to fall in love with mortals. It happened, albeit rarely because vampires rarely interacted with humans aside from feeding time, but it still happened. This just seemed like another way for the world to torture you, torment you with feelings you never wanted in the first place. They were driving you mad with primal instincts, and it bugged you. You were a solitary vampire, clans weren't something you wanted to make, especially with a vampire hunting mortal.
Yeah, honestly, you did miss your last clan you were in. They were a nice group, everyone snuggling together in a big pile on the soft, warm, king-sized bed. There were only ten or so of you, so it wasn't a tight fit. Sadly, everything was turned upside down when hunters gassed and slaughtered almost everyone. Luckily for you, you escaped and you could have sworn at least one or two others did, too. You hoped they did.
Since then, you've locked yourself away in your large house, all alone with your internet and luxuries. It didn't help with the emptiness you felt, but maybe that was why your crush hurt so much? Because vampires weren't solitary, they needed a clan and a closely knit family, both of which you no longer have. You're worried about starting one, and meeting other vampires is always annoying. Most of the time, you end up slaughtering them slowly, messily. Half the time they almost kill you before you run away and hide to nurse your wounds.
Ugh, you shouldn't be thinking about your crush, it brings everything down. So, you lay down on your king-sized bed in your master bedroom, staring up at the 50" flat-screen television as South Park plays. Fuck, you needed better distractions, since watching Kenny McCormick become an anime princess wasn't good enough. Fucking damn, you hoped this would have worked.
Sitting up, you yawn, feeling your elongated and pointed ears twitch in your soft hair. You should probably do something better with your time, like actually try and hunt for once. Not like a blood donor wasn't good enough, but you should probably sharpen your hunting skills since it's been a while. How long it has been, you have no clue, probably a few weeks.
You weren't the picture-perfect example of a modern vampire, per-say. Unless normally a modern vampire sat on his ass all day on the internet and squeaked loudly until his donor came, fed him, and then cuddled for an hour or more with the vampire. Then yes, you are the most normal modern vampire.
Sadly, you were a poor excuse for a vampire and you knew it. You rarely even went out to hunt anymore, instead you stayed inside all day, your internet keeping you as good as company as you could get as you waited for you donor to come twice or maybe three times a week for the feeding sessions you had with him. Then, he would snuggle with you for a little more than an hour before leaving. Sometimes he stayed longer, which was always nice, but it was rare when he did.
Face it, you were and are still lonely as fuck, so meeting someone online? Yeah, that was neat. It gave a meaning to your seemingly endless existence, so of course you would love it! Amidst your thinking, you didn't even notice you apparently went downstairs for some chips and went right back up into bed. Opening the bag, you started munching on them as South Park continued to play. It at least gave you something to do.
Checking your phone as you ate your Salt and Vinegar chips, you hum. Eridan was online, fuck. You were torn, half of you happy he was online and the other half dreading it. These feelings were so conflicting, so you quickly sent him a message, hoping that he saw it, yet wouldn't see it.
TA: hey, ED, can we talk quiick?