A Proper English Tea Gathering.

Master Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing.

It is with great honor that I humbly offer you an invitation to a gathering of the formal kind tonight and the hour of nine. It is with great esteem that I wish to have a proper English tea gathering catered to the honorable members of the Hellsing Organization.

Your Servant,

A.

She stared at the little card in her hand. It seemed innocent enough just sitting there on her desk when she first woke up. Perhaps she thought it was a gag from her servant or an apology of some sort concerning a certain man whom was the leader of a certain group based in Rome. Never, ever, had she expected this.

"A proper English tea gathering…. gathering…."

How queer that her pet would use 'gathering.' She lifted an eyebrow at it half daring it to say something like how she was a still the same silly little girl that fell for everything only to then blow a raspberry at her. It, of course, did nothing. The writing was like fine English, the red cursive was impeccable, even the way her pet sealed the card, with a fine black ribbon sealed with red wax was too perfect to be true. She stopped her thought process when she heard a slight rapping on the door.

"Enter…" Her tone was surprisingly not cold but distracted… almost intrigued.

"Sir Hellsing…" Walter said softly, "Breakfast?" Before she could say anything he set down a neatly placed tray on her desk with her breakfast and a stack of morning mail. He bowed and was about to leave when Integra's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Walter…." She held the card between her pointer and middle finger so the butler could clearly see it, "Did you receive one of these?"

He fixed his monocle on his face and looked closely at the little piece of fine paper. "Why, yes I did, ma'am. Odd little thing to wake up too." He pulled his own almost identical letter out of his vest pocket. "Signed dearly, A." He chuckled at the words. "'A'… Referring to himself like the old ways hm?"

She snorted, "It seems he has a need bake all of a sudden." She cracked a smile at the butler and poised a cigar ready to be fired, on her lips. "This is absolutely bound to be fun. Lets see what our dear friend 'A' will do."

The old butler smiled, his eyes glinting almost knowingly of Alucard's mischievousness. "I can only suppose so, milady. Gathering…. A 'proper' English tea gathering…." He laughed to himself at Alucard's choice of words as he left Integra to her office.

oOo

French Pig,

Tea, 9 p.m., be there.

Alucard.

Pip sat on the edge of his bunk and stared at the little card in his gloved hand. He frowned at it and held it up to the light half expecting it to eat his face off. The little card stared back innocently as he set in on his knee to whip a cigarette into his mouth and light it almost as fast. Again, he held it at eyelevel and read the contents over with his one eye.

"Merde… Just from ze sounds of it…. Ah flis de pute…. I think he wants to poison me with bloody tea…" He groped around his bunk for his hat, not daring to take an eye off the little card. Finally, the hat was found and put in its rightful spot on the Frenchman's head. He leaned back against the simple metal frame headboard and replaced his burnt out cigarette with an almost completely burnt piece of toast.

"Maybe… Yah I think its because I pinched ze Police Girl's ass…." He said to no one in particular. "Non… I've done zhat before and only got a black eye…." But before he could finish reasoning with himself, a call from outside cut into his self-conversation.

"'Ey Captain! I tink somethin's… broke… out 'ere!"

He smiled and sighed letting the beautiful but rare morning sunlight wash over him for a split second before his work started.

"Don't castrate yourselves! I'm coming! Dieu…. Debiles…." He chuckled as he set the little card onto the table by his bed, flung his jacket over his shoulders and marched out to the shooting ranges.

oOo

Seras twitched in her sleep, mumbling things about a spirit of some sort attached to her gun and perverted ghouls lead on a march by a certain Frenchman and floating red Victorian trench coats wanting to know the time. She grumbled as a fine piece of paper slid near her closed eye. A huff as she woke up to grab the offending piece of paper and throw it out of the coffin. That is until she saw the fancy writing on it dedicated to her.

"What is this….?" She held the little letter in front of her face trying to ward off the effects of being so rudely woken up.

Servant Police Girl,

Tonight at the hour of nine, it is my pleasure to invite you a most proper English tea gathering, hosted by myself.

Your Master,

A.

P.S. Try to look not so much like a tart.

Seras looked at the note, or more specifically the little P.S. at the end. She glared at it. Sometimes, she thought to herself, Master could be just so mean! All of a sudden she felt a link open in her mind and Alucard's voice whispered though. Its only the truth Police girl, he said in her mind, even your off-duty clothes are very… how can I put this… revealing. She could practically feel the face splitting grin just through his words.

"Peh…" The little card fluttered to the floor as far away as she could throw it from her coffin, which was not very far at all. Pathetic… He left her with a chuckle and an overwhelming feeling of doom if she decided to disobey her Master and not show up.

oOo

He took in a panorama of the kitchen and threw is red trench and black suit jacket over a nearby chair. Carefully, he also removed his stark white gloves and set them on top of the pile of jackets. He had seen how messy dearest Walter had gotten in the past making these silly little treats. That's why he wore his not as good pants. He clapped his bare hands together and smiled manically at the cupboards like they were his favorite enemy.

"How lovely this gathering will be… Let us see… What does the sweet Queen have at her tea gatherings… No… What at the Queen's tea gatherings does Master like…?" He racked his brain bringing up a perfect mental picture of all the things on the long table and the select things his Master had placed into her china dish. "Bisqettes… cookies… little sandwiches… cakes…. a lot of little cakes…" He frowned at the cake idea. "Muffins… pudding… scones…. strawberries… Seems easy enough."

Or so he thought until he opened the cabinets wide and stared at their contents with shock.

"What is all of this…?" He slowly glanced over every container and to his horror the cabinet went back about a foot and a half with at least five, wide shelves in all holding more cooking and baking supplies then he had seen in the last five hundred years. And this was only one cabinet. Out of perhaps fifteen or more.

oOo

Just a little something that came to me one day… I thought it was pretty funny idea… Alucard… baking. Ha.

Preview:

He pulled out a few tiny boxes with the words JELL-O written on them. He looked inside to find a sort of powdery substance. It looked right so he threw it into the bowl along with the cheerios, peanut butter, heavy cream, actual flowers, un-bagged tea leaves, a pinch (or perhaps more like a fistful) of every spice in the cupboard, grated cheese, diced pears, chocolate sauce, and last but not least ketchup. Tons of ketchup.

This was going to be the best cake ever.