Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: The Return of That Annoying Girl
Sequel to The Quest for the Coat
No one in the neighborhood forgot what they heard that Saturday morning in the middle of February 2008. Old Mr. Jones still has nightmares about the terrifying sound to this day. Nothing any of them had ever heard was so filled with pain, so desperate. It was the most horrible thing they would ever experience.
So, you can image their suprise--and even some indignant anger, mostly from Mr. Jones--when they found out, after rushing to the source of the sound, their neighbor, Larry's house, that the noise that had shocked them into a stupor was simply a senior in high school, shrieking over the cancellation of one of the many television shows on the WB.
But, despite what they may and might have thought, the girl was not just a senior in high school. She is our heroine, Lizzy, and she was calling out into the dead of night (well, okay, it was just 6 p.m., so not exactly the dead of night) the word "No," managing to drown out the sound of E! News Live correspondant, Ben Affleck (his career had gone downhill since Gigli ). Because "Angel," her beloved "Angel," was...over. Finito. Finished.
It wasn't like years earlier when the show was cancelled, but the efforts of fans nationwide (worldwide, possibly) kept it in millions of people's living rooms for four more years.
But if Ben Affleck was right, which he was, the show was over. And on the next episode, the title character, Angel, would also be finito. He was going to have a wooden stake shoved through his heart by his one true love, Buffy. Normally, Lizzy would have been downright giddy at the thought of Angel's demise. She hated him with a passion. But if Angel died, the show went off the air. And if the show went off the air, where was she supposed to get her weekly Spike fix? Reruns would be unsatisfactory, especially since there was no guarantee that Spike would appear in them. He was only in five seasons of both "Buffy" and "Angel."
She sunk into a depression that Friday, and could not be pulled out of it by any of her friends. So, with no other choice, they dragged her out of her bed and decided to take her to the 8:00 pm showing of the new movie, Pirates of the Caribbean 9: Die, You Scalawag!
Because, what better cure for depression is there than really hot pirates?
"So," asked Erica sweetly, twirling her formerly purple (she thinks it was red, but it wasn't!) hair between her fingers. "What did you think?"
"I liked it," replied Katie. "Orli looked really cute, and even though he's almost forty-five, Johnny Depp still looks great."
Lizzy smiled. "Wasn't it funny when Viggo Mortenson was ripped apart and eaten by hillbillies?"
Erica frowned at her friend and hit her on the arm. "No! That was not funny! That was sad. Very sad. What did Viggo ever do to those hillbillies? Huh? Why did he have to die? WHY?"
"Because he was the evil pirate," replied Katie slowly.
"As for yor first question, I think playing Jethro in the remake of the remake of the Beverly Hillbillies movie may have offended them."
Just then, Molly approached, chattering incoherently. "What?" asked Lizzy.
"Oh, I was just noticing that you came out of POTC:DYS! I've seen it eleven times already. Johnny Depp will soon realize what a devoted fan I am, how in love with him I am, and he will dump that stupid model and marry me. Besides, what has Vanessa Whatever done for him anyway?"
"Um." Erica laughed at her friend. "She kinda bore his chldren."
Molly rolled her eyes. "Big deal!"
"Maybe you should give up on marrying him, and set your sights on his son," suggested Katie.
"His oldest son's only like thirteen or something."
"You're only seventeen."
"Whatever," Molly replied. "You suck."
As they were chuckling over Molly's delusions, another girl approached. "Ohio, guys," she said enthusiastically.
"Hi Audrey," they said.
"So, what are you guys doing?" Audrey said. "Because if you're not doing anything, then maybe we can go watch Yu-Gi-Oh! The plot line is developing quickly. I really think Yugi and Yami might actually admit their love this time. I can't believe it hasn't happened yet! Why can't they see it? WHY? WHY!!"
"Yu-Gi-Oh is not gonna hook up with Yami. GET OVER IT!" Lizzy yelled.
Audrey blinked. "Well, maybe you should get over Spike, and realize that the coat that you insist on wearing EVERY DAY is not his. It is a coat you got from a store. And then you walked into a brick wall. And had a weird dream. AND IT'S YUGI, NOT YU-GI-OH!"
"Like I care," replied Lizzy nastily.
Suddenly, a deep sigh was heard, and everyone looked over at Erica. "What are you doing?" asked Katie.
Erica, looked up, startled. "Oh." She shoved something into her black purse. "Nothing. Just looking at pictures..."
"Pictures of Viggo Mortenson?" guessed Audrey.
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
Audrey rolled her eyes. "Lucky guess."
The group laughed over their friend's strange obsession, and all anger was forgotten.
Well...mostly. Lizzy was suddenly very determined to prove to her friends that her coat was Spike's. And she had met him, in some weird alternate reality.
She wished there was some way she could do something, anything to show them.
Luckily, the answer came to her, in the form of yet another mixed blessing of a brick wall, this one about the smash the group to a pancake.
"Damn it," was all she could say.
You really should be careful what you wish for.
Lizzy awoke, her entire body aching painfully. Why did she have such bad luck with stupid brick walls? It was like they were conspiring against her. How many people walked into a brick wall and a had a brick wall fall on them in a the same five-year period. Surely it was only her...
Well, Lizzy thought, her inner monologue sounding sarcastic as usual. At least I'm not dead.
She stood up carefully and looked around. There was Katie, curled up in a ball, her thumb in her mouth. And there was Erica, dreaming pleasantly of Viggo Mortensen. Audrey was talking in her unconsciousness. Lizzy listened closer. Was that Japanese she was speaking? Freaky. But where was--
A horrible sound reached her ears, like the devil itself screaming. She felt a pinprick of fear at the back of her neck. Turning slowly, cautiously, toward where the sound was coming from she saw its source.
Molly!
She was snoring. SNORING, for Christ's sake. That had been the terrible sound?
Lizzy picked up a small piece of broken brick and chucked it at her snoring friend. "Wake up!" she screamed. "WAKE UP!"
Molly peeled her eyes open, and Erica stood up slowly. Katie got up next and rushed to Lizzy's side. "What's going on?"
Erica and Molly walked over to Audrey, and the latter kicked the sleeping girl lightly. The reply they got was a murmured, "Yugi! Yugi! You know Yami loves you. You love him too. Now I will watch you have a raw animal sex."
Leaning down, Erica yelled into Audrey's ear. "Get up, freak!"
Audrey rolled over and cracked one eye open. "What happened?" she asked.
Lizzy rushed over, Katie closely behind. "We're here!" she squealed excitedly.
"Where?" the rest asked in unison.
"God, you guys are idiots!" Lizzy sighed, exasperated. "We're in the 'Angel' land. Or the Land of 'Angel'. We're here!"
"Wait a minute," said Audrey, always the skeptic. "You're telling me that we're in Los Angeles. And Angel, as in the character played by David Boreanaz, is also here. Are you serious?"
"Yes!" Lizzy looked at each of her friends. "Don't you believe me?"
"Well," began Erica. "It's a little far-fetched."
"Yeah," agreed Molly. "I mean, it's just a TV show. Maybe we should just head to the hospital."
Lizzy narrowed her eyes. "The hospital? Why? None of us are hurt?"
"I think she was probably referring to the psych ward," suggested the cold, hard bitch, Audrey (Just kidding, Audrey! You're super! Thanks for asking. All things considered, you couldn't be better, I must say! This quote is from the South Park movie).
"SHUT UP! I AM NOT CRAZY! Look around you. Does this look like stupid Lincoln, Nebraska? No! Wanna know why?"
"We were kidnapped?" Molly guessed.
"No. We're in Los Angeles." Lizzy paused for dramatic effect. "Angel and, more importantly, Spike's Los Angeles."
Everyone was silent. Could it really be? No. No. Of course they weren't in Angel and Spike's L.A. It was impossible.
Wasn't it?
"No," Molly said. "Lizzy we can't be. I mean...it's simply not possible. Johnny Depp falling wildly, passionately in love with me is more possible than this. Or Viggo 'Food for Hillbilly Cannibals' Mortenson deciding suddenly to marry Erica. That , disgusting as it is, is more possible than us being transported into a television show."
Erica piped up. "Disgusting? How is that disgusting?"
"I don't think that's the point," answered Lizzy. "The point is that none of my friends believe me. You all think I'm crazy. But I'm not. I know this is Los Angeles. I can feel it."
Katie said, "Lizzy, we don't think you're crazy."
"But please excuse me as I back away slowly," Audrey interrupted, but Katie turned sharply and glared at her. "Kidding," she added meekly.
"We don't think you're crazy," Katie continued. "We just think that this isn't Lincoln, and maybe it is L.A. But it can't be Angel's L.A. It just can't. How could that ever happen?"
"I don't know how," said Lizzy. "But I just know this is the place. Please. Let's just head to Wolfram and Hart, and I can prove it."
"Um," Molly said nervously. "If this is, you know, L.A., then isn't it kind of dangerous to be wandering around the streets at night."
At that moment, a man stepped forward, as if on cue. He was of average height and on the thin side, as far as the girls could tell. It was impossible to see what he looked like, as he wore a long, black cloak, with a hood that shadowed his face.
Lizzy screamed and reached down, grabbing a chunk of brick. Without thinking, she threw it at him. It hit his chest and he went "Oof!"
"Great job, Molly!" muttered Audrey under her breath. "Now we can say, 'Things can't get any worse,' and it'll start raining, too."
"It's not my fault!" yelled Molly. "I'm not forcing him to murder us."
Katie frowned deeply. "You know, he'll probably kill us after he rapes us."
As the man caught another piece of brick Lizzy had thrown at him, he interrupted, "I'm not going to rape you. Don't flatter yourselves. And I'm not plannng on murdering you either."
"Are you gonna mug us?" asked Erica, oddly chipper.
"No!" He paused. "Well, actually, I am a little short on cash...but no!"
"Okay," said Lizzy bravely, a rock still clenched in her fist. "You're not planning on hurting us. So go away."
He stepped forward slightly, and a sliver of moonlight fell onto his face, illuminating one of his eyes and his nose. "I can't go. Someone I know had a vision about you. She says you'll need this." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a glowing orb.
No one spoke. They were all mesmerized by the luminous object. A closer look revealed that inside the orb were thousands of tiny people, bodies glittering.
"What...?" Audrey said.
He looked down at her. "They're faeries."
Audrey gasped and stepped back, tripping over something and falling to the ground. "Faeries?" she repeated, sounding awed.
Lizzy swallowed hard and asked, "Who are you?"
"No one," he answered solemnly. "No one you need to know."
Lizzy said again, "Who are you?"
"I'm nobody. Who are you?"
Molly interjected quietly, "That's Emily Dickinson, you know."
Lizzy turned for a second, glared at her friend, then turned back to the strange man. "Who the hell are you, you son of a bitch?"
He replied, trying to stay calm, "Women. Ugh. Do you ever give up?"
"Well, that was sexist," said Katie.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.Also from South Park movie"
Lizzy's lips twitched in a smile. "That wasn't funny."
"Looks like you enjoyed it."
"Just, tell me, do you know Angel? Or...or Spike?"
He coughed. "I don't know anyone by those weird names."
"Oh," she said, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Of course."
There was silence for a moment. Then, "Look, just take the orb, okay? I'm here to deliver it to you. It really shouldn't be taking this long. They'll be worried about me."
"Who?"
"My family."
"What does this...orb...do, exactly?" Molly asked, walking over to them, but hiding behind Lizzy.
"I don't know. They didn't tell me. But it won't hurt you. I swear."
"Well..." Lizzy said, reaching for it. "I guess..."
Katie ran over and slapped her hand away before she touched it. "Are you stupid, or something? You don't take candy from strangers, and you certainly don't take weird glowing orbs."
Lizzy looked at her friend and neighbor. "Am I stupid? Me?"
"You are the only one reaching for the orb," Katie responded.
"Can you please just take it?" asked the strange man impatiently.
Just then, Audrey walked up to him and grabbed the orb out of his hand. "Audrey!" screamed Lizzy and Katie, each sounding both surprised and terrified.
"What?" she asked, looking at them. "I wanna get this thing over with and get back home before I miss Yu-Gi-Oh."
They all stared at the orb in curiousity and worry. The strange man frowned as nothing happened. "Well, that's weird," he muttered.
"No," corrected Molly. "That's anticlimatic." She paused and said, "Isn't it, Erica?" She received no reply. Looking around, she asked, "You guys, where's Erica?"
"You mean she's not here?" Lizzy said, voice loud. "How can she not be here?"
Audrey called into the shadows, "Erica!"
The mystery man stepped closer to them and said, clearly hesitant, "I think I know a way to find her. If you have anything of hers, that is."
"What," asked Lizzy, "like scrying?"
"Yes," he replied, thoroughly surprised. "How did you know?"
"I saw it on a television show," she replied, a far-fetched idea forming her head. "It was about witches."
His puzzled voice said, "Well . . . we could do that. To find your friend. My mom is a witch, so I have the power to do that."
"Oh my god," Lizzy said. "I know you."
"You do?"
"Of course!" She turned to her friends. "Isn't his voice familiar? Katie? Molly? You guys should know especially."
Molly's eyes widened as she seemingly figured it out. "Oh my god!" she cried, and then, with surprising quickness, she grabbed the hood of his cloak and pulled it down.
The four girls stared at what they saw.
Lizzy, Katie, and Molly leaped at him and began kissing his shoes. "Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris . . ." they chanted, as Audrey stared at them, eyebrow arched.
Pushing the girls off of his feet, he asked, "How do you know who I am?"
Silence. Finally, Lizzy, resorting to a lie she had told Angel and Spike years earlier, said, "We're sort of psychic."
"Oh," he said, not knowing what to say to that.
"And we totally love our visions of you," Molly commented.
Lizzy and Katie caught each other's eye and, at the exact same moment, screamed, "Bianca is a bitch, hahahahahaha!"
Chris chose to remain silent, although he was very confused. Audrey decided to ask, "So how's Leo?"
"Still an asshole, I'm sure," said Lizzy.
"No, he's not so bad," said Chris quietly.
"Oh, come on. He was such a jerk to you. And then he just let you die, but it was all okay because Wyatt lived and wasn't evil," Molly said. "I HATE GIDEON!"
He exclaimed, "What!" Then he said, "My dad wouldn't just let me die. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm perfectly fine."
"He doesn't know," whispered Molly.
"No shit, Sherlock," said Lizzy.
"Should I shut up about it?" Molly said.
The other three girls yelled, "YES!"
"Okay, okay." She rolled her eyes. "Let's just find Erica."
Chris said, finally understanding something they were talking about, "Do any of you have anything of hers?"
Audrey pulled out a picture of Viggo Mortenson that had devil horns and such drawn on it (most likely by Audrey). "This was hers."
His eyebrows raised questioningly, but he only said, "Well, we'll try. Stay right here. I'm going to orb--do you know what that is?--good--I'm going to orb home to get some supplies. And then I'll be right back."
"Whatever you say," answered Katie dreamily.
And he was gone in a blue glowy cloud thing.
Molly turned to her friends, "Are we going crazy or something? I mean, that was Chris. Not even just Drew Fuller, but Chris."
"Crazy?" responded Katie. "I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy--"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Lizzy. "You are so annoying."
"No, you are."
"No, you are."
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh."
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh."
"Nuh-uh!"
Molly and Audrey both yelled, "Be quiet!"
Katie and Lizzy looked at the ground, ashamed. However, under her breath, Lizzy said, "Yeah-huh."
There was a blue glowing cloud in front of them, and Chris appeared, his arms full with a map, a crystal, and other supplies. "I have everything we need to scry for your friend."
"Good," said Lizzy, helping him with the map. "Because if we go home without Erica, we are so dead."
"Like you," said Molly quietly, clearly thinking sadly of Chris's demise.
Katie said, "Shut up," and went to help Lizzy and Chris.
Just then, a familiar voice said, "Hey guys! What are you doing?"
They all whirled to face Erica who had a blissful grin on her face. "Where were you?" They began bombarding her with questions. "What were you doing? Were you kidnapped? Why didn't you tell us you left?"
"Well," she said. "You know how I kind of like Viggo Mortenson, right?"
"Ye-es," said Audrey, annoyed.
"He lives in L.A., and since we're in L.A., I decided to go find out where he lives and--"
"Stalk him?" asked Lizzy. "You were stalking him? Oh, Erica, you have sunk to a new low. Even Molly doesn't stalk Johnny Depp."
Molly said, too quiet for anyone else to hear, "That's what you think, anyway."
"I wasn't stalking him," Erica informed them. "I was just taking pictures of him in the shower from outside his bathroom window without his knowledge or consent." She held out the pictures (developed at a store with a ten-minute developing guarantee). "See?"
All of them, including Chris, turned their heads away screaming, "My eyes! Oh, God, my eyes!"
Innocently psychotic Erica didn't realize she had scarred them all for life and simply said, "I know. Isn't he the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen? It almost hurts to look at him."
Lizzy couldn't help intoning, "Almost?"
Sequel to The Quest for the Coat
No one in the neighborhood forgot what they heard that Saturday morning in the middle of February 2008. Old Mr. Jones still has nightmares about the terrifying sound to this day. Nothing any of them had ever heard was so filled with pain, so desperate. It was the most horrible thing they would ever experience.
So, you can image their suprise--and even some indignant anger, mostly from Mr. Jones--when they found out, after rushing to the source of the sound, their neighbor, Larry's house, that the noise that had shocked them into a stupor was simply a senior in high school, shrieking over the cancellation of one of the many television shows on the WB.
But, despite what they may and might have thought, the girl was not just a senior in high school. She is our heroine, Lizzy, and she was calling out into the dead of night (well, okay, it was just 6 p.m., so not exactly the dead of night) the word "No," managing to drown out the sound of E! News Live correspondant, Ben Affleck (his career had gone downhill since Gigli ). Because "Angel," her beloved "Angel," was...over. Finito. Finished.
It wasn't like years earlier when the show was cancelled, but the efforts of fans nationwide (worldwide, possibly) kept it in millions of people's living rooms for four more years.
But if Ben Affleck was right, which he was, the show was over. And on the next episode, the title character, Angel, would also be finito. He was going to have a wooden stake shoved through his heart by his one true love, Buffy. Normally, Lizzy would have been downright giddy at the thought of Angel's demise. She hated him with a passion. But if Angel died, the show went off the air. And if the show went off the air, where was she supposed to get her weekly Spike fix? Reruns would be unsatisfactory, especially since there was no guarantee that Spike would appear in them. He was only in five seasons of both "Buffy" and "Angel."
She sunk into a depression that Friday, and could not be pulled out of it by any of her friends. So, with no other choice, they dragged her out of her bed and decided to take her to the 8:00 pm showing of the new movie, Pirates of the Caribbean 9: Die, You Scalawag!
Because, what better cure for depression is there than really hot pirates?
"So," asked Erica sweetly, twirling her formerly purple (she thinks it was red, but it wasn't!) hair between her fingers. "What did you think?"
"I liked it," replied Katie. "Orli looked really cute, and even though he's almost forty-five, Johnny Depp still looks great."
Lizzy smiled. "Wasn't it funny when Viggo Mortenson was ripped apart and eaten by hillbillies?"
Erica frowned at her friend and hit her on the arm. "No! That was not funny! That was sad. Very sad. What did Viggo ever do to those hillbillies? Huh? Why did he have to die? WHY?"
"Because he was the evil pirate," replied Katie slowly.
"As for yor first question, I think playing Jethro in the remake of the remake of the Beverly Hillbillies movie may have offended them."
Just then, Molly approached, chattering incoherently. "What?" asked Lizzy.
"Oh, I was just noticing that you came out of POTC:DYS! I've seen it eleven times already. Johnny Depp will soon realize what a devoted fan I am, how in love with him I am, and he will dump that stupid model and marry me. Besides, what has Vanessa Whatever done for him anyway?"
"Um." Erica laughed at her friend. "She kinda bore his chldren."
Molly rolled her eyes. "Big deal!"
"Maybe you should give up on marrying him, and set your sights on his son," suggested Katie.
"His oldest son's only like thirteen or something."
"You're only seventeen."
"Whatever," Molly replied. "You suck."
As they were chuckling over Molly's delusions, another girl approached. "Ohio, guys," she said enthusiastically.
"Hi Audrey," they said.
"So, what are you guys doing?" Audrey said. "Because if you're not doing anything, then maybe we can go watch Yu-Gi-Oh! The plot line is developing quickly. I really think Yugi and Yami might actually admit their love this time. I can't believe it hasn't happened yet! Why can't they see it? WHY? WHY!!"
"Yu-Gi-Oh is not gonna hook up with Yami. GET OVER IT!" Lizzy yelled.
Audrey blinked. "Well, maybe you should get over Spike, and realize that the coat that you insist on wearing EVERY DAY is not his. It is a coat you got from a store. And then you walked into a brick wall. And had a weird dream. AND IT'S YUGI, NOT YU-GI-OH!"
"Like I care," replied Lizzy nastily.
Suddenly, a deep sigh was heard, and everyone looked over at Erica. "What are you doing?" asked Katie.
Erica, looked up, startled. "Oh." She shoved something into her black purse. "Nothing. Just looking at pictures..."
"Pictures of Viggo Mortenson?" guessed Audrey.
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
Audrey rolled her eyes. "Lucky guess."
The group laughed over their friend's strange obsession, and all anger was forgotten.
Well...mostly. Lizzy was suddenly very determined to prove to her friends that her coat was Spike's. And she had met him, in some weird alternate reality.
She wished there was some way she could do something, anything to show them.
Luckily, the answer came to her, in the form of yet another mixed blessing of a brick wall, this one about the smash the group to a pancake.
"Damn it," was all she could say.
You really should be careful what you wish for.
Lizzy awoke, her entire body aching painfully. Why did she have such bad luck with stupid brick walls? It was like they were conspiring against her. How many people walked into a brick wall and a had a brick wall fall on them in a the same five-year period. Surely it was only her...
Well, Lizzy thought, her inner monologue sounding sarcastic as usual. At least I'm not dead.
She stood up carefully and looked around. There was Katie, curled up in a ball, her thumb in her mouth. And there was Erica, dreaming pleasantly of Viggo Mortensen. Audrey was talking in her unconsciousness. Lizzy listened closer. Was that Japanese she was speaking? Freaky. But where was--
A horrible sound reached her ears, like the devil itself screaming. She felt a pinprick of fear at the back of her neck. Turning slowly, cautiously, toward where the sound was coming from she saw its source.
Molly!
She was snoring. SNORING, for Christ's sake. That had been the terrible sound?
Lizzy picked up a small piece of broken brick and chucked it at her snoring friend. "Wake up!" she screamed. "WAKE UP!"
Molly peeled her eyes open, and Erica stood up slowly. Katie got up next and rushed to Lizzy's side. "What's going on?"
Erica and Molly walked over to Audrey, and the latter kicked the sleeping girl lightly. The reply they got was a murmured, "Yugi! Yugi! You know Yami loves you. You love him too. Now I will watch you have a raw animal sex."
Leaning down, Erica yelled into Audrey's ear. "Get up, freak!"
Audrey rolled over and cracked one eye open. "What happened?" she asked.
Lizzy rushed over, Katie closely behind. "We're here!" she squealed excitedly.
"Where?" the rest asked in unison.
"God, you guys are idiots!" Lizzy sighed, exasperated. "We're in the 'Angel' land. Or the Land of 'Angel'. We're here!"
"Wait a minute," said Audrey, always the skeptic. "You're telling me that we're in Los Angeles. And Angel, as in the character played by David Boreanaz, is also here. Are you serious?"
"Yes!" Lizzy looked at each of her friends. "Don't you believe me?"
"Well," began Erica. "It's a little far-fetched."
"Yeah," agreed Molly. "I mean, it's just a TV show. Maybe we should just head to the hospital."
Lizzy narrowed her eyes. "The hospital? Why? None of us are hurt?"
"I think she was probably referring to the psych ward," suggested the cold, hard bitch, Audrey (Just kidding, Audrey! You're super! Thanks for asking. All things considered, you couldn't be better, I must say! This quote is from the South Park movie).
"SHUT UP! I AM NOT CRAZY! Look around you. Does this look like stupid Lincoln, Nebraska? No! Wanna know why?"
"We were kidnapped?" Molly guessed.
"No. We're in Los Angeles." Lizzy paused for dramatic effect. "Angel and, more importantly, Spike's Los Angeles."
Everyone was silent. Could it really be? No. No. Of course they weren't in Angel and Spike's L.A. It was impossible.
Wasn't it?
"No," Molly said. "Lizzy we can't be. I mean...it's simply not possible. Johnny Depp falling wildly, passionately in love with me is more possible than this. Or Viggo 'Food for Hillbilly Cannibals' Mortenson deciding suddenly to marry Erica. That , disgusting as it is, is more possible than us being transported into a television show."
Erica piped up. "Disgusting? How is that disgusting?"
"I don't think that's the point," answered Lizzy. "The point is that none of my friends believe me. You all think I'm crazy. But I'm not. I know this is Los Angeles. I can feel it."
Katie said, "Lizzy, we don't think you're crazy."
"But please excuse me as I back away slowly," Audrey interrupted, but Katie turned sharply and glared at her. "Kidding," she added meekly.
"We don't think you're crazy," Katie continued. "We just think that this isn't Lincoln, and maybe it is L.A. But it can't be Angel's L.A. It just can't. How could that ever happen?"
"I don't know how," said Lizzy. "But I just know this is the place. Please. Let's just head to Wolfram and Hart, and I can prove it."
"Um," Molly said nervously. "If this is, you know, L.A., then isn't it kind of dangerous to be wandering around the streets at night."
At that moment, a man stepped forward, as if on cue. He was of average height and on the thin side, as far as the girls could tell. It was impossible to see what he looked like, as he wore a long, black cloak, with a hood that shadowed his face.
Lizzy screamed and reached down, grabbing a chunk of brick. Without thinking, she threw it at him. It hit his chest and he went "Oof!"
"Great job, Molly!" muttered Audrey under her breath. "Now we can say, 'Things can't get any worse,' and it'll start raining, too."
"It's not my fault!" yelled Molly. "I'm not forcing him to murder us."
Katie frowned deeply. "You know, he'll probably kill us after he rapes us."
As the man caught another piece of brick Lizzy had thrown at him, he interrupted, "I'm not going to rape you. Don't flatter yourselves. And I'm not plannng on murdering you either."
"Are you gonna mug us?" asked Erica, oddly chipper.
"No!" He paused. "Well, actually, I am a little short on cash...but no!"
"Okay," said Lizzy bravely, a rock still clenched in her fist. "You're not planning on hurting us. So go away."
He stepped forward slightly, and a sliver of moonlight fell onto his face, illuminating one of his eyes and his nose. "I can't go. Someone I know had a vision about you. She says you'll need this." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a glowing orb.
No one spoke. They were all mesmerized by the luminous object. A closer look revealed that inside the orb were thousands of tiny people, bodies glittering.
"What...?" Audrey said.
He looked down at her. "They're faeries."
Audrey gasped and stepped back, tripping over something and falling to the ground. "Faeries?" she repeated, sounding awed.
Lizzy swallowed hard and asked, "Who are you?"
"No one," he answered solemnly. "No one you need to know."
Lizzy said again, "Who are you?"
"I'm nobody. Who are you?"
Molly interjected quietly, "That's Emily Dickinson, you know."
Lizzy turned for a second, glared at her friend, then turned back to the strange man. "Who the hell are you, you son of a bitch?"
He replied, trying to stay calm, "Women. Ugh. Do you ever give up?"
"Well, that was sexist," said Katie.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.Also from South Park movie"
Lizzy's lips twitched in a smile. "That wasn't funny."
"Looks like you enjoyed it."
"Just, tell me, do you know Angel? Or...or Spike?"
He coughed. "I don't know anyone by those weird names."
"Oh," she said, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Of course."
There was silence for a moment. Then, "Look, just take the orb, okay? I'm here to deliver it to you. It really shouldn't be taking this long. They'll be worried about me."
"Who?"
"My family."
"What does this...orb...do, exactly?" Molly asked, walking over to them, but hiding behind Lizzy.
"I don't know. They didn't tell me. But it won't hurt you. I swear."
"Well..." Lizzy said, reaching for it. "I guess..."
Katie ran over and slapped her hand away before she touched it. "Are you stupid, or something? You don't take candy from strangers, and you certainly don't take weird glowing orbs."
Lizzy looked at her friend and neighbor. "Am I stupid? Me?"
"You are the only one reaching for the orb," Katie responded.
"Can you please just take it?" asked the strange man impatiently.
Just then, Audrey walked up to him and grabbed the orb out of his hand. "Audrey!" screamed Lizzy and Katie, each sounding both surprised and terrified.
"What?" she asked, looking at them. "I wanna get this thing over with and get back home before I miss Yu-Gi-Oh."
They all stared at the orb in curiousity and worry. The strange man frowned as nothing happened. "Well, that's weird," he muttered.
"No," corrected Molly. "That's anticlimatic." She paused and said, "Isn't it, Erica?" She received no reply. Looking around, she asked, "You guys, where's Erica?"
"You mean she's not here?" Lizzy said, voice loud. "How can she not be here?"
Audrey called into the shadows, "Erica!"
The mystery man stepped closer to them and said, clearly hesitant, "I think I know a way to find her. If you have anything of hers, that is."
"What," asked Lizzy, "like scrying?"
"Yes," he replied, thoroughly surprised. "How did you know?"
"I saw it on a television show," she replied, a far-fetched idea forming her head. "It was about witches."
His puzzled voice said, "Well . . . we could do that. To find your friend. My mom is a witch, so I have the power to do that."
"Oh my god," Lizzy said. "I know you."
"You do?"
"Of course!" She turned to her friends. "Isn't his voice familiar? Katie? Molly? You guys should know especially."
Molly's eyes widened as she seemingly figured it out. "Oh my god!" she cried, and then, with surprising quickness, she grabbed the hood of his cloak and pulled it down.
The four girls stared at what they saw.
Lizzy, Katie, and Molly leaped at him and began kissing his shoes. "Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris . . ." they chanted, as Audrey stared at them, eyebrow arched.
Pushing the girls off of his feet, he asked, "How do you know who I am?"
Silence. Finally, Lizzy, resorting to a lie she had told Angel and Spike years earlier, said, "We're sort of psychic."
"Oh," he said, not knowing what to say to that.
"And we totally love our visions of you," Molly commented.
Lizzy and Katie caught each other's eye and, at the exact same moment, screamed, "Bianca is a bitch, hahahahahaha!"
Chris chose to remain silent, although he was very confused. Audrey decided to ask, "So how's Leo?"
"Still an asshole, I'm sure," said Lizzy.
"No, he's not so bad," said Chris quietly.
"Oh, come on. He was such a jerk to you. And then he just let you die, but it was all okay because Wyatt lived and wasn't evil," Molly said. "I HATE GIDEON!"
He exclaimed, "What!" Then he said, "My dad wouldn't just let me die. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm perfectly fine."
"He doesn't know," whispered Molly.
"No shit, Sherlock," said Lizzy.
"Should I shut up about it?" Molly said.
The other three girls yelled, "YES!"
"Okay, okay." She rolled her eyes. "Let's just find Erica."
Chris said, finally understanding something they were talking about, "Do any of you have anything of hers?"
Audrey pulled out a picture of Viggo Mortenson that had devil horns and such drawn on it (most likely by Audrey). "This was hers."
His eyebrows raised questioningly, but he only said, "Well, we'll try. Stay right here. I'm going to orb--do you know what that is?--good--I'm going to orb home to get some supplies. And then I'll be right back."
"Whatever you say," answered Katie dreamily.
And he was gone in a blue glowy cloud thing.
Molly turned to her friends, "Are we going crazy or something? I mean, that was Chris. Not even just Drew Fuller, but Chris."
"Crazy?" responded Katie. "I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy. They put me in a room with rubber rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I used to be crazy--"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Lizzy. "You are so annoying."
"No, you are."
"No, you are."
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh."
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh."
"Nuh-uh!"
Molly and Audrey both yelled, "Be quiet!"
Katie and Lizzy looked at the ground, ashamed. However, under her breath, Lizzy said, "Yeah-huh."
There was a blue glowing cloud in front of them, and Chris appeared, his arms full with a map, a crystal, and other supplies. "I have everything we need to scry for your friend."
"Good," said Lizzy, helping him with the map. "Because if we go home without Erica, we are so dead."
"Like you," said Molly quietly, clearly thinking sadly of Chris's demise.
Katie said, "Shut up," and went to help Lizzy and Chris.
Just then, a familiar voice said, "Hey guys! What are you doing?"
They all whirled to face Erica who had a blissful grin on her face. "Where were you?" They began bombarding her with questions. "What were you doing? Were you kidnapped? Why didn't you tell us you left?"
"Well," she said. "You know how I kind of like Viggo Mortenson, right?"
"Ye-es," said Audrey, annoyed.
"He lives in L.A., and since we're in L.A., I decided to go find out where he lives and--"
"Stalk him?" asked Lizzy. "You were stalking him? Oh, Erica, you have sunk to a new low. Even Molly doesn't stalk Johnny Depp."
Molly said, too quiet for anyone else to hear, "That's what you think, anyway."
"I wasn't stalking him," Erica informed them. "I was just taking pictures of him in the shower from outside his bathroom window without his knowledge or consent." She held out the pictures (developed at a store with a ten-minute developing guarantee). "See?"
All of them, including Chris, turned their heads away screaming, "My eyes! Oh, God, my eyes!"
Innocently psychotic Erica didn't realize she had scarred them all for life and simply said, "I know. Isn't he the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen? It almost hurts to look at him."
Lizzy couldn't help intoning, "Almost?"