A/N: Here is my first Hakuouki story in english. I hope there are not so many errors in it. Enjoy and review please.^~^
„No, Souji. You´re sick. Stay in bed and rest until you get better."
„Souji, is this true ? "
„You can´t fight with us in this condition. We don´t need a wounded samurai who can´t hold his sword."
„Okita-san, are you alright ? Can I help you"
His head ached when he awoke in the middle of the night. Sweat wet his unnaturally pale skin that made him appear as a dead man. With a lot of strength he struggled against the numbness of his body and groaned in agony as he got up from his futon to push open the shoji screen. A scenery of white snow flakes greeted him as he stood in front of the courtyard. The snow fell silent to the ground and left a certain nostalgia for the lonely man who looked at the miracle of nature with tired eyes.
They were all went off to arrest the Choshu rebels and left him alone because of his health. Of course he denied his illness, as he had done the previous times, but no one wanted to believe him. Hijikata said he was merely an obstacle when he accompanied them and that they had to protect him. So it was decided that they would leave him by himself, with his own dark thoughts.
´I wonder if the mission is already over.´
With soft steps he walked across the snow, where he could feel the cold on his feet immediately. He had not bothered to put on shoes was his health never so regardless to him at this moment. He finally reached the cherry blossom tree that Chizuru loved so much and stopped in front of it. When he looked up, he saw pure beauty in form of a white-clad tree crown. Okita was never a man who placed great value on beauty, but this sight took his breath away.
"Okita-san! What are you doing here ?"
Her voice cut through the silence around him and brought him back to reality. He heard her coming and turned towards her with visible surprise.
"My my Chizuru-chan. Didn´t know you were here."
As always, he tried to tease her by his remarks, but this time she seemed to disagree and simply ignored his comment.
"You catch a cold when you stand longer her in the snow, Okita-san."
Her voice was filled with determination as she grabbed him by the sleeve and drag him back to his room. She overran him with her actions as she slid the shoji screen open and entered his room which earned him a naughty smile.
"Chizuru-chan, I never expected you are the type of girl who takes me to bed first."
With his comment, he had her exactly where he wanted her to have. Immediately she let go of him and turned fiery red. A mischievous grin played on his lips as he leaned down to her ear.
"You only had to tell me when you want this."
"O-Okita-san...I..."
She felt her cheeks were still flushed when he bent deep down to her and she could feel his hot breath on her cheek. Only when his distinctive laugh could be heard she registered his joke and get angry.
"Okita-san! That was not funny!"
"You had to see your face, Chizuru-chan. This was too good!"
Okita laughed even louder as he sat on his futon and wiped away some tears. It was always so much fun to tease her. But for her it was not fun, was it clear on her angry look she gave him. Relieved he sank back into the pillows and folded his arms behind his head. He was exhausted from his short trip even though he would never admit this before Chizuru or the others.
´I am not weak. I can still fight.´
His thoughts were interrupted by Chizuru when she laid her hand on his forehead. He proper felt the difference between her hands and his unusually warm forehead.
"You have a fever!"
She seemed shocked when she jumped up immediately and stormed out of the room. He looked after her with a puzzled expression. Never before was she rushed out of a room so quick as at this moment.
After a few minutes she came back with towels and fresh water. She sat down beside him and began to dive one of the towels in the water before she placed it on his forehead. Okita winced a little due to the cold, but after a while it felt comfortable. He closed his eyes and allowed her to free him from his sweaty Yukata to clean his upper body from the sweat with the towels. Her thin hands moved gently over his body and he enjoyed the feeling of security for a long time. In his mind he saw her petite figure, her beautiful smile, her sweet blush and heard her hearty laugh.
Suddenly he felt the urge for her, he wanted her to be with him at his side. But he knew that this was impossible.
She was pure.
When she reached out her hands to the last towel, he grabbed her arm and brought her under his body. Chizuru was too surprised that she saw to him with a questioning look.
"Okita-san ?"
He did not answer but stared at her with hungry eyes. His piercing gaze frightened her, appeared it that they were looking deep into her soul. She tried to free herself from his grip but he held her tight and gave her no chance to escape.
"Why do you try to help me ?"
Okitas voice was cold and hard. He had the same tone as when he proposed to kill her the night she first met the Shinsengumi.
"Because I care for you, Okita-san."
Chizuru tried to apply a firm voice but failed at the fear she felt in his presence. For one year she lived with the Shinsengumi and she thought that everyone had accepted her. But this did not considered Okita.
"Why do you care for someone who murdered so many people and wanted to kill you at the first place ?"
Now she fell silent. Yes, he wanted to kill her when everybody said that she can live with them. He showed her his killing intentions more than once and treated her he would kill her when she do the wrong thing.
He was right.
How longer she thought about it her feelings about him came back. She had tried everything to hide her fear to handle him like a normal person. She simply ignored his threatening to reach his heart.
But without success.
Chizuru thought long about the right response of his question until he had enough. For him her lack of answer was her answer.
"When this is your answer then-"
Suddenly the expression of her eyes changed and her fear made place for something else he could not figure out.
"No, you´re wrong. You´re not a bad person after all."
Her words left no room for argumentation.
With a raised eyebrow he looked down at her. He was surprised by her sudden change. Nevertheless her words made no sense to him. He could not understand what she wanted to say.
"What do you mean ?"
"This one night at Ikeda Inn you protected me. Nobody gave you the order to do that but you did it. You also protected me when the Rasetsu came to kill me or when Kazama wanted to kidnap me."
All she wanted was his trust. She wanted him to be by her side.
"This doesn´t matter. I didn´t save you because I care for you. I saved you because you are a valuable hostage for us to find Kodou."
For him the discussion was finished but not for her. She saw him deep in his green eyes and smiled.
"I also saw you play with these children from the neighborhood. You can´t deny it. I know that you´re not only good to kill, you´re also good to save people."
This was enough.
Okita bent down to her and kissed her roughly so he could hurt her. There was no love for her what drove him to this action. He took her wrists in one hand and pinned them over her head. With his other hand he began to remove her clothes aside. Then he leaned down to her ear and whisper in a low voice.
"Would a good person do such a thing to a defenseless girl ?"
She hesitated for a while before she answered.
"I know that I´m right. When you think you have to do it then do it. I´ll trust you."
Her words were not a lie. He could see it in her eyes.
With a deep sigh he let go of her and got down from the futon. Okita walked silently through the room and felt her gaze on his back. Then he felt again this scratchy feeling in his throat and how his neck clench. Forcefully he began to cough and fell to his knees.
"Okita-san!"
Hastily Chizuru got up and ran towards him.
"No stay back!"
He reached out his hand and tried to keep her at a distance until his attack was over. After a few minutes the attack subsided and he dropped his hand. The hand, which he had held before his mouth was full of blood.
Too late he registered her as she hugged him.
"Okitsa-san..."
He felt something wet on his clothes as she pressed her body against his. Okita was silent and listened to her to continue.
"I know that you will die soon. But I can´t accept it. I can´t."
Why?
He did not speak our his inner question. As if she had heard it she continued.
"Do you really not know why?"
She buried her head deeper into his chest. Sobs began to shake violently her small body as she lifted her head and looked at him.
"Because I love you."
He looked at her as if she had become completely crazy. How could someone as pure as she love a man like him? He did not understand it.
She closed her eyes and leaned forward until their lips met. This kiss was gentle and full of love not so rough and hasty as her first they'd shared. He returned the kiss reluctantly and closed his eyes.
´If there is really a god, let this moment last forever.´
A Humans life is short.
Everyone dies no matter what you do.
But you can try to make his life important
by being by his side till the end.