A/N: one day i will write criminal minds fic that is actually substantial, but till that day have this.
His memory is his fickle friend. He remembers everything. Everything. And yet he's oblivious to the things that matter too much. As if the importance of it all terrifies him. But he sits there, eyes closed, and he remembers. Needles have chased away his pain. And, as the drug ices his blood, he knows this does not make him happy.
He is not coping. She didn't cope either. How funny that it's now, he realizes his mistake.
-x-
Reid drinks with her. Elle fucks him. It's not the first time it's happened, the dynamic they've built allows for this loophole. Stress, anxiety, it all brings them tumbling into each other's beds. Arms.
He thinks this is all she needs. He'll relinquish control to her, let her have this one part of her life back. It's always been enough in the past. When one of them teetered too close to that edge. They've survived another day, another night, they're winning. Is this not a celebration?
He's ignored the way she's flinched at his words, broken down in front of him in her own subtle way. He pretends he can't feel the anger in her movements as she tears at his skin. He won't look at her face, and he'll think he's doing her a favor.
He doesn't know what this means. She never taught him any of this. Elle doesn't have time to teach this one. Not as it's happening to her. She's falling apart at the seams.
-x-
She was stronger than he was. She called out. She had always been the strongest.
If only they had seen