Pearl: Yo, Marina! Tell the people the good news before we introduce the stages!
Marina: Huh? Like, right now?! Um... What was the good news again?
Pearl: You know... The single most important celebration of our culture? The Spla—
Marina: OOH! THE SPLATFEST!
Pearl: Ding ding ding! We've got a Splatfest coming up quick!
Marina: Splatfests always get my ink pumping! I've gotta get my gear ready!
Pearl: Yo, Marina. What's the Splatfest theme this time?
Marina: Haaaaah... I'm too nervous to look. You do it.
Pearl: Fine. The Splatfest theme is... WHAT?!
Marina: What is it, Pearlie? What's the theme?! TELL MEEEEE!
Pearl: Okay, here it comes...
Marina: *gulp*
Pearl: The Splatfest theme is… What kind of beverage do you prefer at a party? Alcoholic?
Marina: Or non-alcoholic?
Pearl: C'mon, this one's easy. It's not a party without alcohol!
Marina: I… don't drink. I prefer to keep a clear head.
Pearl: You don't? Well, you should! I would especially think someone as nervous as you would want something to loosen your inhibitions.
Marina: But Pearl, if I were intoxicated, I wouldn't be able to operate heavy machinery. How is it a party if I don't even get to play with the excavator?!
Pearl: …You're weird, Marina.
Marina: Anyway, it's time to head over to the Splatfest terminal and pick a side!
A/N:
This idea just popped into my head and I felt the need to write it down. Shout outs to Inkipedia (splatoonwiki DOT org) for providing a copy of the boilerplate that goes before every splatfest announcement, as well as a backlog of old splatfest dialogues that I tried to match the tone of as well as I could.
I MIGHT update this later with a chapter that announces the results of the splatfest. Though honestly, I probably won't.