Author: aomurasakiai
Warnings: Post EW, Heero POV, OOC, Shounen Ai, Angst, Sap in the end
Pairings: 1+2+1
Spoilers: Tiny bit of Endless Waltz
Rating: PG
Dedication: Terra for inspiring me and for doing a wonderful job coloring my fanart. I can't thank you enough! Also Orikosakka-san for a belated birthday present! I'm *really* happy to know you!
Actions and Words Together Speak the Loudest (1/1)I wake up slowly from my slumber, my eyes blinking in the darkness of the early morning. I realize that I am spooned against the back of Duo, my arm draped around his waist and our fingers intertwined together in front of him. The both of us are down to our boxers like always, our bare legs wrapped around each other. I love the feeling of my skin against his own and I know he does too. He lives for another person's contact and comfort… I am really happy that he has chosen me to be that person.
The one thing I regret most about my training for the wars, especially the reconditioning I had to go through after that mission with the little girl and her dog, is that I am unable to express in words what I feel for Duo. I cannot say those three words out loud despite the fact that he has said them to me many times in the past. I have yet to repeat them back. I want to… I want to so much. But my throat always closes up and nothing comes out. Even so, I try as often as I can to show him through my soft touches and tender strokes. After all, actions speak louder than words; don't they?
I kiss his shoulder blade lightly and tighten my hold on his body, wanting to keep him warm but also knowing that *I* am the one seeking it.
~*~*~
I open my eyes again half an hour later but this time I find myself alone in the bed. The cool sheets under my arms indicate Duo's prolonged absence. How come I did not pick up on this before? My eyes close briefly. I already know the answer to that. It's all because of Duo. He melted away the soldier within me and I am no longer the person I was trained to be. I owe him my life… this life, together with him.
I rise from the bed to go and find him when I hear approaching footsteps in the hall. Quickly, I lay back down just as the door creaks open, the bottom rubbing against the carpet. I keep my half-lidded eyes on him. With the small amount of streetlight that streams through the parted shades of the bedroom window, I can see his dejected expression. Duo climbs into bed and lies down, taking my limp arm to place it on his hip where it should be. He scoots closer, nuzzling his head under my chin. I am about to do the "wake up" bit and reach out to hold him closer and comfort him when his soft question makes me freeze.
"Heero… what am I to you?" My throat once again closes up, threatening to suffocate me as my heart silently answers him; like it does every time I cannot.
//You are my love… Duo…//
~*~*~
It is early morning again and I wake up just in time to see Duo shuffle out of the room with nothing on but his boxers. I roll off the bed, snagging our blanket with me and following him; also in my boxers. The cold hits me right when I step into the hall. The rest of the house tends to be colder than our room, especially during the night because of the chilly air seeping into the open area. In addition the floor is hardwood, freezing the soles of my feet. I cannot understand why Duo would leave the bed to come out here, considering that there is a small heater adjacent to it to keep the cold away. It makes me think… Has he done this before yesterday? Will he still be doing it even after I have caught him?
I find him sitting next to the large windows in the living room, his knees pulled up against his torso. His arms are wrapped loosely around his legs and his violet eyes stare up into the sky. In the soft glow of the moonlight I can easily see how much he is shivering, his muscles tensing up as if he's trying to prevent it. As I step up behind him, he has yet to noticed me. I hold up the blanket and enfold it around his body, my arms following suit. I pull him into my embrace and he gasps, turning his head towards me.
"Heero," he whispers. I say nothing as I nestle my cheek into his warm neck while trying to comfort him against whatever it is bothering him. He relaxes slightly against me. I reach for his hand under the blanket and hold it in mine, stroking it with my thumb.
"What's wrong, Duo?" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I hold my own, afraid of what is about to happen… afraid of what he is going to say. His eyes reopen.
"I love you. You know that ne?" he says softly and my breath rushes out in one quick exhale through my lips.
"Yes, I know. I never doubted that," I reply, wondering why he asked.
"Can you… tell me?" He turns his head to me, violet eyes shimmering with hope and expectancy. Immediately I can feel my throat close up. No… No! I want to tell him! My arms wrap themselves harder around his body as I bury my face into the crook of his neck.
"Doesn't this tell you?" I murmur hoarsely into his shoulder. I sense him lowering his head, as if in defeat.
"What am I to you Heero?" I look up in shock at the repeated question he's directed to me. My eyes meet with his saddened face.
"Gomen… It doesn't tell me enough. I want… to know." My throat is still blocking the words. My mouth open but nothing comes out. Duo continues to stare at me before he gives me a shaky smile. Shaky? His smiles are *never* shaky. I blink partly in shock at the braided person before me, when he speaks again.
"Okay. I understand." His smile fades. "Could you please leave me alone for a while?" I gasp softly and shake my head, unconsciously tightening my hold again. To my surprise, he tries to push me away, even though I will not let go.
"Please Heero. Leave me alone, please." His voice takes on a slightly desperate edge. It's as if he is about to break down and he doesn't want me to see. Did this happen before while I was sleeping, unaware? He pushes against me harder, causing me to stumble back. The blanket slips to the floor, baring his almost naked body to the cold air once again. I begin to grow scared. I don't want him to push me away. I don't want him to act like this. I don't… want him to hurt anymore!
I step forward, grabbing his face and capturing his lips with mine. He resists it at first, struggling against me; but I hold firm. I tilt my head a little more and our kiss deepens like it always has in the past. But this time, I try to keep the passion away, because now is just not the time for it. I pull away slowly, letting my lips linger for a few seconds more. When I open my eyes, I can see his pained expression as he shakes his head.
"Hee--"
"I love you." His eyes widen in surprise. I'm surprised myself at how easily that came out.
"Heero…?"
"I love you Duo," I say again. "I love you so much." Tears begin pool in his violet eyes and he closes his eyes, lowering his head to keep them from escaping. I lean my forehead against his as I continue to whisper what I have wanted to say for a long time.
"I love you, every time I touch you. Every time I hold you. Every time I kiss you… I love you every time we're together." I nudge him gently and he looks up at me.
"You are my love, Duo. I love you… forever." And he smiles. The most joyful smile I've ever seen.
"Heero. I love you too." I smile back.
~*~*~
Duo cuddles closer to me in our warm room under the blankets as we prepare to sleep for a few more hours. I kiss his forehead and he sighs contentedly. Silence falls over us for a moment before he shifts slightly.
"Ne, Heero?" I look down at him.
"Hmm?"
"Arigato. It's just that… I think my
body and my heart knew, but my mind needed to know as well. That you really love me." I smile as I clasp
his chin, tilting his head up until I can bestow a kiss on his lips.
"I'll never give you a reason to doubt me again. Sleep now, love." We both drift into slumber. Duo never makes any more of his early morning trips to the living room again.
Owari