"I'm sorry, Rose. The tests came back positive."
With that one sentence I felt the entire weight of my situation come crashing down upon me. My chest tightened and I could feel my throat constrict but I refused to let my weakness shine through – I refused to let them see me cry. I pulled my painful gaze from the crisp white sheets on the infirmary mattress to Alberta, Kirova and Dr Olendzki who stood above me with consoling expressions masking their usual set mouths.
"Of course this means there will be a number of changes to your daily routines." Alberta broke the lengthy silence as she turned to Kirova for confirmation which she quickly affirms. I feel the need to deny the need for these changes, and I would have had I not felt the bile quickly rising up my throat.
Seeing the urgency in my face, Dr Olendzki dragged a large metal dish from beneath the uncomfortable hospital bed just in time for the contents of my stomach to rise back up. My throat stung as tears began to collect in the corners of my eyes and as I rubbed my mouth with the sleeve of the ugly hospital gown, I could see the cloth stained with red.
I couldn't believe that this had simply started off as what I had thought was a simple cold – I mean, Dhampirs don't get sick so why should I have believe the headaches, bloodshot eyes and occasional vomiting could possibly mean the difference between life and death – and a painfully slow and cruel one at that.
You see, the test which we had sent away a month ago were just the usual ones which tested the iron levels of your blood, oxygen intake, red cell counts etc. however, after they were returned a week later I was called away from intense cardio workout with Dimitri to visit Dr Olendzki in the infirmary. She seemed to have that sort of expression that parents wear when they are trying desperately to keep a painful secret from their children yet they can't help but to let their sorrow and anger glisten through. As I was still cooling down from training, I didn't really bat a lash at that nad I simply walked through the small building to the hospital cot which she had affectionately come to distinguish as my own personal bed as I visited so often.
It took her a few minutes to actually come out and say what the tests had shown but her ramblings beforehand already told me all I needed to know – that the news was bad… and bad it was. I had to have multiple other tests performed upon me that afternoon, various needles were jabbed into my arm, monitors were connected to me and Dr Olendzki sat there for hours writing notes and rports which she sent away the day after.
For the next month or so I pushed that dreadful experience to the back of my mind and focused mainly on my novice-guardian duties and training with Dimitri. He didn't seem to mind that I was away for many of our lessons – apparently Kirova and Alberta had told him I was splitting the lessons to take part in guided study sessions as my grades were beginning to drop, which wasn't exactly a lie. But this – this meant I would have to most likely cut out most, if not all of my training sessions and practically give up all hopes of becoming Lissa's Guardian. This meant I could no longer sit around with the gang and laugh at Stan's stupid comments throughout classes or bitch about how much fireboy drove me insane at times – this meant I could no longer be me.
"With the field experience coming up I'm afraid we are going to have to sit you out of it and grade you based upon your final academic scores." Kirova spoke slowly as she turned the idea over in her head which nearly caused me to choke on the water which Dr Olendzki had happily offered after my clearly distasteful exressions from the previous vomiting.
"No way in hell are you pulling me from the field experience! I'll never become a guardian!" I screamed in frustration as I stood from the small hospital bed. The look of shock which each of the staff held would have been amusing had I not been so enraged and scared for my future. "This is my life which you are planning to destroy – my future!"
"Rose," Dr Olendzki began in a soothing tone, "we are not trying to jeopardize your future as a guardian, we are simply trying to ensure you are safe and have the chance to get better." The rage built up inside of me as I glared at all three of them at once. How dare they! How dare they act like they have any part in this decision.
"Don't you dare act like you have a part in this decision. Don't you dare stand there and tell me that I need time to get better because you know just as well as I that that is a loud of shit. You and I both know that its just a matter of time – a waiting game – and we all have front row seats! So don't you dare act like this isn't going to kill me and that I am going to get better if I take off some time from training and the field experience." Whispering the last few words I felt even more tears join the few which clung to the corners of my eyes before finally falling down my cheeks. I couldn't have really cared anymore if they saw me cry – I mean, they are going to take me out of the field experience so why not just finally give in?
"Rose, you just need some rest. You have had a long day and have a lot to process so why don't you take these with you," Dr Olendzki spoke up once again holding out a small packet of sleeping pills, "and go back to your dorm to get some rest. We will notify Guardian Belikov that your training session this afternoon will be postponed until further notice." I held my fierce Rose Hathaway glare for at least another five minutes before hanging my head and sighing as I carefully retreaved the pills from the doctor.
"I mean it Rose, go straight to your dorm and I will see you tomorrow at 10 o'clock." The doctor spoke firmly as I pushed the door open to be greeted with the sharp rays of light. It was honestly no surprise that it was the human morning already, I had been called to the infirmary as soon as Dr Olendzki had received the results back but I was so tired that I agreed to meet her within ten minutes at the clinic.
As I trudged through the slushy mounds of snow which had begun to fall over the past week, I decided to visit Lissa to calm my nerves. I knew she would be asleep, at least I hoped to God she was dreaming and not having another romantic interlude with pyro up in the church attic, but thankfully she was cuddled up in her mounds of blankets dreaming away.
I felt a heavy weight glide off of my shoulders as I entered her dreaming world where she was dancing slowly with Christian and I was laughing in the background, taking snapshots of their first dance. She twirled happily in his arms and I watched as the flimsy white fabric billowed around her as she laughed and whispered in her newly pronounced husband's ear. He smiled sweetly at her and she reached up to kiss him which the entire crowd including my dream self and Dimitri cheered to as well. They were so happy together and I could faintly see a small bump beneath her wedding dress which Christian held lovingly as he whispered back to her. I felt tears of joy fall from my eyes as I watched them dance and laugh as a newly wed couple and I realised with a sudden painful shock hat I would never experience such a day. I would never watch my best friend marry the man of her dreams, never see their gorgeous children grow, never experience my own wedding or even have the chance to bear children, a son or daughter… I would never have the chance to live my life as I, Rosemarie Hathaway have metastasis Lung cancer which is slowly and painfully killing me.