Chapter One

Wario came home at 7 o'clock in the evening. He had spent all day sharing ideas on how to improve water quality for impoverished children in Wet-Dry World. While taking the Warp Pipe back to his restroom, he had a great idea. "I just got to tell them to take the asbestos out of Downtown," Wario said as he climbed out of the Warp Pipe. He put his briefcase down by the sink and brushed his teeth. He looked at the clock on the wall. "What's the time?" he asked politely.

"It's about 7 o'clock in the evening," replied the clock. "Thank you," said Wario gratefully, and he took his tie off and undid the top button of his dress shirt. He just had to make sure the kids were all in bed, and then he could relax with a fun game of Team Fortress 2. His favourite class was the Engineer.

He went to Mario's bedroom and saw him sleeping under the covers. He pulled the covers down a bit to make sure it was really Mario, and the moustache confirmed his hypothesis. He peeked under the covers just to make sure it wasn't a trick but Mario was still there. He turned off Mario's light and went to Yoshi's bedroom. Yoshi was snoozing and making little Yoshi noises when he slept. "Thank god my sons are okay," said Wario. He opened Yoshi's wardrobe and took out a copy of the Holy Bible. Wario took off his hat and knelt down on the bedroom floor. But something wasn't right. "That's it!" Wario said. "A snack will calm these jittery nerves."

Wario went downstairs and he saw the front door was open. "Who left this open?" he wondered aloud. He picked up his Beretta Model 92 Brigadier Wilson Combat semi-automatic pistol just in case and went to the kitchen for a snack. But the fridge door was open too. It was very sad. "Shh, please," Wario whispered. "You'll wake my children." But the fridge just couldn't stop crying. It was so sad that Wario started crying too. "Stop it," Wario sobbed. "Just stop crying please."

But it was too late. He had set the whole kitchen off. One by one, every appliance was crying. Wario tried to stop crying and found out that it was very easy. But the microwave just could not stop blubbing. Wario pinched his big nose. "For the love!" He had to yell now. It was the only way to make the kitchen listen. "You must stop right now!"

There was a bang upstairs. "Now look what you've done!" Wario shouted. "You have woken up my sons!"

This made them cry even louder. "We are sorry!" the stove wailed. "We are so bad!" wept the dishwasher. "Please," snivelled the washing machine, "just hand me in at Bowser World, the best second-hand appliance dealership in Mushroom City, and tell the proprietor to smash me to bits."

"I can't stand this!" Wario howled, and he fell to his knees. "Please, all of you, stop your crying! Or else this will never end!"

There was another BANG upstairs. This one was so loud that it scared everyone but the freezer and stopped them from crying. The freezer kept on crying, but there was a reason Wario didn't listen to it.

Wario went upstairs, unholstered his Beretta Model 92 Brigadier Wilson Combat semi-automatic pistol, and turned the safety off. But the boys were safe. He checked in Mario's bedroom, and he checked in Yoshi's bedroom, and there was no sign of forced entry or other damage. Mario was still asleep, but the noises had woken Yoshi, who was very scared.

"Please, my son," Wario whispered, holding Yoshi close to his chest, "go back to sleep. There is nothing to fear." He took the Holy Bible and gave it to Yoshi, who went back to sleep. "Thank you," Wario said, before kissing Yoshi's forehead and praying for his continued health.

All of a sudden, there was a third, much louder BANG! Wario started crying again, and he walked out into the hall so he wouldn't wake his sons up with his blubbering. They had school tomorrow, so it was very important that they got a good night's rest. Yoshi was a star basketball player. The coach had called him "egg-cellent" at the last parent-teacher meeting and Wario had laughed so much.

And Mario was billed to be the greatest wrestling superstar ever. "Mario, you've been honing your craft for almost 27 years now," Wario remembered the wrestling coach saying at the last parent-teacher meeting. "If you do any less than "mario-vellous" at the next big event, I shall be so cross!" And Wario had laughed even harder at that. The next big event was tomorrow, so Mario really had to be on his A-Game. And if this infernal racket didn't cease soon, Wario feared his beautiful boys may never get the sleep they really needed tonight.

And Luigi had the big spelling test tomorrow. He had spent the whole of yesterday patiently going through every word with him, sounding out the tougher ones like "sanitary" or "horrid". Wario didn't like to think of himself as a mean or petty man, but if all that effort to help Luigi achieve his goals ended up wasted, he would be so sad that he would cry all the way to work, and cry all the way home, and the little children of Wet-Dry World would all perish from drinking dirty contaminated water from Downtown because he couldn't stop crying to tell the board his new idea.

Wario stopped in his tracks. Luigi! His youngest son!

His heart was in his mouth as he nimbly sprinted down the hall, then climbed the second set of steps. The top floor of the house was a mess. Most of it had been blown up. There was only the floor left. The bed had been stolen. And there was a note stuck in the floor.

"What have you done to my son!" Wario screamed up at the heavens, tears streaming down his face. He got down on the floor to read the note because it just wouldn't budge. It read like this:

"Dear Wario," Wario started. He went on to the next line. "I have killed Luigi. He is in Shifting Sand Land without his hat and the Tox Boxes are making slime out of him."

There was no need to read anymore. Wario tore the note in two and challenged God with a mighty distraught roar. But the note went on. "You are sooo stupid, and your kids have no talents. They are pretty much bottom feeders. They don't have a."

He'd reached the end of the page. Since it was still stuck in the floor he had to get up, step over the note, and get back down to look at its backside.

"Clue. If Luigi isn't alive in 7 days then I am coming for you. You are fat. Yours with so much hatred,"

Wario's eyes popped out and went BOING. He couldn't believe what he was reading.

"I thought he was banished to another universe!" he bellowed in despair. "I thought we were rid of him forever!"

It looked like God had failed. Wario stood up, full of righteous fury, and almost struck the wall, but did not, in fear of waking his already-troubled children up. The boys could not be made to suffer, no matter how grievous his soul may ache. But the flames of vengeance still burned high in his spirit. Wario had no time to lose.

He went into Luigi's en suite bathroom and dropped down the Warp Pipe. In the Warp Zone, the lady asked where he wanted to go.

"May I have a return ticket to… Earth?" Wario politely enquired.

"You certainly can," smiled the lady. "Are you a student?"

Wario laughed jovially. "Oh, you are too kind. No, an adult rate for me please. Here, I've got my driving license."

The lady smiled again. "That is a very strapping photograph."

"Why thank you," Wario said with a smile.

"OK, here is your ticket," the lady smiled at him.

"Thank you, ma'am," Wario flashed a smile back.

"You're very welcome," said the lady, giving Wario a smile.

"No, no," Wario smiled, "the pleasure is all mine."

"No, really," the smiling lady said. "I insist."

"Excuse me," came a soft voice from behind. At the head of a queue of about 30 people was a peculiar fellow covered in spikes. He had very stylish red hair in a topknot, and he wore many chokers. Wario thought he looked very fashionable.

"How can I help you, my friend?" Wario asked smilingly.

"I don't mean to be a bother, but there's a rather large queue behind me, and I would hate for them to be late for their evening appointments."

"Of course," said Wario, "of course! How could I have been so selfish? I let pleasantries get in the way of others! Friend, I swear it in the name of Mary, mother of God: never shall I be so greedy again!"

The red-headed man smiled graciously in return. Wario turned back to the lady.

"Excuse me, but may I please borrow that ticket I paid for?" he asked sweetly.

"Well, of course," the lady responded, beaming as she placed the ticket in his hand, cementing the transaction.

"Now, I don't have to pay for this, do I?" Wario asked with mild trepidation. The mild trepidation was offset by his large grin.

"I wouldn't think of it," said the lady, her face contorting into a happy smile. "You may have this ticket on me!"

"I thank you again," said Wario, but before he got caught up in niceties again, he made a swift egress. Looking at the ticket, he saw he was looking for Warp Pipe number 3,001,080,442,364. He took a glance around and found Warp Pipe number 3,001,080,442,362, and Warp Pipe number 3,001,080,442,366, but between them was no Warp Pipe at all. All of a sudden, Wario was very sad again. He threw his hat on the ground and stamped madly. "He did this to me! Oh, he is so rotten! He ruined my Luigi's big day!"

"Excuse me sir," came a meek voice from beneath Wario. He saw Toady, one of Princess Peach's faithful servants, underneath his foot. When he let Toady go, he was very grateful. "In exchange for this kindness, I will grant you one wish."

"Wow!" Wario's eyes lit up. "Can you really do that for me, Toady?"

"Now Wario, come on!" Toady's voice was full of good-humoured chiding. "I would never dream of lying to you. Now make that wish!"

"Certainly!" Wario laughed, his heart singing with joy. "I wish to be sent to Earth!"

"Certainly!" Toady laughed. "I grant your wish to be sent to Earth!"

"Thank you, Toady!" Wario laughed.

"You're welcome, Wario!" Toady laughed, and he began to fade away into nothing. Wario looked around and realised he was in a city. There were flying cars in the air and some roads on the ground with other cars which didn't fly. Besides that, there were some buildings. It looked all in all very much like a city to Wario.

"I think this is the city," he said to himself, and he began strolling down the sidewalk. He whistled a beautiful melody, which nearby walkers joined in on, until they were giving a harmonious performance to those on the street who could not whistle, or found it culturally offensive.

Wario walked down the road and came to a sign. It said some words but he couldn't understand them. He saw a little bald man walking down the road and Wario called him over.

"You there!" Wario called him over. The bald man looked over as Wario called him over. He sauntered towards Wario, who had just called him over.

"I just wanted to call you over," he explained. The man laughed mirthfully and shook Wario's hand. But when he did so, Wario was doubled over.

"That is an incredibly powerful handshake!" he said, knees trembling in awe. "You are so strong! Please forgive me for talking to you!"

"There is nothing to forgive, my friend," said the man, "but if it puts your mind at ease, I forgive you."

"And I thank you," said Wario earnestly, bowing to the strong bald man. "If I may ask your name?"

"My name is Krillin," said the little strong bald man. "Would you like to come and meet my friends?"

For a second Wario was ecstatic to meet some new friends, but then he remembered why he was here.

"No," he said, dropping the courtesy. "I am here for one reason only, and that is to track down and murder my brother."

Krillin was taken aback. "If that is the case," he said, dropping into a fighting stance, "then I'll be forced to stop you!"

"No!" Wario shrieked, tears already welling up. "Please! No fighting! I'm not a fighter! I just love my children! Please! Please don't hurt me, O Krillin the Powerful! You have misunderstood me!"

Krillin wasn't convinced. He stepped back, but didn't leave the stance. "Prove it, buddy. Or I'll send your butt to kingdom come!"

"My brother… he…" Wario gulped and sniffled. "… he killed my son."

"Oh my goodness!" Krillin was so shocked. He went out of the stance and gave Wario a big hug. "I'm so sorry for your loss, O Wario the Kind! I will do anything in my power to assist you!"

Wario's eyes popped out and went BOING. "Wowzer!" he yelled, so loudly that everyone turned to look at him. "And you've got a lotta power!"

"You should see my friends!" Krillin said. "They're way more powerful than me!"

"I hope they can help me kill my brother," Wario cheered. If he hadn't run into this stranger, he would have been left with no options since he left his Beretta Model 92 Brigadier Wilson Combat semi-automatic pistol at home, and he could not bring himself to hurt another at all, much less one of his own blood.

Krillin took off in the air and flew towards his friends. Wario followed on foot. When they met up again, a few cities away, Wario asked how much farther it was to Krillin's friends.

"We've actually arrived!" said Krillin. Wario was amazed! He could see a man in orange clothing and with very untidy hair. He smiled at Wario, and Wario smiled back at him. "Wario," said Krillin, "this is Goku, my best friend." "God bless you, Goku," said Wario. "I've come to kill my brother."

Goku was shocked. He nearly punched Wario, but Krillin explained. "His brother killed his son."

"That's so awful!" Goku started crying, which set Wario off. Krillin didn't cry. But Goku and Wario did.

"It's so sad, because a similar thing happened to my son many years ago," sniffed Goku as he cried over Wario's shoulder. "There, there," Wario murmured, patting Goku on the back. "Why did your brother kill your son?"

"Oh, he didn't kill him," said Goku, who had stopped crying. "He just took him away because I didn't kill everyone else on Earth."

"What's Earth?" Wario was confused.

"It's our name for the world we live in," explained Goku.

"Oh, I see," assured Wario. "So your son isn't dead?"

"No," said Goku, "but I am very sorry for your loss all the same. I did lose my son once, but he was almost 17 then and everyone else in the world had already died first. We brought him back to life with the Dragon Balls."

Wario was too sad to listen to the last sentence. "My son was 36 when he died."

"That's so sad," said Goku. "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we use the Dragon Balls to wish your son back?"

"What is your son's name, anyway?" asked Krillin.

"His name was Luigi," said Wario sadly, and mentioning Luigi's name made him start howling and pounding the ground with his fists. This time it was Goku's turn to comfort him.

"There, there," said Goku, stroking Wario's hair. "We will bring Luigi back, and you will be happy again."

"What about his brother?" asked Krillin.

"Oh yes, what about your brother?" asked Goku. "Don't worry if he's strong. I love fighting!"

"Well, you see…" said Wario. "My brother originally came from my universe. But he was so evil that Princess Peach banished him here."

"Oh no!" said Goku. "A new evil! I may not be strong enough!"

Wario started sobbing upon hearing this. A blue cat comforted him this time.

"There, there," said the cat, floating in the air and wiping his tears with its tail.

"Thank you, Mr Cat," said Wario, calming down. "What is your name?"

"My name is Puar," said Puar. "I'm a talking cat who can transform into anything."

"Nice to meet you, Puar," said Wario politely. "I'm Wario, and I pitch ideas to a board of billionaires to help make my world a better place for everybody."

"Oh, really?" asked Puar. "That sounds very altruistic of you."

"I suppose it is," Wario smiled. "Would you like an example?"

"I certainly would," said Puar happily. Wario laughed with joy. "I'm so glad that you would! You see, in Wet-Dry World, which is a place in my world and not a separate world, because we call places in the world Worlds. It is just how we do things. Anyway, in Wet-Dry World, there are many people who live in the wet, and not many people who live in the dry. Because of this discrepancy, the water is up and down and everyone gets a bit of wet and a bit of dry because of dedicated civil servants, to whom I pay generous sums to ensure they remain at work and keep things going smoothly for everyone else, and to encourage a good work ethic. However, the water has become very poor quality in the last few days, full of carcinogens and bits of sawdust. It is coming from Downtown, which is the downtown area next to Wet-Dry World which you have to go through a tunnel to get to. It turns out that the buildings in Downtown are full of asbestos. So—"

"Excuse me," came a gentle voice from above. Wario lost his train of thought and looked up, to see someone similar looking to Goku descending. He wore blue, was less tall, and had more imposing hair. "I wondered if I may have a word with you, O Wario the Kind."

"You certainly can," said Wario. "I'm very sorry Puar, but this conversation will have to wait."

"That's fine," said Puar. "I shall return to my companion, Yamcha, and start spreading the word about your good deeds. God bless you, Wario!"

"God bless you, Puar!" Wario said happily. "Now who are you?"

"I am Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans," said Vegeta. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," said Wario affably, shaking Vegeta's hand. "WOW! You're powerful enough to kill my brother for sure!"

"That's what I came here to discuss," said Vegeta. "I don't mean to pry into personal business, but may I possibly learn the name of your brother?"

"Well, I don't see why not," said Wario. "It would help find him if you all knew his name."

"That's for sure," said Vegeta politely. "Now if you would, the name, please."

"Of course," said Wario. "I would never turn down such a simple request."

"I'm glad to hear it," Vegeta smiled warmly. "So what is your brother's name?"

"Frieza." Wario's face grew dark. "Frieza is the one who killed my Luigi."

Goku, Vegeta, Puar and Krillin all shouted out: "FRIEZA!"

"Yes, that's right," Wario smiled. "Frieza. Do you know where he is so I can kill him?"

"That's quite a silly thing to say, if you don't mind me saying," said Vegeta. "I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place. Or rather… the wrong time."

"Yes," Goku nodded. "It seems you have come here too far in the future, for Vegeta's beautiful son Trunks was able to kill Frieza many years ago."

Vegeta nodded. "I have never been prouder of my darling baby boy than in the instant when he got revenge on that rascal for the genocide of my people, the Saiyans."

Wario gasped. Frieza had killed Vegeta's people?! That was so very sad.

"That is so very sad," Wario said, holding out his hand. Vegeta took his hand gently and started to softly weep.

Krillin descended next. "You may not know this, but Frieza killed both me and Vegeta several years ago, when we all came to the planet Namek in search of Dragon Balls."

"Oh," Wario remembered. "I just remembered those Dragon Balls you mentioned before."

"Oh yes," said Krillin, "I do remember hearing those being mentioned earlier while you were in earshot."

"That's right," said Goku in a friendly manner. "Shall we use the Dragon Balls to resurrect Frieza so you can kill him yourself and get revenge for your sweet Luigi boy?"

"I think that's a great idea," Wario nodded. "I got to teach him a lesson in compassion; one that he won't soon forget!"