It seemed as though history was doomed to repeat itself. At least where Rey was concerned. First, she rejects his outstretched hand, his desperate plea to no longer be alone. Now she shuts a door in his face. At least last time, she attempted to come halfway as if he wasn't a foregone conclusion. A failure. A lost cause. This time he doesn't even warrant a sigh let alone actual words. Her steely gaze doesn't waver as she literally and figuratively closes a door on their bond.
He wonders if Snoke could have really initialized the bond if it continues after his quite timely demise. How are they still connected? Does he want to sever it? That seems like the easy option. Easy is good. Easy is easy. He's not sure if he likes the constant reminder of what he can't have. Not her exactly but what she represents. It seems strange to him that he relates to her so easily and yet she is so capable of cutting him down to size with a few swift, well-aimed strokes. He thinks she truly understands him because they have both been abandoned. If only it were that simple. Because in truth, hasn't she abandoned him as well. How can he still want her presence in his life when she judges him, neglects him, leaves him, just as his mother, his father and his uncle before her? Maker, if he knew the answer than perhaps this wouldn't sting quite as much as it does.
So he vows to avoid contact. He won't be the one to come to her. But he will find the Resistance, and if she so happens to be there when he decimates what few are left of them, then so be it.
xxx
Rey sometimes wishes she were back on Jakku. She knew and understood that type of hunger. The one that could easily be satiated with portions of food bartered with Unkar Plutt. This new kind of hunger was foreign to her and she didn't know how not to starve from it. Frustration. Hunger felt a lot like frustration. She was hungry for progress with the Resistance; to overthrow the First Order. Frustration. She was hungry for knowledge about the Force and to improve her wielding of it. Frustration. She was hungry for companionship, for acceptance, for family. Frustration. More and more of it. Piling on top of her previous frustrations until she would have to meditate for hours on end so it wouldn't spill outside of herself. She preferred the real hunger.
She wanted to blame him for it. Well, that made sense. He had his hand, gloved or otherwise, in all of her frustrations. He could have ended the First Order after his defeat of Snoke. He didn't. He could have taught her more about the Force once he'd embraced the light. He didn't. He could have saved the transports and she would have taken his hand. But he didn't. And sooner or later, she would have to accept that he probably won't ever be a person she could stand beside and still hold her head high. Because he was still a monster, and a dark one at that.
xxx
Kylo moved through the corridors of The Finaliser like a wraith cloaked in darkness, sending Storm Troopers and Officers alike, scurrying into doorways and side panels in search of shelter from his easy rage. He hasn't broken anything in a while. Hasn't taken his saber to a set of control panels or training droids with reckless abandon. He hasn't put on his mask either. Perhaps he doesn't want to prove anyone right and be just a boy in a mask. But it's definitely not about her, because she disapproves. No. It's not that.
Hux informed him that the Resistance had been found. Immediately, the General wanted Kylo to confirm the plan of attack. Plan of attack. As if offense was their only option. He wonders if he really has killed the past. Because it seems as if he has the same choices he's always had. Kill or be killed. He confers with Hux without any great detail, "Do what needs to be done." As simple as that.
He makes his way to the bridge. Watches as the TIE fighters prepare their vessels, ready to attack. He can see, through the open panel, a small planet. Apparently, the Resistance saw fit to establish base at Naboo. What a cruel twist of fate. He wonders if his mother knows what happened there. How his grandfather seduced his grandmother. How he emotionally manipulated her. How even then, he could turn something pure and innocent into something warped and degrade it. How he could snuff out the light so easily. How he wished it would be so easy for him. To snuff her out as wet fingers to a candle.
xxx
The bustle of the base was making difficult for Rey to concentrate. She needed to try and sense him. To send out probes with her mind, looking for his Force signature. Was he coming there? To Naboo? They had received intel that the First Order had found their location and would be arriving within the hour. Not enough time to evacuate; barely enough time to prepare anything really. So much for the General's secret hideaway. A sanctuary she had called it.
She pushed out with the Force again, willing herself to find him. Ah, there he was. He was almost here. Suddenly, she wasn't just sensing him. A slight buzz hummed and there he was in front of her, clad in his usual black attire. Cliché. A villain in black – who would have thought. The scar marring his face was almost healed. She didn't understand why he didn't have the medic droids completely heal it. Surely he didn't want a reminder of how a scavenger, a desert rat, had bested him in battle. But there it was. Hello Ben.
xxx
Oh how those two words felt like a small victory. She had come to him. He had resisted and she had caved. As he turned around, a slight smirk gracing his full lips, ready to verbally spar with her, he was taken aback. She was on her haunches, cramped in a small space.
"What are you doing there?" he asked her carefully.
"Apparently it's hard to find a quiet place in sanctuary," She uttered the last word with more than just a hint of annoyance. She wasn't usually someone to use sarcasm. In fact, she was the most guileless person he had ever encountered.
"It's hard to be peaceful, isn't it Jedi? He wasn't sure why, but he got a small thrill from watching her fight the dark. Of course, he knew what was inevitable and like Sisyphus, all she was doing was rolling a great big ball up a great big hill only to get to the top and have to do it all over again. She would never win. But then neither would he because of course, there are no winners.
"You don't have to do this Ben," she was beginning to sound like a broken holopad.
"Neither do you. I remember offering you a place. A peaceful place where you wouldn't have to struggle against the dark or strain for the light. This is what you chose scavenger. Naively I might add."
"What was I supposed to do? Let everyone I care about die? There is light in you Ben, I can see it. Why can't you understand this then?" That pleading look on her face – eyes large, brow furrowed – it did nothing to sway him but increased his anger tenfold.
"You still don't get it. There is no light without dark, no dark without light. We exist because of each other. We are not opposing sides of the same coin, one will not come out on top in a game of chance that is the Force. You do not need to pick a side. There are NO SIDES REY." He paused briefly. Should he lay everything on the line? Give it one last shot before the First Order decimated her and everyone she supposedly loved? Maker, why not? She'll either come to him voluntarily or be dead by morning. "But you should have chosen me. You could still choose me… us."
xxx
Rey felt as though she was butting her head against the hard metal of the Millennium Falcon. Over and over again. Exactly the same thing occurred every time they met. They argued. He asked her to join him. She said no. He got angry. She pleaded. They both left unsatisfied.
Here we go again.
"And what concessions will you make? If I am to give up my family what will you give up? Will you continue to hunt the resistance?"
"Yes."
Not even a pause. "Will you continue to be Supreme Leader?"
"Yes."
"Then why would I join you Ben? Why would I sacrifice my family and get nothing in return?" She queried.
"You'd get me. And I would bring you peace. And that is all you can ask for." He stated calmly, no hint of deceit or belittling.
He was genuine and that was what hurt the most. Because she could see it, their future together: a future where she didn't care for the state of the galaxy or its people; a future where she was happy, well fed, strong and satiated. But he didn't understand that the cost mattered.
"Finn said you would try this again – try to sway me to your side."
xxx
Ignorance. If she was naïve he could handle it but this is ignorance pure and simple.
"There are no sides Rey. The Resistance kills the First Order. The First Order kills the Resistance. It doesn't matter how you label it. People from both sides are guilty. People from both sides seek power and control. People from both sides will be hurt. There is no us and them, no you and we. There is destruction and death and oppression. I am offering you a chance to change this. To avoid the pitfalls of the Jedi and Sith before us. To think that we are right or wrong, or good or bad or light or dark, it to be blind to the truth. We are everything and we are nothing. I am asking you to be something with me because together we are the balance. And if we continue to be on opposite sides of this imaginary line then death and heartbreak will follow us everywhere. Everything is within your reach, but you fail to see it and therefore you will fail the Resistance."
It was the longest he had ever spoken. He generally preferred for actions to speak louder than his words. But this was his last chance.
"Come to me."
xxx
Rey could sense his honesty. Thank the maker, because after that spiel she doesn't know if she'd be in the right headspace to try to gauge his intentions the normal way people do. She could also sense him pushing his emotions towards her, inundating her with feelings of exasperation but also hope. He had hope. The irony was not lost on her.
Because if she was truthful, she could see where he was coming from. She didn't like it, this grey area, but she had to admit that maybe he had a point. But what to do? She had her duty, and regardless of feelings, there was that.
"Do you know what that sounds like? A soldier who doesn't ask questions but executes orders even if he knows their wrong. Should they be pardoned because of that flimsy excuse – because it was their duty? You know the answer to this Rey." He interrupted her thoughts.
Give me some time to think in peace. She pushed through the bond.
No. He pushed back. We are connected and I will never deny that connection. It is everything to me. Even when you shut the door in my face, I will be here waiting… hoping.
She looked at him then. Really looked at him. And maybe for the first time, saw who he truly was. He was Kylo Ren. He was a man who saw corruption, anger, abandonment and neglect and sought a different path. But Snoke, how to explain his apprenticeship? An idea formed in her head. How very Machiavellian of you.
I will come to you. But you must do something do reduce the loss of lives – on both sides. That is my concession. She sent her decision through the bond and waited with baited breath.
xxx
"General Hux, you are to stand down. Prepare the ship to exit hyperspace and wait for further instruction." The intercom crackled as Kylo bit out his orders. More than likely, Hux will find issue with them. Three, two, one…
"My apologies Supreme Leader, but is that to mean we will not be launching a strike on the Resistance base?" Hux's voice wheezed as irritating over the intercom as it was in real life.
"For now." As if he owed Hux any explanation, the weasel. That man had no dignity.
Happy now? He questioned the scavenger.
For now. She quipped in return.
When will you come to me?
Let me get some things in order. Wait for me.
What did she think he'd been doing all this time?
xxx
She's no longer hungry. That's what she notices about her new life. It's been years since she was one thing and he was another. Now they just are and they are at peace. Well, most of the time.
They're both quite fond of an argument.