Title: We wanna be tortured

Category: Parody

Disclaimer: As usual, all characters belong to Joss enclosing himself. 

Summery: Buffy is feed up with the fact that all male characters of the show get tortured and she doesn't. Anya, Willow and Dawn help.

----fade in-------

Sets in "Bring on the night".

Teaser starts. Just before Buffy switches into the dream scene with her Mum.

Buffy saying: " ………it almost got Angel kill himself and if we don't rescue Spike real soon"

Suddenly she stands up.

"Talking of Spike, Joss, why is it always Spike who gets tortured. I mean I read the script,"

pulling out a script from underneath the books on the table,

"he will be half naked. AGAIN as I might mention. And," while flipping through the pages, "he gets kicked, punched, chained and drowned."

Frowning, "He gets drowned???? Who wrote this????"

"Well, whatever. The point is, only the male character gets the beating? Remember Angel," turning around to Willow,  "he was tortured by Drusilla and Spike for days, thrown into hell for a century and what did I get: A visit in heaven!!"

"You forgot to mention the torturing on his own show," Willow now joining in, "I mean, it is not like: ONLY the supporting crew gets tortured. And he was half naked there as well."

"Exactly it's a male thing." Anya is getting up,

"We only get the emotion stuff."

"Or the mental stuff." Willow contributes.

"I'm fed up!" Buffy, tossing the script in the off-scene "This is the most prejudiced show I know."

"I'm the hero here! I should be tortured, not to forget, half naked."

"Buffy, guys" Joss trying to get through "I mean girls. Calm down.

I can't let you wave your boobs around in this show. Teenagers watch it, remember. We can only show naked males and severe violence.

And Buffy, if you had read the script carefully, you would have noticed that you are going to be beat up really bad and you won't get any sleep. Isn't that torture enough."

"No, Joss, that is not enough. I have been waiting six seasons. I want to be half naked, chained and tortured."

"What about my backside" Buffy, getting excited "You could show my backside naked! And somebody could stake me a few times.

You know, they could tie me front first to the wall and they could do some branding and cutting stuff. I mean I have blood, I am full of blood.

Please Joss! Please, get me chained!"

"Buffy that's enough, I promise we will talk about this. But we have to finish this scene."

"Well, all right" Buffy, pouncing "but I am serious I wanna be tortured"

--------fade out------------

-------fade in-----------

Act one! Opening credits. Andrew sits tied up in his chair.

Anya and Dawn spill water in his face

Instead of being dressed in the latest fashion wear, they wear loose white t-shirts

imprinted with:

I wanna

    be

tortured!

Joss voice is coming from off-scene:

"Ladies, What Is This?"

Dawn: "Well! This is our violence awareness campaign."

Anya: "Yes, I want my body cut in various places."

They start shouting:

"Torture us!! Torture us!!!! Torture us!! Torture us!!!!"

Joss, getting really pissed "Shut up! Work!"

Dawn -who of course will never shut up- grabs Andrews hair.

"I mean look at him. He is tied to a chair for almost two episodes. That's like days in real time and he's a weasel!

We hit him, tape him, throw water in his face, the full set.
The only time I got action was, when Glory kidnapped me. And she felt sorry all the time because of Bens stupid conscience coming through.

Seriously, how long was I tied up on that tower? Less then half an hour, before they rescued me.

And nobody really wanted to torture me. They just needed the blood."

Buffy joins the scene wearing an "I wanna be tortured" t-shirt as well.

"Look, Joss, this is my last chance. Everybody says it's the last season. I'm probably going to die or something more final, Dawn is not going to last for a spin-off and Anya, she could be dead before the season ends.

Come on! This is It. Last chance. Please!

Anya and Dawn start to chorus:

Hot pokers ! Hot pokers !

Get us branded !

Beat us up !

"All right" Joss, giving in unnerved "I'll do it .

But you have to wait till the last two episodes."

"Oh Joss, thank you! Thank you so much!"

"OK girls let's give him the cheers."

They start singing, picking up the last beats from the theme of "We are the champions"

We wanna be tortured

We wanne be tortured

Time for some bleeding

Cause we  wanne be tooortured

For days

----------Fade out---------