A/N: Sorry not sorry. Winter storm Thor dumped about a foot of snow on us and I've been stuck inside for two days. And a huge shout-out to bequirk for putting up with my terrible jokes last night.
I own nothing, nor am I making any sort of profit out of this.
Summary: Winter Storm Thor has come through town, and a crack fic has come out of the ordeal. Rated T for really bad jokes.
It was early March, but winter had shown no signs of ending. The Avengers had assembled themselves around the couch to wait for 'their' shows to come on. It was 5:47 – thirteen minutes until show time. Just short enough that they could justify sitting around and doing nothing, but just long enough that there was still a good chunk of news left.
The weather came on next. The announcer was talking about how 'winter storm Thor' had been dumping snow across several states.
"Excuse me?" the thunder god raised an eyebrow.
"Looks like they've given the storm your namesake," Tony shrugged, trying to sneak one of the bowls of popcorn into his lap.
The god looked as if he was trying to figure out what to say next. Tony continued, "It's normal. Naming storms, I mean. Sure, snow storms are a more recent thing than hurricanes. It helps people keep track of them."
"And gives them a better point of reference when talking about it on social media," Natasha suggested.
"Yes," Tony conceded, "that."
Thor sighed heavily and sunk back into the couch, trying his best to ignore the weatherman.
"Looks like there's a lot of variation in snowfall as the storm goes north," Steve noted.
"Thor's only giving a few inches in the south, but it looks like there will be over a foot further north," Clint noted. Natasha snickered before she could stop herself.
"What is so amusing?" Thor inquired.
"Giving a few inches?" Natasha tried to help Thor understand.
"Why would I give anything in inches? Especially snow," Thor made a face.
"You could give it a foot at a time if you go a little more north," Clint suggested.
"Guys!" Steve warned. It was clear, however, that Thor was missing the humor.
"Easy Spangles," Tony purred, "It's all in the name of a little fun."
"Or a lot of fun for those Thor's keeping inside all night," Clint quipped, grabbing his soda from the arm rest.
"Is the snow removal service that poor here in Midgard?" Thor inquired.
"Sometimes," Bruce shrugged. The scientist had tried to remain impartial in this banter, but the lure had been too strong.
"I hope those poor people can stay warm," Thor frowned at the television screen.
"Oh don't worry," Clint grinned, "You'd be surprised by how creative people can get in the face of a few inches."
"Clint!" Steve warned.
"No, the archer is correct," Thor said, "It's often in the face of little that people are the most creative."
Natasha burst out laughing. Thor made a face somewhere between confused and offended. Natasha apologized between wheezing, laughing breaths.
"But give them a foot and the possibilities are endless," Clint offered.
"That's enough about Thor's inches and feet, really," Steve sighed.
"We still have a few minutes before our shows start, Cap," Tony said, giving Steve a look of feigned innocence.
"Snow isn't even my thing, though," Thor said, "Nor are inches or feet, whatever those have to do with anything."
"Excuse me, Sir and the Avengers," JARVIS' voice cut the conversation.
"What's up, Jarv?" Tony asked.
"There appears to be a delivery man at the door with pizza," the A.I. informed everyone.
"Oh perfect, I'll go get it," Steve leapt to his feet.
"Dude, I can let him in from here," Tony reminded the blond.
"No, really, I'll go get it." Steve was already walking away.
Everyone half-watched him leave.
"He does not appear to be pleased by my measurements," Thor said, making an attempt to get in on the joke everyone else was sharing.
"I don't think measurements are really his thing," Tony shrugged.
"That is unfortunate. Measurements are an important part of success!" Thor declared.
By this time, the news segment had ended. The news anchors were wrapping up the program as the cameras cut between a variety of angles and viewpoints.
"Oooh, our show's almost on," Bruce pointed out the obvious in hopes of redirecting everyone into a calmer, quieter state.
"Steve had better hurry up with those pizzas," Clint muttered.
"Both the pizzas and the show will be here in a few minutes," Tony assured everyone.
"Everything is so instant in this world," Thor shook his head, "Perhaps that is why people have trouble dealing with so many inches when they come slowly."
"Go on," Tony encouraged the god while hiding a snicker.
"They must wait until all of the inches are present before they can truly handle them," Thor explained.
Clint kicked Natasha in the shin before she could start laughing again.
The elevator doors dinged and, for the second time that night, the appearance of pizza saved the conversation from going to a truly dark place. Steve emerged balancing five pizza boxes.
"Allow me to help," Thor said, getting to his feet.
As soon as Thor was out of ear shot, Bruce whispered, "Is no one going to tell him it's just called 'snow' no matter how many inches there are or if it's done falling or not?"
A moment of silence followed by a collective, "Nah."
Thor and Steve came back into the room, placing the pizza boxes on a side table. There was a rush as everyone tried to grab a few slices in the few minutes they had left.
A/N: I, uh, still not sorry.