A/N: What is this? It's a KFP OC Story that, Is NOT a female {Le, GASP!}, is NOT a Kung Fu Master, Will NOT have a love interest with Master Shifu, Po, or any of the Furious Five, and Hopefully is NOT a Gary Stu/Mary Sue. This truly is my first time writing a fanfic here on , so I may or may not take kindly to evil flame-ish comments. This will take place after the battle with Lord Shen, and is mostly or might be AU. I try to avoid shipping wars so little to no PoxTigress or CranexViper, or... probably any other pairing, Sorry. ^^' Perhaps some pointless fluff? Maybe someday folks. Well I hope you enjoy, and PLEASE, do not hesitate to horribly bash my OC if he's acting a little too Gary Stu. PLEASE. I will not tell you how may TORTUROUS fanfics I have seen and quit at the first chapter because of perfect OC's. -_-'' By the way has anyone else noticed that sometimes other people make Po cook eggs and bacon for Breakfast? … I mean really? No wonder that Lady-Pig from the first movie looked so strangely at him from his window. Well that's my rant for ya, so unto the story!
Disclaimer: These things are like those pesky vital organs for women. Without it, you may look cooler (And have a notably skinny waist) but unfortunately are a necessity for survival. Pesky nosy things. I do not own in any way shape or form Kung Fu Panda. DreamWorks animation studio owns it. I do own creative license to this story, and I own Fu.
Within the depths of the Bái Huǎng* Mountains, a single petite butterfly is perched upon an equally miniscule blade of grass. Its wings pound like a deep rumbling drum for every struggle it approaches within the terminal peaks, and blinding ice. It rests for a moment, and only a moment, for if he rested any longer, he would fall victim to the fatal winds and gales below. Lurking behind the frantic insect, a shadow extends from the bowels of a crevice so wide; a large elephant might be able to drink from. The shadow makes a loud ruckus from the shuffling snow around his limbs, and with a surprised shriek the poor insect had fallen victim to the terrible, howling winds.
"W-Wait! Don't leave me by myself, stupid bug! I'm not supposed to be alone!" The whistling gust was whirling turrets of snow around a portly, and currently angry young pig. The mammal was young in age, about 12, and was plump and chubby. He wore a simple green outfit consisting of a baggy shirt and sash, with shorts that showed off his round ankles. Along with his outfit he wore small cloth boots that most likely concealed shiny clean hooves. The boys blazing brown eyes were currently glaring at the spot where the only company for miles would've been; if he hadn't given the poor creature a heart attack that is. Slowly it died to a melancholy pout as he plopped down on a nearby, snow covered rock.
"I suppose it's my entire fault anyway, like it always is.'Oh look there goes Fu with his horrible social skills!' 'Fu, look at this mess, you've done it again.' 'Fu! Why did you cover the floor in mud?' Stupid bug. It didn't even stay to give me some directions." The chubby pig, known as Fu, reflected on his sentence for a bit and sighed. "Guess my name really does mean spoiled rotten." He kicked a small pebble and gazed out to the rest of the pillars of snow, blinding his view of where his companions may or may not be alive. He angrily stood from his makeshift stool and yelled out to the penetrating cold, hoping that whom he was screaming to could hear his pleads.
"Just save them, stupid panda! Save them from my mistake! Or else- Or else they could never forgive me!" Receiving nothing but the harsh and unforgiving whistling of the frigid ice below and above him, he muttered a world he never would've used before he met that panda and the Furious Five.
"Please…"
Two Months earlier.
Trotting beside her son, a portly female pig was muttering profanities under her breath. After all the lengthy distance between the ground and the intimidating doors of the Jade Palace, would put anyone not of perfect fitness in a foul mood. Lightly panting, the woman looked to her son, who was giving the stairs a glare so intense that for a moment, it seemed the stone steps might've flinched away. She rolled her eyes at her offspring's facial expressions and scampered up to the large and unsettling doors. Her son, Fu, grunted in the background. Before she knocked on the door, she spun on her hoof to face him and whispered.
"Don't give me that look, young man. All your life, we have given you whatever you wanted, and everything you've asked for." She took a deep breath and continued. "Even when your father died, you still refused to acknowledge my suffering and went about on your merry way, leaving me to all the work. I've come to my wits end on what to do with you, Fu! You've brought this unto yourself, and until you've straightened out your personality quirks, then I have no choice but to turn you over to the Masters."
(Quick A/N: Please don't give up on this story just because my OC's Father died. ^^' I know it's horrible cliché and overused, but I couldn't think of any other reason that a mom would just simply spoil a child, other than to comfort them from a traumatic event. That, or Fu would have to be a prince. ._. And so as soon as I fed that Idea to my dog, I came up with his father's death. Don't Sue me. Continue.)
The Woman looked about ready to cry at her son, who in turn was giving her the nastiest sneer he could pull. Truthfully, she had never ever wanted to put her son through this, not after the loss of his father. But when Fu had set off a bout of fireworks loose and setting ablaze one of the most popular noodle shops in town, that was the last straw for her. Luckily, the owner suggested the Jade Palace to her. The poor goose was in shambles, crying overdramatically about his precious shop. Only later, when the fire was put out by The Furious Five and the Dragon Warrior, had the goose mentioned his son, being the legendary panda himself.
"I hate you." Those three words had set her off and the mother Pig turned her back on him, and knocked upon the great emerald doors not unlike a rampaging rhino.
"Master Shifu!" She cried once the great wooden oak had been opened by none other than the Grandmaster himself. He looked the lady up and down before answering with years of self-control.
"Yes, that is my name. May I help you, Madam?" The look he gave her was similar to a river, always changing; and within its depths holds something you could not see from the outside, unless you explored its complexities yourself. The pig seemed startled and unwilling to explain her current predicament. Shifu raised an unimpressed eyebrow. From behind the flabbergasted sow, her son spoke up.
"What are you supposed to be, an oversized rat?"
The sow's eyes had widened, and she turned to the Grandmaster. "Master Shifu, a thousand pardons, for my son is not what you would call a golden child. " Shifu, though taken aback slightly by the young swine's tone, gave the woman a small smile.
"Children shall be children, Madam. Now if you would not mind, would you come in for some afternoon tea?" The red panda openly invited her in. She nodded gratefully, and trotted in, her son dragging his feet as he followed.
"I'm terribly sorry for the unexpected intrusion, but I seek you and the master's help." She pleaded. Walking through the courtyard, her son had stopped to wipe one of his boogers on a bamboo staff. Shifu inwardly flinched, and reminded himself to burn it later on. "As grandmaster, it is my duty to protect and aid all habitants of the Valley of Peace. What is your problem?"
"My son, Fu, is a disgrace to our family name." She bitterly spat. Fu sneered and mockingly repeated her. "My son, Fu, is a disgrace to our family name." The lady puffed up and turned back to Shifu.
"He is nothing but a rotten snob! I have done everything in my power to try and make him see his mistakes, but I'm afraid I have been left with no other choice." She took a deep breath, "Please, Master Shifu, take my son and teach him to mind his manners."
Shifu stroked his beard; which was growing longer due to age, mind you. The calculating look in his eye was piercing. In the background, Fu had just picked another swollen and pasty booger. Seeing an advantage while his mom and the master were talking, he carefully aimed it at the red panda's forehead. The booger was whizzing in the air one moment, and the next planted itself upon Shifu's eyebrow with a splat. His mother's face was much like a floundering fish, with a pinch of horror. Shifu's face was to be censored, and decided not appropriate for the viewing audiences. Fu only snorted in amusement. After a moment of deep breathing, the Grandmaster slowly plucked a nearby leaf from a nearby plant, and wiped the vile substance off from his brow. Then he spoke to the sow, through clenched teeth.
"I'm sure we could settle something." Shifu motioned the lady off to another section of the Palace and turned to the piglet. "You are free to wander the kitchens and courtyards, and perhaps the Training Hall. Please refrain from knocking anything over or doing something you could regret, child." He turned away with a swift flick of his robes, and left the piglet standing there. Fu huffed and wandered around the courtyard.
"Whatever you say, Stupid oldie." Fu kicked a rock and trotted towards the Training Hall. "This is the Training Hall? Seems small." He rolled his eyes at the minimal display, which was the door.
Unknowingly, the Training Hall would become one of the first horrible experiences in his time with the masters. He pushed the oak doors open, and gazed at all the training devices. In a flurry of green and orange, Tigress and Mantis were battling on the Fiery Field of Death. Mantis, being nearly invisible in size, delivered a roundhouse kick to the tigress' shoulder followed by a strait on punch to the stomach. She blocked it and flipped back up on her feet, simultaneously dodging the flames that were licking her tail. Mantis tried to sweep Tigress's feet from under her, but failed as she jumped at the last second, sending him into one of the tubes about to spew forth fire.
"This cannot end well," Was the echoic reply she got from Mantis, as he was sent up into the air by a stream of fire. This aroused Monkey, who was practicing his agility through the spiked rings that rotated upon the ceiling. As he inserted himself through ring after ring, he caught sight of the charred bug, and chuckled.
"You just got burned, Mantis." He called out to the insect, who was unamused.
"Is that really the best you could do?" He replied as he descended, ready to continue his sparring with the feisty feline. Meanwhile, within the Jade Tortoise, the slippery serpent, Viper, was constantly slithering around its curved edges. She would drop down below into the bowl, slither up the sides, and shoot herself into the air, gracefully grasping the yellow cloths that were suspended above the bowl. However, Grandmaster Shifu would never leave the obstacle so relaxed. No, for Viper was simultaneously dodging sixty three (And more.) needle-sharp arrows, each sharp enough to penetrate the leathery hide of a Rhinoceros.
Over in the corner, next to the poor adversary, were Po and Crane. Master Shifu had announced the previous evening that Po was going to start learning the incredibly difficult and painful scrolls of the ancient elements, as the Red Panda has named it. Just the sheer length of the title was enough to send Po into a fit of Fan-Boy giggles, mostly composed of "So Awesome!", "Sounds so Kung Fuey" and "Is it going to hurt? I bet it's going to hurt. You said painful, right? The name said it was going to hurt." Then Po had chosen a scroll to try first, using the most sacred way of decision known to Kung Fu History. Closing his eyes and picking one from a soup pot.
"Po, remember to use the fans as an extension of your arm. Don't flick them with your arms though, use your wrists." Poor Master Crane was the one deemed to help the panda with his first scroll: The Air manipulation technique. As usual, he wanted to skip out on the boring parts like deep breathing. So his avian friend took pity on him and promised to start off with something more practical in the morning. However, now that they were there, Po was having second thoughts.
"Dude, how is using my wrists going to-" Startling himself into silence, Po had flicked his wrists just a tad and rocketed a gust of air right into the stunned piglet at the door. "Oops." Po hid the fans behind his back and started whistling a merry tune, avoiding eye contact with the face-winging bird next to him.
"It's all in the wrists, I told you." Crane scolded him for what seemed the twentieth time from beneath his oversized hat and his oversized feathers.
"HeHe… Wrists. Got it." The panda glanced at the spot the wind had flown, and did a major double take. "I think I just knocked over a kid!" He exclaimed. Said exclamation just so happened to be loud enough to gather the other master's attention.
"Hey kid, are you okay? I didn't knock you out or anything, did I?" A slightly worried Dragon Warrior, with so called nerves of steel, appeared right in front of Fu's vision. The pig pulled a nasty scowl, and harshly smacked away Mantis, who was standing on his large stomach and poking his snout. The bug and the feline had long sense finished their spar, and had wandered over to the door to see what had made that sudden OOF noise.
"I-I'm fine, you fat, stupid bear." He grunted out, and stood up on wobbly knees. He wore a snarling face, with crossed arms. Tigress frowned.
"I suggest you learn some manners, before you speak to the Dragon Warrior like that, child." She glared silver frosty daggers at the piglet, already longing to slice him into bacon. There was something about this child that irked her nerves, though she had never met him before. Fu seemed to melt and shrivel at the tiger master's piercing glower.
"Geese, all a guy does is poke your nose, and he gets flicked off. Literally." Mantis grumbled from his spot on the floor. He quickly hopped unto Monkey's shoulder, wiping invisible dust from his antenna. After all, it's not fun getting those appendages dirty, if you're a bug. They help you smell, and Mantis did NOT want to miss out on the exciting and enriching aroma of Po's noodle soup later on.
"If it were a lady, depending on where you poked her you'd be flicked off in more ways than one, Mantis." Viper jeered at the already fuming insect. Monkey chuckled, and Mantis poked him in the shoulder with his… thingies.
"Hey, I thought you were on my side!" Monkey only chuckled into his palm harder. Viper looked Fu up, down, and all around to make sure he wasn't hurt.
"Are you sure you're not injured?" She politely asked in a motherly sort of tone. She was generally concerned for the young pig's welfare, until it melted away like a Popsicle on the Fiery field of Death. Fu blew a raspberry at her in response. This time it was Mantis hooting in laughter, joined in by the piglet to blame himself. Viper slowly wiped the slobber from her face, and let out a low hiss. "There was no need for that." She murmured.
"I'm not hurt, so don't think you can baby me around." He blabbered out, so used to saying it to his mother. The snake sort of reminded him of her. His eyes softened for a quick moment, but hardened soon after, when he remembered her abandoning him here with these crazies. Fu quickly regained the nasty scowl, and looked around. "Is this some sort of playground for lions, or something?" He questioned in a nasally tone. In truth, the whole obstacle course looked down right terrifying to him. It was more likely he has fallen down from surprise and fear, rather than Po's miniscule waft of air.
"This is an advanced obstacle course for only the most elite and poised masters of Kung-Fu," She paused to look at Po, who was snickering along with Mantis at the apparently still hilarious spit situation. She instantly regretted the elite and poised part, and continued. "and most definitely not for a child."
"Then why are you even here, you stupid tiger?" Fu replied, with a hint of arrogance. Oh, the poor child had no idea what he just set himself up against. Tigress snarled, and narrowed her eyes to slits. A low and barely audible growl escaped her throat. Audible enough to send Fu's hateful frown into an alarmed grimace. Crane cleared his throat hesitantly, trying to draw attention away from the ignorant piglet. Saved by the bird.
"Pardon, but why are you here? And what should we call you by?" He inquired, with a kind gaze. Being the peace keeper his is, he hoped to settle this name calling business. Sadly, his hopes were in vain.
"It's none of your business why I'm here, just like how your skinny legs are none of my business. Though they're so boney, they could be anyone's business." Fu sneered. Cranes kind gaze quickly dispersed and formed into an insulted finch. His legs aren't boney, are they? Monkey's eyes widened and Po felt like scotching away, awkwardly. This kid was just asking for trouble, and was going to get one bigger than Po's apatite.
"But because you're trying to stick your oversized beak into it, my name is Fu.**" He spoke his name in a nasty, yet princely manner, like it was something he was shamefully proud of.
"Fu? As in Tofu?" Mantis chuckled and whispered to no one under his breath. "No wonder this brat's so rude, his name even means 'rotten'." The offhand comment got him a swollen mush of snot flung into his head, courtesy of Fu. It clashed horribly with his exoskeleton color, and he started wailing in mock pain. "Gah! It got in my eyes! It burns! I'm BLIND!"
"It's a cool name." Fu huffed and stomped his hoof. Viper rolled her eyes and lifted Mantis up from his fetal position on the ironwood floor. ("Oh Gods, I think my eyeballs have exploded! They've fallen out of my sockets, I just know it.")
"That's what you deserve for being rude to a guest." She hissed at him. He moaned in response. Apparently having a booger flicked in your eye can make you roll around in severe agony more than a chopstick impaled right through your body can. Mantis learned never to touch Crane's hat again after that day. And to use a spoon for all meals that Crane was present for, just in case.
"Why are you here at the Jade Palace, little pig?" Monkey inquired with a steely gaze. The large oak doors leading to the Training Hall seemed to suddenly creep open, and set a chill throughout the group. Po and Fu leaned in anticipation at the suspenseful moment of silence. The doors now stood all the way ajar, with some unknown mysterious force opening them like the jaws of some unforeseen dragon.
"He is here in request of his mother to train with us, and to learn respect." Master Shifu's unamused voice called out from behind them, causing the pig and the panda to jump and hastily turn around.
"Master Shifu! H-how did you-? Did you open the doors? I didn't even see you come in! That was so sweet, how did you do that?" Po hoped from foot to foot in excitement at the red panda's display of awesomeness. Fu simply watched bug eyed, from afar. His face was almost comical, if it didn't portray the pure fear he felt inside. If the old man can do that, then who knows what he'll do for flicking that snotty booger at him before? As it turns out, the Furious Five had immediately turned around as soon as the doors had started opening. They were currently in a respectful bow, hands against their fists. Having already greeted Shifu with the usual "Hello, Master.", Monkey questioned him further.
"Master, why does his mother wish for us to handle him?" The languor wondered, ignoring Po's still wandering questions on the Grandmaster's appearance. Shifu answered him in a careful voice.
"She claims to not know any better way for him to learn manners and respect- For goodness sakes, Po! I simply used the door behind me. Those ones behind you were just blown open from the passing breeze." Shifu exclaimed in fury. Po was still marveling at his mysterious teleporting technique, only to find that nothing amazing had really accrued. He faltered at the Grandmaster's telling-off. Fu was somewhat relived, and relaxed. Well, at least he was wrong about the old man's skills. Or so he thought.
"Oh… HeHe. Yea. I knew that. Erm, carry on."
Shifu sighed and rubbed his hand from his temples all the way down to his ever growing mustache. "As I was saying before the Dragon Warrior so rudely interrupted me," He gave a quick glare to the guilty panda in question, who gave a sheepish smile in return. "This piglet is going to be living with us from now on. You, my students are going to teach him discipline and honor. He will be given private lessons by each and every one of you. Each student is to give him one lesson a day, and a group training day on Sunday for three weeks to start off. Am I clear?"
"Crystal as always, Master." The Five replied in unison. Po, still being new to the creepy unison thing the Furious Five could do, simply copied them, though a little late. Fu wore an expression similar to a fish that had just been used to slap someone in the face. Though calm on the outside, (Most of them that is.) they were all thinking a similar thought: Three weeks will never seem longer.
A/N: *Snowy White Peaks, I think. ** Fu means either Smelly and rotten, like with Tofu, if you mean it related to the German ancestry of the word. In Chinese, I hope it means Blessing or Lucky. ' So, Yea, first chapter. Who hoo. Please feel free to comment, or rage on me. I most likely won't reply to mean comments, but I most definitely will reply to good and good intentionally constructive criticism. There most likely will end up being a bad guy OC, but that's all. No more than two or three for me! U The names of millions of OC's nobody cares about is always bothering me, so it's only two here. Also, these are not beta-read, or whatever. I would appreciate one, if anybody is offering. I personally think I use too many commas. :U Anywho, Read and Review if you liked it. If not, don't do anything.