A/N: Written entirely as text messages, and I apologize if that's annoying, but it was necessary. Inspired by this prompt, which I would advise reading after you read the one-shot .vu/post/144056782242/imagine-your-otp.
To: Kurt
Kurt?
To: Kurt
Are you awake yet, Kurt?
To: Kurt
Kurt? Oh, Kurt?
To: Kurt
Wake up, Kurt.
To: Kurt
Wakie-wakie, eggs and bakey, Kurt.
To: Sebastian
WHAT!?
To: Kurt
Hi :)
To: Sebastian
What the fuck do you want?
To: Kurt
What crawled into your briefs and bit you on the ass this morning?
To: Sebastian
Definitely not you.
To: Kurt
That's kinda why I'm texting.
To: Sebastian
And why's that?
To: Kurt
Because I'm horny as fuck.
To: Sebastian
Way to keep it classy, Smythe.
To: Kurt
Come on, Hummel.
To: Sebastian
Come on what?
To: Kurt
Talk dirty to me.
To: Sebastian
Yeah, right. Aren't you supposed to be in math class?
To: Kurt
I am in math class.
To: Kurt
I'm horny in math class, so I'm texting you from math class.
To: Sebastian
Doesn't the professor mind?
To: Kurt
I don't think that my being horny in his class is any of his business.
To: Sebastian
Doesn't he mind that you're texting in his class, you nimrod?
To: Kurt
I'm in the back row of a packed class with one-hundred and eleven other students in it. I'm sure he doesn't have a clue.
To: Kurt
So…
To: Sebastian
So…
To: Kurt
Come on! I'm bored to tears and my dick's hard as a fucking rock! Tell me you wanna tear off my clothes or something.
To: Sebastian
I wanna tear of your clothes or something.
To: Kurt
Kuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!
To: Sebastian
You're the only person I know who can whine via text message.
To: Kurt
Repeating word for word what I say is not very original.
To: Sebastian
I'm just doing what you asked me to do.
To: Sebastian
You see, because I'm a nice, considerate, giving kind of boyfriend. And when you ask me to do something, I do it.
…
To: Kurt
Oh God…what did I do now?
To: Sebastian
You obviously don't give a shit or you'd know.
To: Kurt
I give a shit!
To: Sebastian
Really? :/
…
To: Kurt
You're right. I don't give a shit. But since this is impeding my need to hear how badly you wanna fuck me, tell me anyway.
To: Sebastian
If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.
To: Kurt
Don't do that.
To: Sebastian
Don't do what?
To: Kurt
You know what. The moody, passive-aggressive bullshit. Just be a man and tell me what's wrong.
To: Sebastian
Fuck you very much.
To: Kurt
Well I'm trying, but you're PMS-ing on me.
To: Kurt
Tell me you want to suck my cock.
To: Sebastian
Suck your own cock!
To: Kurt
Now, you see, that my professor would mind.
To: Sebastian
FUCK…OFF!
To: Kurt
Calm down, Mussolini! Why the fuck are you angry at me?
To: Sebastian
Why the fuck am I angry at you!?
To: Kurt
Is there an echo?
To: Sebastian
Ha-ha…
To: Kurt
Just…will you please tell me!
To: Sebastian
You want me to tell you?
To: Kurt
Yes. I want you to tell me.
To: Sebastian
Fine! You want me to tell you, I'll tell you!
To: Sebastian
I woke up late because my alarm didn't go off.
To: Sebastian
And my alarm didn't go off because you couldn't be bothered to re-set it after your alarm went off first!
To: Sebastian
You took an hour long shower this morning and used up all the hot water, but couldn't lift a finger to wash a single God dammed dish!
To: Sebastian
And because there were no clean dishes, you grabbed breakfast at the deli on the corner on the way to school, without giving a single thought to the fact that I might want to eat something, but there wouldn't be a single clean dish for me!
To: Sebastian
But that's ok, because I'm running late anyway!
To: Sebastian
I took a thirty second shower in ice cold water, ate stale cereal (because you don't seem to know how to roll the bag to keep it fresh) straight out of the box…
To: Sebastian
…and to top it off, I'm supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes, except I don't have any clean uniforms because you can't see fit to carry the fucking laundry basket four feet from the washer to the dryer and FILL IT!
To: Sebastian
Monday, Wednesday, Friday are my cleaning days. Tuesday and Thursday are yours, but you're not doing your share!
…
To: Kurt
So…
To: Sebastian
So…
To: Kurt
Is that all?
To: Sebastian
What do you mean is that all?
To: Kurt
I mean, did anything else horrible happen this morning as a direct result of my selfish and thoughtless actions?
To: Sebastian
Surprisingly enough, that's all for now.
To: Kurt
Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?
To: Sebastian
Over time, I think I'll be able to curb my thirst for vengeance, yes.
To: Kurt
So, you're just standing in the laundry room, waiting for your uniforms to dry?
To: Sebastian
Them and about 95% of my clothes and underwear, yes.
To: Kurt
So, can you tell me one thing?
To: Sebastian
I guess so. What?
…
To: Kurt
Does that mean…you're naked right now? ;)
…
To: Kurt
Kurt?
…
To: Kurt
Oh, Kurt?
…
To: Kurt
Kurt? Are you there, Kurt?
…
To: Kurt
I'm still bored, Kurt.
…
To: Kurt
Come on. Help a brother out.
…
To: Kurt
I take it you're still mad at me, aren't you?
…
To: Kurt
Oh, shit…