Lily Evans was totally fucked. She didn't intend on drinking an entire pitcher of margaritas by herself but sometimes life comes at you fast. She had gone to her favorite Mexican restaurant, El Fiesta, with two of her sorority sisters to blow off some "We're halfway through the semester" steam. They'd planned on splitting one pitcher of margaritas, which quickly became two, which suddenly became three pitchers when the waiters announced "on the house."
None of their sorority sisters were picking up the phone, which is why she was fucked. Dorcas and Marlene were annoyingly snuggled on the bench outside the restaurant. They kept trying to take selfies and failing. They weren't helping find a ride, so it was left to Lily. Praying that he wasn't also drunk, Lily dialed Sirius Black.
He picked up immediately. "Aaaaahhh, the illustrious president of Chi Gamma- to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Listen, Black. I need a favor," Lily started.
"Oh my god? Is Lily Evans drunk?" Sirius asked.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP SIRIUS. The first time I got drunk was with you when we snuck your uncle's gin when we were 16. I need you to pick me and my sisters up," Lily said before he could continue.
She heard him closing a door as he said, "El Fiesta? Or that dive bar you like to sing karaoke at?"
"The Squid is a perfectly acceptable bar!" Lily whined, "but we're at El Fiesta"
Fifteenminutes later, Lily helped Dorcas and Marlene into the backseat of Sirius' minivan and plopped herself in the passenger seat. "Thanks Sirius, I owe you."
"Seat belt on Evans," he started, "And never ending debt remember- we owe each other so much."
Lily and Sirius had grown up in the same shitty southern town and went to the same shitty racist and homophobic high school. They'd made a pinky promise in the 7th grade to attend college together and had established their "Never ending debt" when they were in high school and had to give up on whose turn it was to take the blame for a prank or pay for coffee. Which is why they were constantly picking each other up from various bars and restaurants when they were too far gone.
The ride back to campus was short. Sirius helped get Dorcas and Marlene into the house and agreed to sit with Lily so she could smoke a cigarette on the porch. He waited in the living room and flipped through various scrapbooks while she changed into her pajamas.
She arrived carrying her phone, cigarettes and two Cheerwines. As they headed to the porch, and knowing full well that she wouldn't listen, Sirius scolded her. "I'll sit with you, but that is a terrible habit, Lily. I know you only do it when you drink, but smoking will kill you"
Lily flipped him off as she opened the front door to the porch. Since she was a senior, she took full advantage of the "Only seniors through the front door" rule, and Sirius followed her out. They settled onto the rocking chairs and had just started discussing the most recent shitstorm started by the President when Sirius noticed Lily had stopped mid sentence was glaring at something.
"Evans, why are we glaring?"
"OH. FOR. FUCKS SAKE" She whisper raged, "I TOLD THEM. I FUCKING TOLD THEM. YOU CAN ONLY PUT PUMPKINS ON THE PORCH IF THEY ARE GONE BY NOVEMBER 1."
Looking to the offending pumpkins, Sirius told her, "I'm sure they forgot. It's only-"
"IT'S FUCKING NOVEMBER 2ND SIRIUS. NOVEMBER SECOND!" LIly's voice was slightly raised.
Knowing how quickly she could get really loud and have security called, Sirius tried to placate her. "Lily listen- I will get the pumpkins off the porch and you can-"
But Lily had suddenly picked up one of the pumpkins and thrown it off the edge of the porch. Right onto their pristine lawn. Right behind the "Most Beautiful On Campus" sign Lily had maniacally worked to earn in October.
"Lily- don't you think-" Sirius tried again.
But Lily was already throwing another pumpkin onto the lawn and cackling. "Oh God - Sirius this is better than that time we egged Mr. C's house for calling you a fairy in PE."
With that, Sirius decided to give it up and help Lily throw the rest of the pumpkins onto the lawn. Fourteen pumpkins and one cigarette later, Sirius told her, "Alright, Evans, bedtime."
Lily laughed and said "Alright. And this'll teach them to not listen to their president."
"It sure will, now come one. You've got that 9am tomorrow." He walked her back to her room and tucked her in.
"Love you Sirius." She told him sleepily.
"Yeah yeah- I know I'm amazing," Sirius told her and then closed the door.
The next day, Monday, Lily was cursing every decision Drunk Lily had ever made. With a lot of luck, a lot of coffee and several Tylenol Lily made it to her 9am class 5 whole minutes early.
After a mind numbing lecture and discussion Lily had big plans to crawl back into her bed and sleep for the rest of the day until the weekly one-on-one meeting with the chapter advisor.
These plans were immediately dashed when she arrived at the Chi Gamma House and saw several of her sisters taking pictures and cleaning up the lawn.
"Lily- I'm so glad you're here!" Eleanor, one of the sophomores told her, "Someone has vandalized our lawn with our pumpkins!"
Lily stated, "I fucking know- Eleanor it's November, and I told you to get rid of those pumpkins."
Eleanor rolled her eyes and said, "Really Lily it was on the to do list- it's not even been a week since Halloween"
"Eleanor- look I know it seems like a big deal but really we can-" Lily started but was cut off by the rest of the Chi Gamma sisters approaching her and all talking at once.
"Lily who would do such a thing?
"Who could vandalize our yard?"
When the questions reached a peak Lily panicked and said, "Obviously someone is trying to start some kind of prank war with us!"
"But who?" Marlene asked
"Gee," Lily started sarcastically, "who on campus is constantly pranking everyone and everything?"
"Theta Phi" came the chorused response.
"Exactly. Now clean this shit up. I'm going upstairs to nap and think of our retaliation. Meet me on the porch at 3am"
As Lily walked to her room she pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Sirius
LE: So I just fucked up.
Remember how I went into a pumpkin rage last night?
Well apparently that is offensive to my sisters so I blamed the whole thing on your fraternity and now we're in a prank war. Ok thanks. Love you so much
SB: Holy Shit, Evans this is the craziest thing you've ever done
LE: after the spring fling debacle, I can't have any unrest. They'll impeach me for sure
SB: isn't your term up in Dec? Why does it matter?
LE: I want that presidents gift. And you can't tell your brothers. Or I'll bring out THE PICTURE
SB: you wouldn't
LE: Wouldn't I?
SB: Fuck. you would. Well don't expect me to ask James to show you mercy
LE: Bring it on.
James Potter had expected a typical college experience. Maybe join a frat, meet a girl, fail a few classes, party and at the end of four years have a degree, and, if he was lucky, a fucking job.
When he met his freshman year roommate, Sirius Black, he knew that these experiences would be anything but typical. In retrospect- turning their freshmen hall into a giant slip and slide the first night should've been the first clue that Sirius would probably lead him into many terrible life choices.
However, on the morning of November 3nd his senior year James Potter woke up to find his fraternity brothers angrily knocking on his door.
After stumbling to find his glasses and some fucking pants, James opened the door with a "what?"
"You need to see this," Nigel told him.
Groaning, James followed his brothers down the stairs and out onto the front lawn-
Where all of their furniture sat. In a gigantic pile.
"What. the. Fuck." was the only logical response.
Sirius approached him with a sly grin, holding out a sparkly piece of paper, "This was attached."
In puff paint and ridiculously curly writing he read,
Hello!
Consider this a retaliation of your desecration of our front lawn.
We will not stand for this and therefore have declared a Prank War on the brothers of Theta Phi.
This is our first act.
We will meet at dawn tomorrow to negotiate the terms of war.
Best Wishes!
Xoxox
Lily Evans, President Chi Gamma
James was speechless.
A fucking prank war?!
WITH LILY EVANS.
He'd always dreamed of a prank war. He had, in fact, an entire filing cabinet dedicated to possible pranks that he had started his freshman year of high school.
But…..
Lily Evans?
A prank war?
She seemed so uptight in all of their Greek council meetings. She would always be the first one there and always looked put together and prepared. She took notes and never let the meetings get sidetracked.
Maybe Sirius had been right- maybe there was more to Lily Evans than he initially thought.
Hiding his true glee about the prospect of a prank war James put on his game face, "Right. This is fucked up and it will not stand! Nigel- get the pledges here and put our house back in order. Sirius- come with me...we have a war council to plan"
"Aye, aye!" came the chorused response
James and Sirius headed into the house toward James' room.
As they climbed the steps James told him, "I need you to do some recon and find out what happened to their lawn and who did it."
"Oh I know what happened," Sirius chuckled, "Someone threw all their Halloween pumpkins off the front porch and into their front lawn it was pretty gross."
"Why the fuck did they still have Halloween pumpkins? It's November…"James started and was interrupted.
"Evans feels the same way, mate. She'd asked someone to move them earlier, so she's also pissed that the pumpkins were still there. But never fear- this prank war will be easy to win. Furniture on the lawn is child's play. Lily and I did that to our bitch of a science teacher in high school who refused to teach evolution," Sirius told him as they entered the president suite of the house.
"Good," James told him, "I've got lots of plans, but it will be nice to have your insight on the enemy."
Sirius gave James a look he didnt recognize and said, "Oh James, this is going to be more fun than I thought."
James had a hard time focusing in class that day. Which was going to bite him in the ass later because finals were looming ahead and he had to maintain his GPA. The biggest distraction was which prank to do first. He and Sirius had narrowed it down to a solid 5 options.
The second distraction was that Lily Evans was in all of his classes on Tuesdays. Attending a large university meant that their classes were ridiculously large. He knew Lily was in his classes because they were the same major and he'd seen her before but today he couldn't stop staring at her. This stuck up prude he'd been ignoring as much as possible for the past four years was somehow a criminal prankster mastermind.
He couldn't reconcile the Lily Evans who was sitting several rows in front of him taking diligent notes and answering any question given to her by the professor with the Lily Evans who had taken every piece of furniture out of their common areas in the dead of night without waking a soul. He was intrigued.
Sirius, of course, had always told him that there was more to Lily than met the eye, but James had always brushed it off thinking Sirius had said it out of loyalty to his oldest friend. He knew Lily wasn't always uptight, Sirius had picked Lily up drunk enough times for James to know that. He knew she was compassionate and didn't deal with bullshit- he'd seen her temper come out full force in debates during Greek council. But now James couldn't help but wonder what exactly Lily was hiding under the surface.
Lily could feel James Potter staring at her all day. She hope Sirius hadn't fucked her over and told James that she started this prank war on a lie. Putting furniture on the lawn was relatively harmless. It was a clear escalation from pumpkins which was the key to a prank war. It didn't warrant consistent staring and glaring for an entire fucking day while she was trying to learn.
She'd even made her sisters put a blanket under the furniture so the lawn and furniture were still somewhat safe and had asked the maintenance department to not water the front lawn. She wasn't a monster. She wouldn't let their mahogany set get ruined because she was trying to save face. So why the fuck was James Potter staring at her.
As she thought this- she suddenly realized that now she was staring at him. Just as she was about to turn around and face front, James' eyes flashed up from his laptop and he winked at her.
She was going to kill Sirius Black.
Meeting at dawn seemed like a much better idea when she was first puff painting the declaration of war. First of all, November was fucking cold as the sunrose. Secondly, Marlene had drug her to El Fiesta for a war council meeting and while she didn't accidentally drink an entire pitcher she really should've stopped herself at two margaritas. Three was apparently the tipping point. She wasn't hungover or still drunk she just still wanted to be asleep.
Last night, she'd convinced Marlene that she didn't need her second in command at this initial meeting. This was mainly because Lily was certain the joy was up and Sirius had told James everything. She had the embarrassing picture of Sirius ready to print on a flier just in case.
She arrived at the statue of some alumni and was slightly disappointed and slightly relieved that James hadn't yet arrived. Pulling out her phone, Lily double checked the sunrise time on her weather app and was relieved to see she was still three minutes early.
Over the hill from the statue, James Potter was waiting. It was two minutes until sunrise and he was going to make a fucking entrance. He'd arrived twenty minutes before dawn to get an idea of the best vantage point and best place to make a dramatic entrance.
According to Broccoli Rob (their resident meteorologist), the sun would look as if it was rising from behind this very hill.
James had told Sirius the initial meeting must be them alone without their seconds. Sirius had scoffed and muttered something about how both he and Lily were fucking crazy for using terms like "seconds" but James had shrugged him off.
Praying Lily knew the unspoken laws of prank wars, James checked his watch, looked at the newly rising sun, and headed down the hill.
Lily turned just as the first rays of sunlight peeked over the hill and saw James Potter strutting down the hill...wearing a suit and tie and carrying a briefcase.
And he looked fucking good.
Lily decided that maybe the tequila hadn't left her system.
James Potter has been the topic of many thirst conversations around the kitchen table with her sorority sisters, but she'd never seen the appeal.
Until she saw him walking down the hill at sunrise in a tailored suit carrying a briefcase.
He looked good. She'd never seen him in anything but college casual. Somehow, Chi Gamma and Theta Pi had never had any type of social or formal event together.
She was regretting that now.
Pull yourself together, you're in a prank war with this goon and he might know the whole thing is a farce.
Lily slipped her phone back into her tailored white pant suit, picked up her own briefcase and made her way toward James Potter.
He reached her halfway. How the fuck she was walking through the grass in high heels was beyond him. He was surprised that she was dressed just as professionally as he was. James was glad, though, that he didn't look like an idiot. That Lily Evans was taking this prank war just as seriously as him. He tried not to look her up and down as they were walking toward each other but failed. How else would he notice her briefcase?
They met halfway across the quad and James had to suppress a grin. This was serious business after all. He couldn't let her know how fucking excited he was for a prank war. And Lily Evans was serious.
They stood awkwardly for a minute and then Lily started. "Well thank you for meeting me."
She was holding her hand out, and it took James several seconds to realize he was supposed to shake it. He'd never noticed her eyes were green before and had taken a second to notice this.
He took her hand, shook it and told her, "I always love a good War Council at dawn."
She laughed at that and James noticed two things.
She had a firm handshake which his father always told him was a necessity
Her laugh was delightful
She tucked her hair behind her ears and James noticed
3. Her hands were manicured but natural which Euphemia has decided was a requirement for a daughter in law
What the fuck was he thinking. It was dawn. Lily Evans was too serious and he was negotiating a prank war. He blamed her white pants suit.
"Right- well….shall we?" Lily asked him and he just nodded before he saids something stupid.
They wandered to a nearby bench, and as they satshe toldhim, "Well I wrote a draft to try and save time…"
"OH! Me too- I mean…." James exclaimed and then they were both silent.
"Lets trade?" Lily asked, "And then negotiate from there?"
"Yeah- sounds good."
They both opened their briefcases and traded documents. Lily's was only one page longer than James'. This was the first thing he notices. It was formatted much the same. They weren'tthe top two pre law students for nothing. He started to read and pulled out a pen to make some notes.
Lily was working similarly, he heard an occasional scratch across the paper or an exhale of breath. He glanced at her to try and see what had offended her and….fuck….she was wearing reading glasses.
"It's just been too long," James tells himself "You haven't dated anyone since Laura".
After their initial read throughs, negotiations tookan hour. The largest portion of this was dedicated to determining how long between pranks. Lily had proposed that retaliation must take place within 48 hours and James had said 24 hours.
"A day is enough time to retaliate!" James kept saying and Lily had argued, "A prank a day is too much, Potter."
"Fine. Thirty six hours," James toldher, "But I want to reexamine the mess clause"
"I'm only reexamining that if you agree to the notification so we have a clear 36 hour window."
"Fine," James said, "The commanders will notify each other via text within one hour of completion of each prank to alert the other party of their 36 hour window."
Lily grinned and James realized she was enjoying arguing with him as much as he was enjoying arguing with her.
Once the mess clause had been sorted, they went to part ways.
"Well, I'll type this up and send a copy to you later, Potter," Lily started and for some reason James stopped her.
"Are you going to work on it now?" he asked
"Yes- we've only got an hour until our 9am and I figured I would just-"
"I'll come with you! That way we don't have to take forever to send it back and forth. You can print it and we'll just get the librarian to notarize it."
"Alright, but we're getting coffee first. I'm not going to make it through the day without it, especially if you're making me ask the book dragon to notarize a prank war contract for me," Lily told him sternly
"Oh, Beks? Beks loves me. She finds me charming. I've had her notarize all sorts of mad things."
Lily laughed again and James took the time to tell her some of his favorites on the walk to the library.
Lily was surprised by how much she ended up enjoying herself. She'd never really given James Potter a lot of thought. They were the same major and shared a best friend, but had never really interacted beyond social niceties or a few times when he'd been with Sirius to pick her up from The Squid.
She was thinking about him now though. They'd spent the morning arguing about a ten page prank war contract and had somehow fallen into a quick study session during lunch when they both realized they'd forgotten about a test in their afternoon classes. The Book Dragon, "Beks" as James so fondly referred to her , had happily obliged to notarizing their contract and to letting them eat their lunch as they studied.
James Potter was fucking charming and she couldn't blame Beks for falling for his charms.
Lily, however, needed to pull her shit together. She was trying to focus on this Executive Board meeting, but she couldn't bring herself to fully listen. The Christmas Social, which usually filled her with glee and excitement paled in comparison to the day she'd had and the pranks she was planning in her head.
Suddenly her phone chimed, "Oh, shit, sorry." Eleanor stopped her rant about trying to find a fraternity to partner with to give Lily a look.
She reached for her phone and went to turn it off. Before she could stop herself she saw the offending notification.
A message.
From James Potter.
JP: You've got 36 hours, Ducky. Hope you're feeling Lucky.
She stopped herself from replying, but not fromlaughing and finished the meeting.
She only wondered what the prank could be fifteen times before the meeting was over.
1878 tiny rubber ducks.
That was the task James had set his fraternity brothers with two hours after restoring their furniture.
And they had delivered. Sometimes James really loved being a Theta Phi. When he got back from his classes he almost wept when he saw the boxes and boxes of tiny rubber ducks.
He knew he only had a small window of time. Lily had told him she had an exec meeting that evening and that it was also nickel shot/karaoke night at The Squid when he'd asked if she wanted to meet up to study again. Their lunch study session had only been an hour but James knew he'd done better on the test than he would've alone.
Pushing thoughts of Lily aside, James rallied the brothers he could find and headed to Chi Gamma.
Turning your freshman year dorm hall into a slip and slide seemedlike the type of thing that would make you enemies with the maintenance department. But somehow James and Sirius turned it into a beautiful relationship.
They called up Jedi and he agreed to let them in to the Chi Gamma house after James explained the prank war and swore that they weren't going to do anything creepy or that would turn into a Law and Order episode.
He took five of his brothers with him- each had to carry a large box. When they got into the formal room James took charge.
"Alright men. We've got thirty minutes to hide all of these ducks. Synchronize your watches to 8:15pm. Tally every duck you hid and then report back."
They nodded and took off. James had claimed the formal room. He wanted to cover every inch of the floor and make sure every trophy and award was paired with a duck.
It took him almost the entire 30 minutes to place his 600 ducks.
When they all returned James began to add up the tallies. He wanted it to be 1878 exactly.
He added it three more times to be sure. But they had one extra duck.
What the fuck was 1879?
Suddenly he was inspired. He knew just where to put it.
He picked one up from the floor and asked, "Where is the president's suite?"
"I've got an idea. Everyone else retreat!"
Nigel led him out the door and up the steps. Her door was decorated with post it notes with random notes from the sisters. All of them positive. Holding his breath and asking for forgiveness he opened the door.
Her room was tidy and neat. She had a large dry erase calendar meticulously dictated and color coded. Looking for the perfect hiding spot, inspiration struck. He crept over to her bed and carefully tucked the final duck underneath her pillow.
Satisfied, he pulled out his phone and started a new message to Lily Evans.
He and Nigel rushed down the steps and out the back door.
She didn't respond for two hours. He hadn't checked his phone that often to see if she had but he did make sure his message had been delivered.
At 10:30pm a his phone chimed
LE: 1878? Clever…although you know the law school wasn't founded until 1879
JP: I stand corrected. Can't wait to see what you come up with in 34 hours
LE: Well Luckily, I have a plan, Ducky
James couldn't stop smiling all night. He didn't think his night could get any better.
Until at 1:30am his phone chimed again and interrupted his studying. Another new message from Lily.
This time it was a picture. Of Lily with her hair pulled into a messy bun, no makeup and holding up the final duck with a shocked look on her face.
LE: Now I stand corrected. Or is it lie corrected?
As he stared at her picture- James thought that he was most likely totally ducked.
James woke up to his cell phone chiming around dawn.
LE: Let's flamingo! 36 hours, Potter.
Their yard was covered in flamingos. When he was sure none of his fraternity brothers was looking- he took a picture of himself next to one of the flamingos giving a thumbs down. He sent the picture to Lily with
JP: That is so flocked up Evans.
The next two weeks were a blur.
Each prank was better than the one before.
Lily was witty and full of puns and delightful.
James was trying very hard to get a hold of his capital F-Feelings.
He knew that it was probably just the excitement of the prank was that was making him start to Feel something for Lily Evans.
It had absolutely nothing to do with the way she bit her bottom lip when she was studying, the frantic way she would move her hands when she would talk or how she took no shit.
She was just a capital F-Friend. A new pal, a new buddy.
When he'd heard she and Sirius were staying on campus for Thanksgiving break, he'd stopped himself from inviting them home with him. Just barely stopped himself.
He only stopped himself because he knew his mother would take one look at Lily Evans and lock her in a closet with him until a grandchild was conceived.
His mother's meddling would do nothing to help him get a handle on his Feelings.
Despite his Feelings, James was still determined to win this prank war. They'd scheduled a cease fire for all scheduled school holidays, but not sorority and fraternity events. Chi Gamma was scheduled to leave for a sisterhood retreat the weekend before the break, and James took the Friday evening to prank them. He knew the 36 hour window would close before they returned and he would be victorious.
It wasn't his best, he simply poured bubbles into the fountain they had in their front yard but he imagined Lily's face when she saw the bubble filled fountain Saturday morning when she'd realized that Chi Gammai had lost.
It was just after midnight when he sent her
JP: I bubble dog dare you to get us back before you leave
James went to bed convinced that he had won and that his Feelings would be gone with the prank war.
At 9am, he was proven wrong on both counts.
He woke up to a strange sound. Then Nigel burst through his bedroom door with, "You've got to fucking see this!"
Sensing that maybe victory might not be so easily achieved he reached for his phone. One messaged from Lily Evans. Sent at 7:45am
LE: Thought you might need a babysitter while I was out of town :)
He followed Nigel down the steps and out the front door to discover a horse on their front lawn.
Fuck.
His FEELINGS for Lily Evans weren't going anywhere
Lily Evans had a capital P-Problem.
Ironically, or unironically-she hadn't decided yet. That Problem also started with the letter P. Potter. James Potter.
The 'Potter Problem,' as she had began calling it in her head, was ruining her life.
He was all she could think about. Him and well, pranking him. And making him laugh. And finding excuses to spend time with him that wouldn't alert him to the Problem.
Lily Evans had a major Crush on James Potter.
She'd never had a crush on anyone, not if you didn't count her lifelong crush on Mark Hoppus or her fanatic Lance Bass phase.
But James Potter was...like no one she'd ever experienced. Which would be fine. Great even, because she was pretty sure James felt something for her.
It would be great if the whole fucking thing wasn't based on a lie that Lily told to make sure she could continue to be president to get the president's gift. She'd wanted one of those rings since she was a freshman.
But now, now she just wanted to press James Potter against a wall and have her way with him. Only if he wanted it, of course, consent was sexy.
Stupid fucking Eleanor and not getting rid of the stupid fucking pumpkins.
She had promised herself she wouldn't think about James at all on the sisterhood retreat.
That promise had gone to shit as soon as he sent a response to the horse in their front yard.
JP: DUCK DA POLICE
LE: Scatter!
JP: Do you prefer whiskey or perfume, Evans? I'm trying to decide what we should drink at this crazy house party we're throwing with you out of town.
Lily inhaled her breath so hard she almost choked.
"Are you alright, Lily?" Marlene asked from the seat behind her in the bus
"Im fine!" Lily squeaked. She forced herself to put her phone away and join her sisters in whatever conversation that wouldn't be as fun as texting James Potter.
On the Monday evening before Thanksgiving Break, Sirius Black made a discovery.
He and James were trying to finalize plans for their next prank but James was distracted.
Sirius was used to laser focus from James when it came to all things competitive, but tonight James kept typing on his phone and spacing in and out of the conversation.
"And then I told Minnie that I was going to do the scene naked and that she was the worst," he tried
"Nice," James responded, but he was still looking at his phone with that dopey look on his face
"Ok. Who the fuck are you talking to and grinning like that?" Sirius asked, as he crossed the room and snatched James' phone
"No one, someone from class- hand it back!" James pleaded as he reached for the phone.
"Right- this person from class is…" Sirius stopped as he scrolled through the text messages, "Lily Evans? Your prank war nemesis Lily Evans? My best friend since kindergarten Lily Evans?"
James groaned and scrubbed his face. "Sirius please just give me my phone back."
"You text her all the time! You never respond to me…" Sirius trailed off and then his face lit up like a light bulb.
"YOU LIKE HER!" He shouted "YOU LIKE LILY EVANS! YOU WANT TO KISS HER AND-" Sirius was stopped by James tackling him to the ground.
"No I don't! We're friends! She's my friend...you're friends with her. Why can't a man and a woman be friends? Like her...HA! I don't like her!" James argued and retrieved his phone.
"James and Lily sitting in a tree-" Sirius started
"FINE. I like her," James told him. Just to get Sirius to shut up. He knew how quickly this would escalate. "I like her, but I can't do anything about it until after the Prank War or she'll think it's some sort of strategy to get her to lose," James explained.
"Well then stop texting her and let's plan," Sirius ordered and James complied.
Sirius only had to tell him to get off his phone and fucking focus three more times.
Wednesday at dawn, Lily and James met on the quad to declare the official "Ceasefire" for the break- which was only five days, but James was still a little sad about it.
This time there were no suits or briefcases. He approached a comfortably dressed Lily Evans. She was in a Christmas sweater and leggings. He thought she looked prettier this way.
When he reached her she smiled and extended her hand. "Ceasefire effective?"
His heart was thumping as he took her hand and shook it., "Effective immediately."
They stood with their hands still clasped together for a moment.
Lily turned their hand and laced her fingers through his. James swallowed and tried to remember to breathe.
"When do you leave?" Lily asked him and James couldn't read what emotion was there
Finding his courage he took a step forward and told her, "In two hours. Mom wants to do lunch."
"Have breakfast with me then?" Lily asked and met his step with one of her own
"Of course," James answers with another step closer
Lily's eyes met his and for a moment it seemed like something was about to change forever. Lily looked at him with something but only for a moment before she dropped his hand and told him, "Well come on then- pancakes wait for no prankster!"
James couldn't stop thinking about The Moment for the entire drive home. He knew he needed to get his head on straight before facing his mother. She would sniff out The Moment and find out that James had FEELINGS for a girl and then next thing he would know Lily Evans would be sitting in his living room.
Nope. He had to keep all thoughts of Lily Evans far from his mind.
By some miracle, James didn't think about Lily Evans until Thursday evening. His mother had invited their extended family that year and James kept himself busy with entertaining his young cousins.
That all went to shit when he went to his bedroom for the night. On his pillow lay an envelope...and a rubber duckie dressed up like a turkey.
He opened the envelope and was immediately covered in glitter. Inside a card that read
Happy Pranksgiving! Love, Lily
James ran out of his room and back to the kitchen and he was frantic. He was holding the card
"Mom, MOM! Did someone else come here?"
Euphemia washed the dishes calmly and said, "No. But I did receive a package from a lovely girl named Lily Evans last week. She asked me to help her with something and I had to oblige. Especially after my only son had never even mentioned her or anything about a prank war. Honestly, James, I thought you loved me."
And so James Potter was forced to tell his mother all about his FEELINGS for Lily Evans. And promised that he would act on them soon.
His phone chimed and he excused himself from the kitchen.
LE: Happy Pranksgiving?
JP: I glitterally can't believe you got my MOM to help you
LE: I give excellent parent
James had no proper response to that, so he changed the subject.
James didn't see Lily until their first class on Monday. The ceasefire didn't end until the following Monday because they'd decided to extend the prank break.
Even though Lily had snuck one in. But it wasn't technically a Chi Gamma/Theta Phi prank. It was a Lily/James prank. Which only made him like her more. She entered the room and gave him a wink.
His stomach erupted into butterflies. He needed to get it the fuck together.
He booted up his laptop and opened his email. Waiting for the professor, he looked through the emails.
He had an email from the director of Greek Life. Figuring it was just a weekly update he deleted it.
His phone chimed.
LE: Did you read this fucking shit from McGonnagall?
JP: The weekly report?
LE: You just deleted it without reading didnt you?! Open it!
Lily turned around and gave him a look. James obliged and opened the email.
Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans,
It has come to the attention of my office that several on campus disturbances have been caused by Chi Gamma and Theta Phi and a "Prank War". No less than fourteen complaints have been filed by various sororities and fraternities.
As the presidents on record of these organizations, I demand you end this prank war before it is reported to your national organizations. I have so far kept the complaints at a school level, but have been told by one Greek organization that if the pranks do not stop they will report you themselves.
I would hate to lose two of our strongest Greek organizations because of some frivality. I am also going to require you to plan a campus event co hosted by both Chi Gamma and Theta Phi to show Greek Unity.
Do not disappoint me.
Warmest Regards,
Minerva McGonagall
Director of Greek Life
Levins University
JP:DAMMIT! I had such grape plans this week
LE: Grapes? Do I even want to know?
JP: It would've been brilliant, Evans
LE: Ugh. I'm so mad. My sisters will kill me if I get us reported to nationals again but this feels like quitting and I'm not a quitter.
JP: This isn't quitting….now we can combine our powers. Aren't you in charge of the Christmas social? We could co host that and then prank everyone
LE: Greek Unity Prank….I like it….we'll have to ignore the mess clause of course
JP: Naturally. Meet you after class
LE: Yes! I promised Beks I would visit this week
JP: I told you she wasn't a book dragon.
Lily planned for the Christmas Social with an obsessive focus. She and James had the prank planned down to every minute.
Minor details like music, food and decorations were taken care of quickly. Eleanor had been thankful for the help and that Lily had "Finally taken her position seriously and helped them get a fraternity partner."
Lily had let that insult slide only because she'd still been laughing from James' pun about snowflakes. Everything was set for the social.
Except Lily had no date. And she knew who she wanted to ask. But not how to ask him. And then she would have to confess that everything was built on a lie about pumpkins and then James Potter would run away forever.
So, of course. She asked him on accident.
Stupid mouth.
They were discussing precisely where to place the glitter cannons and when they would sneak away to set them off when her mouth betrayed her, "Well if you just come as my date James then we would have the perfect excuse to sneak away."
Fuck.
She said that outloud.
And basically said that if he was her date she would want to sneak away from the party.
James stared at her for a thousand years. His voice was a little shaky when he responded, "Yeah...yeah...but umm….Is this a Date Date? Or a-"
"Date Date," Lily's mouth betrayed her again and she flushed scarlet, "I mean- unless you want it to be a-"
"No-no- I mean Yes! I mean," James took a breath, "Yes. I would like for it to be a Date Date."
Lily couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face, "Yeah?"
Reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze James told her, "Yeah."
He didn't let her hand go until they'd finished their plans.
Even though they'd spent the entire day setting up the social, James insisted on picking Lily up "properly".
She'd laughed at him when he insisted, but was secretly thrilled.
It also meant she had time to shower and change into her favorite Christmas Sweater. It was a green sweater with a reindeer who had a light up nose. She hoped James would be tolerant of her Christmas spirit.
The doorbell rang.
If he wasn't though, it might solve all her problems. That's what she told herself and she descended the stairs and headed to the front door. She opened it to reveal James Potter who was holding a miniature Christmas tree. He was dressed in an identical sweater except for its color- red.
He grinned and told her, "I would've brought flowers but they didn't seem as festive...so….here."
She took the small tree and placed it on the table next to the entryway. She told him something about how it was the perfect size for the room but her thoughts were somewhere else. Upstairs and three doors to the right to be precise.
"People are going to think we matched on purpose," was what her mouth said instead of 'you look nice James- care to come into my room and see how nice our sweaters look on the ground?'. Which was better she supposed. Maybe.
"Well I do have to say the sweater looks better on you than on me, but can your lights do this?" James turned pulled the battery pack from the front of his sweater and Lily tried not to stare at his stomach. He flipped the switch and the nose began to flash. "I know a guy who upgrades Christmas sweaters. On our second Date Date I can take you. Shall we?"
Lily took James hand and shut the door as they exited.
She was gliterally and totally ducked.
The Christmas Social was going perfectly. They'd transformed the student center into a winter wonderland.
The glitter cannon prank went of without a hitch and everything was going according to plan. Except- James was pretty sure Lily Evans was regretting going on a date with him. The first part of their date had been picture perfect. They held hands on the walk from Chi Gamma to the party, and had spent several songs dancing and laughing.
There was a moment, similar to the one they'd experienced on the quad in the middle of one of the dances. They were dancing to Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden but were doing it in the style of awkward middle schoolers, Lily had told him "We've gotta leave room for Jesus!" and then told him a riveting tale of the time she didn't leave room for Jesus in eighth grade and her drama teacher had dragged her from the gym and lectured her on "keeping her paintbrush in her own bucket". They'd both laughed and at the same moment stopped. James had been preparing to lean down and kiss her when she bolted, "OH! I forgot I have to go tell Marlene something"
Then, after they set off the glitter cannons and were hiding from everyone in a broom closet their eyes met and again- James was ready to close the space between them when Lily turned away and said "I think the coast is clear." And James was left to follow her out and back into the party.
The party ended and James insisted that he walk Lily home. She obliged and James didn't move to take her hand. He had screwed the date up somehow and was hopeful that Lily would still be his friend. He was racking his mind trying to figure out where he messed up when he felt Lily's hand slide into his, "This way" and she tugged him toward the quad.
"Why are we taking the long way?" James asked her and Lily stilled and turned to face him
"Because I want to kiss you," she said and James took a step towards her and placed his hands on her waist.
"Alright, Evans," he whispered and moved to press his lips against hers. Her hands had gone to his neck by instinct and just as he was about to finally kiss Lily Evans she told him, "Wait, Stop. You're distracting me, I need to tell you something before...you might not want to kiss me after."
"I always want to kiss you Lily," James started and tried to do just that but she placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.
"James Potter you are not kissing me until I tell you this!" Lily exclaimed, firmer and in her non-negotiable voice
James took a step back and released her. "Good, stay over there. And don't look at me."
James closed his eyes and tried to think of what she could possibly tell him.
He heard her take a deep breath and begin to speak.
"On November Second I went to El Fiesta for some fun a frivolites with my friends,"
James did not like where this was going
"Through a variety of happenstances I accidentally drank an entire picture of margaritas,"
James did not like this at all
"Sirius picked me up and took me back to the house. We sat on the porch to talk and smoke as is our custom. When to my dismay I spied all of our Halloween pumpkins all over the porch. It was November Second, I want you to remember that"
This was not as bad as James' overactive imagination had originally thought
"Fueled by margaritas and disappointment in my sisters I threw every single pumpkin into our yard"
God he fucking loved Lily Evans. She was rambling and James opened his eyes to look at her. She was pacing and twisting her hands and he'd never seen her look so nervous.
"So the next day when my sisters discovered this and were distraught my mouth ran away from my brain and blamed the whole thing on your fraternity. So the Prank War was built on a lie. Our friendship and whatever this-you and I- might become is built on a lie and I cannot in good conscience kiss you or let you kiss me when everything started with a lie. I am so so sorry James and I understand if you-"
Lily was stopped from completing her sentence by James taking her into his arms.
"Can I kiss you now?"
"You still want to?"
Instead of answering, James pressed his lips to hers and kissed her deeply.
They pulled away and he couldn't help but laugh, "I can't believe you threw all those pumpkins of the porch"
And then they were kissing again, James moved his lips to her neck and she breathed out, "Sirius helped,"
And their lips met again.
"Well," James told her, "then Theta Phi was to blame. Sirius should've known better."
Another kiss and Lily asked, "You're not mad?"
James shook his head and told her, "I think it all worked out."
He kissed her again and whispered, "This means I won the prank war though."
"Damn," Lily told him between kisses, "I left the trophy in my room. Want to help me find it?"
It took them awhile to make it back to her room, but when they didit was totally ducking worth it.