"Please don't leave, not now." Alex begged. Alex Vause did not beg.
She knew this moment was coming but she never imagined Piper could break her heart in this way when it was just shattered by the news that her mother had died. They had fought all night, struggling to let go, struggling to say all of the things they'd been afraid to reveal leaving only the silence between them. Alex selfishly didn't want Piper to go but knew, she knew deep in her bones that the blonde was better off. The last few months their relationship had been strained and heading towards the inevitable ending they both seemed to be afraid to accept. Alex needed Piper to walk away because she would never be able to leave her. It killed her to do it but she had to ask Piper. The one thing Piper had ever forbidden Alex asking of her again. The one thing she knew would make Piper leave and never look back. She had to push Piper away because she wasn't capable of leaving and she didn't know how to fix them. There was nothing left. They had reached their inevitable end.
The phone call that came changed everything. The only other good thing in Alex's life was gone. The only thing that had ever been her constant. Alex spent her life avoiding attachments. She didn't know how to cope with loss. When the words registered that her mom was gone she didn't know how to do anything. She couldn't even breathe. She was frozen in place until Piper's voice shook her back to life. The hand on her cheek and loving blue eyes staring back at her gave her the strength she needed to move. As quickly as relief washed over her it was gone. I can't be your girlfriend anymore. She was leaving. Still. How could she?
The blonde looked her in the eyes with a cold expression. Her bright shining blue eyes no longer held the light they once did. She turned on her heel with suitcase in hand and walked away without looking back. She left Alex when she needed her most. The sound of the door slamming reverberated through the room and Alex crumbled to the floor. Completely devastated. Her only two reasons for living were gone.
1 year later
Now boarding flight 742 to Brussels echoed through the airport PA system. Alex hated Brussels. A delivery to Brussels had been the beginning of the end for her relationship with Piper and after all this time Alex still wasn't remotely close to being over it. She'd done everything possible to get out of ever going to Brussels again even at great financial cost to herself. Paying other people in the ring extra to handle her business in the area. This time there was no way out of it so Alex did the only thing she could when she couldn't deal with the current state of her life. She got high. Alex had been using heroin since her mother's funeral. She had a flash of memory of Fahri promising it would take the pain away. She ignored what he used to say, that heroin was a collar and you controlled everyone who wore it. She welcomed the numbness. She welcomed the blanket covering everything around her spiraling out of control.
Alex wasn't a completely useless junkie, she knew business came first. She always put the business first, it was all she had left but today she couldn't face reality of heading to Brussels so she got high. She got higher than she normally allows herself in a day. The last resemblance of control she had was fading by the second. In reality, Alex had not been in control since before the blonde left but with each passing day the facade of control was slipping further and further away.
"Come on Vause get your shit together" Alex said through gritted teeth as she splashed water over her face. She had trouble focusing on her distorted reflection in the mirror and pulled her glasses back down onto her nose.
"You look like hell"
Alex turned her head to see a short woman with wild hair grinning.
"Look in the mirror Mufasa" Alex fired back.
"Haha good one. Name's Nicky. Nice to meet ya" The wild haired woman reached out her hand to shake.
Alex looked at the extended hand and glared before grabbing a towel to wipe her face.
"Don't worry I'm not insulted. Germs are a natural thing to worry about in a public restroom that smells like urine." Nicky took a step closer. "Though I didn't expect an addict to be a germaphobe."
Alex furrowed her brows "What the fuck did you say?"
"Chill out, Jesus. You're fucking high as a kite. I would know." Nicky pulled the V-neck of her shirt to the side revealing a large scar.
"Endocarditis. Pretty common in our top customers" Alex said letting her guard down a little. "You looking to buy?"
"Nah, I mean I miss the shit every fuckin day but I'm not ready to die yet." Nicky searched Alex's face trying to think of how to express her reason for following the raven haired woman into the bathroom.
"So what you're just looking to get in the business?" Alex raised her eyebrow.
"No..." Nicky shook her head "no I'm already in a business" Nicky took another step forward leaving Alex little room to move.
Alex laughed not fazed by the smaller woman's attempt to be intimidating. "What business is that? Getting junkies in airports clean? Going to force me into rehab and introduce me to jesus?" Alex said the last bit with a southern accent and a hint of laughter. Still floating on the effects of the drug in her veins.
"Nope" Nicky shook her head again not backing down from the taller woman "I make people disappear"
Alex threw her head back as she laughed "Come on, you're a hitman?" Alex couldn't stop laughing as she looked over the shorter woman. "Who am I supposed to think hired you? Kubra? Please, I might be high but I'm still his best importer."
Nicky smiled "Thanks for the verbal confirmation Alex"
Alex immediately turned a shade paler and lips parted as she realized her mistake and suddenly grew fearful of how this woman knew her name. The drugs were still pumping through her system and the haze was clouding her thoughts but Alex knew she was fucked.
"Relax I'm not a hitman, but if you don't work with me your boss will probably introduce you to one." Nicky looked over the taller woman to make sure she was understanding her "I don't normally meet people like you in this situation but they thought we'd have something to bond over" Nicky gestured to her scar, "I'm with WITSEC better known as the witness protection program. Kubra's entire organization is going down Vause. You can go down with him but it's much more likely that he'd have you killed or you can help us put him away. In return for your cooperation we'll put you in the program and you get to start a new life." Alex backed against the wall and placed her hand on the sink for more support. "I'm going to give you 5 minutes to think about your options. There's no way out of here. I'll be right outside that door with about 20 US Marshals when you're ready."
7 years later
"I'll have what she's having" Nicky pointed to Alex's beer.
"And she'll buy me another" Alex said to the bartender while winking at Nicky. Nicky nodded her head in surrender before sitting down next to Alex.
"Monthly checkup pimp. How's it going?" Nicky asked as she pulled out a file folder from her bag.
Alex laughed "Still? Come on Nichols we hang out almost every day. That should be enough for your monthly reports."
"You've been saying that for years, the monthly meetings are paid for by the service so fill this out. When my drinks are on their dime, I'm cashing in every time." Grinning at her rhyme Nicky slid the file folder over to Alex who quickly filled out the forms. After seven years she could fill out the standard forms with her eyes closed.
"The house next door sold?" Alex knew the Marshal Service had to investigate potential neighbors.
Nicky nodded slowly "The Blooms. Newlyweds. From Park Slope."
"Great" Alex rolled her eyes.
Nicky laughed "Actually I think you might like them. Mr. Bloom is a writer. A shitty one but he got a column at the paper. Mrs. Bloom was a literature major and co owns an artisanal soap business." Their background checks had cleared but Nicky had found some interesting information in Mrs. Bloom's past that she was still investigating on her own.
Alex remained unimpressed. "Sounds like my kind of crowd."
"Well at the very least they will probably be new regulars for Green Light. And Mrs. Bloom is kind of hot if you are into the housewife type." Nicky grinned causing Alex to shake her head with annoyance.
"Speaking of hot. How's your girl doing?" Nicky grinned.
Alex rolled her eyes and sighed. "She's leaving tomorrow to visit family for the week, thank god. Every time I try to break it off it's like… fuck I don't know. I wake up hung-over and naked."
"You're getting soft" Nicky teased.
"Fuck you, how's Lorna?" Alex flashed a knowing smirk.
Nicky just smiled and shook her head before taking a drink. "Come on, best 2 of 3"
Alex looked at the pool table behind them and back to her friend "Nicky, in seven years you've never even come close to beating me"
"I keep telling you, I'm just keeping you on your toes. I could beat you but I'm building your confidence. It's very psychological. I'm just working you pimp" Nicky grinned.
"And seven years and you still have the same bullshit story" Alex laughed.
Alex had completely crushed Nicky as usual. Nicky made her typical excuses and laughed before saying she had to go.
Alex stayed to finish her beer. Sipping it slower than normal. Stretching out the time she had before heading home where her girlfriend would be waiting. Although the woman didn't live with Alex she slept over more often than Alex liked and knowing that she was leaving tomorrow for a week Alex knew the woman would be there waiting for her. She was a nice girl, fantastic in bed, but she was the same as everyone else before her. She wasn't Piper. The longer she was around the harder it became for Alex to pretend nothing was missing.
A song on the jukebox took hold of her thoughts. Alex was taken away. Images of Piper and her voice whispering sweet nothings and icy daggers through her heart.
I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hangin on
To all that might have been
And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still I miss you most of all
Alex stayed for another drink ignoring the missed phone calls and texts from her girlfriend wondering why she wasn't home yet. When she finally arrived home she was greeted by an angry girlfriend. Alex wasn't in the mood to fight. She wanted to forget about Piper. The only drug Alex still used was sex. Alex spent the rest of the night trying to fuck away the images of Piper. The girlfriend of course thought that Alex's delicate touches and the way she seemed to memorize every part of her body was Alex's way of showing how much she loved her. Alex was doing what she did with every woman to no avail. She tried to rewrite her memories. She tried to make her body forget what it craved. She was never successful and more often than not the woman beneath her turned into Piper if only for a moment.
The morning sun shone bright as the blue Prius pulled into the drive of a large white house. "Home sweet home Pipes" Larry placed a chaste kiss on Piper's lips and they both excitedly got out of the car.
Larry ran to meet Piper at the porch steps and handed her a set of keys. "You do the honors babe"
Piper smiled hugely and turned the key. She took Larry's hand and led him into the foyer.
"I love it Lar" Piper wrapped her arms around Larry's neck and kissed him. The sound of the moving truck arriving caused Larry to pull away. "You direct and I'll make sure they don't break anything getting it off the truck" Larry smiled and Piper nodded her head returning the smile.
The movers had been working hard for almost 45 minutes and only a few large pieces still remained in the truck. Piper insisted the workers take a break and she unpacked a box of kitchen items to give everyone a glass of ice water. Larry stepped out to retrieve his cell phone from the car.
"Oh hi neighbor" Larry spotted a woman next door on her porch drinking a cup of coffee. The woman smiled and waved politely. Larry took the opportunity to introduce himself and walked to the side of the porch. "Hope we're not being too loud?" Larry smiled.
"Not at all…" The woman held out her hand over the railing waiting for the man to introduce himself.
"Larry, Larry Bloom. My wife is with the movers." Larry shook the woman's hand.
"Nice to meet you Larry. I'm Donna." The two were interrupted by muffled yelling from inside the house. A tall brunette opened the front door. She had clearly not had her coffee yet "We're going to be late!" Before a response could be formed the brunette slammed the door shut. Donna looked at Larry with an apologetic expression "Sorry about that, we have to get to the airport."
"No problem. Nice to meet you Donna. We'll have to have you both over for dinner sometime to get to know each other." Larry smiled. Donna nodded in silent agreement as she entered the front door.
Larry found Piper in the bedroom arranging the closet. "Movers just left" He slid his hands around Piper's waist and kissed the back of her neck. Piper stiffened briefly before forcing herself to smile and leaned into his embrace. She still couldn't stop her body's natural reaction to stiffen when someone other than Alex kissed her there. "We're going to be really happy here Pipes. I can feel it" Piper pulled Larry's arms around her tighter. She wanted to believe it. The move had not been an easy choice for Piper but with each emptied box she felt closer to something she never thought possible. She felt free of the ghost that haunted her since she stepped into a Paris elevator 8 years ago.
"I met our new neighbors" Larry grinned as he turned Piper to face him and kissed her lips. A soft moan escaped Piper's lips as the kiss broke but Larry's hands were sliding under the hem of her shirt. "What are they like?" Piper's voice thick with arousal as her hands roamed over Larry's chest. Larry's eyes glazed as his hands continued to run up Piper's sides. "There's Donna, a tall, smoking hot, red head." Larry kissed Piper's neck as his hands reached her breasts. Piper rolled her head back "And Mr. Neighbor?" Larry smiled wider and brushed his lips against Piper's ear "No Mr. Neighbor, just a tall, hot, feisty, brunette. I didn't get her name." Piper briefly came out of her aroused state at learning her new neighbors were lesbians. She knew this was why Larry was suddenly so in the mood. The look in his eyes made it obvious as he spoke. "I told them we should do dinner this week." A smirk spread across Piper's lips. "I'm sure you'd love that" The two kissed, giving way to their desire. Unpacking could wait.
It had been a long afternoon but Piper couldn't wait to go for a run and explore her new neighborhood. "Lar I'm going for a quick run"
"Okay Pipes. Be careful" Larry called from the office as he struggled to setup his computer.
Piper had run a few blocks and decided to turn down the next road so she could make a big loop back to her house. When she was only a block away from her home Piper spotted a woman that Larry had described as their new neighbor at the back of her SUV. She opened the hatch door and a large dog got out of the back. Piper hoped she could catch the woman to say hello before she went into the house. The tall woman was opening her front door, a black sable German Shepherd at her side. Piper was about to say hello but she was suddenly unable to make a sound. Her mind playing tricks on her as it sometimes does. The woman went inside before Piper could react.
"How was your run Pipes?" Larry greeted Piper with a bottle of water.
"Great, the neighborhood is really beautiful. I'm going to take a quick shower" Piper pecked Larry on the cheek and made her way upstairs.
Piper scolded herself as she stood under the hot water. It wasn't Alex. Not every tall woman is Alex. Alex would never live in Aurora. She is not Alex. Get over it Chapman. Bloom. You're married. Get over it Bloom. This is the whole reason you moved out here. It's the same lecture she's given herself more times than she can count. She had left Alex Vause in Paris over 8 years ago but part of herself never left Alex. Alex was always with her no matter what Piper did to try and rid herself of the raven haired woman.
Piper met Larry 6 years ago. He was sweet and kind. She loved him but deep down she knew no one compared to what she felt for Alex. Leaving Alex was the hardest thing Piper had ever done. Alex's job had changed her. In the beginning everything was exciting. Alex made Piper feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Over time Alex grew more interested in advancing within the cartel and Piper was more interested in starting a normal life with Alex. Piper thought eventually Alex would want to slow down but each big deal just seemed to fuel her desire for more. They spent less and less time together until they had nothing left between them but sex. Piper had grown desperate to be with Alex more, to have more of Alex so she had insisted on learning more about the business. Eventually Piper carried a bag of drug money to Brussels. Instead of it bringing them closer it only drove a wedge deeper between the two. Piper had considered leaving Alex for weeks but every time she found the courage to leave she'd hesitate and the moment would pass. Eventually Alex asked her to help with the business again and Piper knew she had to leave. Of course nothing was easy about leaving.
She had left their suite after a night of fighting to clear her head and make arrangements for her flight home. When she returned, Piper found Alex visibly distraught. She had assumed this was because they were breaking up and Polly had warned Piper that Alex would try to manipulate her to make her stay. Her passport was missing and Piper knew Alex was behind it. She knew it was the type of shit Alex would pull hoping to buy more time so she could convince her to stay. When Piper learned that Alex's mother had passed she felt everything slipping away. Piper loved Alex's mother Diane. She loved the relationship the two had. Selfishly Piper had felt anger at the news causing her temper to flare. She was angry about everything. Angry that Alex had not picked her over the cartel. Angry that Alex wouldn't fight for them. Angry that she allowed herself to care so much for this woman that didn't give a second thought about what she'd done to Piper. Alex didn't ask Piper to stay and she was angry that Alex was only asking she stay now because her mother died. Alex had begged her not to leave and anger fueled her as she took a last look into those green eyes before turning for the door never looking back.
Reality hit her days later on Polly's couch. Piper's guilt ate away at her but she convinced herself that Alex must hate her by now and when she finally found the courage to call, the number had been disconnected. She blocked everything out and spent the next two years drinking and sleeping with strangers trying to forget Alex. When Piper met Larry she saw him as someone to help her get her life back on track. A nice stable man she could be with. The kind of man her mother approved of. Piper grew to love him and a year ago when he proposed Piper had accepted genuinely. 3 months ago they married and Larry was offered a column for a large paper outside of Chicago. Polly and Piper had been considering expanding their PoPi line and Chicago was a great opportunity so the move was perfect.
Piper had confessed to Polly that still after all these years she had hoped to bump into Alex somewhere in the city, looking for her around every corner. She'd continued to search for Alex and contacts she'd met on social media to no avail. As her wedding day approached part of her hoped Alex would burst through the church doors at the last moment declaring her love like some ridiculous romance novel. It didn't happen. Her wedding came and went. Picture perfect. No one except Piper noticed the practiced smile.
Piper felt she was finally ready to let Alex's ghost go, the move was the perfect opportunity to close that chapter. She'd never see Alex again and she was beginning to accept that. As usual, Piper's heart was having trouble adjusting because lately all Piper could think about was Alex and every tall woman was Alex at a glance. That's what was happening with the neighbor. Something about her reminded her of Alex. Piper decided she needed to introduce herself so she could get these thoughts out of her mind. She would try tomorrow and invite the pair over for dinner.
Piper and Larry had nearly finished unpacking when they decided they were too exhausted and hungry to continue. "Let's grab a bite at that diner down the road" Larry suggested as he placed one final box in the guest room to be unpacked later. Piper nodded "A cheeseburger sounds so good right now."
The next morning Piper woke up as the sun was beginning to shine through the windows lighting up the bedroom. She was laying on Larry's chest and his arm was wrapped around her. Piper smiled feeling content before she carefully got out of bed trying not to disturb Larry and got ready for her morning run.
She stepped off her front porch with a smile on her face. This is what she'd always wanted. A good husband, a nice house in a nice neighborhood where she could raise a family. Piper ignored the nagging voice in the back of her mind. The one that still longed for Alex. The one that longed for something more than her WASPy upbringing. She was meant to put on a face and smile. Everything was as it should be. This is what she'd been taught. Larry was a great guy and the only person Piper had been able to love since Alex Vause had left a crater in her heart. This was her life now. She was determined to live it. Ghosts be damned.
Piper was midway through her run when she spotted the tall red headed woman ahead of her jogging with her dog. Piper decided to turn up the block and hoped they would cross paths. At the next street crossing Piper turned hoping to spot the woman. Piper groaned as she saw the woman at the end of the block having gone the opposite direction. She decided to catch up with the woman and introduce herself.
As she got closer she couldn't help but notice the woman's form. Her red hair pulled into a tight pony tail. Her capri pants clung to her long legs and revealed sensual curves. Her green tank top revealed a strong back and shoulders. Then Piper saw it. The tattoo peaking from behind the tank top on her left shoulder. A salt shaker. Piper gasped aloud. Panic suddenly overtook her and she lost her balance tripping over her feet and crashing into garbage cans.
The red haired woman's dog turned around aggressively looking for the cause of the alarming sound. "Grimm enough!" The woman commanded seeing that there was no threat. "Are you alright? You have to watch out for those garbage cans. Silent killers of the suburbs." The red haired woman joked attempting to ease the embarrassment of the woman hiding behind the garbage cans. All the red haired woman could see were long toned legs and a very tight ass she couldn't help but admire.
The unmistakable husky voice of Alex Vause sent chills through Piper's body. No no no this is not happening. This CAN'T be happening. "Are you alright?" The voice again sent chills down Piper's spine. Piper pushed herself up slowly on all fours as if gathering her strength hoping she'd just imagined all of this and the woman in front of her would be a complete stranger. The red head watched as the blonde rose up on her knees before standing still facing away from her. She allowed her eyes to rake over the blonde's form before spotting a flash of color at the back of her neck.
When Piper turned around her blue eyes immediately locked to Alex's green. It felt like they stared for an eternity. Within a heartbeat they were both sucked back into that vortex where nothing else existed. "Alex" The name escaped her lips as a whisper.
The red haired woman's lips parted in shock. She began shaking her head slowly in disbelief before she finally managed a weak response "My name is Donna." The woman turned around and ran back towards her home with her dog at her side. Piper stood still watching her until she was out of sight. She had wanted to call out, to chase her, but she was frozen. She'd imagined seeing Alex again so many times over the years, playing all possible scenarios in her mind. This was well beyond of the realm of possibilities she'd foreseen.
"How was your run?" Larry said as he entered the bathroom to join Piper in the shower. "Piper what happened!?"
"Oh you know me, saw something pretty and tripped into some garbage cans" Piper laughed immediately hating the words she chose because they were completely true. She hated that Alex still had this hold on her.
"You have to be more careful Piper" Larry kissed the scrapes on Piper's elbow then knelt down to kiss Piper's scraped knee. His kisses trailed to her thighs. Piper's mind immediately went to Alex. They were in Bali. Piper had broken a heel and fallen, scraping her knees. Alex had nursed Piper's wounds the same way Larry was currently trying to, though Alex was much better. Piper grabbed Larry's head "Please don't Lar. The water is burning and I'm sore. I just want to get dressed and relax for a bit." Larry looked up at Piper and smiled. "Why don't I go get groceries and run a few errands, you relax. I'll be back this evening and we'll cook a nice dinner and make a night of it before I start work tomorrow."
"Sounds good" Piper smiled and kissed Larry before exiting the shower.
Larry had barely been gone 10 minutes before Piper found herself pacing back and forth checking the window to see that Alex's SUV was still parked in the driveway next door. Fuck. Shit. Fucking. Fuck. Piper squeezed her head with her palms. After several deep breaths Piper decided to go over there. I'll just knock on the door. I'll tell her I'm happily married. Why is her hair red? Why did she say her name was Donna? Why is she living here? How does she have a dog? Piper's thoughts were scattered as she stormed up the steps to her neighbor's house. After 8 years Alex was back in her life just when she'd started to let go. Right next door but painfully out of reach. Before the blonde realized what she was doing her fists were pounding on the door.
Alex sat on the couch staring at her cell phone in shock. Why the fuck did you run you dumbass? It was a reflex Alex had developed over the years. If someone recognized her she pretended not to know them and ran. She didn't expect to do that if she ever saw Piper again. Alex wanted to call Nicky and tell her that her cover was blown and she needed to move again. She wanted Nicky to find out what Piper was doing in the neighborhood. This would mean Alex would have to tell Nicky who Piper was. Fuck me. Grimm let out a low growl and headed towards the front door. There were a few loud knocks seconds later.
Alex saw the blonde's face through the glass framing the door. The design slightly distorting her image. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply trying to slow her jackhammering heart. After a couple shakes of her hands to release the nerves building up she fixed her expression to a practiced blank. "Grimm wait" Alex commanded the dog and then opened the door. Before Piper could say anything Alex was stepping out of the door and onto the porch. Piper's lips parted and senses flooded as she was now face to face with Alex Vause for the first time in 8 years and dammit if she didn't look even more beautiful despite the drastic changes to her appearance.
"What are you doing here Piper?" Alex's face was unreadable but the coldness of her tone was unmistakable.
"So you do know my name? Donna was it?" Piper's planned speech was completely forgotten. Anger in full control of her mouth. "What the fuck Alex? What are you doing here? Why is your hair red?" Piper threw her hands wildly gesturing towards the red locks at the taller woman's shoulders as if it were the most ridiculous thing she'd ever seen.
Alex stepped closer gritting her teeth to refrain from raising her voice. This was not a conversation for the whole neighborhood. "Keep your voice down Piper." Alex scanned the nearby houses to make sure no one was watching. "My dog might kill you if you come in. We can't talk here. Where do you live?"
Piper swallowed "Next door."
Alex's eyes widened as she raised her eyebrows in surprise, "What?"
"You um… you met my husband Larry yesterday."
Alex nervously bit the side of her cheek thinking hard "There's a café not far from here we could g-"
"Fuck no Alex, tell me what the fuck is going on!" Piper raised her voice again causing Alex to grab her by the wrist and quickly pull her inside.
Piper's sudden presence in the home barely caused Grimm to look up from his antler chew. "Might kill me huh?" Piper smiled. Alex slammed the door shut causing the blonde to jump as the sound reverberated through the room.
"Jesus Piper shut the fuck up!" Alex was furious and allowed her voice to fill the room. The last thing she wanted was Piper here in her living room. Leaving her mark on everything again.
Piper was taken aback by Alex's anger and spoke softly. "Alex I'm… What is going on?" Alex sat on the couch and rested her head in her hands letting out a huge sigh.
"Are you okay?" Piper asked not sure how to handle Alex in her current state. This was not the Alex Vause she remembered.
"No" Alex shook her head in her hands not looking up.
Piper instinctively sat next to the taller woman and rubbed her shoulder attempting to provide some comfort "Talk to me."
Alex looked at Piper's hand on her shoulder and locked eyes with the blonde causing her to withdraw her hand. "I guess it doesn't matter. I have to move now anyway." Alex was unable to look at Piper as she spoke.
"What do you mean? You don't have to move. Sure, it's awkward now but we can get past it. We could be friends." Piper gave a half smile.
"We were never friends Piper" Alex's voice once again grew agitated.
"Oh really?" Piper laughed and looked to the dog quietly chewing a few feet away. Internally she knew the truth. She had never wanted anything resembling friendship with Alex Vause. She remembered Alex's words in Paris "…Apparently not even my friend." Piper still hated herself for Paris.
Alex fired back "Not for a second. I loved you…" She paused briefly. Angry that she had already opened up so much. She quickly lied and tried to clarify what she meant. "I loved having sex with you." The blonde's eyes locked with Alex's causing her anger to rise again. "I don't want to be friends with you Piper. God you are so fucking narcissistic. You just show up after all of this time and expect me to be okay with you living next door? You have no idea what I've been through in the last eight years."
Piper stared at Alex waiting to be filled in "So tell me."
Alex's expression hardened. "Really? Fuck you Piper. You don't get to just barge in and wreck everything again. You don't get to know about my life. You ran away."
Piper felt her temper rising. She wanted to scream but her words were lost. Alex was right, she had only thought of herself. Finally seeing Alex after all of this time, all she could think about was what she wanted. Piper hadn't even for a moment since seeing the woman earlier in the day considered Alex might not want to speak to her. Suddenly Piper was remembering their last moments. Alex's tears and her shaking voice as she begged her not to leave. Piper quickly stood and moved to run out the door but she was stopped by words barely audible from Alex's lips "Run again, like you always do." Piper had waited 8 years for a chance to see Alex again. She had been prepared for the anger. Prepared to accept her part of the blame. She wasn't going to run away again. Piper turned and met Alex's gaze "I'm not going anywhere Alex. You want to yell at me? Do it! I'm so fucking sick of this, tell me what the fuck is going on!"
Stunned, Alex finally spoke. Her voice defeated. She didn't have the energy to fight. She was tired of the regret. Tired of the hurt. Tired of it all. "Fine… after you fucking abandoned me when my mom died I couldn't deal with anything. You broke my fucking heart… In one day I lost the only two people that mattered to me." Alex's voice started to break "I started using."
"Alex…" Piper never thought Alex would turn to drugs. She had assumed Alex did the same thing she did. Have endless one night stands and drink a lot.
"About a year later I was strung out at the airport. I had to carry bags myself because I had been fucking up so bad. I ran into some US Marshals."
"Oh my god! You went to prison?"
"No. They were bringing Kubra down. They offered me a deal. Go to prison and probably be killed by someone in the organization before the day's end or give them everything and they'd give me a new life. I'm in witness protection" Alex gestured to her hair and flashed half a smirk.
Piper sat silently for a moment letting the information sink in. "How… How did this happen?"
"Well, when you do illegal shit it's bound to catch up with you"
"No I mean me living next to you. Shouldn't they be protecting you better?" Piper's voice was full of concern.
Alex shook her head "I never told them about you Piper."
Piper nodded, slowly realizing that even after everything Alex had lied to protect her. Keeping the promise she made before Brussels.
"Look Piper, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never been in one place very long but I've been here almost 3 years. I was just starting to think I was safe. I have a life here."
Piper's guilt returned. All of the pain she'd caused Alex was visible on the woman's face. Alex had a home, someone she loved and Piper was threatening all of it. "You don't have to leave. If you don't want to be friends I can deal with it. Lots of neighbors don't talk to each other" Piper half smiled. She couldn't imagine being so close to Alex but not talking to her. Not seeing her.
Alex shook her head and released a disbelieving exhale of a laugh. "Piper, I can't live next to you. I'm an addict. Living next door to my ex and seeing her start a family and have the life we should have had together is a terrible idea." Alex didn't mean to reveal so much and hoped the blonde didn't catch it. "If Kubra's people found me they would find you too. They would use you to get to me. I have to leave."
"But I just found you" Piper's voice was thick with emotion.
Grimm dropped his antler chew and trotted to the door excitedly. There was a loud knock a few seconds later.
"Open up dumbass!" Nicky Nichols yelled as she banged on the door again.
"Shit" Alex quickly stood and caught Piper's frightened expression. "It's just my friend Nicky. Don't say anything. My name is Donna. You just moved in and were introducing yourself but you have to get back home and start dinner." Piper nodded understanding and tried to calm herself.
Alex opened the door "Hey Nicky"
"Grimmy boy!" Nicky bent down and pet the dog as he spun excitedly. When she looked up to greet Alex she spotted the blonde woman and immediately stiffened.
"Nicky this is my new neighbor Piper. She just came over to introduce herself and was on her way back home." Alex opened the door wider signaling for Piper to go.
"Yes, it was very nice to meet you Donna and you too Nicky" Piper smiled as she headed for the door.
Nicky grabbed the door and pulled it closed forcefully. "Cut the bullshit Alex."
"Who's Alex?" Piper asked too quickly and met a hard glare from Nicky. Alex's normally unreadable face was panicked. Nicky would never have used her real name without knowing something was up.
Nicky walked into the room and pulled a file folder from her bag throwing it down on the coffee table. "Imagine my surprise when I took a look at the cleared background report of your new neighbor. Sure she checked out. Ordinary and boring except for the constant traveling 8 years ago. Then I started thinking and had a hunch. Blonde. WASP-y. Blue eyes. Sounds like someone I've heard drunken mumblings about for the last seven years. So I checked her travel history. Guess who has a near perfect match with you Alex? You want to tell me what the fuck is going on? You told me the chick who broke your heart was never involved with the organization Alex. You swore to me."
Fuck. Alex's voice was high pitched with panic. "She wasn't. She was with me. She didn't do anything for Kubra." Piper stood stunned watching the two. Alex was still trying to keep her out of it. Why?
"She never met Kubra or anyone else in the organization?" Nicky questioned. She already knew the answer.
Alex shook her head "No"
"Dammit Vause don't fucking lie to me!"
Alex placed a hand on Piper's shoulder and looked into her frightened cerulean blue eyes "Piper go home. Everything will be fine."
"No, Piper stay right there. I have questions for you and I'm sure you'd rather answer them now verses me showing up at your house with a dozen US Marshals. I doubt your husband knows about any of this."
Piper nodded her head with wide panicked eyes and sat down on the couch.
"Alright Nicky!" Alex ran her hands through her hair and took a few deep breaths gathering herself before opening the flood gates. "She met Kubra. She met a lot of people in the organization. Kubra pressured me to have her carry a bag. I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, I'd done it dozens of times." Alex couldn't look either of them in the eyes. The guilt still suffocated her. "I asked and she did it. She was fucking brilliant." Alex licked her lips tasting the bitterness of her words. "After that… I knew I fucked up. I put her at risk. I was losing control but I couldn't stop. I realized Kubra wanted her involved so he could control her and use her to control me… I never told Kubra she did a job. I told him I was still trying to convince her, buying more time until he gave me an ultimatum in Paris… She carries a bag or she ends up in one." Alex bit the side of her cheek trying to stop the tremors in her jaw as her emotions took over. Tears welled in her eyes as she remembered the conversation with Kubra. Alex couldn't look at Piper. "I panicked. I asked her to do it again. She left me." Alex wiped the tears from her eyes "I was Kubra's best and I think he actually felt bad that his pressure caused Piper to leave me, the same day my mom died."
"Cold" Nicky said glaring at Piper.
"I explained that Piper never did anything for the organization and that I'd kept details from her. Piper's friends and family didn't even know she was with me and that she'd probably ran back home pretending none of it ever happened. He agreed to let her go." Alex finally looked at Piper and saw that the blonde had tears streaming down her face. It killed Alex. She wanted to explain further. She wanted Piper to fully understand why she did what she did. Nicky knew that look and she was too pissed off to spare any feelings "What aren't you telling me Vause?"
Alex closed her eyes letting the tears brim over as she shook her head. "Please" Alex begged Nicky to drop it but she was met with an apathetic stare. Alex finally turned her guilt into anger "I couldn't fix us!" Her voice pierced through the silence. "And I couldn't leave her…" Alex choked out the last as she looked at Piper's tear soaked face. "I couldn't leave, even if it saved her life. I made her walk away."
Piper's brows furrowed taking in the information. This is why she never begged you to stay. "No..." Piper didn't realize the words had left her mouth as she voiced her own regret. Piper's voice absolutely gutted Alex. The anguish was hers alone to bear. "Piper, you were right to leave. I had no right to ask you to stay. It wasn't part of the plan. I just... I didn't know how to breathe… it wasn't fair."
"None of it was fair." Red blue eyes met Alex's red green.
Nicky broke the silence "You do know if Kubra's men found you and find out she lives next door they would kill her to get to you."
"Nicky please. I'll move. Just keep it off the record." Alex pleaded with the shorter woman. She had spent 8 years living with the guilt of putting Piper's life at risk. She wasn't going to do it again.
Nicky shook her head and sighed. "I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you two are to avoid each other. I don't care if I have to schedule your grocery shopping trips. You are not to have any interaction." Alex reluctantly nodded her head in agreement. The blonde wiped away her tears and nodded. "I'm going home to figure this out. You two say whatever you need to say to finish it. No more communication once you leave this house Piper." Nicky glared at the two women before heading out the door.
Piper and Alex sat not speaking for several minutes. The only sound was Grimm chewing on his antler.
"He was going to have me killed?"
"I wouldn't have ever let something like that happen to you. I was trying to keep you safe!"
"You couldn't keep me safe. You can't even keep yourself safe!" Piper yelled.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Who is the one that wanted to meet Kubra? When I didn't want to stay and party you stayed with them. You knew exactly what you were getting in to. I didn't want you involved in anything illegal. I didn't want you getting in too deep. I was trapped and I was doing everything I could to keep you safe. You pushed and when shit got real you ran. You didn't talk to me about anything you didn't even give me a chance to explain. My mom died and you bolted so fuck you!" Alex didn't really mean it. Part of her still blamed Piper for the hurt. It was easier than taking it all herself.
"I'm sorry Alex. I really am but one second you're telling me Kubra would have had me killed if I had ditched the bag and the next you're telling me how turned on it made you. It terrified me. Then you wanted me to do it again. My life was at risk!" Piper yelled.
"You think mine wasn't!? If I failed Kubra would have killed us both. I was trying to find us a way out but I had to buy more time." Alex drew a deep breath.
"You never told me any of this. You let me be alone with them." Piper was reliving every moment spent in the company of Fahri and Kubra while Alex took care of business.
"I was a stupid selfish fuck up. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could get us out."
"You said…" Piper's voice broke as she was overcome with emotion. "You said that you loved your life and you could never imagine doing anything else. There was no other future for us."
Alex walked closer to Piper gently reaching out and wiped the tears away from the blonde with her thumb. "I didn't want you to know how scared I was. I was afraid you'd run away. I fucked up everything."
"How come you stayed?" Piper needed to know if this was real. If Alex was really planning on leaving the cartel why had she stayed with them? Why would she stay if they'd threatened their lives?
"I was going to leave. After the funeral. My mom would have been so disappointed in me. I talked to Fahri about it. Cried on his shoulder. Then I started using and everything faded away. I needed the cartel to feed my addiction" Tears streamed down Alex's face and Piper reached to wipe them away. "I know my track record is shit but I really do love you." Alex let it slip. She never stopped loving Piper. She never would.
In that moment everything Piper had suppressed over the last eight years came rushing back. A sudden jerking sob escaped her lips and she hugged Alex tightly, anchoring herself to the taller woman. She pulled at the Alex's shirt clinging, unable to hold her tight enough. Alex enveloped the blonde in her arms. A hand at the back of her head and the other tight around her waist. Piper's body ached as it remembered how it felt to be held by Alex and to smell her. She was home.
Alex felt whole again for the first time since Piper walked out of her life. She held her tightly and breathed in her scent knowing the clock was ticking and soon Piper would leave and be out of her life forever. Her broken heart was shattering more.
"I'm so sorry Pipes. For all of it. I'm sorry for asking you to stay. It was selfish. I-"
Piper interrupted "Your mother died. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry too."
The two continued to hold each other tightly knowing their time was running short and not wanting to lose a second of feeling the other so close.
Eventually Alex spoke breaking the long silence but didn't break the embrace. "Are you happy?"
Piper lifted her head to lock eyes with Alex. "Larry is a good man. I've been happy. I've tried to move on"
Alex kissed the top of Piper's head and stepped away keeping her hands on Piper's hips "That's all I ever wanted for you kid."
"What are you going to do?"
"What do you want me to do?" Alex searched Piper's face in a way she'd not allowed herself to do yet. Noticing every detail of the face she'd dreamed about for so long. "Tell me to go. Tell me that's what you want and I will walk away and you'll never see me again."
"Is that what you want?" Piper's blue eyes desperately searched for a sign of hope in Alex's.
"I want you" I love you. Only you. I always have. I always will. Alex's voice carried the weight of things unsaid.
"Al…I…I can't...I'm…" Piper shook her head unable to say it.
"I know" Alex brushed Piper's cheek with her hand and forced a small smile "It'll be alright" Alex pulled Piper into another hug and whispered in her ear "Don't forget me" then placed a soft kiss on Piper's cheek.
"I won't remember anything else" Piper whispered back. Alex pulled away quickly and forced herself to move down the hall unable to look back. Grimm followed closely behind. Piper's fingers went to her cheek where Alex's lips had touched. Still stunned, she turned and walked out of the house.
Alex had no more tears to cry. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Grimm rested his head on Alex's stomach watching her. Soft whines breaking the silence as the canine voiced his concern at seeing his person upset. Alex ran her fingers through Grimm's soft fur and scratched behind his ear "Thanks buddy". The canine looked at Alex with sincere amber eyes before turning with a groan and snuggling up along her legs.
Alex absently pet the sleeping dog and tried to focus on his deep breaths, attempting to pull her mind from the day. Trying to build her walls back up and close the floodgates. It had been almost 3 years since Nicky had shown up at her house with the young puppy.
"Who's this?!" For the first time in months Alex's eyes were bright as she started petting the puppy in Nicky's arms.
"That's for you to decide." Nicky had the biggest grin spreading across her face. She loved being right. Alex's lips parted as the realization set in. Her jaw quickly clinched shut and she stiffened shaking her head "No, no" She stepped away from the puppy as the familiar urge to run settled into her bones.
"Come on Vause, you need this. You haven't left the house since you got here. It's been a month. Time to step up." Nicky stepped forward with the puppy. Alex looked at his adorable pink tongue sticking out and bright amber eyes. He had one floppy ear and one ear almost standing but flipped forward at the tip. "Nichols I've never even had a fish. What the fuck do I know about owning a dog?" Nicky smiled and pushed the pup into Alex's arms "You've got plenty of time to learn."
Alex looked at the pup in her arms and back to Nicky "Nicky.. " she tilted her head pleading as Nicky stood in the open door. "He's going to get hungry soon. You'll need to go get puppy stuff and toys. Don't let him down Vause." Nicky turned not waiting for a response and closed the door leaving Alex standing there stunned "Fuck."
Alex had taken to the dog effortlessly. The canine was her shadow, following her everywhere as they went for walks around town. They excelled in training classes and the Marshals service helped with protection training. Alex had found she was actually living. Not hiding or running for the first time in 5 years. She had chosen the name Grimm based on the Grimm tales. It seemed a fitting name for an intimidating looking dog. Eventually Alex started feeling like herself. She started feeling like she could have a life. She had opened Green Light almost a year ago. She stopped looking for the cartel around every corner. Now, when she entered a room or scanned a crowd it was only the blonde's face she sought.
Alex exhaled heavily before rising out of bed. Sleep wasn't going to happen anytime soon. With Grimm at her heels, she retrieved a beer from the fridge and made her way back through the dark house to her bedroom and stepped out onto the balcony alone. The moon was obscured by distant clouds but countless stars were visible in the night sky. Alex lit a cigarette and leaned on the railing as she exhaled trying to blow everything out with the smoke. A flash of light caught her eye and Alex saw the TV glowing from the living room next door. It grew brighter once more and Alex felt the knife twisting. Piper was asleep on the couch. Her head resting on her husband's chest and his arm draped around her shoulder. Alex wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She couldn't do this.
A/N: Hey, so that was long. I have this almost entirely finished and plan on breaking up into 3-4 long chapters if anyone is interested in reading it. Hope no one minded the Imagine Me & You scene. It has more relevance later in the story.