So a friend and I always joke about Crowstiel. It's our crack-pairing because she cosplays as Crowley and I cosplay as Cas, and, of course, because Crowley flirts with Cas every step of the way. This is a cop!Cas and thief!Crowley AU; an attempt at comedy, but let's see what happens.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. ( D: )

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Chapter 1: Hello, Aren't You Just Scrumptious?

It's never fun to be the good guy. You always have numerous, petty rules—laws and morals. It just gets very irking and exhausting. My motto is "do the hell you want to do," but a lot of people don't appreciate it. Ah well. To each their own, right?

Anyway, hi, nice to meet you—Th'name's Crowley. I'm a thief and a liar, as they all like to say. I just like to consider myself strong-willed, and I just happen to know what I want. I "steal," as you all like to say, but, really, come on; I'm just taking what I need. Everyone needs money in this economy, right?

Well, one day I was planning on stealing this priceless necklace at the jewelry store in the mall across town—but that wasn't the only thing I stole that day. The other thing was, well, a bit unexpected… Allow me to explain.

...

I was sneaking over to Carla's Jewelry in the mall—oh, hush, now! Of course I broke into the mall easily. They don't pay attention to the little details that allow us, the geniuses, into these money-breathing palaces. I made it over to the fountain across the store and smiled as I stared into the empty thing. I took out a penny and flicked it in, more mocking your average Homo sapien, and made a wish to humor myself: I wish I could steal the most important thing in the world. I know I could if I would ever find it—cocky? Yeah, I am. You can go to the Complaint Center in the corner of Kiss My Ass if you want, sweetie.

Anyhoo, I waltzed over to the store and scoped the area for the security cameras. I was sure I covered every single one, but it's never a waste to check over, is it? Once I was sure I had everything covered, I shook at the doors. They were locked, but very loose. I smiled with pride as I took out my single, trusty lock pic and unlocked the doors in a matter of five seconds. Scoffing at how easy it was, I walked inside to find everything in such an organized lock-down.

People think they are very smart with how they hide things and lock up the valuables. Here, the most expensive ones weren't in their cases anymore. They were locked away in the safe that would be located in the most obvious spot ever. I found it easily in the backroom of the store, behind the "Employees Only" door. Finding a way to open it is child's play—I got it opened and saw the money piled in the cash register trays and the most valuable items neatly "hidden" behind them.

No, most thieves don't stuff everything in a bag and hope that no one notices that "Hm, that guy looks a bit suspicious with that huge bag that's making weird noises while he runs"—no, we are not stupid, mind you. I have hidden pockets in my tux jacket, and don't take more than I can carry.

So, once I was leisurely on my way out of the mall, I noticed there was a policeman close by. "Oh, my word… Really?" I sighed to myself while I walked casually to him. The police officer didn't see where I came from, as it was dark out and I am smart—but anyway. I looked over at him, and, I must say! He was a sight for sore eyes, to say the least. He looked a bit nervous in his nice-fitting (what?) uniform—probably only started this particular job recently. There was only a faint light from an above lamppost, and the officer was pointing his flashlight right at me to get a better look. I could see his bright, blue eyes from a mile away, even if it were in the dark. They were very noticeable, in my opinion. He didn't have a hat on, so I got to see very messy hair going in every which direction possible. There was also stubble spread equally across his face. I must say: that small clef chin was a bit adorable.

"Hello, officer. Anything wrong?" I smiled politely.

"What are you doing here?" a raspy and deep voice greeted me, making me jump from surprise. What an elegant voice. I didn't reply; only cocked my head to the side and observed him more, making him a bit uneasy.

"I asked you a question that you are forced to answer, since I am a policeman," he nervously barked at me. I noticed his hand holding the flashlight was shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry, Officer—?"

"Castiel."

"I've been searching for a watch that my boyfriend lost around here earlier today. He didn't realize he lost it until a lot later, the poor chap," I smiled, attempting to make it an awkward one.

"Did you find it?" the man's grip on his flashlight loosened. My response seemed to relax him.

"No, actually… I checked around everywhere out here but cannot seem to find that buggar. Maybe it's hiding somewhere inside," I let out a ponderous huff as I put my hand up to my chin for a few seconds.

Castiel (what, do I need to include a formal name for him when I am telling the story myself?) shifted his weight a few times, waiting for me to say something else. When I didn't, he sighed and let out, "You'll only be able to do that during opening hours, sir." He then looked up at me.

I smiled pleasantly, "Oh, sweetie, just call me Crowley."

He looked away, not expecting my informalities. "Mister Crowley, sir, please, let me accompany you to your car. I was told to monitor this place because a thief may be thinking of hitting this place tonight. I wouldn't want an innocent man getting caught up in the middle of this," he attempted to smile back, but he was just nervous as hell to where it turned out to be a strange opening of the mouth—but it also allowed me to view his perfectly white teeth. Hn. This man is cute, I allowed myself to think while he put his hand on my shoulder to lead me away from the supposed dangerous zone. Cute, yes, but very naïve. Poor boy; trying to protect me from myself, ha. I also wondered why in the world he was the only man put on parole here. I shrugged it off, though, because it made my life easier; who am I to complain?

"Where is your car?" the deep voice resonated again. I enjoyed it a lot, for some reason.

"It is right there," I pointed to the crimson red Lincoln.

Castiel kept his hand on my shoulder as we walked over to it. "I am sorry about your boyfriend's watch. I'm sure you'll find it tomorrow," he tried smiling at me again, but he was still nervous. He stood there, making sure I would get in my car safely, which made me laugh to myself.

As I started to back up, I rolled down my window and waved at him before asking, "Are you new to this, Officer?"

I could tell that he straightened his posture even more (if that was even possible) and then chuckled slightly, "Is it really that obvious?" He then ran a hand through his hair.

"A little, but don't worry, sweetie—you're doing a great job," I gave him polite smile, and he thanked me nervously, and I could sense a small blush of embarrassment on his face from the little light coming from his flashlight. Once I closed my window and drove off into the main road, I couldn't help smirking to myself. Hey, he did do a great job—for me, anyway. Oh, details, details. I also couldn't stop thinking about how adorable he was, nervous and all. Now, now, just because I am a thief does not mean I cannot appreciate beauty—well, actually, I am a thief because I can appreciate beauty.