Disclaimer - I own my depression - wish I didn't but hey, that's all I own here.
Well here's a new fic for you to enjoy - what can I say, I'm depressed so I wrote this.
This will deal with an issue with has been going around in my head as of late.
Georgia Hiwatari
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Flowing Crimson
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I watch, my eyes glazed over as the liquid flows down the sink, staining it's snowy coloured porcelain a deep crimson. I smirk slightly as all my worries and sorrow flows out of my arm and down the drain. How long I stand there, my arm over the sink as not to cause any mess, someone would most likely moan about having to clean it up, let alone wonder what happen, what has been happening for the past year or so.
I ask myself that question after every time I do it, what's happened to cause this.
Nothing.
Maybe that's the problem, nothing's changed, my life is still what it was, what I always hated, and still do. I had wished things had changed that year ago, but it didn't. I thought that someone would be able to help me, save me from myself. No-one has, which leads me to become even more like this.
The depression has long set it, I don't even bother trying to fight it anymore, I'll always end up doing it again.
Cutting.
It's my way out, my relief.
I finally thought that I had some control over something in my life, that's what I thought anyway, but now, it's different, it's more like it's controlling me, making me do it, everyday it's the same, I've given in to it now, there's no point in fighting it anymore.
The blood has begun to flow slower now. It must have started to heal up again. I sigh, I enjoy watching it drain away from me, it's calming, somehow.
Maybe if I just run my nail along it...
There that's done it, it's sped up again, I must have reopened the wound. Good.
I smile more now, the loss of blood it making me slightly hazy and light headed. It feels a lot like LSD or Speed, the rush of it all, but better.
I used to do drugs, they used to be my relief, but I've moved on from that, this makes me feel so much more alive. I can actually feel my spirit leave me. Another part gone, less for me to care about, right.
I turn on the cold water tap, watching as the clear liquid mixes with my own red. It's hypnotising. Watching part of yourself diminish and be lost to the world. I wouldn't go as far as to say try it, it's not my place to say what others do with their own lives. I'm sure that if my 'friends' knew what I got up to, they'd try to interfere, people don't see what I see.
For example, I see cutting as a way out, freedom. They would most see it as a cry for help, that something was seriously wrong.
What one person may see as normal is completely abnormal to another, that's just how it is, and always will be.
How long have I been in here, twenty minuets? I'm sure that one of them will most likely becoming back soon. They all went out, here and there, I have little care anymore, as I've said it's not my place to say.
The dripping is slowing again, I won't try to reopen it again, I should start to clean this place up before they return. I grab some tissue to dry my arm up, washing away what blood remains.
I sigh in contentment, this should keep me going for the rest of the day, then they cycle will continue tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, never changing.
I hear the front door being shut, someone's back. I glance at my watch, whoever it is, is early.
"Kai, are you home?"
It's Rei, I guess I should answer before he starts looking around for me.
"Yeah, I'm home. I'm in the bathroom, I'll be down in a few."
There that should satisfy him for now.
"Okay."
I can hear him go into the kitchen, most likely to grab something to eat.
One last look at my scarred arm, there are so many, there'd be more if I didn't try to cut over the old scars. I grab my black long sleeved, fingerless gloves, pulling them up to hide the markings.
Leaving the bathroom, another day to get through before it'll happen again.
How I envy Rei and the others, they seem so carefree, nothing like me...
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End
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Well there you go, short, but to he point - I was thinking of doing some other issues and such, so I will most likely do some more and put them up as chapters here.
If you'd like me to do this please tell me.
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Georgia Hiwatari x