In a sea of blood as red as her eyes,
she lay, gazing endlessly at the azure sky.
"How's Gourry?"
"Hmmm.. it looks like he's going to make it, anyhow."
- although with injuries like those, he won't get to lead a 'normal' life.
"That's good to hear."
She closed her eyes.
Her face- pale as chalk, from the viciously brilliant sunlight.
I put my ears to her chest, to see if she had stopped breathing.
She was still hanging on,
although what she was clinging to was thinner than a piece of worn out thread.
Hanging on, as if desperately fighting the inevitable.
"I have a favor to ask."
The moment her labored breathing seemed to grow louder,
her obstinate ruby eyes snapped open.
Dimmed by the pain, but with light enough to pierce a person's heart-
her huge red eyes said,
"Take care of him... until he becomes human again."
Those red searchlights, embedded on a sea of chalky white
began to be flooded by the water surrounding them. Flooded.. then overflowing.
"What if he dies somewhere, without getting what he wants so much.."
- I didn't know how to react to those natural feelings. Neither of us did.
But one day, trudging along the path of emotions that lies parallel to his-
I saw.
Eyes carefully veiled, but holding a quiet and dogged plea within,
Hurting himself in the process, creating an endless dilemma.
Why did I have to run away from you then.
Telling myself, lying to myself that I needed time,
deliberately turning away from a madly beating heart.
Maybe this is where I receive the punishment for my sin.
... but at this exact moment, I long, and long with all my heart.
that you find your life, and become happy. Zel....
Until the last bit of light died away-
the light that her soul emitted, with what remaining strength it had -
Xelloss surveyed her with an undefinable feeling brewing inside him.
Through lips now as white as her complexion,
a weak string of words made their way out.
"I hate it...
that the only person I can count on right now is you."
=============================================================================
Crevasse
written by Eugene/ translated by the Hermit
Feb. 11, 2001/ Thank you very much for K/E translation, Hermit!^^
- Lina-san is dead.
When I heard the news I answered,
- ... ah... oh.
Holding back time from it's plunge into oblivion,
desperately trying not to lose my mask of calmness,
I turned around and went my way.
The 'what might have been' would only be realized in my fantasies.
That Lina would leave me before I left her
was always nagging me, eating me away,
an inevitable, unavoidable prophesy.
However, even though merely castles in the air,
those 'might have been's were more coveted than anything solid.
And when I realizes those feelings... I could only run away from her.
I needed time, time to erase her memory, her very being.
-at the very least, time to weaken the fatal meanings they held.
Ever the same as always, searching for information leading to the Clair Bible,
that's how the days went by.
But no matter how hard I tried to ignore the fact
in those days, I was at most a discarded shell, a discarded skin,
missing my very essence.
Its spring gone astray, thus having lost its voice,
a wind-up doll that can no longer sing but merely croak,
and that, purely out of habit.
With the ground giving away under me, the result of one false step
leading me to the wide open gates of hell.
And then, only then did I understand.
My conscience was awakening from the fitful slumber
it had been suffering from ever since that fateful day.
-Crevasse!
As his body plunged into the abyss along with a waterfall of snow,
that one desperate word escaped his lips.
The crevasse.
A deep chasm between walls of ice, sometimes a narrow precipice
normally found on high mountains or in the arctic areas.
Snow, falling over this, curiously covers the entrance and creates a natural trap.
An icy hell, hidden under blinding snow- though on the surface
it looks like any other snow covered plain,
a countless number of travellers have lost their lives by one false step.
He had read something like that somewhere.
It was a struggle just to open his eyes.
He had hurt his head on his way down.
A warm trickle of blood on his forehead told him of this.
Probably, though, he should be thanking his lucky stars that he didn't have a concussion.
He averted his gaze upwards.
A harsh stone wall, coated with ice loomed over him.
The gateway to hell was higher up than he expected. About a 100 feet?
Was that the amount of space between the gate and himself?
On top of everything- no, above all, the problem was that
he had no access to his magic here.
The temple he was headed towards, situated on top of the mountain,
that it housed a parchment of sacred powers was a tempting,
not to mention trustworthy piece of information.
He shouldn't have rushed upon hearing it, though.
The entire mountain was protected by a strong and unique anti-magic barrier
and was regarded as a completely different world from the rest of the area.
- With a barrier that strong, there's got to be something special
about the parchment concealed within.
Afraid that if might fall into someone else's hands,
he hadn't bothered to prepare properly
before heading up the harsh winter mountain.
His head was still ringing and his eyes weren't functioning properly yet,
but staying too long in a place like this would kill him.
He got to his feet and started to rummage through the inner pockets of his cape.
Taking out a small hammer and a pick,
along with other potential means of escape,
he pounded the icy wall with them.
His object- to make some footholds for climbing out of his cell.
Despite all his efforts, however,
years of freezing had made turned the wall into a glacier.
It would not let a pick wedge its way into its body.
And even after it had managed to bury itself into the wall,
the pick often had to retreat helplessly.
Dogged determination allowed him several feet of ascent,
but the hardship of climbing and hacking away at the frozen wall,
when combined with the subfreezing weather and his injured body
proved to be too much for him.
In the end, as the last bit of his strength gave out, he slipped
and darkness engulfed him once more.
It had seemed like a second- but when he opened his eyes again,
the fading rays of the sun told him that a considerable amount of time had passed.
The sunset was dying the transparent ice in various shades of red.
And as the stains grew steadily redder, his heart became heavier.
The color was turning into an uncomfortable shade- the dark red shade of blood.
The numbing sensation was spreading from
the tips of his fingers to the rest of his body.
He clenched his teeth.
-.. not here. Not like this..
Because if I do..?
Sheer will enabled his brain to think again,
and his body, to tackle the cliff once more. Upon reaching
the last foothold he had managed to make he proceeded to continue
with nothing more than his bare hands and feet.
A pick would only eat away what strength he had left,
and he was aware of that.
How much time had passed by, he did not know.
Blood was flowing from his blistered and broken fingernails.
But as to when he had last felt the pain, he could not remember.
The warm trail of the sticky substance sometimes
pushed awareness into his hands-
but time froze even that awareness.
With hands like those- perhaps failure was inevitable.
Once more, the rush of wind filled his ears.
His eyes, full of resentment and sorrow,
directed themselves towards the one way out of there,
and beheld the pale moon in all her glory, filling the chasm with watery light.
Her silver indifference to the goings on below,
summed up in a single word- cruelty.
Feeling his ridged back colliding against the bitter cold of the chasm floor,
he lost his consciousness for the third time,
and dreamt of the past- the doll was trying to sing once more.
It was before I met her.
He remembered following a female apprentice
--that was what they were called,
but in reality they were little better than servants--
to the market once, when he was wery young.
She had just caught that infectious disease called love
and had led him into a fortune teller's tent to find out her love's future.
The shriveled old hag, sitting inside her reeking, dark tent,
had placed her glassy eyes upon the little boy standing next to the girl,
scrutinizing him until he almost choked from her gaze.
Then suddenly, his hand was caught in her old, wrinkled ones,
and her eyes once again resumed their scrutiny, this time on the child's tiny hands.
-Amazing... I have never, in my entire life, seen such fate..
..you look like you're from a good family.. and your sharp eyes
tell me that you are a very proud boy- but that may be your downfall.
Whether you're a exiled angel or devil, I can't say-
but you will never be able to lead a 'normal' life.
The hag lifted her wrinkled hands, paused a moment...
and stroked his cheek gently
as if to make sure that the boy in front of her was actually there.
- Too fine a silhouette for a boy...
women will throw themselves at your feet
but the one person you yearn for will slip through your fingertips,
just like a summer breeze.
Tsk, tsk... what a fate, you poor child.
The old seeress's eyes, with the pupils swallowed up by the whites,
and the feeling that they were dissecting him had made the boy shiver.
-After he had lost her.
Amelia had become faithful to her duties as a queen.
-'Growing up' means giving up your dreams.
Something was wavering at the corners of those ebony eyes
that had lost almost all their high spirits,
wetting an empty part of an empty heart,
and then flowing away down a river of memories...
and all Zelgadiss could do was watch.
No use putting name tags on stray emotions.
Be they emotions too large to stash away in the box marked 'girlhood fancies'.
No use digging up old wounds, covered over by the healing winds of time.
All you would find would be nothing but ruins,
the glories departed from them.
The only thing that she could do for the person who once had meant the world to her
was to give him access to Sailoon's knowledge,
The decree that he be given access to the private libraries,
previously exclusively for the high priests and priestesses
aroused discomfort among the subjects of the queen.
- Why does she offer such privileges to a ruined nobleman?
But the fact that his every movement was measured and stately
caused various rumors to be spread about him.
Perhaps he was the crown prince of a fallen kingdom,
or a long lost relative of the royal family.
Rumors spread, and in that process, they grew-
to the extent that the central figure of those gossip
would have rolled his eyes to hear of such nonsense.
At times, when he regally climbed up the stairway to the royal temple,
his face veiled under a white cloth,
several people would approach his somewhat fragile figure,
either with apprehension or admiration,
and would tumbled down those same stairs,
shocked at the rough words that came out of his mouth.
Of course, this only added to the stories about him.
However, even the time he had spent buried inside the Sailoon library
did not provide him with the information he needed.
So he left the kingdom of white magic without a backward glance.
-... and now....
the spring slowly unwinds.. and lets loose a flood of memories.
Memories of her.. of Lina.
An old piece of his heart, only fit for burying- or so he'd thought -
started to give off light, through the many layers of dust covering it.
So strong, so pure, so desperate-- and so heartbreaking.
A swift gravitation, shaking awake a sleeping soul.
In the end, slipping off the yoke of destruction from his shoulders
and opening his eyes to a new life.
A candle pushing darkness away with its small flame.
Sometimes uncut and rough, other times gentle and caressing..
but always proud and energetic, she changed those who were about her.
The unique liveliness, the energy inside her always shone, no matter where.
And when he stood beside this human equivalence of midsummer sunshine,
he couldn't help but feel that everything was going to turn out fine.
He would surprise himself by these thoughts, and feel curiously shy
for having them.
An enigmatic happiness that would make his face break out into a smile so very often.
Looking at her would cause a whirlwind of emotions-
happiness, sadness, hope, fear, and obstinacy all mixed up,
a turmoil that he couldn't quite define.
Intensifying desire and tension gave intoxicating happiness
then wandered through a labyrinth of despair
then buried itself deep inside his heart.
And soon after that, she.... died.
A heart drowning in regret died for a second time in a sea of pain.
Right now..
those eyes, eyes that had continuously given him strength,
eyes like fire, full of vigor and spirit..
he missed those eyes
very.. very..
very much.
The unyielding wall of ice, in a burst of silver,
filled his eyes, as if to choke his sight.
An exit and at the same time not as exit-
he gazed upwards toward the bit of night sky visible to his view.
The moon, with its pale halo
reminded him of someone's empty eyes,
the pupils swallowed up by the whites.
A sudden chill made his body shiver, and he dropped his gaze.
How much longer had passed?
On the verge of unconsciousness,
blue eyes helplessly directed towards the firmament
could 'feel' a purple shadow obstruct the moonlight.
***
"... are you awake?"
Narrow slits revealed the backside of a crouching purple shadow.
Something was rustling.
.. But that's...;;
"... and it's not like I have nothing better to do with my time, you know."
It took a while to force open lips frozen white with cold and surprise.
"What are you.. doing here.."
Xelloss didn't bother to answer the question-
he was neurotically rubbing away at something.
The sound of something like wood being rubbed together could be heard.
Wood?
This was a area of perpetual snow.
There wasn't supposed to be any wood around here.
"Because of Lina-san's.... request."
An odd lingering note-
different from the feigned trickster voice, a somewhat melancholy tone,
a note resembling an echo could be found in his voice.
... After a long moment, a burning smell invaded his nostrils.
"Really... I didn't realize what a pain it is not to be able to use magic..
Humans lying on a field of snow usually freeze to death, and so will you,
if you keep that up.
Unless you want her request to be for nothing,
come here and warm yourself."
"Did you... spend all that time building a fire?"
He couldn't comprehend why Xelloss hadn't just used his magic to light a fire.
No matter how strong the barrier, a powerful mazoku like him
should be able to wield at least a part of his abilities.
Though Xelloss was still facing away from him,
the moonlight enabled Zelgadiss to see a twitch in his pale cheek.
"My... powers have been.. restrained.
For a hundred years, it will only be a fraction of what it used to be.
So, voila. A substantial handicap in a barrier like this."
".. What did you do to deserve... that?"
"... I sent all of Lord Dalphin's minions to Hells' gate."
- To hear that one word, the last word that Lina-san wanted to tell me.
In that final moment, she asked for ME.
A weak but imploring plea in those lusterless ruby eyes.
At that moment, something deeply repressed exploded inside me.
The rule of laissez-faire between the Mazoku parties flew out of my mind
Utter stupidity, really the biggest mistake since my creation, was
what got me to hear Lina-san's last words.
"So, in the past, other priests avoided getting in my way,
but now, it's the other way around.. ha.. funny, isn't it?"
Xelloss let out a laugh that bordered more on self-derision.
Watching those black shoulders quiver somewhat unnaturally..
Zelgadiss gravely asked another question.
"I guess your teleportation abilities are still functioning."
"Teleportation works through the astral side,
and magic barriers do not interfere with other dimensions.
However, using magic inside a barrier is like..
using fire magic inside water- too much interference, so that's another story."
"Then where did you get those branches?"
"Why, those, of course from below the mountain."
Zelgadiss's voice became hoarser than it already was.
"... Then couldn't you have just created a fire below and teleported it here?"
-Oof.
Ignoring the statue of ice that stood where Xelloss had previously been,
Zelgadiss carefully got to his feet and sat himself down next to the fire.
"I'm sorry you had to spend so much time and effort to save me,
but leave me alone and get lost, okay?
You're in no position to be looking after other people. If you can't even
think properly, your astral side must be pretty worn out."
"..."
"And above all..
I don't think I could get better while looking at your face."
"...;;"
Even after his supreme punishment,
his pride as the Beast-master priest had stool tall.
Now, to receive pity? His spirit was literally broken.
His anger made him bare his teeth, but in order to keep his 'promise'
there was nothing that he could do except to politely disappear.
.. Zelgadiss's face slowly broke into a smirk.
Lifesaver or not, he had a very pressing reason
to get rid of the Trickster Priest.
***
".. I thought I told you to get lost."
After a diligent search of the temple, as soon as he stepped near the fire,
holding the copy of the Clair Bible in his hands, Xelloss popped out of nowhere,
as if having anticipated him.
On his razor-blade thin lips, a cruel smile was lingering.
Ah. He had been expecting something like this from his 'savior',
Clutching the papers in one hand, he drew out his sword with the other.
"No matter what condition I'm in right now.. you don't honestly think that
I am going to lose to a powerless mazoku, do you?"
"No matter what condition I'm in right now.. you don't honestly think that
I am going to lose to a chimera, do you?"
Xelloss raised his staff high. Obscuring the moon, it swooped down,
as if to cut the moonshine into pieces.
Simultaneously, Zelgadiss, with his sword, leaped into the air,
disproving his injuries. and moonlight reflected off of his sword.
The air flashed silver several times.
Then, came the dull sound of a staff and a sword colliding.
Glaring at each other over their respective weapons, both men spat out,
"You think I'm afraid of a worthless piece of wood?"
"You think I'm afraid of a common sword?"
The two broke off their standstill and resumed their combat.
Then, as he realized that they were slowly moving towards the precipice,
Zelgadiss felt a pang of alarm. Levitation was not a possibility here.
At that moment, taking his chance,
Xelloss darted forward and twisted his arm behind his back.
An inadvertent sigh escaped from his mouth at the pain rushing through his arm.
Try as he might to reverse the position,
the damned mazoku was now sitting on his back
pulling at his arm with a childlike smile plastered on his face.
The next moment, Xelloss thrust the stone embedded hand,
the hand that was desperately clinging onto the papers, into the fire.
"Ahhh!"
The skin may be stone, but underneath was a human body. Of course it hurt.
Sweat rained down Zelgadiss's forehead and his teeth were grinding,
but Xelloss sat motionlessly and directed his indifferent gaze at the burning hand-
or rather at the burning parchment.
Only when the papers had been reduced to a fistful of ashes
did he remove his opponent's hand and stick it into the snow.
After the sweet smile came the bitter words.
"Have you ever known a mazoku to accept a request gratis?"
All his strength forsook him.
- Another clue, down the drain...
I'm so sorry... Lina.
I think I'll need some more time to reach you.
Staring uncomprehendingly at the hand that had just slipped out of his grasp,
Xelloss grabbed Zelgadiss's shoulders and turned his body towards him.
"Zelgadiss-san?"
Contrary to his expectation, Zelgadiss's face displayed no expression whatsoever.
The silver light shimmering upon the delicate features betrayed no agitation.
But Xelloss could see.
Within the fathomless ocean-colored eyes,
a paralyzed pain, silently weeping.
The pain, overwhelming owing to it's covertness, was enough
to send the sensation of pleasure into the realm of shock.
"Zelgadiss-san.."
Those empty eyes quietly set themselves on the mazoku.
And all Xelloss could do was to return the look, as if intoxicated.
When Zelgadiss's hand reached upwards to him,
the unthinkable feeling that he should take that quivering hand
nagged at him, making him uneasy.
... however.
-Slap!
The sound of a rock-hard hand against a smooth cheek
was loud enough to send echos resounding.
Xelloss sat dumbfound for a moment, caressing his cheek
but soon set about retaliating, his eyes narrowed.
There was no need for neither staffs nor swords.
For what ensued was a rumble with fists and feet flying about.
On a ragged snowfield,
a chimera and a mazoku were lying, spread eagle.
Facing the stars, their eyes beheld the endless emptiness of the sky.
Into the eyes resembling a deep blue sea, a morning star descended.
Zelgadiss lifted himself up and brushed the snow off of his clothes,
and came to the fire and threw some more wood into it, feeding the flames.
There was still some time before sunrise.
The fact that Xelloss had also gotten to his feet and was now
sitting crouched across from him, he chose to ignore.
Silence flowed between them for some time.
"Sylphiel-san took care of Gourry-san.."
"..."
"When you think of the times he spent with Lina-san,
you could say that he had a relaxing old age."
Zelgadiss only stared at the dancing fire, not uttering a sound.
"If it pains you so much....
shall I take your life?"
As the fire grew fiercer, so did the light quivering on his face.
And Xellos saw.
A flash of lightning illuminating his eyes, creating a burning passion,
and then, gently dying away into recollection.
The blue sea, boiling madly in a fit of empty passion.
And...
Numerous pieces of shattered emotions, each and every one of them,
caressing those delicate features,
glistening in a rainbow of colors culminating in a breathtaking brilliance.
The next moment, Zelgadiss covered his eyes with his hands,
as if drawing the blinds of a open window,
and facing away from him, leapt to his feet
and placed his gaze on the far horizon.
The darkness covering a corner of the sky was growing thinner-
daylight was near.
And the pure white icy mountain below
was like a great wall of salt, glittering in the cold ocean breakers.
"That's a laugh."
The sepulchre of uncountable pieces of life- the wall of salt.
A creation derived from endless whippings of the waves,
the attack and the evaporation of saltwater.
In the end, the salt becoming a testimony to the pain
that had embedded itself into the wall,
a memorial of the life of yore- but also a thing to remain an everlasting beauty.
A pure white past, a purification.
"There's no way in hell that I'm going to ask you to kill me."
The grief was still visible in his eyes,
but they also displayed a firm will.
- She had taught me never to give up.
Lina had taught me to never give up life.
Over the blinding white of the icy mountains,
and the crystalline snow sprinkled over them,
the vermilion flames of a new dawn was slowly spreading.
Xelloss watched, a bit awed, as the light that vanquished darkness
entered into those deep blue eyes, dotting them with flecks of red and gold,
and transformed into what could only be called pure will.
"Because if I did, then when I see Lina again,
I won't be able to look her in the eyes..."
I will become human again.
I will never give up, no matter how many decades, how many centuries it takes.
Even if I have to wander through this crevasse of Time for eternity.
-Because... that's the way I remember you.
After I regain my human body... after I complete my given lifespan...
I will return to her.
And she will greet me with her radiant smile, like the old days.
-It's been a while, hey, Zel?
***
A short epilogue.
"Then... when I have time.. when it enters my mind, I'll come and pay you a visit."
"Then I suppose I should hope to find the Clair Bible
and become human again between your visits."
"... ummm.."
Shrug.
It cannot be helped.
For there lies the fundamental difference between us.
".. I hate it."
"Excuse me?"
"..that the only person I can share this with right now is you."
Crevasse-End