I hate the reporter in the small TV. I hate him, referring to Matt as nothing but an anonymous body, and I hate that stupid woman in the back, shaking and mumbling something to herself. I can't believe I did this. I just can't believe I dragged him into this, knowing it was dangerous. I can't believe I saw with my own eyes my best friend dying. Now, all I can do, is finish this mission. No longer for me, but for him; To make sure his death was not for nothing.

I don't think I ever hated someone so much like this before. Sure, there was Near, but it's not his fault Matt's body is now full of holes. There were the guards, that shot him, but they were simply doing their unfair job. No; this hatred was towards Kira. For starting this. For existing. If not because of him, L would still be alive, and me and Matt would still be at the orphanage, him playing those video-games I found useless, and me eating the unhealthy yet addicting chocolate bar. Together, talking, laughing, cursing each other until our mouth tired and enjoying one another's company in silence.

I'm sorry I caused your end, Matt... The thought repeated in my mind like a broken record. Guilt ached at my chest, my knuckles white from how tight I was gripping the stirring wheel, holding back my tears with all my might.

I parked the truck in the ruins of an old building. By the cross on the top, I guess it used to be a church. And I chuckled at the irony, and the chuckle quickly turned into a sharp inhale of air as tears raced down my cheeks.

I leaned back. I have to make a stop. I have to mourn. All those times back then when he was the only to cheer me up, to make me smile, laugh; the only to stop me from beating-up Near, to just break everything in sight, to calm me down. I'm not exaggerating when I'm saying my life would be a mess without him.

I need that brunette gamer. Desperately. And now that he's gone...

What now?

The minute I heard of his death, I felt like my chest turned into this big black hole, void and crashing into itself. If only I had the chance now to tell him the three meaningful words I kept a secret, had I only known that ten minutes ago was the last chance I had...

"SHUT UP!" I yelled at the woman in the back. Finally, her whinings and cries for help stopped.

'Stupid news reporter...'

I played with the gun between my hands. I could shoot her right now, or myself...

I can feel that soon I'll be with Matt again.

Suddenly, I start breathing heavily, hyperventilating. Air won't get in my lungs. I can't grasp at it. I can't pull it in. I'm suffocating. My heart beats fast, faster, faster, pounding in my ear, I could feel it pulse through my body. Everything is spinning, and I feel like puking. Sweating, soaking, it's so hot but I'm trembling of cold. I lost almost all my strength, my body felt weak, my head fell on the steering wheel, unable to hold my body anymore. Coughing, pain in my chest and left arm. No doubt, this was a heart attack. No doubt, I'm losing.

I hate losing.

Slowly, everything turned black. Slowly, I was losing my senses. My heartbeat echoed in my head. I won't be able to fulfill my last task... I won't be able to avenge him. He died in vain. He died in vain, for me, because I'm stupid, because I told him so, because he was always so good for me and I... I lead him to his own death.

Out of the darkness, he appeared in front of me, arms open wide, inviting me for a hug. He wore his silly dorky smile on his face, head tilted a bit to the side. And I was standing, not far away, looking at him, in this void, in this nothingness. But looking at him feels like everything. Looking at him always feels like everything.

I have no idea where we are, but as long as it's we- he and I-, it can be anywhere, or as I slowly begin to understand, the life beyond death.

This could also be my near-death hallucination. I don't care. I'm here. I'm not alone. I'm with Matt.

In the bit of life I still have in me, I can taste the salty tears of happiness. Definitely, this end is the perfect one. Maybe now, there in heaven, as we'll be sitting in the garden of Eden, laughing, I could tell him what I've been hiding, and he'll reply with a soft smile and a sweet voice, sincere when saying, "I love you, too."

I don't know. But I do know this, with no doubt:

I was never so glad to lose.