I am a ball of nerves the day of the fear landscape. My head is a swirl of thoughts and my stomach is a permanent home for butterflies. I know I can do better than everyone else because I am divergent but all I want to do is get it over with. I walk to the dining hall with Christina and Will. We make easy conversation about our dream job after intitiation. Of course we all know that depends on what are ranks are after the fear landscape but it's good to dream. Once inside the dining hall I spot Tobias and he instantly spots me as well. We smile and continue on with whatever we were doing so no one will see us.
When we are done with breakfast we head back to our room to prepare. Instead of going with Christina and Will I meet up with Tobias. "Hi," he says with a smirk on his face. Tobias never smiles and when he does it's the faintest of smiles, so small that you have to be looking, "Hey". He starts to talk, "I just want to wish you luck". I smile up at him, "Thanks, I will need it". After exchanging a few more words we head are separate ways.
While I walk back to my room an alarm begins to sound. People are running franticly around us, grabbing guns and knives. I look around for Tobias unsure what to do. I ask a girl who has tattoos all up her arm what's going on. "They have come," she says. "Who"? "The people from outside they came to kill us," she replies with shock on her face. This is such a shock to me too. Was this always supposed to happen?
The only thing on my mind is that I need to find Tobias. I scramble to get a gun from one of the buckets and then I see that Christina is doing the same thing. "I need to find Tobias" I say. She looks confused, then she realizes what I mean "Ok," she replies. We go are separate ways no doubt she is going to go find Will. I start by going to his room following the twist and turns of the dauntless compound. The smell of metal and water still in the air mixes with a new unfamiliar scent, fear. It was good to see the people who were really brave and the ones that were faking it.
There were the leaders telling people where to go. Some people were told to go to the abnegation sector or to the gate that used to separate us from the outside. Eric is nowhere to be found.
I spot Tori, she has two guns in her hands, and she says "you need to get to the gate to stop the rest of them from coming in". "What do you mean? Is there already people from the outside here?" I ask. "They have gotten to the middle of the city. They have already gone through the Amity sector. More than half of Amity was killed. We need to get to the other factions before it's too late. But you need to head to the gate to stop even more of them from coming in", She says. I see it in her eyes that she is scared. She tries her best to hide it. "I need to find Tobias," I tell her. "I know, but hurry. Bring him with you." She leaves me to my seeking. Just as I am about to turn around to find Tobias I run into something that feels like a brick wall. I look up and I see that in fact it is Tobias he envelopes me into a hug. "I have been looking for you everywhere," he says with a worried expression. "Me too Tori said to go to the gate to stop any more people from the outside from getting in," I say. He nods with a determined expression and grabs a gun and a knife.
"Let's go," he says and in that moment I know that this is really happening. The fear wrapping me up like a strait jacket that will never open is almost too much to handle. I take a minute to calm down my heart rate just like in the fear landscape. I realize that this just like the fear landscape. Except this is real, it flashes in front of me like a flame that is about to explode, begging to be noticed. I run out of the Dauntless compound with Tobias suppressing the feeling to throw up. As we jump on the train to head to the gate I think of my family. I feel numb, what will happen to them? I can't think about them because if I do I would want to go and protect them and I know I can't do that. That would be selfish.
While on the ride to the gate I can see the smoke rising up to the sky. As I start to listen I hear screams and gun shots off in the distance. I hear the bombs go off, making echoes that will haunt my dreams forever. The air is thick with fog making the flames in the buildings even brighter. My lungs are on fire from the heavy smoke in the air. I barely can see out of the train, the smoke is getting thicker and thicker.
As we approach the fence I can see the slow trickle of people coming in from the outside. I get a better look at them and they look calm and serine like they already know they are going to win this battle. They are all wear the same outfit that consists of camouflage pants, shirt and shoes. They have guns and every once in a while there is a tank that comes through the hole they made for themselves. Anger courses through my veins. How did we let this happen? All I can think about is that we should've been more prepared. We should have known there were people like this out there, people stronger and better than us. We could have avoided this. At the front of the hole I see a figure standing and it looks a lot like Eric. I look over at Tobias; he looks like an Abnegation standing stiff with no expression on his face. "Tobias, are you ready?" I ask. "That's Eric," he explains, "I should've known. He never was quite right. He always made it seem like this place was a wasteland". The anger burns inside of me giving me enough ammunition to throw myself out of the train. My new goal is to stop Eric. I will kill him.
We run quietly like a hunter closing in on its prey. We hide behind a building where we store extra guns. "Our goal is to stop Eric," Tobias says, "other Dauntless people will take care of the rest of them or at least try to". I nod my head, I am read. Everything I have learned flashes in front of me. Be brave Tris, I tell myself over and over again. "Tris, no matter what happens we stick together. We can't lose each other." "I know," I reply
Tobias sneaks his head out from the side of the small building. He turns towards me and says, "Eric's head is facing the other way he is watching the people coming into the city. We will close in on him and then attack. I will give you a signal and then we will head over to him," Tobias explains. I look around, "Ok I am ready, Tobias," I say with a wavering voice. I tell myself to calm down, to slow down my heart rate. I need to do this. Even if we lose this battle I want to be able to say I tried. I want to be able to come back saying I killed Eric. Tobias nods his head with a determined look on his face he peeks out from the side of the building. As I wait for a signal I see out of the corner of my eye something flying towards us. "Tobias look out!" I scream. The object zooms past me and makes the worst sound I have ever heard in my life. I turn to look at Tobias his face is expressionless as he falls to the ground. "No!" I scream at the top of my lungs not caring if anyone hears.
I fall down with him looking him over. There is blood running down his face covering him with the rotten color red. There is a knife piercing his right eye making him look like the main character in a horror story. The blood gushing from his eye gets worse and worse. My tears drip on to his face getting washed away by the blood that is now a river that can't be controlled. "Tobias," my voice a shaky whisper that I can barely manage, "You can't go. We were supposed to kill Eric together. You were supposed to live through this. It can't be your time to die. It can't." I see someone approaching us. I immediately pull out the gun from my belt and hold it. Before I could say anything I feel a gun push against my back. "Thought you could kill Eric," The person behind me chuckles and I realize it is the sickening voice of Peter and the person approaching us is Eric. He has the smile on his face that makes your insides turn. As he approaches he starts to speak "Well, well, well isn't it the lovebirds. Not so lovey dovey anymore huh," The calm and quite voice makes me shutter. I stay silent. He bends down to Tobias, acting like he is inspecting him. The tears have dried from my face, I am standing like a statue not wanting to show Eric anymore weakness.
Eric grabs for the knife, In Tobias's eye. "No!" I scream the horror back in my face. Peter pushes the gun harder into my back, a silent warning, Eric continues. He grabs the knife and pushes it farther into Tobias's eye making the river of blood rush heavier down his face; Tobias moans hi is very pale. He looks the color of a brand new sheet of paper, except Tobias's paper is not brand new. A brand new piece of paper is a blank canvas waiting to be colored, waiting to play out a story. Tobias's story has been drawn, His paper has been filled and now his paper is being crumpled and torn apart waiting to be thrown away. Eric pulls the knife out of Tobias's head with the eye speared like a meatball attacked by a fork. A pool of blood sits in his eye socket overflowing. Eric stands up with a smile on his face while looking at Tobias's eye like it's a shiny new medal to add to his non-existent collection. He pulls out his gun and aims it at Tobias's head. Tobias let out a moan and you can hear the smallest of whispers, as if a paper falling into a trashcan making its last tribute to the world, before being lost forever. "Be brave Tris," he says and I can't contain the tears. I look to Tobias, I see his chest rise and fall, rise and, fall and then the banging of a gunshot that sounds so far away even though its right next to my ear, his chest stays still. I look toward his one eye it's still open.
The madness of this world is pulling at the seams of my heart making it fall apart into a million pieces that are so complex and jagged they can't be sewn back together. Eric's menacing voice brings me back to the present, because before I was in a land that I never want to go back to. "As you can see Tris, I have won in the end. This world never belonged to you or anybody in this city, it belonged to me and the people on the outside," he looks me up and down slowly and then looks at Peter whispering, "Kill her," and then walks away.
The world is full of the brave, the selfless, and the wise. I am just a sheer creation of all of them. I am like a creature wrapped up with the ordinary, the one who wasn't supposed to exist. Life will go on without me and I will be nothing more than a crumpled up piece of paper in the trash, gone forever. On my paper I hope people will find a beautiful creature with many different colors. I hope that will explain my story well enough. I am selfish. I am brave. I am divergent. I whisper one more time remembering Tobias; "Be brave Tris".