Fear is a dangerous thing. It's the thought of fear that actually scares us. Being afraid doesn't mean that you're weak. Everyone has their weaknesses but overcoming them is the real strength.
That's what his father always used to say. And now, he felt pathetic to be unable to follow that. It had been years since he had almost drowned in that 9 feet swimming pool and yet, he had not been able to drive away his hydrophobia. For someone like him, a hunk, it was a pretty hard thing to admit. He craftily avoided any fishing, canoeing or swimming trips with his colleagues, but even he could tel that they were having doubts already. If only they wouldn't have been too scared of him, they would have surely made fun of his phobia. After all, who would have thought that Kurogane, a master in fighting away anything that came his way, could be such a coward. He himself didn't understand it either but ever since that burly guy threw him down the pool. there had been nothing but numbness in his body whenever he came anywhere near any deep water thing. Being an adventurous man that he was, it was quite a set back. Because that took away 3/5th of the fun. And he was fed up of hiding it too. That's why, for once, he decided to swallow his pride and ego and made a trip to a training agency.
MOKONA TRAINING AGENCY:
We teach swimming and much much more.
What a perverted line for an agency which goes by a soft toy's name, he thought.
So finally, he had convinced them about requiring a personal instructor, without trying to sound like a womanizer ( even though most of the ladies were readily agreeing to go with him -- to the pool, that is. ) and had landed up with him. He was the fastest and most capable teachers in the agency and Kurogane had been ensured that he'll complete his job. And therefore, the training started. Not knowing why, Kurogane was always kinda excited to go for it. Maybe because his teacher always had new things on his mind. He was troublesome, yeah, he used to get on his nerves every single time, but when it came to swimming, Kurogane had never seen anyone better than him in his life.
Just one of such days, it was blazing hot. Kurogane had run late due to the horrible traffic. ( For some reason, a few jobless assholes had thought it to be perfectly alright to hold a procession in middle of the road that too in such a season. ) This was the first time that he was ever late. And boy, he was happy for that. because he saw the most enthralling sight at the pool. Cutting smoothly through the water, was 'he', his pale skin making a bright contrast against the sparkly blue water, which matched his beautiful eyes. He had noticed his eyes many times. Earlier, they seemed to be intimidating, because they reminded him of the deep pool and the unending water which always had a grip on his heart. But, when he smiles, the eyes seemed to light up and sparkle. 'It wouldn't be too bad to drown in them', he had thought. And then he had banged his head against the pool edge for thinking so, while his sensei remained oblivious as ever.
Watching him swim like that made him even more determined to overcome his silly fear. It seemed as if he won't be a complete man if he wasn't able to do this. That was too much to stake upon. His ego overcame him and he started trying twice as hard. Though surprised at this etra effort, his teacher never questioned or told him anything except, 'Very good, you're improving', with a smile that would tae his breath away. Until one day.
'Kuro-chan.'
A grunt.
'Why do your fear water?'
It had been an unspoken thing between the two of them. Kurogane had thought that he understood and won't ask him about things that embarrassed him. Usually, he would have pushed the question away, but he found himself thinking over the question a bit. He thought that the man who had brought him closer to water deserved an honest answer at least.
'When I was a kid, I had tried to learn swimming. But I was thrown at a deeper end by a bully. At first, the thought that I might drown didn't strike me that forcefully. I thought I would just bounce back and everything will be just fine. But as I reached the bottom, the top seemed very far away, Even though I tried with all my might, I knew I won't be able to make it. And true enough, I started going down again. Terror seized me by then, and I lost all my senses. Basic survival instinct kicked in, yet, there was not much that I could do. For the third time that I started down, there was calmness in my mind. It was as if I was ready to accept death. And everything went black until I was saved.'
He went silent, watching the water droplets falling off those luscious blonde locks covering those eyes which seemed far away in thought. He nodded slightly as if telling him to continue. But he had finished his story. Yet, he found his lips moving. 'I experienced so many emotions in such a short time, it felt as if... as if I was given only 10 minutes to live and I had no choice over it. It scared me as a kid. It made me feel so weak and helpless. Feeling so many things at a time was tiring and exasperating. I never wanted it to happen again. I never wanted things to go out of my hands.'
'I see.' was all his instructor said. That disappointed him a bit. He had thought that he might have said something to make him sound less of a fool than he already did. He was about to get up and go when his companion started talking.
'You're the same as me then.' That confused Kurogane. How could they be the same? He was magnificent in water! 'Both of us are afraid of emotions, of life becoming something more than we thought.' Now he was sure that he had water in his ear and had missed out a few lines or something. This guy was one hell of a person to understand!
'You siad experiencing so many things scared you and you were fearful about losing the control of your own life.' Kurogane nodded, so far, so good. 'I am the same. I am afraid of love.' The man sighed. It was almost evening and they were still in their swimming trunks.
'It's the same, being in love. You feel a range of emotions which you didn't even know you were capable of. One moment, you feel like the king of the world, and the next second, you reality hits you and you realize your stupidity. Yes, I fear love. Because it's devastating.'
That must have been the longest talk that they ever had. Kurogane didn't know what to make of this strange man. He said some weird things which didn't quit strike him. He had never had time for things like 'love' in his life, so he just gave up worrying about it, ( Why was he even worrying in the first place? ) thinking there was nothing he could do about it. And besides, the blonde had never asked for help, either.
Three months later, Kurogane could swim up and down the pool and do all sorts of strokes. His fear had become a tiny little thing, pushed away somewhere in his mind. he was happy. He felt victorious. But this also meant goodbye to his sensei. After a formal handshake, the pale guy smiled and said, 'It was fun teaching you and I really enjoyed it.' A tight smile was the only thing he could return. Something had been bothering the crimson eyed man. This was the last chance to confront him.
'Hey..'
'Yes?'
'That day, when you said you feared love, does that mean that you were turned down or betrayed by some one you loved?' There, he had finally done it. The other guy looked a bit surprised for a moment but then relaxed, and gave a smile. But it was not a smile that Kurogane was accustomed to. It was a sad one. Something which made the taller guy droop. Maybe he shouldn't have asked the question after all.
'No, I was too scared to ask.'
That was the last thing his teacher said, before turning away. Kurogane was frustrated. This guy was so confusing! It was no good talking to him at all!
Next day, the newly formed swimmer went for his last test. He wanted to see if he could swim without any instructor around in a natural river. He quickly stripped, jumped in and crossed the river and returned. Internally, he was gloating at his win, laughing evilly at the tiny speck of fear that remained in him to remind him of his pathetic self incase he ever got scared of anything else. He proudly looked towards the sky, trying to tell his dad that he had finally understood meaning of courage and fear. 'All we have to fear is fear itself', his fathers' words echoed in his mind. And Kurogane smiled to himself as everything fell in place.
'He's such a coward.' he thought before running in the direction of the training agency.