"Change course for Aglaja, warp 6." Picard said emerging on the bridge.
There was a sense of urgency in the Captain's voice that pulled the crew into focus. Everyone had been easing into leisure after completing a high-stress, political transport mission, and after announcing the destination they were headed to Starbase 494 they had became collectively relaxed.
"Why are we changing course?" Riker asked, a tremor of anxiety in his voice.
"I've received an emergency transmission from the Federation to assist in a crisis." Picard replied. "How long until we arrive?"
"Approximately thirty-two minutes, sir." Data announced.
"The Enterprise is scheduled for maintenance," Riker reminded Picard. "Is it prudent to begin a mission at her current status?"
Picard tried not to let the weariness in Riker's voice annoy him. He knew they all were tired and this was an unwelcome surprise. Hell, there was nothing more he desired than a long soak in a hot bath on a day off with a steaming cup of tea to follow up with- but it would have to wait.
"This mission has low combat risk; we'll be participating in a botanical rescue effort." Picard informed them.
"Botanical?" Riker repeated. "That's unusual."
"Indeed, and we're working against the clock." Picard announced. "So I need everyone's best effort. We're the closest starship in this galaxy by weeks, the Federation had no choice but send us as ambassadors instead of their typical science experts- I've just been informed the SEED project is in jeopardy." Picard replied sitting in his chair.
"What's that?" Wesley asked.
"The SEED project," Data recalled. "The mission to store and preserve the seeds and grains found throughout the galaxy for study, development, and research."
"It's a seed bank, the largest one that's ever been created." Troi informed them. "It's had contributions from many worlds, even Romulan."
"Professor Heute is our contact," Picard said. "She's devoted her life to SEED. I want to hail her as soon as we're in range to get the details of this mission."
The trip to Aglaja was uninterrupted by conversation, and although no one spoke Jean-Luc was sure the same thing was on everyone's minds- their shore leave had been ripped away from them. He agreed, though he didn't have the benefit of looking disappointed about it, but he did spend the next twenty-odd minutes of his quiet time privately mourning whatever relaxation he would have been granted.
"Hailing frequency within range, sir." Worf reported. "Professor Heute is returning our summons."
"On screen." Picard ordered.
Picard saw Professor Heute was an elderly, dark-skinned, human woman with long braids of silver-white hair. Picard thought her large brown eyes looked kind, yet severely troubled. He didn't blame her, given the circumstances.
"Thank you for your quick response, Captain." Professor Heute greeted him with a note of sorrow. "We need your help and we have no time to spare. We may already be too late."
"In that case I'll be blunt. What service can we provide you, Professor?" Picard asked.
"Knowledge, perhaps." She replied. "Our seeds are in carefully monitored climates, and a few days ago our team noticed an imbalance in all the artificial environments. We discovered this morning the cargo bay hull is weakening- that's where the seed canisters are stored. An alien bacteria is eating it from the outside-in. If it continues to consume the hull, the environments will become too unbalanced to store our seed samples and perhaps one of the greatest treasures in our galaxy will be lost."
"This suggestion has probably been considered, but I must ask- can you transport the seed canisters?" Picard questioned. "Perhaps beam them?"
"Impossible." Heute said frowning. "There's close to nine billion different samples here, all with unique needs to thrive- some seeds need to be frozen like in the wastelands of Gl'zah, or in a heart of fire, like the molten core of Vulcan. It would take years to orchestrate a properly controlled transport. If we remove them from the cargo bay most of the samples will die immediately."
"What about building a secondary hull inside the cargo?" Picard asked.
"Even if we could pull together enough people for the construction, we would only have enough replacement panels for 32% of the hull." She replied. "Furthermore the panels are very specialized, we can only get so many square footage at one time."
"So we must destroy this bacteria." Picard replied. "Transport a live sample via shuttle and send us all the data you have on it, we'll do our analysis and I'll send a team down shortly."
"Thank you, Captain." Heute replied with a nod. "Professor Heute out."
No matter how bad things were getting down there, Jean-Luc had to sleep. He had been awake for sixteen hours and if he didn't rest he'd most likely collapse either physically or mentally or both. Before leaving the bridge he gave Will explicit instructions to wake him if he was needed, which meant he was certain he'd be interrupted, but interrupted sleep was better than none at all.
Picard thought he must have been more fatigued than he realized. It was entirely his fault for looking down at his feet as he walked, but on his way to his quarters he accidently ran into someone; they had bumped hard into each other with enough force to make Jean-Luc stumble backward.
"Sorry, crewman." Picard said laying an apologetic hand on the man's arm.
The man didn't reply, he didn't even acknowledge his commanding officer which struck Picard as odd. He looked up just in time to see Q walk away.
He frowned. That couldn't be right. Could he be so tired he was seeing things? Q, physically, was rather ordinary looking and ordinary looking people are common.
But there was really only one Q and Jean-Luc could never forget that face.
"Q?" Picard called to the back man who had just passed him. The man was just about to disappear behind the bend of the hallway when he stopped.
Jean-Luc had never known Q to ignore him before, usually Q was bouncing off the walls making some vicious point or he was involved in some outrageous fiasco that demanded the crew's immediate attention- but never reserved, never contained. Somehow, the prospect of watching the all-powerful entity slip by without calling attention to himself filled Jean-Luc with dread.
The man had halted his steady gate and his body visually tensed as he clenched his fingers tightly. He then turned suddenly, a little too quickly to be considered natural for a human being.
"Bonsoir, you require my assistance, mon capitaine?" He asked with a smile.
Hell, it really was him. Picard felt his fatigue peak.
"Your assistance, no. An explanation for why you're here, yes." Picard replied, embarrassed he had been caught so off-guard. He steeled himself. "What sort of madness does the Continuum want with us now?"
"Whatever do you mean?" He asked loudly, his eyes roaming the hallway as he walked towards the Captain swiftly. "I'm but a lowly human- I sweat, I toil, I live to serve! My days are full of drudgery! I am profoundly mundane-"
"Hardly." Picard interrupted him. "I don't know what game you're playing but it's unwelcome. State your business."
Q had settled unnaturally close to Picard. Though the Captain's personal space was invaded, he refused to step away from the too-close contact lest it be translated as cowering. However, he did jump a little when Q's arms brushed against him while crossing his arms in front of himself moodily.
"Oh you're right," Q said dramatically as he looked off into space. "No one will believe that I am a member of your simple, feeble species." He sighed. He turned to Picard with sad eyes. "But I request that you try. "
"No. I will do nothing for you." Picard said hardened by his anger from the randomness of Q's arrival. "Leave."
"Jean-Luc you surprise me." Q tutted him. "I've watched you practically trip over yourself to help the most pathetic and insignificant among you; and here I stand before you asking a simple request and you spurn me!"
"Those you consider pathetic and insignificant hold more value to us than the mischievous, meddling Q!" Picard shot back.
"Spare me the lecture, I'm not here to debate wayward human values with you, I just need you to extend a helping hand." Q sighed. "That's what you and your Federation prides yourselves on, isn't it? That's what you brag about whenever I question humanity's ethics?"
"And what's this problem that a mere human can solve, but an omnipotent being cannot?" Picard asked. Though he would like nothing better than to shoo Q back into the far reaches of space, the question was too intriguing not to ask.
Q unfolded his arms and placed a hand on Picard's shoulder. The Captain looked at it briefly before Q leaned in so close to his ear he could feel his hot breath on his cheek.
"Management and I had a bit of a disagreement." Q informed him. "I wish to 'lay low'...and there really isn't anything I'd risk lower than pretending to be human on the Enterprise. I just need you the play along with the illusion I'm not the dazzling, wondrous Q, but the simple, charming, supernaturally unremarkable, 'homo sapien' Q. All I require is a commanding officer's uniform and 'three hots and a cot'."
"No." Picard replied. "All personnel have been assigned living quarters and we haven't spare accommodations." Picard explained quickly. "Nor have we the patience to play your games. Leave."
"Oh, how embarrassing! You actually think I need your permission to be here!" Q laughed.
The hand on his shoulder gripped him painfully tight.
"Hm… Are you sure there's no space for me? Maybe a room will open up on your ship." Q mused. "That dashing First Officer, Riker has been looking a little peaky of late. He probably has the second largest room on the ship, doesn't he?"
"Damn you!" Picard scowled, ripping his shoulder out of the grip. "Violence won't be necessary!" he said. He hesitated. "Fine. You can stay with us for now, but only because I literally have no time to deal with you at the moment. How long are you going to plague us?"
"Oh I don't know. A day? A week? A century?" Q said shrugging. Picard pressed his lips into a snarl. "Don't look so sour, you won't even know I'm here." He promised.
"I doubt it." Picard said, pushing by him. He held down the communication panel on his insignia and rang the bridge. "Picard to bridge."
"Riker here."
"Will, we have another crisis that's just popped up."
"What is it?" Will asked.
"Q."
"...Damn."
"I've granted him permission to come aboard." Picard admitted. There was a tense silence on the other end. "Deal with him as best you can, but we can't afford to allow him to distract us from the SEED mission."
"I'll do my best but...no offense Captain, but how could we not allow him to be a distraction?" Riker asked.
Picard felt breathing down his neck and turned, nearly knocking into Q who was looking down at him in amusement.
"He's right, you know." Q said.
"Shut up, Q." Jean-Luc muttered. The fuse on his temper was burning quickly. "We'll have a meeting about it later." he informed Will. "I need focus, so I need to sleep. Q is on this level."
"Understood." Riker replied. "I'll send a security team to monitor him."
"Mm, mm-hmm." Q hummed in Picard's ear.
Picard turned away and leaned his forehead against the wall in exasperation. Of all the times to be pestered by the Q, this was the worst.
Jean-Luc's quarters was well ordered and meticulously clean, and he liked to reflect the same personal care. So even though he was tired, he took a quick shower and changed into his pajamas before going to bed.
He worried the SEED mission and Q would keep his mind too active for him to get some proper sleep, but he had to trust Will would keep an eye on things until he was able to handle them for himself.
"Perhaps I'll wake up to everything being solved." he thought.
Unlikely.
After kicking off his slippers Jean-Luc pulled back the covers and sat on bed, his legs hanging over the side of it as he took a sip of water and placed his glass on his bedside table.
He cried out in panic when he felt something brush against his back. Twisting himself around quickly he searched for the thing that had startled him.
Q was in matching pajamas and was smiling at his look of amazement.
"Dammit Q!" Picard shouted angrily. "Why are you here- what is it you want from me now!"
"From you? Nothing." Q said innocently. "The Captain's quarters are the best on the ship, so naturally this is where I'll stay. You didn't expect me to live in one of those shoe-closets you assign to your ensigns, did you?" Q asked. Picard scowled as Q covered his mouth, scandalized. "Oh no... you did!"
"You're seeking our charity, you'll get what we give you!" Picard snarled. He was furious his routine had been interrupted with Q's foolishness.
"Fine," Q sighed. Picard watched in horror as Q slipped between the sheets. "I've decided to take you on as my roommate. Not ideal, but as you pointed out, I am seeking asylum- see? I can compromise."
"Get out!" Picard barked. "And I don't mean just out of my quarters, I mean off my ship! This charade has gone on long enough."
"The only charade here is the one I'm granting giving you the illusion of control, Jean-Luc." Q said, his eyes glittering dangerously. "Don't overplay your hand. I won't think twice swatting your pathetic ship like the insignificant gnat it is! I'll be taking your apology now- or will you force me to humble you?"
Picard knew he'd never win against Q. He didn't want to burden his crew with a Q-confrontation either, so swallowing his pride Picard said calmly, "I'm sorry."
"You're forgiven." Q said, patting Jean-Luc's hand affectionately. "You'll have to accept that we're sleeping together."
Jean-Luc rubbed his face with his hands.
"That phrase doesn't mean what you think it does." He groaned.
"...What else could it possibly mean?" Q asked with a laugh.
"Just don't use it." Picard said, tight-lipped.
Jean-Luc slipped into bed and pushed Q with his body, giving himself more room. Q chuckled and pressed his bare foot against Picard's in response.
"Light's off." Picard commanded harshly. The room became dark except for faint light casted by the stars. "I'm really going to sleep now, Q. I trust you won't molest me or cause trouble on the ship?"
"I wouldn't dream of it." Q replied. "Bonne nuit, mon capitaine."
"Riker." Picard called as soon as he walked onto the bridge. Q was trailing behind him with a pleased smirk. They had woken up together in his bedroom and it put Jean-Luc into a very sour mood. "You said you sent a security team after Q, yet he was in my quarters."
"I- I'm sorry, Captain." Riker stuttered, embarrassed. "We were searching for him and I didn't want to wake you-"
"Well now he's here." Picard snapped. "I want a thorough check on the Enterprise to make sure everything is as it was."
"Yes sir." Riker replied.
"Don't be too hard on him, Jean-Luc," Q said. "Riker's only human, and not a very clever one. A perfect example of your species!"
"I'm clever enough for the Continuum to ask me to join them." Riker snapped back.
"But not clever enough to accept. And here you are." Q replied with a mocking smile.
"And here you are!" Riker growled, making Q's smile fall.
"Number One, take this pissing-contest elsewhere or fall-in! We have work to do." Picard snapped at him.
"Aye Captain." Riker said, taking a calming breath.
"What have we learned about this bacteria?" Picard asked.
"It doesn't match anything in our databanks." Data replied. "There is nothing similar known to us."
"That's a shock." Q drawled sarcastically.
"With all due respect, sir," Riker said turning to Picard. "I can't see any advantage of having Q here- is there a reason why you've granted him permission to be on the Enterprise?"
"Yes, your captain and I are like two peas in a pod! Inseparable!" Q informed him, wrapping his arm around Jean-Luc tightly. Picard bristled at the contact. "We're even sleeping together."
All motion on the bridge stopped in an instant, except for Q, who was turning his head frantically, unblinking, drinking in with excitement the effect his words had elicited upon the crew. Picard shoved him away angrily and Q's smile melted.
"Ugh, Jean-Luc, what's happening to your face?" Q asked. "It's turning red, I've never seen it do that before. Are you sick?" He backed away from him quickly. "Is it contagious?"
"We're not sleeping together!" Picard announced to the bridge.
"Yes we are- he was unconscious the entire time." Q sang with pleasure.
The fierce look of concern on Will's face furthered Jean-Luc's embarrassment.
"He means I was asleep the entire night- he doesn't understand the connotations of that phrase 'sleeping together'." Picard explained, mortified by every passing silent second from his crew. He wasn't sure if his claim was true given how tickled Q looked. "Will, nothing happened." Jean-Luc said to Riker in a finalized tone.
Will nodded carefully, though the concern in his eyes never went away.
"Enough about Q- I want solutions to this bacteria!" Picard said. His face was burning and he was certain it was still burning red. "What attempts has Professor Heute's team made to destroy it?"
"Heute's team sent us a list of every anti-bacterial they have used." Data reported. "Their resources are much more potent than what we have in our stores. I don't believe there is any anti-bacterial we can create they don't have at their disposal."
Q let out a short chuckle, rubbing his chin in glee at their expense. It then dawned on Picard the lack of Q's interaction was unusual.
"Why haven't you offered to fix this?" Picard asked Q.
"Hm?" Q said, tapping his fingers against his lips.
"I said, why haven't you offered your powers to fix our issue?" Picard asked. "You haven't even bragged about how you'd do it- or mocked us for not using your 'talents'- nor have you pointed out how useful you are, and how useless are we. You haven't offered us any sort or trade or played any games with us, and you haven't goaded us or humiliated us by dangling your solution in front of our noses- you've been completely silent on the entire mission."
"Because it's boring!" Q scoffed.
Picard's brow narrowed suspiciously.
"And I'm sparing us all from that tired song and dance, mon ami." Q expanded. "You sound like you know it well- so what's the point? You never accept my help unless I force you into a corner anyways. You always want to do things your way." he said rolling his eyes.
"I think the real reason you didn't offer... is because you won't or you can't use your powers!" Picard said rising from his seat.
"Don't be ridiculous." Q huffed.
"You said you were 'laying low', does that mean you won't use your powers?" Picard asked.
"'Powers, powers, powers!', is that all you care about?" Q asked. "This would be so much easier if you just wanted me for my body instead of my vastly superior mind."
"He's rambling." Riker goaded him. "I think he doesn't want us to know he's lost his mojo."
"That disagreement with the Continuum must have been significant." Picard remarked. "Did they clip your wings again, Q? Are you human again against your will?"
"Fine, I'll offer to save your stupid seeds." Q said holding up his fingers, ready to snap them. "Will you accept my help?"
"...Yes." Picard said with a sly smirk as he lowered himself back into his seat. After a pause he raised his eyebrows expectantly.
"You haven't asked me nicely." Q said. Picard continued to wait, unspeaking, refusing to engage. "Alright- alright!" Q barked angrily, his arm falling to his side. "You called my bluff." he spat bitterly.
Jean-Luc tapped his fingers together thoughtfully.
"Just how human have you made yourself, how 'ordinary'?" He asked.
"A touch." Q said, avoiding his eyes. "Enough to feel the mundane seeping into this weakened, primal body."
"You must have had a real significant disagreement with your superiors to make yourself human here," Picard mused, taking a gamble on his instincts. "You know I'm struggling to recall a single time since you've arrived that you've used your powers."
"He hasn't used them in our presence, sir." Data said.
"Nor in mine." Picard reflected.
"I'm practicing self-constraint." Q laughed flippantly. "It's a good character-building exercise."
"Is that so?" Picard mulled over the thought. "Lieutenant Worf... escort Q to the brig."
"With pleasure, sir." Worf said.
"Oh no- not there...again." Q said, all pretence of posturing gone. "Wait!" he shouted. He held up a steadying hand as Worf marched toward him, and he trotted over to Picard. "Use your brains, Jean-Luc, you don't want me in the brig!"
"No, I really do." Jean-Luc said, nodding vigorously.
"I second that." Riker said smiling.
"Don't be stupid, think of the consequences." He said nervously as Worf advanced. "My being human is temporary." Q said, walking backwards away from the Klingon.
"As is your stay in the brig." Picard replied.
"Jean-Luc!" Q pleaded, bumping into the seated Captain as Worf closed in. He turned and got on his knees in front of Picard, "Please don't send me away."
Picard was intrigued by Q's naked desperation. He found himself focusing on Q's curvy, pouty mouth and felt his heart constrict within his chest in a pleasant ache.
"Oh my." Q said, his eyes going wide.
"What?" Jean-Luc mumbled.
"How very interesting." Q said, tilting his head slightly as he rested his arms in Jean-Luc's lap.
"What?" Jean-Luc asked him louder, shoving his arms off.
"That's new." Q said, a quiver of excitement in his voice, undeterred by Jean-Luc's objection.
"What are you going on about?" Jean-Luc snapped.
"The way you looked at me!" Q proclaimed, grinning.
"Was a look of pure revulsion." Picard replied.
"Mm, no, that wasn't it." Q replied, delighted.
"Why is he still here!" Picard barked at Worf. "Take him to the brig!"
"Yes, sir." Worf said. He bent down and wrapped his strong hands tightly on Q's biceps, hoisting him to his feet and dragging him to the turbolift.
"Are you sure?" Q called to Picard. He twisted around as Worf dragged him into the turbolift. "Are you- are you sure you want me to go to the brig?" he shouted behind him. "Perhaps you would to take me somewhere else like-"
The doors closed and left Q's suggestion unsaid, however Picard had a good idea where the conversation was going. Trust Q to try to manipulate everyone and everything to his advantage- that's what a Q does anyway. An insidious thought invaded him- it would not be beyond Q's ability to plant attraction in his mind.
But if he did so, why the strong reaction of surprise and delight? If he was using his powers, why allow himself to be taken to the brig?
No, self-deception would take him down a dangerous path. If he refused to acknowledge his unsolicited attraction to Q he could potentially blind himself to being controlled by it- either by his own bias or Q's manipulations.
"You're troubled." Troi said softly to him.
"Yes." Picard admitted. "Having Q aboard makes me uneasy. Even if he's cut off from his powers at the moment and in the brig, he has great influence over me and the Enterprise. Maybe even our mission."
"The entire crew is uneasy around him," Troi informed him. "and your interactions with him on the bridge have taken them from uncertainty to alarm."
Picard had been rubbing his temples with one hand and stopped the motion at her comment.
"Surely they don't believe that we were carnally involved with one another." Picard whispered. "We slept in the same bed, yes, but that's all." Troi frowned. "I was exhausted! I had no time to deal with him!"
"I... don't believe sharing that would pacify their worries." Troi said softly.
Picard sighed, shaking his head.
"Merde." He murmured.
"Don't tell me we're no closer to solving this problem than when we arrived." Picard said.
Picard had met-up with Riker for a status report in the transporter room and they were walking together as they over their options. Will had spent the entire day overseeing the science team interact with Professor Heute's SEED experts as Picard and Data compared bacterial strains. Picard felt Riker's silence to his question was disturbing.
"There must be something more we can do." Riker said.
"There might." Picard remarked vaguely.
"...Q?" Riker guessed.
"I don't like it better than you do, Number One." Picard replied. "But are we united in our agreement we're desperate and running out of time?"
"Yes." Riker sighed. "I just find the idea of us crawling to him for help repugnant."
"You're not alone in that." Picard replied.
Once they entered the turbolift Picard ordered it to take them to the brig.
"I think it's best if I handle the negotiations alone." Jean-Luc requested as the lift door opened.
"Are you sure?" Will asked. Jean-Luc frowned. "Alright, I'll be on the bridge." he said. "If we come up with something in the meantime I'll report in."
It was hard for Jean-Luc to enter the brig knowing what sort of interaction awaited him. Q wasn't going to take it easy on him, and no doubt he was unhappy to be left in the brig all day.
So it was quite a shock to see Picard greeted with a smile.
"I knew you couldn't stay away," Q said swinging his leg over the edge of the bed. "Roomie."
"You're not leaving the brig." Picard said.
"Then are you coming in? Very well." Q sighed. He patted the bed. "The bed's a little too small, we'll have to squeeze in for the both of us to fit." His smile grew. "Or was that the point?"
"Don't bother trying to exploit me, it won't work." Picard said. "I know you want to be released, but the only way I can be convinced to release you is if you help us with the SEED project. If I show you the bacteria samples, do you think you could recognize what it is and how to eliminate it?"
"You have the most gorgeous eyes." Q purred.
"Stop that!" Picard roared. "We're in the middle of a crisis!"
"Yes we are, Jean-Luc." Q agreed playfully. He got up from the bed and walked close to the forcefield. "I'm dying of boredom in here." he sighed as he ran his finger over the force field causing it to spark. He pursed his lips into a pout. "I could use some excitement… s'il te plaît, mon cheri?" he whispered seductively.
The ensign jailer had stopped monitoring his controls and Picard had the feeling he was contemplating whether or not to leave.
"No." Jean-Luc said to Q in a finalized tone. "If you refuse to be helpful you can rot in there until you free yourself." He said turning and storming off.
"You're being quite idiotic, you know!" Q spat harshly at Picard's retreating form. "You admit I'm not going to stay in here forever- you should reconsider how you treat me!" He looked down at his gray jumpsuit. "I mean, was it really necessary to dress me in this hideous outfit?"
"Yes- you're not a commanding officer." Picard stated plainly. "I am, and I have real responsibilities to attend to, none of them less important than entertaining you- you must accept you are not a priority." Jean-Luc said over his shoulder.
"That's your greatest mistake, Jean-Luc!" Q shouted. "Not making me a priority!"
The doors closed behind him, cutting Picard off from Q's cries. He took a breath to collect himself and pressed his badge to communicate.
"Picard to bridge, how much time do we have?" He asked.
"Three days if the bacteria consumes the hull at it's current rate." Data replied.
Three days. That wasn't much time.
"Progress?" Picard asked as he entered Sickbay.
He knew the answer already. If they had found something he would have been woken up immediately instead of arriving and asking for their status. They only had two days to solve the hull breach now, and all of them were feeling the pressure.
Doctor Crusher and La Forge were bent over the bacteria sample and gave him a look of helplessness before informing him there was no status change. Riker was seated nearby, his arms folded as he shot Picard a calculating look.
"Your thoughts?" Picard asked him.
"I was just thinking how Professor Heute must feel to have her life's work wiped out by a bug." Riker said. He sighed. "Should we try again with our pal in lock-up?" Riker asked. "I could go down there this time."
"I appreciate the offer, but I want to be the one handling him." Picard replied. "If he takes staying in the brig personally I want to be the only one responsible."
"Understood." Riker replied. "Just be careful."
"Oh thank goodness you're here." Q sighed as Picard entered. "I have so many questions- especially concerning this appendage between my legs. Did you know it's multi-functional? Baffling!" He said throwing his arms in the air dramatically.
"You have the chance to do some real good for humanity and free yourself from the brig. My advice is to take it." Jean-Luc said.
"Oh, I think it moved." Q said looking down at his groin in glee. "Keep talking, it's tied to my auditory system!"
"Enough jokes." Picard said calmly. "What's your choice? Another day in the brig, or will you earn your freedom today?"
"'Earn my freedom'? ...Could you be more trite?" Q groaned rolling his eyes. Picard turned and heard Q hit the forcefield. "You know I've been very patient with you!" he shouted in earnest.
"With me?" Picard asked, stopping to face Q.
"Yes!" Q shouted. "I've now spent one day resisting the temptation to turn you and your entire crew into Regulan bloodworms and tapdance on your squishy, foul-smelling entrails. And that temptation is growing every second I'm faced with the back of that dullard's head." He scowled, nodding to the ensign-jailer. "You better get me out of here before I start getting really creative."
"I'm confident you'll remain in the brig without incident, for now." Picard replied.
"Those are the keywords, 'for now'." Q repeated. "I just don't understand you, Jean-Luc, which sometimes is quite thrilling but losing it's appeal rather quickly in here. You know I'm going to use my powers eventually, but instead of building favor with me in my vulnerable state, you feed me reason to destroy you. Madness!"
"You're paying a miniscule price for the misery you've foisted upon this crew." Picard informed him.
"So this is your misguided attempt at justice?" Q laughed, flicking his sights on the brig. "And who are you to dole out judgements against me? You can't even contemplate what I've done, what I'm doing- such arrogance…"
"Worst case scenario, you'll spend your time here in the brig." Picard snapped at him. "That's nothing for ending the lives of some of my crewmembers. They had families and friends, you know. People who would trade anything for a-"
Q yawned.
"HOW DARE YOU!" Picard roared in a fury. Q's eyes widened at the reaction, a small smile on his lips. "How dare you speak of arrogance and misplaced judgement while showing such monstrous depths of apathy!"
"A monster, am I?" Q whispered in amusement. "And what does that make you? The man who lusts for the caress of a monster- oh yes," he said interrupting Picard's angry start. "I've had some time to think on that look you gave me."
Picard remained silent, refusing to take the bait.
"Is that why I'm in here?" Q asked. "Because you're disgusted with yourself for being so enthralled by me? Well, I suppose it would look rather foolish throwing yourself in the brig- almost as foolish as throwing me in here."
"You're a danger to me and my crew." Picard said.
"I'm more of a danger to you in here!" Q laughed wryly. "Every second you keep me in the brig is a lifetime of regret I'll make you answer for." He chuckled to himself. "But I might be convinced to forgive if you ask me the question."
"Ask you what?" Picard replied calmly.
"What you really want to know," Q replied. "The question that's causing you such conflict- such delicious agony!"
"You've lost me." Picard replied.
"An easy thing to do, no doubt. Very well, I'll take pity on you. You want to ask me if I'll be your lover, your boyfriend, your... petit ami." Q said affectionately.
"Absurd." Jean-Luc replied, recoiling in horror.
"Scared I'll say 'no'?" Q asked with a smirk. "I may say 'yes'. Which answer do you fear more, I wonder?"
"Neither. You'll get no such question from me. I have no intentions of becoming the plaything of a malicious, omnipresent being." Jean-Luc admitted. "And furthermore, you're wasting my precious time. Will you or won't you look at the bacterial samples?"
"Mmm. Let me think…" Q sang. He tapped his index finger against his lips thoughtfully before allowing the tip to pass through his lips and into his mouth. He played with it idly as he kept his focus on Jean-Luc. "I will." He replied. "But only if you release me from the brig and treat me as one of your crew."
"Fair enough." Picard said. "Computer, deactivate forcefield." he said.
Truthfully he didn't want to keep Q in the brig- the entity's cooperation was welcome, because he was sure the threats weren't hollow.
Q stepped out of the brig gracefully and took Picard's hand in his own.
"What are you doing?" Picard asked him tiredly.
"Being part of your team." Q replied.
"Crewmembers do not hold hands."
"Oh surely some do!" Q insisted.
"Not mine." Picard replied.
"You can't possibly be that naive." Q scoffed. "What sort of Frenchman are you?" he said, bumping his shoulder into Jean-Luc's.
His hand was slapped away. This wouldn't work. He couldn't divide his attention between Q and the mission, and certainly not a Q that was constantly challenging and distracting him.
"Ensign, return Q back into the brig." Picard ordered.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to throw your Franco-heritage into question!" Q sighed as the jailer grabbed his arm. "Jean-Luc, I said I'm sorry." he said, a note of confusion in his voice as he tossed inside.
"Computer, activate forcefield." Picard said ignoring Q's plea.
"You've made your point- whatever it was." Q said, the teasing demeanor gone.
"I won't play your game, Q. I won't tolerate being disrespected by you." Picard said.
"You needn't beat your chest and howl like a Klingon, Captain." Q huffed. "How many times must I apologize?"
"Just the once- tomorrow."
"What?" Q said scrambling. "Jean-Luc!"
"I can't babysit you. Do you understand? I can't waste time with your games, if you're going to help me, you do it without the drama!" Picard explained.
"But I said I'd look at the bacteria samples!" Q insisted. "I didn't understand the rules- I want a redo!"
"You've wasted your chance for today, Q. Try again tomorrow." Picard muttered coldly.
"Gaaaaaah!" Q shouted in fury, the field sparking against his body. "You insignificant peon! You spec of nothing! Your reign over me will be short but the days after will be long-!"
"-But until then!" Picard snapped at him. "If you can't fall in line, I'll come back the day after tomorrow."
Q gnashed his teeth together, his breath labored, but his words stilled by the threat.
"Tomorrow." Picard said.
Picard hoped denying Q the opportunity to participate would strengthen the entity's desire to do so. It was a gamble, but he suspected it would pay off.
With only 28 hours left until the SEED mission crisis came to a close, Picard entered the brig. Q was seated on the bed, hugging his legs as he rested his chin between his knees. He looked up at Picard with a sour look on his face.
"I can't say I'm surprised to find out you've made no progress since yesterday." Q drawled. He was correct much to Picard's chagrin.
"And what about you?" Jean-Luc asked.
"I'm thoroughly acquainted with the use of my appendage now, if that's what you're asking." Q replied.
"I'm not." Jean-Luc replied. "Before I ask if you wish to view the samples, you'll offer me an apology."
Q remained silent, dropping his face between his knees.
"So be it." Jean-Luc replied calmly. "Tomorrow perhaps."
"I apologize, Jean-Luc." Q said in a clear, crisp tone. It was just on the cusp of being sarcastic. "And I would very much like to see the bacteria samples- pretty, pretty please."
"Computer...forcefield off." Picard said, standing his ground. "The sample is-"
"Before you consult my expertise I have demands that need addressing." Q interrupted him.
"Only if they're reasonable." Picard asked cautiously.
"I'm out of uniform, which is unacceptable. I'm a member of your crew...today." Q said. Picard stared at him. "Well we don't want micro-brain to think I gave you the slip and am running rogue, I have to look like I'm part of the team!"
"Alright." Picard conceded. "I suppose since you'll be working in the sciences then a science uniform is fitting."
"Mm, red's more my color." Q mused.
"That can be arranged." Jean-Luc said. "We'll get you a red uniform...anything else?" he asked cautiously.
"That's all for now." Q replied simply.
Q was acting agreeable, it put Picard on the defensive. "...Come with me." he ordered.
They walked together without interruption. Picard thought Q must have hated the brig, or more accurately being bored, very much to be so tame- or maybe he finally learned Picard had his limits and wouldn't be pushed around on his own ship. Either way, today's Q was much more manageable.
The scanner took Q's measurements and Jean-Luc ordered a red-commander's uniform. He wasn't fond of putting Q in a captain's clothing, but a little compromise was needed if they were to work together.
"Here." Jean-Luc said, handing him the outfit.
Q took it and placed it on a shelf before stripping.
"Stop!" Picard ordered him.
"What now?" Q snapped, ignoring the order as he pulled down his trousers, revealing everything.
"Not here- change in your quarters." Picard ordered him.
Although they were alone Picard was on edge to be alone with a naked Q. After the embarrassing mishap on the bridge where Q had announced they were sleeping together, he didn't want to fuel further curiosities and doubts if rumors got out Picard was naked with the entity.
"Oh damn your draconian concepts of modesty." Q grumbled as he further undressed. "You know, for someone who claims to be a crisis you certainly seem willing to drag it out."
Picard pushed down a wave of anxiety. Q would be dressed soon, and it wasn't worth arguing about; 'pick your battles' came to mind, but he didn't want to be pegged as a voyeur, so against his better judgement he turned his back on Q.
"Playing coy now, are we?" Q teased him.
Jean-Luc ignored him.
"You can keep looking, I don't mind." Q pressed him further.
"I mind." Picard replied.
"Well you've wasted your chance, the show is over." Q sighed.
Picard waited a second before turning back to see Q in his Captain's uniform.
"Look at us," Q said wistfully. "Sleeping together, dressing together, commanding the Enterprise together. People must be nauseated by us!"
"Myself included." Picard mumbled before exiting the wardrobe room.
"'Methinks the lady doth protest too much'." Q quoted.
Picard threw a glare over he his shoulder before leading Q into the turbolift.
"Sickbay." Picard said. The turbolift moved. "We're not in a relationship, and no one would believe it anyway, so retire the joke, it's outlived it's amusement."
When they arrived in Sickbay it was a full house. Riker and Worf stepped out of Picard's way as Q trailed behind him.
Beverly removed herself from the seat and put her hands on her hips.
"It's all yours, Q." She said, motioning to the analyzer.
Picard was thankful Q seemed all business as he sat in the chair. He peaked into the analyzer, surveying the sample closely before lifting his eyebrows.
"Hm." Q mumbled. "Yes, that makes perfect sense."
"You know it?" Jean-Luc said.
"Interesting...very interesting." Q said, squinting.
"Do you recognize it?" Riker pressed him.
"Of course I do." Q said casually as he leaned back in the chair.
"What's the bacteria called?" Beverly asked.
Q looked around the room, drinking in their eager stares.
"...Did you want me to make something up?" Q asked them suddenly.
"Q!" Picard said in a warning.
"You don't have a name for it in your language, or anyone else's language for that matter. You haven't discovered it yet." Q replied. He chuckled to himself. "Well, that's not true, you have now. Would you like the honors of naming this little bringer of misery, Doctor Crusher?" he asked, turning to her. "Maybe we should call it 'Bev-teria'."
"So it doesn't have a name," Riker snapped at him. "How do we destroy it?"
"We don't. We can't." Q replied. "It can't be destroyed with any instruments at your disposal. You might as well send out a newsletter asking for new samples. Your mission is doomed." he said happily.
"You're lying." Riker accused him. "Captain, we can't take him at his word on this, we have to do something."
"Pity for you I'm telling you the truth." Q said smugly. Picard felt his stomach drop; Q looked too satisfied with the catastrophe for his statement to be inauthentic. "The only way you'll kill off this mysterious space bacteria is through the power of the Q."
"...And is that not one of our options?" Picard asked calmly.
"Do you really think I would save a bunch of houseplants before saving myself from dying of boredom in the brig?" Q asked bursting into laughter.
"You said you wanted to be a part of the crew," Picard remarked. "We often risk our livelihoods for the greater good."
"Oh, how noble." Q mocked him, clutching his hands over his heart. "But you want to solve this crisis like a member of the Continuum, not a Federation crewmember- and I'm not a Q, not today."
"If you do this, we all will speak to the Continuum and tell them how much your contributions have benefitted humanity." Picard offered. "Perhaps we can assist in whatever disagreement you've had with-."
Q laughed.
"I have been spoiling you," He said wiping his eye with a finger. "You actually think you matter to us! Even if I corrected every wrong thing done to your pathetic species, kissed all your babies, and hugged all your orphans, it wouldn't matter an iota to the Continuum. And why should it?"
"Surely there is something that can be done to convince you!" Picard asked.
"Mmm. No. You have nothing I want." Q said. "Hello! I'm omnipotent!" He shouted to the room.
"This is getting us nowhere." Riker snapped. "Ensign, take him to the brig."
Q stood up from the chair and backed away from them.
"I'm in a Federation uniform! One of the team!" He proclaimed. "I helped you."
"Is that what you call it?" Riker snapped.
"I earned my freedom today!" Q insisted, his eyes wide and tense. "Jean-Luc this isn't fair; are you really so dishonorable? So treacherous you would go back on your promises?"
Picard lifted up a hand to halt the wavering Ensign from action.
"You'll need to give us more to work with than telling us our mission is doomed." Picard said sternly. "Perhaps if you negotiate with the Continuum-"
"Not going to happen." Q interrupted him. He suddenly became very annoyed. "What did you expect? So now if I show up on your side of the galaxy I'm responsible for solving all your pathetic problems? Whatever happened to 'we don't need you', 'we don't trust you', have you all become so lazy and unsure of yourselves you need Q to swoop in and save the day?" He mocked. "If you're so eager to have me in charge, Jean-Luc, step down! One of us is in proper uniform it seems!"
Q's rebuke stung deep in Picard, and as he looked around he saw he wasn't the only one whose ego was bruised by them. Riker was looking especially shamefaced as he shifted from foot to foot, his lips pressed tightly together with a fire of defiance in his eyes.
"I'm quite capable of commanding." Picard replied calmly. "I merely hoped your connections could be used as a resource, but I see that's impossible now. Thank you for your contributions."
"You're welcome." Q said, recovering a bit of his good humor.
"I'm calling a meeting." Picard announced. "Prepare to rendezvous in the conference room in five minutes."
Q was the first to arrive in the conference room.
Picard shouldn't have been surprised. The man was latching onto him like a leech.
"You're in my seat." Riker announced to Q. He then grabbed Q roughly by the collar and hoisted him up.
"Number One- leave him be." Picard said. "Pay him no mind."
"Sir," Riker started. "Don't you think-"
"Will...we'll deal with him later." Jean-Luc promised. "Right now we have something more pressing to concentrate on."
Riker shoved Q back into the seat and took the chair next to him. The bridge crew began trickling in, each showing signs of disgust at Q's presence.
"It occurs to me now we may be trying to fit a round peg into a square hole." Picard said once they had all arrived. "I want to approach this entire SEED mission differently."
"We've tried everything." Geordi sighed.
"We've tried everything we've thought to do." Picard replied.
"Isn't that sort of the same thing?" Riker remarked.
"Not quite." Picard said. "I want us to spit out ideas, even if you're not confident in their execution- even if you feel they're lacking. I know the answer is here, somewhere." he said resting his gaze on Q. "Going down the table I want to hear the first thing that comes into your mind when I ask, 'how do we solve the SEED conundrum.' We'll start," he looked down at the table and saw Q's smirk. "on this side." he said motioning to Geordi. "What would solve this?"
"Okay," Geordi began taking a breath. "We could replace the hull."
"Our first practical idea," Picard said. "You've analyzed the materials for the hull and we have nothing in our stores to add to Heute's replacement panels. Next." he said motioning to Beverly.
"We could discover a super-anti bacterial." Beverly spoke up.
"We've tried, and our reluctant ally has informed us wiping it out is impossible." Picard replied. "If it's impossible to kill the bacteria, we may be able to do something else with it or the environment to save the seeds."
"Very good, Picard!" Q beamed. "That sort of thinking is what smoothed the sloped foreheads of your ancestors." He turned to Worf and laughed. "Some of you still have a ways to go."
Worf growled in anger as he laid his hands on the table, raising from his seat.
"No, don't allow him to derail our thoughts!" Picard said. "Let's keep going." Picard encouraged them. "Worf, how would you solve this issue?"
"I would torture Q and force answers out of him." Worf replied, unblinking. His comment wiped the smile off Q's face.
"I'll keep it in mind." Picard replied as Riker smirked. "Counselor?"
"I would...transport the seeds elsewhere." Troi reasoned.
"Too complicated." Picard remarked. "And beyond our technology in the time we have allotted. Data."
"If we are permitted any sort of solution in this scenario, I would suggest transporting the bacteria instead." Data suggested.
"Good!" Picard said. "I want us to look into that. Riker, what comes to your mind?"
"Obviously the easiest solution is having Q or the Continuum solve the problem for us." Riker replied. "If they could be convinced." He said turning to Q.
"It can be considered as a last resort." Picard said. "Alright. We have a fresh start on this. I think the best suggestion we have is transporting the bacteria elsewhere instead of eliminating it. Focus your efforts on that. Meeting adjourned."
Jean-Luc watched as his crew left to take their stations, their spirits noticeably invigorated by his actions. He latticed his fingers together and rested his chin on them as he stared off in thought. Only Q stayed in the conference room with him.
"I didn't get a turn." Q remarked.
"You're not part of our team." Picard told him, getting up from his chair and watching the stars. "Just like you're not a commanding officer. Putting on a costume doesn't make you one of us."
"You would love that, wouldn't you?" Q mocked him. He joined Picard and stared outside the window. "Ensign Q reporting for duty to lick your boots...amongst other things-" Q purred.
"That's enough!" Picard roared, his patience finally snapping. He pressed Q up against the window in a rage; the anger and frustration that had been growing beneath the surface since Q arrived was bubbling over.
Q held his hands up passively, his lips parted slightly as they sized each other up. Picard felt the familiar undercurrent of attraction sweep through him as he held Q against the wall. The conflict inside of him made him scowl.
"There it is again..." Q whispered, their noses almost touching. "You're fighting it so hard right now, but you don't have to. Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to be kissed?"
"No." Picard said, his voice thick with tension.
"Liar." Q mocked him. "Do it." he urged him. "Do it!" he shouted louder, causing Picard to jump slightly. He licked his lips. "Do it." He whispered. "I don't need powers to know what you're thinking. Your protests are getting louder but your willpower is thinning."
"Never." Picard replied, dropping his arms. Q straightened.
"No- you're not walking away this time!" Q said impatiently. He cupped the back of Jean-Luc's neck and pulled him into a kiss.
The magnetism was dizzying. Picard had been stifling it in the pit of his stomach and it was bursting out of him as Q sucked his bottom lip. He felt lighter than air- emboldened and frightened at the same time as Q shifted, repositioning himself to allow for a deeper kiss. He turned his head, their noses bumping as he worked a better angle, his mouth invaded by Q's tongue, which was gently lapping against his own.
"Get a grip on yourself!" Jean-Luc thought. He pushed Q away roughly and stepped backward, his breath coming out in puffs.
"You're forcing this into me." Picard accused him. "This...hunger for you."
"Don't be daft- how many times do you need to be told I'm not using my powers? No Jean-Luc, this bit of magic between us is all our doing." Q told him. "Now… ask me."
"No." Picard croaked, fear taking ahold of him. "There's only one way it'll end, with my destruction and the likely destruction of others."
"How little you know and how much you assume." Q said shaking his head. "You have quite the imagination, Jean-Luc, but it's limiting you- that's not an oxymoron, I swear ." He chuckled. "Go on... ask me." he said softly.
"Why do you want us to be romantically involved?" Picard asked.
"Ask me the real question." Q urged him with an edge of impatience. "Come on, I just gave you the best kiss of your life."
"Fine! If it will stop you from badgering me. Will you be my lover?" Picard asked.
"Yes." Q said without missing a beat.
"I don't accept." Picard said.
"Jean-Luc, you tricked me!" Q gasped in mock upset. He smiled. "The answer is still 'yes'."
"And my answer is still 'no'!" Picard shot.
"You're being as dense as a Klingon T'bik cake." Q replied smoothly. "The question, as juvenile as it was, was just a formality to wake you up to what's going on here. It needed to be said aloud for you to comprehend that what we are and what we'll become has been set in motion."
"What the hell are you babbling about?" Picard snapped at him.
"We're already involved." Q told him.
"No, I won't allow it." Picard said firmly.
"'I won't allow it!'" Q mocked him. Jean-Luc's jaw tightened. "I've told you, it's already done."
Picard swallowed thickly.
"Oh, you'll figure it out." Q sighed. He frowned. "Or maybe not. You've been really off your game lately."
That was all Jean-Luc wanted to hear. He shot Q an angry look before storming out of the conference room.
Twelve more hours had passed. Picard had fallen asleep in his commanding chair with his elbow supporting his head. When he woke up from his cat-nap he saw a transmission from Professor Heute at the ready.
"She has no faith in you." Q told him. "But she'll thank you anyway...humans." He said with a note of sick pleasure.
Picard pressed the communication button, ringing the transporter room.
"La Forge, we're getting awfully close to our limit here." Jean-Luc reminded him. "Tell me some good news."
"I'm afraid I don't have any at the moment." Geordi sighed. "Wesley and I have ran every bacterial biosignature into the computer and their variations. We tried a direct analysis download into the mainframe but it's not working. Without transporting a live sample of the bacteria, the computer just won't recognize the signature and lock onto it- it's too alien." Geordi explained.
"What if we used the live sample we had shuttled aboard and beamed it down? Would the transporter recognize it then?" Picard asked.
"In theory." Geordi replied. "But if we open the bacterial casing then we risk the Enterprise becoming infected. What's happening to the SEED hull will probably happen to ours."
"A replacement Enterprise is a small price to pay compared to what's at stake." Picard replied. "You have my permission to do anything in your power- if you can configure the transporter beam on the bacteria, do it."
"Are you sure that's wise?" Q asked him, swinging himself freely in Riker's chair.
"I can't second-guess my decisions or I'll never act." Picard replied without looking at him.
"Not even if it's a really inane guess?" Q mocked him.
"Are you saying it's not going to work?" Picard asked with a steely note.
"As delightful as it'd be to watch your ship fall apart, I don't want to be on it while it happens." Q admitted.
"We have fifteen hours until the environments become so unstable they can't be recovered." Data announced.
"Fifteen hours?" Q repeated. "My, space travel has dulled your wits. Last year you probably would have this taken care of within a day. You're getting rusty, Jean-Luc." Q laughed at him.
"Rusty…" Picard repeated. He cupped his fingers over his lips in thought. He rang the transporter room. "LaForge- belay the order to beam down the live bacteria sample!"
"Yes sir." LaForge replied, a note of confusion in his voice.
"You have an idea?" Riker asked, recognizing his Captains brand of urgency.
"Destroying the bacteria isn't the answer, we must accept it's there to stay- but instead of destroying, what if we feed it?" Picard said thinking aloud.
"Feed it, sir?" Data asked.
"Yes. Did you know humans used to paint over rust-spots on bridges?" Picard asked. "Oxidation used to be a huge problem until we had bridges coated in a more potent sealant."
"But the bacteria is eating through the sealant." Troi remarked.
"It is- but at a constant rate." Picard replied. "And we've been able to monitor it down to it's exact speed."
"They're too dull to understand your reasoning." Q announced gleefully as blank looks were exchanged.
"Before twenty-second century Earth, rust was a problem for Human infrastructure." Picard told them. "They would deal with it but it always came back, but they didn't try to eliminate rust completely until later, they didn't have the technology. Instead they just delayed it by painting over the rust- it was just part of their maintenance."
"We can keep coating the hull with whatever sealant the bacteria is feeding on until a proper transfer of the seeds can be arranged." Data said.
"Send the science team and a workforce down at once." Picard ordered. "Inform Professor Heute of the plan and transmit a bulk order to the Federation for starship grade sealant. We'll use our own in our private stores to keep the cargo bay afloat for now."
"Aye sir." Riker said with a smile.
"Bravo!" Q burst out in joy, clapping vigorously. He stopped as the entire bridge glared at him. "You're right, it was a little dramatic- especially since the solution was SO obvious. Even your primitive, rudimentary predecessors had it all figured out."
"Perhaps we should all brush up on our history, if only to keep from being rusty." Picard remarked.
After close monitoring the rescue attempt proved a success. The maintenance team was able to coat the hull and delay decay and Picard was able to officially declare the SEED crisis averted.
Jean-Luc promised the crew after their responsibilities to Aglaja was done they'd get double the regular scheduled shore leave.
And so Picard wrapped up the entire affair by taking Professor Heute's transmission in his quarters.
"Thank you, Captain." Professor Heute said with tears in her eyes. "You've saved our mission."
"I only wish I had solved the puzzle sooner." Picard admitted. He lifted up a potted plant to the screen and nodded. "Thank you for the flowers."
"They're a new breed." She said. "We'll call them 'Picards' in honor of your contribution."
"Much obliged." He said with an embarrassed grin. She nodded before ending the transmission.
Picard was well aware that even though the SEED mission was over, there was still one loose end that would need to be resolved before he could properly move on. Q.
Picard had thrown Q into the brig, then treated him with malice, distrust, and insulted him for days. And all through their abuse Q still helped them.
Picard sat on his bed sipping his tea as he finished writing up his report for the Federation. He placed his cup on the bedside table when he felt a dip in the bed.
"You gave me the answer on silver platter." Picard said, placing his PADD next to his cup. "You practically shoved it into my brain."
"I couldn't stand to watch you flounder in your own incompetence any longer." Q replied. "You have no idea how painful it was."
He turned and saw Q was in matching blue pajamas again. Q smiled, his front teeth predominate giving him a boyish look.
"You told me I couldn't kill the bacteria to keep us from wasting time, then you dropped 'rust' into the conversation in our last hours...you really were the true Captain of this mission." Picard continued.
"You flatter me, Jean-Luc." Q replied. There was a pause. "I didn't say to stop, keep going."
"The past few days have been challenging for both of us...but I always give credit where it's due. I want to thank you." Picard said softly.
Q licked his lips in anticipation as Picard leaned in closer to him.
Then Jean-Luc held out his hand. Q looked down at it in confusion and shock, a his brow furrowed into a frown.
"A handshake?" Q questioned. He squinted his eyes critically at Picard. "Are you sure you're not English?"
Picard held it further out to him. Q's nose was crinkling as he reluctantly took the hand into his own.
Q was whipped around quickly as Picard used his body to wrestle him flat onto the bed. He was rewarded with Q's cry of surprise.
"Jean-Luc!" Q said, his eyes popping.
"I said...I want to thank you." Picard said with a smirk. "In a way, maybe, that you can appreciate it most."
It was hard to tell which one of them was more shocked by Jean-Luc's behavior. However, something about Q's help in the face of adversity, his stupid smile, Jean-Luc's gratefulness and the fact Q was in his room, on his bed, prompted Jean-Luc into romance. He was a man, after all.
"I accept!" Q replied breathlessly.
"I also want to settle the question of my French heritage." Jean-Luc said, running his hands over Q's chest.
Q seemed to have lost his ability to speak, instead he nodded vigorously as he bit his bottom lip.
"So let me show you a little something we do in Paris." Jean-Luc whispered into his ear.
"Montrez-moi, mon capitaine." Q purred.
They were both naked.
That's the first thought Jean-Luc had, with 'what the fuck was I thinking' following close behind. Q had chosen to stay until (presumably) morning after their late-night love-making-thank-you session.
"Bonjour, mon cheri." Q greeted him as he rolled on top of him. "You fell asleep after showing me the wonders of your country." he told him, before kissing his cheek.
"I shouldn't have slept with you." Picard said, shaking his head. "I got caught up in the moment and took things too far. What have I done?"
"You brought a little excitement in your life." Q replied.
"How could I allow this to happen?" Picard reflected.
"Not everything is about you." Q said, propping himself up on his side. "'What have I done? How could I allow this to happen?' Ugh, can't you see you didn't have any say in the matter?"
"...You used your powers." Picard said, recoiling in horror.
"NO!" Q shouted in Picard's face, his voice dripping with anger. "I didn't use my powers to make us fall in love. I didn't need to, and that's the point."
"Love you? ...I don't believe you." Picard stated. "You're a liar and you've-"
"-Alright! I admit I wasn't honest with you in the beginning." Q interrupted him. "I 'pulled a Vulcan', I lied by omission, I allowed you to jump to your own conclusions as to why I really came here." Q said, laying a hand on Jean-Luc's chest. "It was the truth when I told you the Continuum and I had a disagreement."
"What was this disagreement?" Picard asked.
"They foresaw our relationship and insisted it was my creation- a rather unsavory suggestion in your reality as well as mine. As if I would need powers to attract you!" Q laughed.
Picard drew the blankets higher around his chest. This entire conversation was putting him in the worst of moods.
"The point is I was moved to prove them wrong." Q continued. "How? I simply showed up and followed you around, that's all. I also abstained from using my powers in case I was accused of dazzling you with them, and I even went as far as to make myself a lowly human to prove that even in this mundane husk you'd find me irresistible and we'd end up together." Q explained. "It worked of course! The Continuum are all quite impressed… and jealous." he giggled.
"I guess you've won." Picard replied, disturbed by the entire affair. "Now you can leave."
"You still don't understand what's going on here, do you?" Q sighed. "I can flex the rules, I can break them, I can re-write them- but there are things that just simply are. One of those constants is 'us'….your efforts to be rid of me is futile. We're in this for the long-haul, and if I can't take credit for it than neither can you. So stop beating yourself up over it."
Q threw his arms around Jean-Luc and buried his face into the crook of Picard's shoulder before closing his eyes to rest.
"Your little machine heart is beating very fast." Q observed.
"I'm frightened." Picard said. "If your words are true then my future has become wildly unpredictable and complicated. I'm concerned how us being together is going to change me."
"By all means, continue to play starship captain, I don't mind." Q replied nonchalant manner. "You don't have to change for me."
"No, this goes beyond my career and what I do here. This is so much worse than I ever thought it could be." Picard rambled. "I'm going to lose myself; how could I not being tethered to you? It's possible- probable- I'll become corrupted. I'll become everything I despise."
"You're such a romantic." Q said sarcastically. His expression changed darker. "Contemplating suicide? Really, Jean-Luc? That's disgusting, even you think so."
"I'm considering my options, and you can stay out of my thoughts!" He snapped. "I won't allow myself to be turned into a man I don't respect."
"This doesn't need to be complicated." Q sighed, resting his chin on Jean-Luc's chest. "I may have pushed the answers upon you, but did I snap my fingers and magic success into your little SEED project? Did I make you a god? Being in love with you doesn't mean I'm going to indulge your every whim, or even any of them. Nothing has to change."
"It's already changed, dammit!" Picard snapped. "If you love me that changes everything. Will you let me die? Or allow immense, irreparable damage to be done against me? I will always acknowledge your inclination to preserve my personhood in my commands- whether that be in combat or not. I can't command the Enterprise without bias knowing I have a superior, almost godlike advantage over other mortals!"
"You are impossibly stubborn." Q cooed, "Mm, I'll indulge you. If you're so concerned about being corrupted by my influence I'll take a vow to never allow our relationship to turn you into something you despise- that extends to someone who would destroy himself."
"Since there is no one else capable of making that vow, I'll hold you to it." Picard replied.
"Done." Q said. He turned his head and rested on Jean-Luc's chest. "I'll be leaving now. You need time to adjust to our new status and you can't do that with me making your head swim with delicious, sultry thoughts. But don't worry- I'll be back." He smiled and slowly climbed up Jean-Luc's chest. "A kiss for the road?"
Picard scowled at him.
"Jean-Luc, there's no need for posturing." He scolded him. "We're in this together now."
Q lowered his head and kissed Jean-Luc passionately. The sound of their lips smacked in his sucking kiss when he pulled away.
"Mon capitan." He hummed, nuzzling his nose against Picard's affectionately. "Until next time."
And with a flash of light Picard was left in his quarters alone to contemplate his fate.