A/N: This story is a follow-up to 'What You Take Away'. If you haven't already, you might want to read that one first, to get a better sense of the context. This also fulfills one of the prompts for the Chit Chat on Author's Corner Fanfic Challenge – Round 2.
Pairing: JJ/Garcia
Prompt: White Liar –Miranda Lambert. (I used only the name of the song)
A/N 2: If you want to know a little more about me, check out my interview in the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. While you're there, have a look at some of the other wonderful topics in the forum!
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds. I'm just playing a little :)
Juggling an armful of cranky baby, a bottle of said baby's feed and a small towel that served double duty as bib and clean up tool, JJ headed for her front door. Navigating the minor minefield of an apartment in the middle of being packed up for a move, she couldn't help a small uncharitable thought. Who on earth would even be awake to turn up at her door at seven-thirty on a Saturday morning?
Oh.
Through the decorative half-circle of glass at the top of the door, JJ could clearly see the distinctive mop of red curls belonging to her best friend. She tucked the bottle a little more firmly into the crook of her arm, and handed the towel to Henry. Her last action solved one other problem – Henry promptly stuck the end of the towel into his mouth and beamed a cherubic grin at his mother, crankiness momentarily averted.
With a gentle sigh, JJ used her free hand to push back a wayward strand of blond hair that had escaped her practical ponytail. As she stood there dithering, the doorbell sounded again, making Henry jump in her arms. Luckily the little boy found it funny and giggled around his mouthful of cloth. Settling him a little better, she opened the door, only to receive her second surprise of the morning.
Hearing the door open behind her, Garcia spun around. It was clear she had something on her mind. Exactly how distracted she was became clear when she practically ignored her godson. Without a word of greeting, she raised a white envelope and a single eyebrow in as powerful a demand for an explanation as if she had actually spoken the question aloud.
"What …? How did you …?" JJ started, confusion marring her normally placid features. Then she sighed again. "Never mind. Come on in." She turned around and headed back to the living area, leaving Garcia to follow. JJ heard the door snick shut softly, and the footsteps behind her, but still Garcia said nothing.
It was telling – and unsettling in the extreme – that her best friend was still completely silent. Very little ever rendered Penelope Garcia speechless.
Henry was wiggling around again, towel forgotten, and babbling loudly. This time, it was because he was valiantly trying to escape mommy and make his way over to his brightly attired, and endlessly fun, godmother. As JJ tried distractedly to settle the child to feed him, Garcia released an exasperated grunt and spoke for the first time.
"Here … let me." Divesting herself of envelope and over-sized handbag, she replaced them with baby, bottle and towel. Henry let out a delighted gurgle and promptly wrapped his fingers around the colorful yellow and green beads at Garcia's neck.
Cooing nonsense words to the child, Garcia settled on the sofa next to his mother. Adjusting Henry on her lap, she maneuvered bottle and bib into position, and her eyes misted over slightly as she looked at the baby sucking contentedly on his bottle.
It was only then, when both Garcia and Henry were blissfully occupied that JJ relaxed into her end of the sofa and asked, "So how'd you manage to find that already?" She nodded her head toward the coffee table where Garcia had dropped the envelope.
"I forgot my back-up external hard drive, and Morgan drove me back to the office to get it." Garcia explained, looking up from the baby. "I saw this the moment I walked in."
"Why would you need your hard drive?" JJ was confused, and using the inconsequential as a way of avoiding the topic at hand. "You're on stand-down."
"The point of a back up JJ is to be available if something happens to the original." Garcia spoke with as much patience as she could muster. "It needs to be kept apart from the original."
That was about as much explanation as Garcia was willing to give, and she was just opening her mouth to ask the first of a thousand questions, when JJ interrupted, her voice hesitant.
"And Morgan, did … did he go upstairs too?" She was not ready to deal with this. She had counting on having the weekend to adjust and to not be in Virginia by the time they found out.
Her expression softening as she noted the nervous pallor of her friend's face, Garcia reassured her quietly. "No Jayje. He doesn't know. He stayed in the car, and I didn't tell him anything." She paused for a moment. "There's a letter for him too, isn't there?'
"For everyone."
"Oh, Jayje!"
"No! No, Garcie." JJ was lightning-quick to protest the sympathy she heard in her friend's voice. "Please don't do that. Not now. I … I'm not ready."
The internal war going on in Penelope Garcia's head was plainly apparent on her face. It was so against her nature to not simply gather her friend into her arms and comfort her – not that she even could at the moment anyway. After a while, she visibly relaxed, and when next she spoke, it was in a calmer and more measured tone.
"Okay, Jayje. Can you at least answer one question?"
Nervously, JJ nodded, "I'll try. What?"
"Are you in love with him?" Garcia had carefully kept her face turned to the baby in her arms.
A burst of unusually bitter laughter from the other end of the sofa brought her head spinning around. JJ was looking straight ahead.
"In love with whom?"
"Will, of course. I already know how you feel about our esteemed leader." There was conviction in Garcia's voice.
"How do you know? I didn't write that." JJ protested, not understanding that the vehemence with which she delivered the statement was enough of a giveaway, if Garcia didn't already know.
"You didn't have to, gumdrop." The words were kindly spoken.
As she watched the other woman seem to shrink into the corner of the sofa, drawing herself more and more inward, Garcia took another chance. It was to be her final attempt.
"You have to tell him."
"NO!" JJ's shout startled Henry and he jumped in Garcia's arms, spitting out the bottle and fretting unhappily.
Garcia turned her attention to the little boy, rocking and soothing him till he took the bottle again and settled down. When she turned her head, determined to continue her previous thought, JJ was waiting. She faced Garcia's direction, but her head was bent slightly, a sheet of blond hair hiding her features.
"No. I don't."
"But …"
"No, Garcia." Even for JJ, the response was uncommonly adamant. She pleaded with Garcia to understand, "You didn't see them."
When JJ raised her head to meet Garcia's eyes, the latter gasped audibly. There was such anguish in the huge blue eyes, luminous with unshed tears, as JJ tried to explain.
"The look on his face … it's the same one I see on mine in the mirror, when I know no-one is watching."
JJ's breath hitched as she fought to hold off the sobs that threatened. "Only … only he wasn't looking at me."
"Oh Jayje." Garcia whispered roughly, her sensitive heart torn by the distress in JJ's voice. When she had read JJ's letter, Garcia had received more than one shock. First, that JJ was leaving both the BAU and Quantico altogether and secondly the reason why. She had long known that JJ harbored deep feelings for Aaron Hotchner, but she had had no clue the latter was already involved – or so it appeared – with Emily.
The merest hint of sympathy forced JJ into a valiant attempt to pull herself together. This was exactly why she had wanted to be away from here before she spoke to any of the team, especially Garcia. She was once more grateful Garcia's arms were occupied by a now sleeping Henry. One hug, one touch from her best friend, and JJ knew she would give in to the desire to scream and sob her hurt and – no denying it – anger, out. It was anger at the vagaries of life however, not at any of the people involved.
When she trusted her voice to be steady, JJ spoke quietly, but with determination. "Will and I will make a good life together. He loves Henry … and me."
After a short pause, during which the only sound was the soft, bubbly sighs of the sleeping child, JJ stood up. Picking up a few random items – books and compact discs – from the table in front of them, she walked towards a stack of boxes lined up against the living room wall.
Keeping her back turned to the sofa as she absentmindedly packed the items, she said, "Besides, I've made my peace with my decision. I love Will."
The unspoken part of the sentiment hung in the air between both women, though neither one voiced it.
But you're not in love with him.
When JJ finally turned back to face Garcia, she gratefully read the acceptance of the white lie in her friend's face. JJ's shoulders slumped just a little in relief, but she didn't allow it to last long.
"Can we talk about something else, please? I can't let Will see me like this."
Garcia asked, "Where is he?"
"He went for a run. He should be back soon."
Nodding in understanding, Garcia stood up, transferring her sleeping godson to the arms of his mother with a gentle kiss to the boy's head. As JJ left to put Henry down Garcia took a deep breath and followed, launching into a babbling monologue about her previous evening with Morgan.
JJ forced the tears away once more, gratitude filling her aching heart.
If there was one thing she understood in this current wasteland that was her heart, it was that she no longer had the luxury of falling apart.