On the most glorious of stages, a spotlight flickers on and idly shines down on the hardwood.
Suddenly, a cloud of smoke manifests.
POOF!
...
It dissipates to reveal none other than six year-old Lola Loud, who is smiling widely and holding a pink ribbon wand.
She begins twirling around the stage, and the audience gradually grows louder and louder until her ovation is almost deafening.
She finishes her act, and takes a bow as everyone continues revering her.
…
She looks back up to the judges. A silhouette is clapping, and slowly steps forward to reveal- Gasp!...
John Stamos…
…
Somehow, he looks just like he did when he was twenty, and he smiles that perfect smile, showing off his perfect white teeth.
…
All Lola can do is look on with wide, glossy eyes as she soaks up this wonderful, magical, fantastic, perfect-
…
"Lola!" a familiar raspy voice calls out to her.
…
…
"Of course…" Lola grumbles as she snaps back to the reality that is her bedroom.
Gone is the glorious stage with its splendorous lights and hardwood, in its place are drab wallpaper and cheap carpet. Gone are the audience of adoring fans clapping and whistling for her, in their place are several stuffed animals and dolls with blank, silent expressions.
And John Stamos? Well, he's sort of here… If a cardboard cut-out propped up against a tea party table counts.
…
Lola grouchily slouches, and she hears it again.
"Lola!"
…
As well as Lola's done to give this sorry excuse for a bedroom some class, a person can only do so much. The best make-up can't save the ugliest girl, after all.
Sadly, her best efforts are quashed by the plungers, power tools, and tanks of creepy crawlies settled into the domicile. Those belong to her roommate of course… Her roommate…
…
"Lola!" Lana cries out a third time as she enters the bedroom, visibly excited.
…
Her twin sister groan-sighs. "What, Lana?"
…
Lana rushes over with a big smile, holding something tiny in her hand.
"You'll never guess what I found while digging in the backyard! It's so awesome!" the resident tomboy proclaims.
Lola just rolls her eyes.
"If this is a bug, I'm telling Dad you've been pooping in Cliff's litter box again," she states.
"No, it's not a bug… And hey, I don't have to wait in line to use the litter box…" Lana defends. "But that's not the point!"
…
She extends her hand and opens it to reveal a small aquamarine marble.
She just keeps beaming from ear to ear, but Lola meets her with stubborn incertitude.
"What is that?" she bluntly asks.
…
"Uh, it's our old pirate looking glass, duh?" Lana retorts. "Remember? We used to ride around in our wagon pretending it was a pirate ship, and we'd hold this up to our eyes like a looking glass to find treasure?"
…
Lola continues looking at her like she's an idiot, but she does a 180 as she brightens up with a wide-eyed smile. "Oh yeah! We'd find colored rocks and give them to Mom!" she recalls.
"Argh, here be our booty, Captain Mommy!" Lana jokes with a pirate voice, closing one eye like she has an eye patch and gesturing her finger like a hook.
"Yeah! Haha!" Lola laughs, and Lana joins her.
…
Once they stop laughing, Lana nervously rubs the back of her neck, trying to keep cool with a smile.
"Yeah, good times... I wouldn't wanna go play with it right now or anything?" she expresses.
…
"Good, because I'm busy," Lola tartly responds, closing her eyes and turning away, failing to read the connotative meaning of her twin sister's statement.
…
"Oh, right…" Lana says with a wince as she eyes the aquamarine marble. "I forgot you have that big pageant to get ready for."
"Yep, the twenty-fourth annual Miss Cute and Mean Pageant!" Lola proudly declares. "I've been practicing for weeks, and I have to make sure everything is perfect for tonight! I have to win, I just have to! Especially since…"
"Oh no," Lana utters as she realizes the tangent Lola is about to go on.
…
"Lindsey Sweetwater…" Lola finishes with a scowl.
…
…
"There was the time she brought her Shih Tzu to the show, and let the judges hold her during the show," Lola recalls, visualizing the events of that day.
"Or the time she made everyone non-dairy ice cream. I didn't even know they made non-dairy ice cream!"
"And last year! When she dedicated her performance to the veterans at the start of the show! Of course she was gonna win after that!"
...
"Yeah, those pesky veterans," Lana sarcastically says with a roll of the eyes.
…
Lola apparently doesn't notice though, because she just keeps getting worked up.
"Well, not this year!" she declares. "This year, I've perfected my act, and there's no way she can beat me! I swear on John Stamos!"
"Huah!" Lana gasps, "You can't be serious? You love John Stamos!"
…
Both girls look to cardboard John Stamos.
And "he" looks back with a wooden expression.
…
"Okay, that's too far… But you get what I mean," Lola asserts.
…
"So, what are you doing for your act, anyway?" Lana asks now.
And Lola smiles. "Well, I'm very happy you ask, my dear Lana…" she tells her with a somewhat sweet, yet somehow condescending pat on the red hat she wears.
…
She rushes back to her rehearsal spot in front of all her "audience."
"Okay, so the judges give each contestant three different scores for three different areas: Personality, poise, and talent," she begins.
Lana just thoughtfully looks on. "Poise? Isn't that a place in Idaho?"
"Focus, Lana," Lola scolds. "Personality is all about working up the judges. It's all about being as sweet and loveable as possible, but also having just the right amount of sass. It's Little Miss Cute and Mean after all…"
…
She paces over to Lana, wraps her arm around her shoulder, and maneuvers her over to her spot.
"So, at the beginning of the show, they conduct a short little interview. They'll ask who you are and why you compete and yada yada yada… That's where they really judge Personality." Lola continues.
"Okay," Lana simply responds to show she understands.
"Okay, so ask me something. Anything you want," Lola instructs with a proud posture.
…
"Uhm, okay…" Lana says as she thinks it over.
And with an animated snap of the fingers, she smiles.
"Ooo! I know! What color are my underwear?!"
…
Lola scornfully frowns. "No, you turkey! I meant like a question about me!"
…
"Mmm, that attitude won't win over any Personality points," Lori mocks with a smirk as she passes by their bedroom door.
...
"Nobody asked you!" Lola yells.
She looks to her John Stamos cut-out, whose face has unsurprisingly stayed exactly the same.
"I'm sorry you had to see that…" Lola apologizes to "him."
…
"Uhm… so what about Poise? How do you get points for that?" Lana somewhat nervously asks, not at all trying to change the subject.
Fortunately, Lola is hook, line, and sinker.
"Ah, now Poise is the easy one," she answers. "All you gotta do there is look good, which- aheh, I have no problem doing."
…
All suddenly like, Lola starts flamboyantly posing like she's auditioning for a Zoolander movie, and, of course, she visualizes actual camera flashes as she does it.
Once she's done posing, she faces Lana with a proud smile, and Lana claps for her.
"Woo! Go Lola!" she cheers.
"Why thank you," Lola says with a playful little curtsy. "Now. Let me show you something," she instructs Lana, once again grabbing her and forcing her over to the closet.
…
Lola begins rummaging through it until she finds what she's looking for.
"Ah! There it is!" she announces as she pulls out a lovely white dress for her sister to see.
"Do you love it?" she asks Lana.
…
"Ehh, too clean," Lana answers with a wince.
…
Lola just rolls her eyes as she puts it safely back in her wardrobe.
"That's the dress I'll be wearing for the Poise part of the competition. I had to pull a lot of Blue Bell duty to save up money for this baby," Lola explains.
"Oh… Well I'm sure the judges will like it?" Lana insists with a nervous smile and shrug.
...
"Speaking of which; let's try this again. Why don't you ask me something along the lines of- oh, I don't know, 'Where do you see yourself in ten years?'" Lola requests of Lana.
"Uhm… Alright. Where do you see yourself in ten years?" Lana asks.
"Well thank you for asking," Lola sweetly begins. "In ten years, I see myself really making a difference in the world! I want to take time to help others, and be an inspiration to little girls everywhere!"
…
"That is such crud," Lana bluntly states.
"Yeah, I know," Lola says, dropping the act. "But as long as the judges don't know that, who does it hurt?"
…
Lana just shrugs. "Fair enough… So, you've got Personality and Boise-"
"Poise," Lola corrects her.
"That thing," Lana responds. "So what are you gonna do for Talent?"
…
Lola grins from ear to ear. "What's that old saying? Actions speak louder than words?" she says as she picks her ribbon wand up from her tea party table.
"Heh, I know an old saying," Lana chimes in. "There was a man from Nantucket, who-"
...
"I told you not to repeat that to anyone! Especially other children!" Luan scolds as she passes by their room.
…
"She's been teaching me rhymes," Lana simply tells Lola, who just cringes.
"Whatever! Are you gonna watch me ribbon dance or not?" she barks.
"Fine… Do your thing… But it's a little crowded in here, don't you think?" Lana comments.
…
Lola ignores her though, and proceeds to dancing just as she did before being rudely interrupted.
She's actually very good too, but Lana can't help but think she does look a little silly as she makes funny noises jumping around waving these twirly, girly ribbons all over the place.
Even so, she becomes worried as Lola apparently loses her ability to judge distance with other things… and people.
…
"Uhm, Lola… Maybe you should- Lola!" she cries as her twin sister accidentally tumbles into her.
"Ahhh!" they both shout as they crash to the floor.
…
They recover and sit up to look at one another.
"You okay?" Lola asks.
"Yeah, I'm-" Lana begins before her eyes widen all panickingly like. "Uh oh…"
…
"What?" Lola worriedly asks.
"Our looking glass! I dropped it!" Lana cries.
She hurriedly stands up, and begins scurrying to find it.
...
Lola slowly gets to her feet, and starts scanning the floor as well.
Through Lana's annoying repetition of "Come on, come on!", Lola is able to spot the aquamarine marble on the floor.
She picks it up, and even wipes it on her dress to get the hair off it.
"Chill out… I found it," she gruffly says.
…
Lana smiles wide, and practically snatches it from her hand.
"Oh man… Phew… I don't think I could go through losing this. Not after- *sniffle* Not after what happened to SpongeBob…"
…
She recalls the time she accidentally flushed her favorite SpongeBob SquarePants figurine down the toilet. The poor guy let out one last of his signature laughs as he was whisked away into a porcelain tomb.
…
Lola dons a look of concern as she rests a hand on Lana's shoulder.
"Hey, don't worry. Even if you would've lost it- or flushed it; we would always have the memories of playing with it together."
…
Lana smiles, "You mean that?"
And Lola smiles back.
"Yar!" she confirms all pirate like.
…
They just smile at one another for a moment before Lana shifts her focus to her marble. She decides to tuck it safely inside her front pocket.
"Well, I guess I'll leave you alone now," she bemoans.
…
Lola contemplates her words with an air of anxiousness.
As Lana begins heading for the door…
"Wait!"
…
…
Lana turns back.
"How would like to come with me today? To the competition I mean?" Lola asks.
…
"Really? But I thought you didn't like anyone coming to your shows? Especially after what me and Lincoln did that one time…"
"Ehh, I'm not worried about it. Besides… Someone should be there to witness my ten foot leap," she says in a manner that's supposed to make it seem like a big deal.
"Ten foot leap?" Lana confusingly asks.
…
Lola proudly, almost deviously smiles.
"Oh yes… My ten foot leap."
"Why do you keep saying it like that?" Lana asks.
And Lola totally disregards her.
…
"See, ribbon dancing happens quite a bit in these things. I once went to a show where every contestant did it as part of their act."
Lana thoughtfully nods. "Okay. So why are you doing it, then?"
"Because it's become so trendy, that it's at the point people realize it's trendy, so no one will want to do it anymore. Plus… I plan on being the first Little Miss Cute and Mean to break the ten foot jump record," Lola happily explains.
…
Lana uses her fingers to start counting, but becomes flustered upon remembering she only has eight fingers.
"Uhm, ten feet. That's not a lot, really," she thinks aloud.
"Maybe not for tall people, but you try jumping ten feet," Lola challenges.
…
"Alright," Lana simply says with a shrug, and she steps out into the hallway where she can get enough distance.
Lola just watches on, snidely crossing her arms with a matching expression.
…
Lana preps herself, then goes for her jump.
She gets... maybe four feet, and becomes winded just by that much.
"Phew… I am out of shape for six years-old," she comments as she catches her breath.
…
"Hmph. Now watch this," Lola snootily tells her as she makes way to the very end of the hall, her back nearly touching the wall.
She takes a deep breath, and then with the grace of a gazelle, darts into the air.
And, she really gets some air.
…
She lands in the middle of the hallway, and coolly fixes her posture.
Lana just stares with her jaw dropped for a moment before pulling out a measuring tape, and checking to see just how far her sister actually leaped.
She gets to Lola's spot with the tape, and it reads just a few sixteenths over ten feet.
…
She just looks to Lola with her mouth agape as her measuring tape whisks back to her.
And Lola just smiles, relishing in the knowledge that she's right about something, as usual.
…
"That was awesome!" Lana finally remarks.
"I know," Lola haughtily replies as she makes her way back into the bedroom.
…
Lana follows her, and Lola perks up upon seeing what time it is on their clock.
"Holy Foley! It's almost 4:30?! The pageant starts at 5:00!" she exclaims.
"Dang. I guess we better get going then, huh?" Lana simply states.
…
"You're darn right we do!" Lola agrees. "Oh, let's see… I have to get my dress!" Lola remembers as she hurries into the closet to collect it.
"I have to make sure I didn't put on too much contour," she says as she checks herself in her vanity.
"Are my teeth white enough? Is my hair frizzy? Did I pluck my unibrow? Should I-"
"Lola," Lana calmly interjects, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
…
Lola just looks to her.
"Relax… You said yourself you've been practicing all week. If you've been working as hard as you say- no, as I know you have… Then Lindsey Sweetwater better have some tissues handy for when they announce you as the new Miss Cute and Mean," Lana tells her.
…
Lola smiles an endearing smile. "That- that would be- the most wonderful thing ever!" she proclaims.
She then giddily takes her sister by the hands.
"Alright, come on! We've gotta go show all those other girls just what makes Lola Loud so cute… and mean," she declares with a sinister, but somehow sweet, smile.
…
She lets go of Lana to make her way to cardboard John Stamos, who has the emotional range of a… well, a piece of cardboard.
"I'll see you when I get home, handsome," she says as she caresses his two-dimensional forehead.
…
She then makes her way out the door with her ribbon wand and white dress, but realizes Lana hasn't moved.
She turns to face her with a look of impatience. "Come on, Lana! We have to make Daddy drive us there!" she commands before continuing out into the hall.
…
Lana heavily sighs as she pulls her marble out of her pocket and studies it in her hand.
"Aye aye, captain," she sorrowfully utters before finally following her outside.
Hey Loud Crowd, thanks for checking this out. If you have no interest in reading pretentious author's notes, move along, have a nice day, and please stay tuned for more. Comments and reviews are appreciated by the way:)
...
For those of you who are cool enough for the cool kids' table…
"What me and Lincoln did that one time" refers to the events of "Toads and Tiaras." I love that episode. I'll be making lots of references to the show, and maybe comics and podcasts, so here's your only disclaimer.
Also, sorry to my non-American readers for using the US metric system here. We really do suck.
So, I've been toying with this idea for a long time, starting way back with Luna is Strange. I finally came up with a decent series of events for it, and a premise I thought would be fun, and here we finally are. I will also say, my all-time favorite fic, "Saving Victoria Chase (Over and Over Again)" by cinnamonsnaps (Archive of Our Own) partly inspired this story. If you like Life is Strange, go check it out, and be prepared to smile for days until you realize it will never be finished.
And, for those of you who know me, spoiler alert, this won't be a yuri fic shipping Lola and Lindsey. Even I have some class.
Speaking of Lindsey, we will get to the good stuff involving her and the summary of this story in the next chapter. I also have some surprises in store for my dutiful minions who have read Carol Likes Luna and The Gift, so be prepared for that;)
Last thing, I'm doing something different with this story. I used to have several back-up chapters, a "buffer" as I call it, so I could update every few days with my stories. However, because my life is so crazy right now, I'll just be updating whenever I have something ready. This will be good for you guys though, because I'll be able to implement immediate feedback regarding chapters in progress.
Clear as mud? Good.
…
Alright, I'll shut up now ("Finally!"). Again, thanks so much for reading, and please stay tuned for more:)