Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or it's characters. But I do own Remona and this idea, so hands off! (:
Author's Note: Okay, I was watching Advent Children and I just had this idea about Reno taking in an orphan...and here it is! I promise this will be funny, fluffy, and as long as I can make it, with sequels and spin-offs. I'll update as often as I, and my amazing beta XxDancerintheDarkxX, can.
PLEASE BE KIND AND REVIEW! Now, on with the show!
When Life Gives You Lemons
Chapter One: It All Started When the Monster Showed Up
Well, how do ya start any amazing story of great adventures and immense battles, filled with action and shocks? I've got no clue, cause that ain't the story I'm telling, even though I am Reno, the mastermind of the infamous Turks. Adventures come with the suit, but the story I have to tell is just a little different from the usual. But it's still amazing and full of my incredible sense of humor, amazing wit, and awesome powers. Un-huh…but that's not quite the point.
I guess it all began the day that Kadaj, the dorky leader of the remnants of ole' Seph, kidnapped all those kids. Kidnapping little kids (orphans, too!)…tsk, tragic and tasteless, if ya ask me! Well, I guess not really…cause the Turks, well, we kidnap people on a daily bases, I guess, but not little kids! I mean, we are kinda moral…kinda.
Yeah, well, anyway, Kadaj and his gang kidnapped a bunch of little ankle biters and were doing strange, evil things in the middle of Edge City. They were pretty much intent on finding a mother that was basically a slimy alien in a glass jar. "Mother of the year", right? Huh, and Rude says I'm weird! I always knew there were stranger people out there in the world.
Mr. Shinra sent us to break up this little mother-son love fest, cause no one else could. I mean, Kadaj and his boys had brainwashed these kids and had them form a human shield around them. It's pathetic, really, 'cause that just meant we couldn't fire off machine guns or toss any bombs. But there were plenty of ways to bring the beat down on their skinny, pale butts!
And we ("we" being my partner, and me Rude, who definitely isn't as cool as yours truly,) were about to administer a major beat down on those dorks. I mean, they were remnants and had scary puppy dogs of doom on their side, but we're Turks! I was just about to go crazy on them when things changed. Right as I was charging the skinny one, all of a sudden a flipping, giant monster appeared right outta the sky!
"Hello!" I gulped, staring up at Bahamut with wide, wide eyes. Of course it's a giant monster from hell…it always is, isn't it?
"Hell no," Rude sighed sedately, calm even in the face of certain agony and major dismemberment. Yeah, calm…but he did run away! I'm happy to say that Rude, in the end, is just like me: A total chicken in the face of huge monsters. Oops, did I say chicken? I mean, totally together Turk who basically decided retreat was a very wise idea.
In other words… "Run for it!"
Whirling around, I ran for my Turkish life. As I was running, out of the corner of my eye I saw Rude grabbing two kids and lifting them up, carrying them out of harm's way. Tsk…showoff! I'll bet he was doing that 'cause Tifa was around somewhere…everyone knows my weirdo partner's got a crush on her.
But he was showing me up by rescuing the kids, so I was considering grabbing two weird, mind controlled kids to prove I was a good person when I saw HER! Yeah, I know: Sounds ominous, but this, this here is the important part of the story, so you boring people out there better start taking notes.
So, like I was saying: I was in the midst of running for my life when I noticed HER out of the corner of my eye. Immediately, I stopped and turned to face her direction, eyebrows raised in surprise at what I saw. Cowering right by Bahamut's massive, scaly leg was a little girl. She looked like she was about seven or eight, with messy, golden blonde hair in pigtails, wearing a tattered grey dress. A little girl cowering by one of Bahamut's legs…all alone in the world…scared…and, correct me if I'm wrong, but did I hear her whimpering?
NAH! It couldn't be! I mean, everything's so loud and stuff…but that soft little whimpering, crying sound seemed to echo in my ears. It made me wince at the loudness. I think this means I've finally gone crazy…or else…or else I'm going soft, but the latter isn't even feasible. I'm Reno, right?
"Reno," Yep, that confirmed it, "you got a new death wish? Move!" Rude shouted in my ear, which brought me back to reality. What he said sounded smart, running for my life, I mean. But something made me whirl around and smile helplessly at my partner.
"Umm…don't leave without me, big fella," I exclaimed, turned tail, and started running headlong TOWARDS the evil bad guys. Lost it, I have!
"You're gonna get killed!" His voice shouted after me, but I just waved him off.
"You say that everytime I do something stupid!" I called and flung him a quick grin; considering how many times I do stupid things, he says that a lot. Yeah, I acknowledged that Rudester had a point, but the kid was about to be stomped on, killed by a giant monster. I may be a merciless Turk, but I KNOW I have a heart!
It's that annoying thing beating against my ribcage, right?
"Geez, I'm really losing it!" I shouted a second before I dove forward daringly, snatching that little girl outta harms way, and up into my arms. I heard her little gasp as she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, burying her little face in my shoulder. Of course, I didn't have time to focus on any of that, 'cause I was too busy trying to save both our skins, 'cause Bahamut had noticed there was movement going on by his huge foot. I chanced a glance to see the monster opening his huge mouth, growling and gathering up energy for an attack.
"Aww, man, this'll hurt!" I exclaimed and picked up the pace, unknowingly tightening my arms around the little girl. All I could think of was getting to safety, getting away from the giant monster that was two seconds from energizing our brains out, and RIGHT when I thought I was safe, in the clear, a loud noise like an explosion rocketed from right behind me. I cursed and gripped the girl tight against my chest, just as I was knocked off my feet. Subconsciously, as I flew through the air, I twisted so I landed agonizingly on my back, making certain the girl was safe.
OUCH! Sometimes, I really hate that big, ole' heart of mine.
"Reno! Ditch the girl and let's fight!" Rude shouted, obviously not concerned that I was lying on my back, possibly dead. Grunting, I sat up and winced, noting dully that there were probably at least three new bruises on my back, maybe a cracked rib or two. When I looked up, I noticed Rude had dropped his kids off, letting them run for safety. But this girl…well, I don't know, but as I looked at her wide, bluish purple eyes…well, I just couldn't "ditch her and fight".
"Rude, cover me!" I shouted, and leapt up, sprinting away from the battle.
"WHAT?" My partner exclaimed in astonishment, eyeing Loz and Yazoo who had suddenly appeared in front of him, seemingly ready to fight. Aww, he could take umm'!
"I'll owe you one!" I managed to get out over my shoulder, but I didn't stop running. But relax! Rude's a big boy (boy, is he!) so I knew he could handle himself. So, while Rude faced jerk one and two, I ran into Edge City. Hey! Those two weren't exactly kid friendly, ya know? I ain't going soft, just logical! Okay, so maybe the little girl in my arms was a little cute, what with her golden hair and wide, wide eyes...aww, man! I sound like such a sap, I know, but I wasn't putting her down without making absolute sure she was gonna be safe.
So, I ran from the battle to the sound of Rude shouting out every single obscenity he could think of at me, and towards the big buildings of Edge City. As soon as I was a safe distance away from the battle, I dropped to one knee and gently placed the girl down in an old, abandoned alleyway.
The girl stood in front of me, clutching her little hands together, staring into my light green eyes with those purplish blue orbs of her. Gee…she's got such wide, cute little puppy dog eyes! Even a TURK couldn't resist those eyes!
"Listen, kid," I started calmly, as the girl listened, "I don't know if you noticed, but Godzilla decided to show up for tea time…or maybe he mistook Edge for Tokyo…something like that. That shiny headed fellow over there and I are good at dealing with big, scary monsters, so I'm gonna go fight him. You just stay safe right here and I'll be back afterwards." I explained dryly, mentally wondering where that last part came from.
Huh? I mean, I'd be back later? Darn my stupid, big mouth that spouts out stupid things without the boss brain's permission! But the little girl's eyes widened and she nodded quickly, her face pale. She looks thin, too! I mean, don't they feed these kids out on the streets?
"Okay…" She whispered quietly, as though afraid to speak up. I nodded dumbly, staring at her for a second, wondering what to do now. I mean, wasn't there something I was supposed to be doing?
"RENO! Get your scrawny butt over here, or I'll knock your underused brains out!" Ah, thank you for that kindly reminder, Rude! That's exactly what I need to do.
"Oh, right! Stay here, I'll be back. Bye kid!" I managed and scrambled into the battle Rude had started without me. Jerk.
"Havin' fun playing with your girlfriend, moron?" Rude asked loudly, punching at the brawny Loz with vigor. I grinned, readying my stun baton.
"The time of my life!" I snarled and leapt into battle with both feet. Oh, yeah! Felt good being a Turk and in the heat of battle! But why did my mind keep straying to that kid, wondering if she was okay?
Gee, am I going soft or something? Tsk, nah!
Five hours and many bruises later, the world had been saved…again. Kadaj and his gang had been put in their place, namely the dirt, and Mr. Shinra (my boss) was safe and sound. All of that in one single, short day…man, there were times I thought us folks were just amazing!
But even though fighting giant monsters and wako remnants took a lot of energy and concentration, that little ankle biter from earlier was never far from my mind. I did say I'd be back, now didn't I? But as I slipped away from the rest of my Turk brethren, and Mr. Shinra, my mind immediately went to the idea that I could just…NOT go back after the girl. But, before everyone starts grabbing pitchforks and torches to go after the monster named Reno…I didn't go with that thought.
Nope, as I said to her: Second I could get away, which was four or five hours later, I slipped away from the "we saved the world at impossible odds yet again" party and headed for the alleyways. Being a Turk, therefore with a memory of a steel trap, I remembered exactly where I sat the girl down.
"Kid?" I called, as I approached the now dark alleyways. "Kid, it's me…umm, the redheaded guy from earlier?" I yelled, hands stuff in pockets as I looked around, feeling awkward. I'd forgotten to give the twerp my name. Geez, I'm such an absentminded person when the skies open up, revealing sharp-toothed monsters. After five minutes of silence, I figured the little kid had gotten tired of waiting and ran off somewhere safe, possibly back to her parents, and figured on leaving.
But right as I was turning to go, a noise at the back of the alley made me stop and glance back. I waited impatiently (did ya think I, the great Reno, would actually wait patiently for something?) before I saw something. The little girl scurried out from the back of the alley, her face weary as she approached me with slow steps. Now, as stupid and sappy as it sounds, I freely admit to grinning in relief at the sight of her, safe and sound.
"Are the monster and the bad men gone?" She called fearfully, her eyes flashing to the entrance of the alley behind me. I nodded proudly, beckoning her forward.
"Yep! They're all gone, monster and jerks that summoned it. You can come on out." I said, my voice a tad softer than usual. But it's not like I was going soft! It was just…just, umm, just quiet outside and I didn't want to be a loud mouth for the world to hear, right? Right! So, anyway, the little girl scurried out of the darkness, clutching at her grey dress as she stared up at me. Without really knowing why, I crouched down in front of her, managing a sincere smile.
"Hey! Umm…so, where are your parents?" I asked, shaking off these weird thoughts as I realized I had to get her home…wherever "home" may be.
"I don't have any parents." The little girl whispered, lowering her head till her chin nearly touched her chest. My eye twitched slightly and something…I don't know, but something soft, kind, moved in my chest. Well, something similar to that, anyway.
"No parents, huh? Where do you live?" Okay, now my voice was really soft! But again: I'm not heartless. You can be a Turk and have a heart, you know. It's not totally impossible.
The girl mumbled something no human being could hear.
"What was that?"
"I live wherever, on the street." The girl admitted with a low voice, as though ashamed, or something. My face fell; of course, I expected this! I mean, there were tons of orphans in Edge City…tons, I tell ya! But, somehow, I was hoping she wasn't one of them. That way I could deposit her on her parents' doorstep, and not lay awake at night, wondering whether she was okay or not.
Ugh, what a bleak future! And you know what, I have no idea HOW, but this kinda left me with a moral dilemma. Ooh, I love those! I love to wave at them as they fly on by! But on to the actual dilemma, Option A: I could leave the girl on the street, merrily calling, "Well, have a nice life, kid!" and go on my way and be happy and content, maybe getting a little drunk later on. Can admit it now: I'm rather partial to good ole' Option A!
Option B is more difficult. I could take the kid off the streets, let her stay at my place for the night, and then take her to a decent orphanage tomorrow and insist she be adopted into a family just like those old, corny TV shows. Option B is more difficult…cause a kid, at my place? Yikes. I'm not a kid person. But, then again, how would I know? I don't exactly hang around with kids, ya know? Not unless I'm kidnapping them or threatening their parents, or something along those lines.
Now, I was quite content staying inside my brain, (ignoring my heart, of course) seeing nothing, as I dealt with the pros and cons of both situations, but fate had other plans. All of a sudden, my eyes were focusing on the little girl as she stood in front of me, her eyes never leaving my face.
She was so short! Yeah, I know she's a little girl, but she was way too short, thin, and small…way too tiny, even for a little girl! Her face was round and the skin looked velvety to the touch, despite the streaks of dirt here and there. Her hair was spun gold, sloppily done up in two girlish pigtails, which only added to the cuteness of the girl. But it was her eyes that held my attention. I mean, in one light, they looked blue…in the other, purple! It was absolutely bizarre and somehow…entrancing.
Get a grip, Reno! I thought to myself angrily. Have you lost your Turk mind? You can't take her home like some stray puppy! I mean, it would look so…so weird! And nice, and nice isn't you! But in spite of my brain protesting, it seemed like my heart was in charge for the moment. What a brilliant, stupid change of pace!
"Umm, kid? How bout, err…how's about you come home with me for the night? You could have some hot food, hot bath, sleep in a nice bed…and tomorrow, I'll bring you to a place that gives orphans a home, okay?" I asked awkwardly, mentally kicking myself with every word of the way. Grr…if Rude hears about this…well, he won't! She'll be gone by tomorrow, right? Of course right! The little girl raised her head and she stared at me, her little eyes wide. Geez, those eyes could melt the Antarctic, and unfortunately, my heart's not nearly as cold.
Too bad.
"I can stay with you, really?" She asked, her tone was beyond hopeful. Fighting back a wince, I nodded.
"Yep, sure," I mumbled, scratching at the back of my head. As soon as I spoke, I was nearly knocked backwards when the girl launched herself into my arms. Tsk, affectionate little thing, wasn't she? But I touched her back delicately and held her, mustering up a half smile.
"Okie dokie, kid! Let's, umm, let's go home," and somehow, as soon as those words left my mouth, I knew, just knew, I had been suckered into some kind of sap trap or something like it. This girl, with her big eyes, wasn't about to let me get off as easily as keeping her overnight, then letting her go.
Nah, her adorable eyes held me pinned, and I couldn't think of any way to get free. I was stuck.
And THAT is how the story begins, with just a Turk sap and a seven-year-old girl! But isn't that how it always begins? Tsk, yeah right!
Author's Note: So, there you have it!!! Was it good? Funny? Fluffy? Let me know! (See the little green thing at the bottom of this page? That's the review button…press it, and leave some joy in an author's life!)