Watch Over You
Summary: SamPhil. He couldn't bear to be around her now that their short-lived relationship was over, but who was going to watch over her once he was gone? Phil's POV.
Oneshot-songfic to 'Watch Over You' by Alter Bridge feat. Cristina Scabbia; a really beautiful. This fic is for you guys because I know I've been neglecting you and my other stories. I was ill all last week and I've been working this week. However, the crappy love song CDs we have on at work are actually helping to inspire me. I'll be updating my fics as soon as I can. Thanks everyone for your support! Xx
I think my heart knew that I had to leave before my head had registered the thought. There was no way I could be around her now; no way that I could force myself to be her colleague and to fit back into the role of her best friend again. It was all too painful and far too much for one man's heart to take. She didn't seem to see how much our break up was killing me, maybe she thought she was simply just another notch in my, I must admit, extensive bedpost. I couldn't believe she thought she meant that little to me. Part of me had loved her since I first met even if my actions had showed the exact opposite reaction. Too much water had passed under the bridge in the time that had elapsed since then for me to be able to return to our old way of life. I couldn't stay here and try to be friends with her again, somehow I had become an all or nothing sort of guy and I knew that if I stayed at Sun Hill any longer the pain would destroy me.
The weeks she was away were painful but at least I didn't have our failed relationship flaunted in my face every day, at least not by her anyway. Stuart was clearly pleased that Sam and I were over but I managed to wipe the smug smirk off his face by retorting that at least I would've stood by her had she been carrying my child. Below the belt, I know, but it made me feel better for a little while. However, I knew the weeks would soon be up and Sam would be back from her holiday and then, somehow, I'd have to put on a brave face, or at least a mask, and try and get on with life.
Of course, when she returned from that holiday fate was waiting to strike me down again. Don't get me wrong, I was pleased that she had received the promotion. She deserved to have her hard work and dedication to the job recognised but the offer couldn't have at a more difficult time. Of course she was going to accept the position but it only led to more alienation between us. I think I handled the situation better than Stuart but at least his reaction was honest and not forced like mine had been. This development made me think about leaving again, part of me felt like I'd be running away but it seemed like the less painful situation. Maybe getting away from Sam and starting again would be a sensible move for me. Maybe I'd meet a nice girl and fall in love with someone who wouldn't bail on me as soon as I revealed how I felt. Somehow I couldn't see myself falling for anyone else for a while yet.
Sam did seem to make some sort of an effort but her promotion meant we worked together less and less. I could see how busy the extra work made her and we barely exchanged more than 'good morning' or 'have a good weekend'. It depressed me to realise that I had lost both a lover and my best friend. Although I told myself I'd never regretted the short time we had together as a couple, part of me wished that nothing had happened between us in Romania so that we'd at least have our friendship intact. The decision to leave Sun Hill was looking more and more enticing but I had to find a legitimate way out first. If there was ever a chance that Sam and I would ever be together, slim I knew, I couldn't just run away because she may think that's how I would behave in a romantic relationship as well as in my work.
There was another reason for me not to leave too; Stuart Turner. It wasn't that I ever expected him and Sam to get back together, far too much heartache had occurred there for that to ever happen but still I feared that it would give Stuart the opportunity to step in as her knight in shining armour should she ever need one. Although I hated to admit it, Stuart was the only man I perceived as a threat when it came to winning Sam's love. Of course I noticed the appreciative way most men looked at her but Stuart had been the only one to work his way under her skin and actually have, for a brief period, a proper adult relationship with her. I would hate for my departure to throw Sam and Stuart together again even though I knew the likelihood of Sam being that upset about losing me was very slim at best. Then came the Dreyfuss case and I realised that it would be my only way out.
The Dreyfuss case, and especially my interest in his young, pretty wife Monica brought out emotions in Sam that I hadn't seen in her for a long time; since before we were friends in fact. It was obvious that she didn't trust me around such temptation but part of me played up my attraction to Monica just because I knew it would provoke a reaction of some sort in Sam. Even her reading me the riot act and sending me to the Super would be better than her cool indifference towards me. I wondered idly who she would blame for the mistakes the team made if I left and I realised then that I couldn't just think and plan leaving, I had to do something about it. It was then that the Special Ops opportunity arose and I knew I'd be a fool to turn it down. I knew I wouldn't get promoted at Sun Hill and I didn't want to shuffle paper in an office like Sam and Neil, so moving to another branch seemed like the perfect situation to me. The hardest part would be telling Sam I was leaving. Almost a year had passed since she had ended with me and I knew I couldn't expect her to still care that I was going, but still...
"Sam," I said, cautiously stepping into her office, which was, of course, impossibly tidy and organised. I could only imagine what the office would look like if it was mine. "Have you got a moment?"
She smiled at me, an actual, proper, genuine smile and it had me rethinking my decision once more. For a year these thoughts had been swirling in my head, but now I was actually going to put the plan into action I could feel myself chickening out. As I fought to form words, Sam regarded me with a look I couldn't quite place. Maybe if I hadn't been so preoccupied with maintaining my composure I would have seen the faint look of longing in her emerald green eyes.
"I've decided to take up the position at Special Ops," I began. "And I was wondering if you'd be willing to write me a reference." I tried to look sheepish. "I'd ask Neil, but I do actually want them to take me on."
She smiled at that too, and almost laughed but her usually clear eyes seemed to have clouded over; all expression vanished. "Of course I will." She said, but it was what she left unsaid in the air between us that truly fascinated me.
The moment outside the station is still something I replay in my head daily, with the same clarity as if it happened yesterday. Three years have passed now, and I am happy, Special Ops is the right place for me and I'm pleased I made the decision I did. Sam and I still talk, more so than we did during my last year at Sun Hill actually. I still love her, I always will and sometimes I wonder if, below the surface, she actually loves me too. Of course she's married now, and somehow I attended the ceremony and gritted my teeth when the vicar asked if anyone objected to her marrying my replacement in both the office and Sam's heart; DS Max Carter. The worst part is that he seems to be a decent bloke, and he clearly loves Sam. I've begun to date too but women fail to hold the same insatiable desire that I had when I was a sex addict because I know that I'll never meet anyone I could love as much as I still love Samantha Nixon.
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