Author's Note: I know; I already have three other stories and here I am starting another one; what can I say, I love the Apologize/Redemption universe and I'm happy to stay in it and tell all the stories that come to mind. This story is set in the future of the Redemption universe; we're going to say about a year and a half to two years from current Redemption.
Chapter 1
"Are you really sure you want to go through with this?" Kate Beckett asked her husband as he sat in his usual spot next to her desk late Tuesday morning.
Castle nodded. "Yes, why do you keep trying to talk me out of it?"
"I'm not trying to talk you out of it; I'm just not sure it's going to accomplish what you're hoping for."
"But I won't know unless I try."
Kate sighed and gave him a small indulgent smile. "It could make things worse, you know."
"How can a simple lunch make things worse?" her husband asked.
She leaned back in her chair, swiveling so that she could fully face him. "Don't take this the wrong way but you are somewhat known for sticking your foot in your mouth…especially when it comes to my mother…and she's…well, she's easily offended…when it comes to you."
"Both valid points," he remarked with an acknowledging nod. "But I'm choosing to stay positive. I think I can make this work."
"Why does it matter so much?" she asked. "I mean overall I think things are fine between the two of you."
He gave her a look that suggested that he knew she was blatantly lying. "Things aren't fine and you know it. They haven't been fine for a long time. I already had two mother-in-laws that hated me; I'd like to avoid a third…so if I can salvage things with Johanna, I'm going to try. I'm not just doing it for me; I'm doing it for all of us."
"How do you figure?"
"It can't escape your notice that she doesn't visit unless she's with your father…and that she stays glued to his side the entire time and acts very reserved…which obviously means that she's not comfortable in our home and the only reason I can see for that is me."
"Did you ever think that maybe the problem is her?" Kate suggested.
"Yes; that's how I've been functioning in regard to her…that she's just a woman who holds a grudge and wishes to avoid her enemies but in this case it's hard for her to do since her daughter married the enemy."
"Castle; I really don't think my mother sees you as an enemy. You know how she is…when she thinks someone doesn't like her, she just tries to keep her distance and I think that's what it boils down to. There have been a lot of little incidents…a few big ones…and she thinks that you don't like her and I'm pretty sure she feels that way about Martha too and so no, she doesn't like to come over because then you both have to be around her and she gets uncomfortable in her own skin because she's trying not to act a certain way. She doesn't want trouble or drama and so she just stays at Dad's side and says as little as possible. Trust me; I've known her longer than you have."
"Yes, I know…but I'm the one who upset her enough that she temporarily boycotted our wedding."
Kate smiled. "She showed up…she even danced with you at the reception."
"She didn't enjoy it."
"Well to tell you the truth, neither one of you looked like you were enjoying it so I really don't know why you asked her."
"She could've declined."
"In front of me and everyone else? No way; she'd rather silently suffer than cause anyone else distress."
"Why is she so damn complicated?" he sighed. "Why can't she just like me? Your dad likes me…for the most part…doesn't he?"
"I would say so," she replied with a nod. "He took you to a baseball game."
Castle smiled. "That was a good day."
"Take the win, Castle; one out of two isn't bad and maybe Mom will loosen up around you in time."
"But I don't want it to be this way," he told her. "I feel like it keeps the two of you from being completely settled in your relationship."
"I think Mom and I are as settled as we're going to get. We're a lot better than we were…probably still not her perfect ideal but that can't be helped. She's just…complicated for lack of better words. She's been that way a lot longer than I originally thought; I think it might date back to birth."
"That's possible but that segment of her life has nothing to do with me."
Kate leaned forward and put her hand on his knee. "Just don't go into this with high hopes okay? She's going this time because I asked her to and she probably figures I'll get mad if she doesn't…so don't count on it becoming a weekly thing that's going to work this out, because I really don't see it happening."
"Wow, way to be supportive," he remarked.
"I do support you, Rick; I just don't want you to go into this lunch thinking you're going to fix whatever is wrong with her because you can't…nothing can apparently; I mean she's been in therapy for over a year and still has some lingering issues."
"Maybe she needs to increase her sessions."
"I think we're lucky she goes once a week," Kate replied; "Let's not push it…and for the love of God, don't suggest it."
Castle nodded. "Definitely not; I know how that went for you when you made the first appointment for her…I believe you mentioned a coffee cup being flung at the wall."
"Yeah, that was fun…but at least it was a wall in the opposite direction from me."
"True; she showed restraint in aiming for the opposite wall."
"That or she was afraid she'd hit Dad if she aimed for me," Kate mused out loud.
"That's possible too."
Kate was quiet for a moment, raking her fingers through her hair before she caught his eye. "I don't want you to think that you have to do this for some reason that relates to me," she said softly; "Because you don't. Mom and I are fine…we have our moments at times but we always get through them. I know she's a little uptight sometimes but I'm sure she'll work it out one day…maybe things are still a little raw from the wedding stuff."
"I can't lie and say that you don't factor into this in some small way because you do; I want these things resolved for your sake…but most of all, I just don't want to have this bad mother-in-law relationship for a third time. I want it to be right this time; I want our family to be unified and I want her to feel comfortable coming to visit, I want her to call, I don't want her to fold up into herself whenever we have to share airspace; it's not good for her and it's not good for me. It makes me feel terrible that I've clearly pushed her to that point, Kate. She's a part of you; she's our family and I don't want to feel like she's just hanging off the edge…so I'm going to do this…we're going to get know each other better, maybe air some grievances and clear things up and hopefully it'll make everything better," Castle stated. "I have faith…and I'm going to make Tuesday lunch with Johanna a thing until she decides that she likes me again."
"If you tell her that right away; she'll like you by the end of lunch today."
He eyed her seriously. "Because that would get her out of future lunches."
"Exactly."
"Then I'll be very careful with my motive."
"Just promise me one thing," she said.
"Name it."
"If it goes bad; you'll just let it go and not force the issue of doing it again next week."
"Okay," Castle agreed. "Today is a trial run; if it goes bad, no week two…but I'm not going to let it go badly. I'm going to win her over again; you'll see."
Kate gave him a smile and swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips, imploring him to call her mother and cancel. She really didn't see this working; it would only disappoint him and then she'd be angry with her mother and that would start a whole new vein of drama that they didn't need. But she couldn't say those things; couldn't dampen his hope or desire to see this mission through…and she'd be lying if she said she didn't wish things were a little more comfortable between the two of them. She'd just have to hope for the best…and wade through the wreckage carefully if it blew up in his face.
"Do I really have to do this?" Johanna asked while sitting at her vanity in their bedroom.
"It kind of seems that way," Jim replied from his spot at the foot of the bed as he watched her.
"Why am I doing this? It's ridiculous."
"You're doing it because Katie asked you to," her husband responded. "If I remember correctly, she made some sort of statement about our families combining now that she's married and how you're not combining well."
Johanna glanced at him upon hearing the amusement in his tone. "I'm not really sure how to take that statement. Why aren't you being accused of not combining well?"
"I took him to a baseball game and try to ignore some of the past offenses that went down during the wedding planning so I guess I get a pass."
"Teach me your ways," she quipped; "Because I feel really stupid doing this."
Jim gave her a grin. "Sorry, sweetheart; some things you're just born with and getting a free pass that must be one of them."
"Figures; you get a pass and I get to be punished."
"Apparently so," he laughed. "Although I'm not sure lunch can be seen as a punishment; you will get to eat even if the conversation isn't to your liking."
"But still…I doubt it's going to be fun and I could be using that time to grade papers. Rick and I don't have anything in common."
"Yes, you do; you both love Katie."
Johanna rolled her eyes. "That'll kill five minutes…and I'm not always all that convinced that he believes I love my daughter."
"He knows you love her…if he had any really serious doubts about that he'd be a fool."
"Shouldn't you be offended or something that another man wants to meet me for lunch?"
"It's our son-in-law; I'm sure you're safe and that I have nothing to worry about."
"Do you want to go with me?" Johanna asked.
Jim gave a quiet chuckle. "I can't go; I wasn't invited."
"I just invited you!"
"It's not your invitation to extend; besides, you know I have to work this afternoon."
"Do you want to take me to work with you? Because I could return the favor and take you to work with me tomorrow."
He smiled. "Sweetheart; I'd love nothing more than to go to work with you like old times but you have a previous engagement this afternoon. It's just lunch; you'll get through it."
She blew out a breath. "Every time Rick and I attempt to carry on a conversation lately it turns into a disaster. He doesn't like me, and that's fine, he doesn't have to…I don't know why we have to go through this charade of having lunch together to blend me into a family I'm already in."
"I guess maybe because it wasn't always like this between the two of you."
"No, but it is now…and really it didn't surprise me. I've always felt that he didn't care much for me, and like I said, that's fine, I don't mind. Some people just don't mesh well together. He's always going to judge me because of the time I spent in Wyoming; he's always going to look at that as me deliberately hurting Katie…like I enjoyed it somehow. He thinks he's better than me and I just don't like when people do that. No one is better than the next person, no matter how much money you have or what kind of sainthood you ascribe to yourself."
"I don't like that sort of thing either," Jim replied; "But maybe he's realized what he's been doing and he wants to reform."
"Oh yeah, because men just love to reform" she teased.
"Hey, you've made me into a very nice gentleman," he jested. "If it wasn't for your careful training and reforming, who knows where I'd be right now."
Johanna laughed. "Probably in a jail cell with Jeff."
"That's possible," he quipped. "But listen, just give it a chance. If you feel like there's some ulterior motive, do what you always do and ask bluntly. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again."
She sighed once more as she did a final check of her makeup. "I guess really I have to do it for Katie…she'll be mad at me if I don't and I get kind of tired of falling into those holes with her, you know?"
"I know."
Her cat meowed at her feet and Johanna leaned down to pet her. "I know, Scarlett; you hate when I leave you for awhile…I hate it too."
"You'll both be fine," Jim remarked. "What's it going to be, a whole hour if that? You can manage, Sassy."
"I don't have much choice," she remarked as she got up from her seat and crossed the room to grab her purse off the dresser. "I don't want Katie to be mad at me…I do a lot of things so she won't be mad at me."
"Don't we all," he quipped.
His wife smirked as she searched her purse for her keys. "I really don't know why he wants to do this; it's just so out of the blue."
"I think he's trying to suck up to you."
"Then he should send me a gift card for Macy's," Johanna replied. "I'd accept that better."
Jim nodded. "I do always consider that option among the more popular suck up techniques where you're concerned…but in my case, I know if I go straight to gift card, you're going to assume that whatever I did was really bad."
"Not necessarily; it would depend on the amount of the gift card. If it's over a hundred; I'd assume you had royally screwed up."
"If I have to go over a hundred; I'll just go lay down in the driveway and let you drive over me because it must be that bad that I'd deserve it."
Johanna laughed and moved toward him, her hand cupping his jaw. "Don't ever make me have to take you up on that offer."
He grinned. "Hey, I've managed to avoid it this long…hopefully the streak will continue."
"It better," she teased; her fingertips caressing his face. "I love you, you know?"
"I know," he replied; his hands slipping around her waist. "I love you too."
She dipped her head and kissed him, allowing him to draw her onto his lap. "We could both stay home if we really wanted to," she murmured; her arms slipping around him.
"That's always a wonderful offer," he remarked; "But I really do have to go to work…and you have to go let your son-in-law suck up to you so our daughter won't have one of her fits."
"Do you think maybe we weren't stern enough with her?" Johanna asked; "Because I thought we did a good job discipline wise; she got good grades, she didn't do drugs and she didn't get pregnant in high school. I thought we were pretty damn awesome about the whole thing, but her adulthood…well, it's making me question things."
Jim laughed as his forehead gently fell against hers. "I have to admit; I have wondered what went wrong sometimes. I mean, I know we grounded her, we took things away from her, we made her do chores; we had her take babysitting jobs and she worked in your office. She had a curfew, she had to keep her grades up or else. You're right, we were awesome…it must be some malfunction on her side of things. It's definitely not our fault."
Johanna gave a slight nod. "I'm glad we worked that out; I didn't like thinking it was us."
"Me neither, sweetheart; but I'm definitely saying it's her."
"Works for me."
Jim kissed her once more and gave her a soft pat. "Come on, we both better get going."
She sighed. "Well if I can't go with you at least you can walk me to my car before you go get in yours."
He took her hand as they got up from the bed. "Don't forget to let me know that you got there safely."
"I won't," she promised; "And if it goes too badly; I won't hesitate to come find you at work so you can decide if you want to take care of it for me."
Jim smiled and squeezed her hand. "You know where to find me."
Castle was beginning to think that Johanna wasn't going to show up as he sat at an outdoor table of an upscale café. He frowned as he glanced at his watch; he had been hoping that the nice warm day would be a draw for his mother-in-law; after all, he knew that she enjoyed those outdoor tables when weather permitted. He blew out a breath, the soft breeze ruffling the pages of the small pocket sized notebook that he had been jotting down lines of dialogue in; maybe this hadn't been a good idea. It did seem like he was being stood up…and it felt somewhat out of character for her. He would've thought that she would've at least sent a text giving some excuse for her absence but his phone was quiet.
He tried to turn his attention back to his notebook but he was finding it hard to focus; his mission weighing heavy on his mind. He was on his third marriage…which meant his third set of in-laws. Meredith's mother hadn't been fond of him; she looked down her nose every chance she got and blamed him for any behavior of Meredith's that she didn't like…even if it was a behavior that predated his presence in her life. Despite the woman's misgivings and downright dislike of him, he had done everything possible to keep her involved in Alexis's life…even when Meredith was largely absent. He hadn't gotten any thanks or appreciation for those efforts but he hadn't done it for her; he had done it for Alexis.
As bad as Meredith's mother had been, Gina's had been worse. Castle shuddered at the thought of Nadine Cowell; the woman was colder than Antarctica in winter. There hadn't been any chance of fostering a warm in-law relationship in that area. Nadine had hated him with a passion; declaring that he wasn't good enough for her daughter…that he wasn't in their 'class'. He hadn't cared; in fact he could admit that he took a small amount of pleasure at thumbing his nose at Nadine any time he could; she was one of those people who brought out the worst in you…and he hadn't shed any tears at the thought of no longer being related to her. Of course Nadine hadn't shed any tears either…she had thrown Gina a divorce party. He smirked at the remembrance; he had thrown a party of his own.
With two marriages and two mother-in-laws behind him, he was older and wiser…at least he hoped he was wiser. He knew without a doubt that he had chosen more wisely in the wife department; Kate was everything he could hope to want in a wife. She was everything he hadn't had before; third time was definitely the charm. But with a third wife came a third set of in-laws. Jim was the kind of father-in-law he hadn't had before; kind, humorous…and not afraid to take him to task for anything he didn't like. He seemed to be forgiving since it seemed like he was allowing past incidents to fade away. Yes, Jim was a nice father-in-law. Meredith's father had hated him for getting her pregnant. Gina's father couldn't even bother to get his name right, always calling him Nick instead of Rick. Jim was leaps and bounds better than they were.
But then there was Johanna.
Another sigh crossed his lips; Johanna was…well…she was definitely a mother-in-law, he couldn't help but think. He wondered if she practiced those certain expressions that seemed to be analyzing him or if they were left over from her days in the courtroom. Whichever the case, they were somewhat intimidating…and she was somewhat aloof. She hadn't always been that way; when she had escaped witness protection and came home, things had been okay between them when they met…at least he thought so. Looking back he realized that it had been easy for her to fight back against anything he said or did but he had chalked that up to her being afraid to fight with Jim and Kate. He hadn't minded; he figured it was therapeutic for her…but somewhere along the way, between those days and now, something had gone wrong and their amicable relationship had mostly gone down in flames.
Castle wasn't entirely sure who shouldered the most blame for that; he knew that he had made some missteps…and apparently some of those missteps weren't as forgiven as she claimed. Johanna was one of those women who would smile and say things were fine while secretly holding a grudge. He quickly learned that his mother-in-law forgot nothing and adjusted her attitudes in accordance to whatever faux pas had been made and how much they had offended her. He supposed he wasn't much better; knowing her knack for those silent grudges, he was always quick to see the worst in any situation involving her…and quick to blame her for the outcome.
He didn't want it to be that way; he didn't want his third mother-in-law to hate him as much as the previous two had. In fact, he didn't even consider it an option; he had to salvage things, had to make her like him again. Had to make their little combined family the perfect picture it should be.
If only she would show up.
He checked his watch and was about to grab his phone from the table to send her a text when he caught sight of the waiter headed toward him, Johanna Beckett following along behind him.
Castle tucked his notebook back into his jacket pocket and rose from his chair as they neared the table, allowing a smile to touch his lips despite the fact that Johanna was hiding behind her sunglasses; a habit from her homecoming that she still hadn't broken…one that still drove Kate crazy. "I was starting to think that you stood me up, Johanna," he said lightly as the waiter pulled out her chair.
"I thought about it," she replied before thanking the waiter and accepting her menu.
"What stopped you?" he asked after the waiter told them he'd be back in a few minutes.
"I didn't want to listen to Katie bitch about it," Johanna admitted as she opened her menu.
"Uh huh," he said as he followed suit and opened his menu as well. "Can you take off the sunglasses? I prefer talking to you when I can see your face."
"You can see the majority of my face."
"You know what I meant, Johanna."
She sighed. "Yes, I know; you like to think that Katie is right and that I supposedly hide behind my sunglasses…when in reality I just like sunglasses and get the bonus of protecting my eyes."
"It's not overly bright today; do you think you could do without them for a little while?"
Johanna pulled off her sunglasses and dropped them onto the table. "Happy now?" she asked; her gaze still on the menu.
"Everyone likes seeing your face; you're an expressive person…who probably should've brought her reading glasses because you're squinting at the menu. Do you want me to read it to you?"
"No, I don't," she replied; "I can read it just fine. It might not be all that bright out but the little bit of sun peeking through the clouds casts a glare on these glossy menus…which makes me squint…which is another reason why I wear sunglasses."
"So you want to put them back on until you're done reading?"
"If you can stand to be offended by them for that long."
Castle nodded. "Please do."
Johanna put her sunglasses back on and continued to read the menu until the waiter reappeared to take their order. "Would you like wine?" Castle asked Johanna.
"No, thank you. I'll have a Coke."
"Are you sure? You can get a glass of wine."
"No; I'll have the soda."
"Okay," he replied, giving his attention back to the waiter and requesting the grilled chicken entrée and a glass of iced tea.
The waiter turned to Johanna and she ordered a salad and requested her favored dressing.
"Just a salad?" Castle asked. "Don't you want a sandwich to go with it? You can get something to go with it; it's my treat."
"I'm fine with the salad."
"You'll be finished eating before me; I'm having a meal and you're just having a salad. Get a sandwich; I don't want you going home and telling Jim that I didn't properly see you fed."
She rolled her eyes behind her dark sunglasses and requested a chicken sandwich to go along with her salad in effort to appease him. "Does my lunch meet your approval now?" she asked.
He smiled. "Yes, thank you," he said, giving the waiter a nod in acknowledgment that they were finished ordering.
Silence fell over the table as Johanna pulled off her sunglasses, knowing that if she didn't it would be become an issue again. She tucked them into her purse and laid her bag on the side of the table within easy reach of her fingertips. She wished she could just slip the strap over her shoulder and leave but that wasn't an option; she had to see this through no matter how uncomfortable she felt with the whole thing.
"So, you chose me over Kate's possible reaction if you didn't show up?" Castle commented; desperate to end the silence.
"Looks that way," Johanna replied.
"How are your classes going?" he asked, hoping a quick change of subject would relax things. He knew that she enjoyed teaching law classes at Columbia and figured it would be a good line of conversation to open.
"They're fine but the semester is still in its infancy."
"Are your students nice to you?"
"Yes; they seem to be a nice bunch of kids…of course maybe I haven't made any of them mad yet."
"I'm sure they all like you," he commented.
"I hope so; they're more prone to do their work if they like me."
"What classes are you teaching?"
"Same ones I've been teaching," Johanna answered; "Two Civil Procedure classes and one Civil Rights class."
Castle nodded. "Do you enjoy them?"
"Yes; I like it very much. I always have."
"That's good," he replied. "I know Kate was glad when you were offered the job."
"I'm sure she was," she said. "She likes to make sure I'm busy."
He felt like that was an avenue best left unexplored and so he allowed the comment to pass without response. "Is Jim working today?"
"Yes."
Rick drummed his fingers on the table, feeling the awkwardness that had settled between them. "Did you let him know you got here safely?"
"Yes; I sent him a message as soon as I parked the car. Should you let Katie know that you haven't been stood up?"
He gave her a small smile. "I'll tell her later."
The waiter's return gave them an excuse to fall silent as their meal and drinks were put on the table in front of them. When they were left alone once again, Johanna figured she may as well bite the bullet and get to the bottom of things.
"Why are we here, Rick?" Johanna asked as she fussed with the linen napkin.
"Why are we here?" he repeated; a sense of panic springing to life within his brain. He hadn't properly prepared for that question; he had hoped that he'd be able to keep the conversation going enough to distract her from asking his motivation. He should've known better.
"Well?" she asked. "What's this all about?"
"I…well…I," he said, suddenly stumbling and grasping for words beneath her cool, assessing green gaze.
"You what?"
"I just thought that we should get to know each other better," Castle finally answered.
Her brow furrowed as she brushed back a lock of dark hair that the sudden soft gust of warm breeze ruffled. "We do know each other."
"Yes…technically; but maybe not enough."
Johanna sighed. "Rick, I could be grading papers right now instead of playing silly games."
"It's not a game and I won't keep you too long," he replied. "You'll be home in plenty of time to grade papers and make dinner."
"Good to know but I still don't understand this. If you want to have lunch with a mother, shouldn't it be your mother?"
"I already know as much about my mother as I can possibly know…and some things I wish I didn't know," he said, cringing slightly.
"I think you know everything you need to know about me," Johanna replied. "I'm your wife's mother; I'm happily married, retired attorney, part time law professor, cat owner and occasional family babysitter."
Castle nodded. "You're right, I do know those things…but they don't tell your whole story."
"It's a typical one; I was born, my parents raised me, my siblings tolerated me. I finished high school, went to college and law school; got a job, met a man, married him, had his baby. You know the bad parts, no need to repeat them," she remarked.
Castle smiled. "And here I always had you pegged as a much more descriptive type of narrator, Johanna."
"I suppose looks, or whatever you want to call it, can be deceiving."
He blew out a breath, trying to keep the feeling of exasperation at bay as he looked across the table at his mother-in-law. She was impeccably dressed as always; her floral print dress was tasteful and season appropriate with its thin long sleeves, her feet nestled in her black open toed heels. Her handbag bore a designer name; the gold wedding band and three carat diamond engagement ring on her finger screamed elegance with its simple emerald cut and announced to the world that she had married well. A dainty silver watch rested on her wrist, the diamond encrusted heart pendant Jim had given her for their 35th anniversary sparkled in the autumn sunlight as it laid against the skin the v shaped neckline of her dress left bare. The familiar emerald ring on her right hand caught a shaft of sunlight, as if refusing to be out done. Her hair was cut and layered in its usual style…freshly done, if he had to guess and her designer sunglasses were hidden away in her bag, waiting to be slipped on like they were an old friend.
Johanna Beckett was a stylish woman; there was no denying that. She wasn't the type to flaunt the fact that she had money but her appearance seemed to showcase that she was well off and could afford the finer things in life when it suited her. There was one oddity however, one he noticed quite often and it was the thin silver bracelet that had a small amethyst butterfly charm that dangled from it. She wore it all the time and yet it didn't hold the expensive look that the rest of her jewelry held.
"Is there a story behind that bracelet you always wear?" he found himself asking, nodding at the object on her wrist with her watch.
"This?" she asked; her fingers capturing the small butterfly.
"Yeah; I notice you wear it a lot…I thought maybe it was special or something."
Johanna's thumb caressed the smooth amethyst stone. "It's nearly forty years old," she remarked. "It's the first birthday gift Jim gave me."
"When you were dating?"
"No; we were just friends then."
Castle's brow rose. "Just friends and he bought you jewelry?"
"What of it?" she asked; her eyes narrowing slightly.
"Nothing," he hurriedly replied. "I just…figure that you must've been a very special friend in this case."
"I was…and I still am."
"Of course," he remarked. "Jim's very lucky to have found you."
"Uh huh."
"I meant that sincerely."
"Sure you did; but let's get back on track here. Are you trying to suck up to me for some reason?" Johanna asked.
His eyes widened slightly. "Who said I was trying to suck up to you?"
"It was Jim's suggestion if you must know. Is that what this is about? Are you trying to suck up to me?"
"No!"
"Then why this sudden lunch meeting?"
"I told you; I think we should know each other better."
She scoffed. "Is that the story for publication? The one you'd think I'd rather hear instead of the real reason?"
"You think I'd tell you something that I think you'd want to hear instead of the truth?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Look, Rick; I don't tell Katie that I go to therapy once a week because I like to; I do it because it's what she wants to hear…it makes life easier…catch my drift?"
"This isn't like that at all," Castle replied; and then as her words sunk in, he met her gaze with a curious look of his own. "Wait, what do you mean you tell Kate that you go…you don't actually go to therapy?"
Johanna shifted in her seat, realizing what she had slipped up and accidentally revealed. "I didn't say that."
"I'm pretty sure you did."
"You can't prove anything."
Castle laughed. "Sounds like a confession."
She pursed her lips and silently cursed herself for the faux pas. "Fine, I don't go to therapy but Katie doesn't need to know that; so you just forget that you know it or we're going to have a problem."
"We already have problems," he replied. "That's what this is about."
Johanna sighed; her fingers brushing across her forehead, feeling the stirrings of a headache forming. "We don't have any problems, Rick. We're fine."
Castle shook his head. "No, we're not, Johanna. We both know that I've made some errors with you…and it's not something I enjoy living with."
She pasted a patient smile on her lips. "If you think I'm harboring some ill will toward you, I'm not. Everything is fine."
"It's not," he insisted. "You're not comfortable with me. That's why you can't stand to sit at this table and have a conversation with me while sharing a meal."
"That's not true; I just find this whole thing odd."
"Why is it odd?" he asked.
"Because son-in-laws don't invite mother-in-laws to lunch. Jim never took my mother to lunch without me."
His brow rose as he reached for his mug of coffee. "Surely you don't think that I have nefarious reasons for meeting with you."
Johanna hesitated. "I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to interpret that statement."
The woman could try the patience of a saint, he thought to himself as he tried to carefully compose a statement that would satisfy her. "I meant that you seriously can't think that I invited you here with the intent to somehow hurt you or put you in an awkward position."
"Of course not."
"Surely you can't be concerned with what people will think."
"People will think what they want," Johanna replied; "But you are somewhat of a high profile person and I still suffer some infamy…I'm sure that someone somewhere will make something of it."
"Anyone who makes something of it is a fool," Castle remarked; "And if you want to talk about what people will think, well, how will it look to people if it seems like I have a bad relationship with my mother-in-law?"
"Honest," she replied without hesitation.
"Honest? How do you figure?"
"Mother-in-laws are notorious for being unpopular; no one would bat an eye if they thought you had that type of relationship with your mother-in-law."
Castle eyed her. "I've already had that relationship with two mother-in-laws."
Johanna shrugged. "So you should be used to it?"
He shook his head. "I don't want to be used to it. I want it to be different this time. You're my third mother-in-law, Johanna; you're going to be the charm."
"So what you're saying is that since they failed, I have to be tormented so I can fit some ideal?"
He smiled. "It's not torment if the person you have to put up with is charming and handsome."
"I already put up with charming and handsome; I'm married to him," Johanna remarked.
"I walked right into that one," Castle remarked as he stabbed his fork into a piece of his chicken. "But it really can't be so bad to have lunch with me, can it? I'm not asking for much…I mean I haven't asked for blood, money or your first born."
Johanna leveled him with a serious stare. "You have more money than me and you already took my first born."
"Were you like this in the courtroom?"
"Yes."
"Did you win a lot?"
"I didn't keep track but I won a good bit."
"I can see why," he said with an exasperated laugh.
"I assure you that I didn't annoy the judges into ruling in my favor; I won because I was good at my job."
"I never doubted that, Johanna. But really, I want to have a better in-law relationship with you than I had with the last two."
"Mhmm."
"Why are you so suspicious?"
Johanna met his eye. "I had in-laws, Rick. I know how this works. One minute you're invited to dinner and the next minute you're being fed something you're allergic to."
"I swear Kate didn't tell me you were allergic to pecans!" he exclaimed. "I would've never fed you something that had pecans in it if I had known!"
"I was referring to my mother-in-law's pecan poisoning of me," she remarked; "But thanks for the reminder that we came full circle with your pecan incident…which Katie says she did tell you about."
"I swear she didn't tell me! I'm telling the truth!"
"She says she told you."
"You're going to take her word over mine?" he asked; pressing a hand against his chest.
"Yes, she's my daughter; you're…well…you're not related to me by blood."
"I'm related by marriage though."
"You weren't then but I'm aware that you are now; it seems to cause you distress."
Castle shook his head. "I'm not distressed…but you do exasperate me."
"Good, then I'm doing the mother-in-law thing right," Johanna replied.
He sighed deeply. "I didn't realize that was the type of mother-in-law you hoped to be."
"Honestly I didn't have any specific notions about what type to be, it just worked out this way. Chalk it up to good training from my mother-in-law."
He frowned. "But rumor has it that you two weren't…shall we say…bff's?"
Johanna laughed. "We were far from bff's."
"And that's what you're going for?"
"Am I supposed to want you to be my bff?" Johanna asked. "Don't you think that would be weird?"
Castle closed his eyes. "No; that's not what I was suggesting. I was asking if an acrimonious relationship was what you were going for."
"No; I never seek out acrimonious relationships…they just seem to find me all on their own."
"It doesn't have to be that way with us; after all, Kate has a harmonious relationship with her mother-in-law."
Johanna smiled coolly. "I'm aware of Katie's harmonious relationship with Martha."
"You don't have to say it like it's a bad thing."
She smirked. "I know how it is; Martha's the good mother, I'm the bad one. She's the saint, I'm the sinner. I get it. But it's okay; I was the good girl for the majority of my life and now I'm the bad one and I'm okay with that. Bad is good sometimes."
"Does Jim think so?"
A sly smile crossed her lips. "Trust me, he loves me when I'm bad," she replied flippantly; her tone carrying a lilt that made him cringe a little.
"I'm not touching that one," Castle remarked. "My point was that Kate has a good relationship with my mother and I feel like I'm doing okay with Jim…but then there's you…"
Johanna nodded. "I've always been an exception to every rule."
"I don't want you to be an exception," he replied. "I want you to like me."
"I like you just fine, Rick."
Castle eyed her. "Yeah; that's your story for publication but everything else about you says otherwise."
Johanna rolled her eyes as she sipped her soda. "If anyone doesn't like someone, it's the other way around. You don't like me and I'm okay with that. I don't lose any sleep over it. You're Katie's problem, not mine."
Castle stared at her for a long moment. "Her problem?"
She sighed. "It was an expression, Rick; not a literal interpretation of the word."
"And yet it still speaks volumes."
"Only in your imagination…which you have to admit is very vivid and active as your profession requires."
"I never said that I didn't like you, Johanna," he remarked.
"You don't have to say it; it comes through loud and clear but like I said, I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I've made my peace with a lot of things and I go on about my business."
"You've made your peace," Castle repeated; "And without the benefit of those therapy appointments you kept telling Kate you were going to?"
"Yes; I have other avenues of therapy that suit me better…but if you're so big on therapy perhaps you can get an appointment with Dr Burke and find out why you need everyone to like you to your specifications…you seem to want people to be somewhere between cheerleader and super fan."
Castle smirked at her. "Kind of like how you still want Kate to adore you like she did when she was six and think that you're super mom with no faults or flaws."
Johanna laughed. "Oh, honey; I got over that long ago; but apparently I hit a nerve for you."
"Not at all," he smiled. "How's your sister doing? Oh…wait…I forgot; you don't have much contact with her because her husband is controlling and she doesn't seem to think you're worth the effort of breaking free of his demands…because she's still not sure if she hates you or not despite once publicly declaring that you'd be forever dead to her."
The comment wiped the smile from her lips, her heart stinging a little at the mention of Colleen as she remained silent.
"What's wrong, Johanna; hit a nerve?" he asked.
She smirked at him. "Don't go thinking that you know everything about my sister and I because you don't; but I will tell you that if I had to choose between you and her to go through this lunch time charade with; I'd pick her every time."
"Really?" he asked. "You'd pick the person who said you were still dead to her? I've never said anything like that."
"No; but there are times when you make it very clear that you'd prefer it if I was still playing dead in Wyoming."
"I've never said anything like that," Rick said; his tone clipped.
"I didn't say you said it; I said you made it clear."
"Oh," he smiled; "More of Johanna Beckett's "I believe it was implied" delusions."
"No; I don't believe it was a delusion when you stood in a hospital hallway and told me that every bad thing in my daughter's life was my fault…and that she had gotten hurt that day because of a connection to my past and how you'd appreciate it if I'd make a list of all the people I've managed to piss off in my life so that you can be on alert for them and save her from them. Yeah…I'm pretty sure that wasn't a delusion…that one really happened."
Castle closed his eyes for a moment, the memory sweeping across his mind; it hadn't been one of his finest moments, that was for sure. "It was a bad moment; I was upset about Kate being hurt…"
"So was I," she said sharply.
"I know; but I took my emotions out on you and I was out of line. I did apologize to you."
"Yes, I remember your apology."
"You don't think I was sincere?"
"Honestly?" Johanna said as she met his eye. "I don't think you were. I'm sure you're sorry you said it to my face…and sorry that you said it in front of Ryan and Esposito because I could hear Esposito tearing into you for it as I walked away. I'm also sure you're sorry that Esposito then told Jim and he read you a very nice riot act. So, really, I think you're just sorry that you said it out loud. I have no doubt that you meant it…and yes, I know, I accepted your apology…but apologies don't erase the words from my memory, so stick that in your delusions and smoke it."
He was silent for a minute as he digested her statement; noting that she carried on with eating her salad as if she calmly called people on their misdeeds all day long and it no longer fazed her. "For what it's worth, even if you don't believe me; I am sorry and I never should've said things like that to you. You didn't deserve that and I had no right. I know that it's a memory that will always stick with you and I'm deeply sorry for that…but I do hope that we can move past it."
"We did; I didn't object at the wedding," Johanna remarked as she laid down her fork so that she could pick up her sandwich for a bite.
"I'm glad you didn't but I know you would've had more than that one reason to do so…I'm also glad that you decided to show up…considering that incident at the dress shop when you declared that you weren't going to come…and seemed very serious about sticking to that proclamation."
"Oh I was very serious," she stated.
He chewed a bite of his grilled chicken before speaking once more. "What did change your mind about coming?"
"I love my daughter," Johanna replied. "I love her and she's my only child…it's the only wedding Jim and I had to look forward to…and as my husband mentioned that morning; it might be her only wedding."
"What did he mean by might be? He doesn't think we're going to last?"
She smiled. "He didn't say that…he just wasn't a big fan of yours at that moment in time, Rick."
"I'm glad he's given me a chance to redeem myself."
"Jim's nice like that," she replied.
"And you?"
"I don't worry much about being nice anymore; it doesn't get me anywhere but stepped on. I operate on the terms that if you respect me, I'll respect you. If you don't respect me; you get whatever you deserve in return."
"You do leave the door open for forgiveness though…don't you?" Rick asked.
"Yes; if I feel like someone really deserves that forgiveness."
"And do I meet the criteria or is it too soon to tell?"
"I told you, Rick; we're fine," Johanna remarked. "I don't know why you don't accept it or believe it, but we are."
He shook his head. "You know that's a lie…why do you keep lying about it?"
"I'm not lying!" she hissed. "Maybe the problem isn't me; maybe it's you. Why can't you accept anything I say? What do you want from me?"
"I want you to like me; I want us to get past all the bad things. I want you to be a fully involved member of our family…because right now it's like you hang off the edge…and you're only hanging on because you keep hold of Jim's hand…kind of like how you stay glued to him when you visit."
"I'm glued to my husband anywhere we go together," Johanna retorted. "I love him; I always want to be near him. We've always been that way."
"Maybe, but you can't deny that your visits are few and far between and that you don't add much to the conversation when you're present."
"Maybe that's because I don't feel that anyone wants to hear my thoughts or opinions…did you ever consider that? Did you ever consider that maybe I just don't feel all that welcome in your home?"
He had known all along that she wasn't comfortable in his home…but hearing it confirmed was a feeling he couldn't quite describe. "You don't feel welcome?"
"No, I don't...and you clearly don't like being in my home because God knows you and Katie have turned down enough invitations. It always has to be at your home…like my table isn't good enough," Johanna replied. "But it's fine, I don't mind. I've got plenty of family and friends who enjoy eating at my table."
"We've ate at your house, Johanna."
"Yeah; once in awhile to appease me so I'll stop issuing invitations to Katie for awhile. I'm not stupid; I know how it is. You want to act like everything is all on my shoulders…but it's not; you all have your share of the blame if we're not living up to your Brady Bunch ideal."
"Fair enough," Castle said with a nod as he took his notebook and pen from his pocket once more. "We all have things to work on…and we're definitely going to work on making you feel welcome in our home."
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm making a list of things we need to work on," he remarked. "Number one is we're definitely going to work on making you feel welcome in our home."
"It's not a big deal," she replied. "I wouldn't visit a lot anyway; Katie doesn't need her mother in her house all the time."
"You know; you say that everyone has some blame; which is true…and yet you then make excuses to keep it that way. Why?"
"I just don't want anyone to feel like they have to go out of their way for me," she answered. "I'm going to be okay no matter what…that's a lesson I managed to learn without the benefit of those therapy sessions."
Castle sighed a little; this was going to be harder than he thought. "Maybe we should talk about the therapy thing another time," he commented. "In fact I'm going to add that to the list…along with the hospital incident because that clearly still isn't resolved."
"I really don't think you need to make a list," Johanna stated.
"Oh I think I do," he replied. "Do you want a piece of paper to make your own list?"
Johanna met his gaze. "I have all the lists I need stored in my brain, Rick."
"Okay then," he replied; "Moving on…well, actually, moving back to our discussion about you not feeling welcome. I wouldn't say it would be going out of anyone's way to make you feel comfortable in your daughter's home. You were comfortable living with her for several months when you came home from Wyoming."
"Not at first," Johanna replied. "I was almost out of clean clothes before I got the nerve to ask to use her washer."
"But you did and she gave permission and you settled in. We don't want you to feel that you're not welcome in our home. That's an issue that needs resolved…although honestly I don't know how you were made to feel that way in the first place."
She shrugged. "I can't give you a specific example…it's just something I feel. Why would I feel like I was welcome there? You don't care for me; Martha and I don't get along all that well…"
"Mother," he stated as he jotted the name down on his list. "We definitely have to settle that one because that issue is on you way more than it is my mother."
Johanna rolled her eyes. "You've also made it very clear that you don't want me to have any type of relationship with Alexis."
"Alexis," he muttered as he added his daughter's name to the list. Perhaps instead of just her name he should've listed it as the Alexis Debacle, Castle thought to himself…yet another thing he had mishandled. His daughter, in the midst of some delayed, subtle rebellion had suddenly started confiding in Johanna Beckett instead of her own father. He hadn't liked it…and his jealousy over the whole situation had led to a confrontation that Alexis had ended up hearing. His daughter hadn't been pleased…and yet his mission to come between the two women had worked. Alexis was afraid of creating problems for Johanna so she stayed away. Johanna felt like she had stepped into an area where she wasn't welcome and so she walked away to keep the peace. Kate had repeatedly warned him that he was being foolish; that as long as Alexis was under Johanna's wing, she'd be fine and she'd come to him once Johanna's brand of subtle encouragement got through to her. But he hadn't wanted to wait and he didn't want to feel like his role was usurped by an outsider. Maybe Gina had been right…maybe he did like to keep Alexis in a bubble where the only people that could be close to her were him and his mother.
"I can admit that I handled the situation with Alexis badly," he told her. "If I could do that over and change how that all went down, I would."
"Me too; I would've never gotten involved," Johanna replied. "I was just trying to be her friend…she seemed like she needed one at that moment. I wasn't trying to be her parent or grandparent as you claimed. I did welcome the opportunity to get to know her better; Jim and I both did, we enjoyed her visits…but we understand that you were uncomfortable with it. I can't remember if I apologized for overstepping my bounds…I probably didn't because you did piss me off a great deal that day. But for whatever it's worth; I'm sorry I got involved and I know my place in that regard."
"Placement," Castle said as he added that word to his notebook.
"Really? You're still making a list?" his mother-in-law asked.
"Yes; and the fact that I'm doing so should show you that I'm serious about this. Anything you want to add to it?"
"Sure; let's add how you're never satisfied by anything I say or do," Johanna remarked. "I mean I just apologized for something that you had a huge problem with and you didn't even acknowledge what I said so maybe you should add that to your list…or would you rather that stay on my list?"
He gave a short humorless laugh. "I would be satisfied if I thought I could believe half the things you say."
She nodded as she gave him a bitter smile. "And there it is; your very low, judgmental opinion of me."
"I don't have a low opinion of you."
"Oh but you do; this isn't something newly developed. We've had this discussion several times; it dates back to when I lived with Katie. Let's see; you came over one day while she was at work so you could tell me what you thought of things and basically implied that you were a better person than me because you wouldn't have made the decision I made. You also implied that I was a bad mother for helping her try to make a breakthrough in the case, that I was treating it as a game and that I didn't get how serious the situation was. You also stated that I didn't know the depth of how I had hurt her…like I was some stupid, naïve person who had no sense of anyone's feelings but my own…like going with the F.B.I was something I did as easily as going to a spa. Then when all hell started breaking loose and your secrets started to come tumbling out, I was accused of screwing up your secret deal and you basically implied that I took it lightly that my presence put her in danger and that I didn't think of any consequences when I made the decision to come home. You've looked down your nose at me several times, Rick. Over the course of time that we've known each other; I've gotten the idea that you believe I'm stupid, selfish, a bad mother, a liar and a coward; among other things."
"Wow, you don't forget anything, do you?" Castle said.
"No, I don't…and believe me, I wish I could sometimes."
"You really think those things?"
"Yeah, I do…and yet I get past it…despite what you think. Katie loves you and you love her and that's all that matters to me. As long as she's happy, I don't give a damn what you think of me…but like I told you the day you married her, you ever hurt her and you will answer to me…while Jim's looking for his bullets."
He nodded. "I do recall our chat during our very tense dance at the reception."
"Good to know."
"I'm going to have to add the word 'perception' to my list…because that's a major thing that we need to clear up. I don't think those things of you at all."
"Trust me, you do," Johanna said as she reached for her drink. "It's okay that you do; I don't mind…all I ask is that you give me the same courtesy I gave my mother-in-law."
"What's that?"
"That you don't let your own personal feelings interfere with a relationship between me and any grandchildren that you and Katie decide to bless me with. Elizabeth and I…well, like I mentioned; we weren't best friends and we had our issues; but I never kept Katie from her and I never tainted her view of her grandmother. Elizabeth loved Katie and Katie loved her and I didn't interfere in that…with the exception of the day Lizzie decided to tell her that there was no Santa Claus…but we got past that…eventually. I also gave that same courtesy to my own father…we didn't get along; it's no secret; but he loved my little girl and she adored her grandfather and I never tainted that either. My personal feelings were mine and mine alone; they weren't taught to her so she could follow suit…and all I ask is that when the time comes, that you will give me that same courtesy and allow me to have a full, rich relationship with my grandchild."
Castle held her gaze. "I will swear to you on your mother's grave that I will never, ever stand between you and your grandchildren. I would never deny you a relationship with them…I'd never expect you to allow me to, not only because you shouldn't but because I have no doubt that you would knock me down in the hallway of the hospital and walk over me to get to the nursery if I tried. I also wouldn't let any personal feeling of mine be passed on as some sort of fact that would taint their view of you. You don't have to worry about any of that…and by the time you be become a grandmother; we're going to have a much better relationship."
"As long as nothing keeps me from my future grandchildren; I'm fine," Johanna remarked.
"We're going to aim for better than fine," he replied as he wrote the word 'assurance' on his list.
Silence had fallen over the table, allowing Johanna to finish her food. She reached for her glass of soda and took the last sip. When she finished, she dabbed her lips with the napkin and then laid it on the table before reaching for her purse. "Thanks for lunch, Rick; I'll see you around."
"Are we finished?" he asked. "You don't have to go just yet."
"Food is gone, lunch is over," she declared.
"Do you want dessert?"
"No."
"A refill of your drink?"
"I have soda at home, thank you. I really do need to get some work done before Jim gets home."
Castle gave a reluctant nod. "Let me get the check and then I'll walk you to your car."
"That's not necessary."
"I insist."
"Of course you do," she replied as she opened her purse to take out her sunglasses and her keys; resigning herself to the idea of waiting for him so that he could show her that he was a gentleman.
"Ready?" he asked after taking care of the bill.
"I'm ready," Johanna said as she got up from her chair and began to move in the direction that would carry her back to her car.
Castle quickly fell into step with her. "It wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked.
"What?"
"Lunch."
"No; the food is always good here," Johanna answered.
He gave her an amused smirk. "I meant the company."
"You know, Rick; it's very vain to ask for compliments."
"I didn't ask for a compliment; I said it wasn't so bad…was it?"
"It was fine," she replied. "I hope you feel better now."
"Not as much as I had hoped but it's a start," he replied.
Johanna paused at the door of her car. "Are you going to the precinct when you leave?"
"Yes; do you need something?"
"No; but you can tell Katie I said hello…and that if she has any complaints about whatever you tell her, to please wait until after three to call so I can be finished grading my papers…and will have cooking dinner as an excuse to hang up once I hear the complaint."
Castle smiled. "I'll do that."
"Okay; see you later," she said as she turned to unlock her car door.
"I'll see you same time and place next Tuesday," Castle replied lightly.
"Wait, what?" Johanna said as she turned back toward him.
"Next Tuesday," he repeated; "For lunch…you didn't think this was going to be a one time thing, did you? Why did you think I was making a list?"
"I was kind of hoping it was a one time thing," she answered; "And I figured you were making the list to be a smart ass so I overlooked it. I guess I should know by now that hope and wishful thinking are fickle things."
He smiled. "You should know that by now; so I'll see you Tuesday; same time and place."
"Why?"
"I told you; I'm going to win you over again. You're going to be my third time is a charm mother-in-law, Johanna. I'm going to make you like me again."
"I have the feeling you're just going to make me hate you," she replied. "I'm getting a headache already."
"I'll bring Advil to our next meeting," he quipped; "And trust me; you're going to love me like the son you always wanted."
"Who said I ever wanted a son?" Johanna asked. "I wanted a daughter and that's what I got."
"Fine, you're going to love me like the son you didn't know you wanted."
"Oh God."
"He's already answered your prayers, Johanna; he sent you me."
"I should've had the wine," she remarked as she opened her car door.
"We'll order wine next time; aren't you excited?"
"Oh yeah, I'm all a tremble with excitement," she said as she got into the car.
"You didn't hug me goodbye," he told her, holding on to her door as she put the key in the ignition.
Johanna glanced up at him. "I'm not getting out of the car, Rick."
"Okay; well ease into that. You'll hug me goodbye next time."
"That will depend on how much you tick me off before we say goodbye."
"At least you haven't ruled it out completely," he said with a grin.
"Mhmm; can I go now?"
"Yes," he replied. "Drive safely."
"You too," she replied as she started the car and buckled her seatbelt.
"I'll send you a reminder about lunch on Monday night," Castle told her before shutting her door.
"Can't hardly wait," Johanna muttered as she gave him a quick wave and pulled into traffic.
Castle watched her drive away, thinking to himself that things hadn't gone as well as he would've liked but at least she hadn't said a flat out no about meeting him for lunch again next week. He had his work cut out for him but there was hope…a very small glimmer of it, but hope none the less and he'd make sure to assure his wife of that as soon as he got back to the precinct.
A/N Next chapter will pick up with Castle's return to the precinct.