Title: Babysitting Does Not Entail Actually Sitting On the Baby
Author: Connecticut Junkie
Spoilers: Ep 17 of Season 3 (but I don't know the title and I'm too lazy to look it up)
Summary: Luke reluctantly babysits. Feeding, entertaining, and keeping another human being from accidentally killing themselves. So it ain't too hard, considering he's practically been doing the same thing to Lorelai for years.
Rating: PGish. Maybe PG13.
Disclaimer: So not mine. Which I'm actually glad for, because Season 3 gets a great big: WTF? from me.
This is set in the not too far future, so let's just say about the end of what would be Season Four.
* * *
Luke had fed him. Luke had a lot of experience in feeding people, but usually he just dropped the plate off and left them to it. Not with this kid. First, he had to convince Jax to open his mouth for every bite. And even when he did get the kid to open his mouth, there was no guarantee he'd get the kid to swallow. Half the baby food ended up on his face, or dribbling down his little bib-thing.
He'd known babysitting would be hard. And that's why he'd said no, about ten times. But on the eleventh, Sookie just happened to be with Lorelai, and Lorelai had given him the Pretty Please Luke? Look. And he'd said yes. Grudgingly, of course, but it was still a yes.
So Luke had fed Sookie and Jackson's baby, and had changed his diaper three times already. There was absolutely nothing cute about that, and he decided never again would he be swayed by the Look.
Sookie had given him a little instruction manual, in case he needed it. Apparently, he had to hold the kid after he had his bottle- and Luke tried not to think too hard about where that milk had come from- and burp him. So he had, following the instructions in the book. But they'd failed to mention that the baby would burble up some kind of baby-junk onto his shirt.
So there he sat, reclining on the couch with only the tank top undershirt to keep him warm, and a sleeping baby on his chest. He was too afraid to move, because then Jax might wake up and do that crying thing he'd done for fifteen minutes straight. Luke did not want to relive those fifteen minutes.
He managed to watch the last of hour of "The Peacekeeper" on TNT, but the kid woke up during SportsCenter's theme song. Apparently, Jax had some kind of agenda that involved not letting Luke know which teams won which games, because he'd cried again throughout the whole damn show until he just stopped.
Which also reminded him of Lorelai and her finicky and fleeting mood swings. She could lose her temper, throw a tantrum, and then smile up at him sweetly and thank him for the coffee all in the space of two minutes.
"So, Jax," Luke started, not sure where to go from here. The baby, not yet a year old, didn't know where to go either. But then he decided maybe clinging to the big guy wasn't really a bad idea, and started tugging on Luke's tank top.
"Quit it," he ordered.
Jax bubbled up at him. Of course Jess had been undisciplined, but he'd also been a teenager. Now even babies were defying him. Luke felt the urge to put the kid back in his place.
"Look at you," Luke said, talking to the baby because no one was around to hear him anyhow. "You spit up all over yourself and think it's funny."
As if to prove it, Jax spit up and giggled again. Luke sighed and wiped him clean. "Sure. Now it's cute, so get your kicks while you still can. Because a few years from now it won't be cute, it'll be gross."
Perhaps because Jax wasn't old enough to really talk, let alone formulate a rebuttal to Luke, he yawned and drooped his head back on Luke's shoulder, promptly falling asleep again. Luke made a mental note to tell Sookie her kid may have narcolepsy. And if the kid turned out to be half as clumsy as Sookie....
Just as Luke was shuddering at the possibilities for disaster, there was a knock on the apartment door. He used the last of his strength to yell at whoever it was to come in. At least it was just Lorelai, and not someone intent on stealing his T.V., because at this point Luke wouldn't even bother to put up a fight.
"Hey! Baby Express here, I'm supposed to pick up a baby package," Lorelai hollered, looking for him.
"Over here," Luke called out, feeling like he was playing Marco Polo.
"Marco?" Lorelai said, giggling, and Luke was unsettled to realize his brain was on the same wavelength as Lorelai's.
Lorelai walked around the couch, and from his vantage point on the floor all he could see of her was her knees. Then she crouched down to peer in his face.
"Sometimes, I wish I carried a camera around my neck at all times like a Japanese tourist," she remarked.
"Shut up. The kid fell asleep- again- and I was afraid if I moved he'd wake up and start screaming...again." Luke stressed the 'again' as much as a word could be stressed.
Lorelai grinned, obviously not caring about his explanation and only interested in the final, big picture. Luke made a silent thank you that she was the only one to see him like this.
"You gonna help me or not?" he finally grumbled to Lorelai when he realized she was probably gonna sit there and grin at him the whole night.
She must have taken pity on him, because she gently pried Jax off Luke, transferring him to her own arms. Jax squirmed a little, but after she made some soothing noises, settled back down and continued sleeping.
"I must say, Luke, that it seems like you did a pretty good job of babysitting."
"One time deal," Luke quickly assured her.
She gave him her wicked smirk. "I don't know. Between Jax and Jess, I think you've got some good fatherhood training."
"Very funny," Luke said, getting up off the floor and gathering the baby stuff that had somehow managed to get into every nook and cranny of his apartment like butter on an English muffin.
"But then little Jackson Junior here will have a friend to play with," Lorelai said, apparently unwilling to give up the notion of a Luke offspring.
"I'm sure that somewhere in this town are other kids his age he can play with."
"Yeah, but they're lame. He needs someone cool to play with. And what would be cooler for Produce Guy Junior than a Burger Boy Junior?"
Luke shoved the baby things into the baby bag with the happy little pattern of happy little baby ducks parading around. Why did all baby products have to be so cloyingly cute? Why did they insist on making diapers with decorations on them? What the hell was the purpose of that? They all ended up in the same condition, whether they were decorated or not.
"So why don't you make him a friend?" Luke countered.
But Lorelai just smirked even harder. "Why Luke, are you offering to assist me?"
He handed Lorelai the stupid duck bag. "Tell me something. Is your entire purpose on this planet to goad me?"
Lorelai took the bag, slipping the strap over her head so it crossed her chest. "So I'm doing a good job, right?"
"Go," Luke grumbled, opening the door for her.
"Bye, Luke," Lorelai sing-songed over her shoulder. Then she made a growl of frustration and walked back through the door. "His shoes are missing," she explained. As if Luke couldn't understand English, she wiggled one of Jax's bare feet.
Luke looked for the shoes, then remembered they were one of the many items he'd picked up just minutes before. "They're in the bag," he told her, and Lorelai gave him a look that clearly expressed how insane he must be if he thought she could root through the bag and put the shoes on while holding the kid at the same time. She shifted Jax a little, giving Luke better access to the bag.
Luke silently wished the bag strap was longer as he looked in it for the shoes. As it was, it hung at just below chest level on Lorelai and he was trying to be extra cautious so as to not cop a cheap feel by accident.
Finally, he found the shoes and his hands could leave the proximity of Lorelai's chest. Or so he thought, as Jax's feet were dangling only a few inches below, and were actually pressed against her stomach.
As he put the tiny shoes on- how on earth could shoes be that tiny?- he kept expecting Lorelai to smack him and yell, "Bad touch!" But thankfully, she didn't, and his large fingers managed to put on and secure the tiny shoes with only minimal brushing of Lorelai's body.
"Ooh, good job," Lorelai complemented. "Very good job. Are you sure you aren't practicing for one of your own? Come on, we can pull his little hat down over his eyes and get to work on making one right now." She grinned her evil grin.
"Don't people usually at least date a few times before trying to conceive a child?" he flippantly remarked.
Lorelai's grin faded almost immediately. Luke noticed she also seemed to be fidgeting just a little, but maybe it was because Jax was getting heavy or something. She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Luke was certain that was the first time he'd seen her open her mouth and have nothing come out of it. She closed it, took a deep breath, and opened it once more. "How about you pick me up at eight on Saturday?"
"What?" he finally replied. While she was rarely speechless, he rarely went a day without being rendered speechless.
"Date. Not of the fruit variety."
"You and me?"
"Well, yeah. Why not?"
"I don't..."
"That's how these things go. Man and woman go out, eat dinner, exchange awkward small talk."
"You think we should do that?"
"It's generally the kind of behavior our genders engage in."
"As simple as that? You and I on a date."
"You have a penis. I have a hoo-hoo. Hence, date." Lorelai waited for the embolism look he knew he must have had on his face to pass. "You do have a penis, don't you?"
"Huh? Yeah. I mean, yes. Yes. I have one."
"Just the one?" Lorelai asked, desperately trying to control her grin and failing.
Luke found a little bit of composure. "If it goes well, you'll find out soon enough."
"Naughty," Lorelai scolded, only her tone of voice was even naughtier. She even pretended to cover Jax's ears.
"Get out," he grumbled, but he couldn't keep a tiny smile from creeping up his face.
Lorelai actually listened to him, and headed for the door. She stopped in the doorframe and looked over her shoulder. "Saturday at eight. See, it rhymes so you can't forget."
Luke frowned, trying to read her body language. "Are you serious?" he asked, after he found that he was currently illiterate when it came to body language.
"Yeah," she said, softly.
"Why?" he asked, though a part of him was screaming at his brain to shut up and stop asking questions.
Lorelai smiled, and seemed to be her normal, confident self again. "Well, why not?" she said, and took his speechlessness as an opportunity to slip out the door entirely.
Luke watched as she disappeared down the stairs. "Yeah, why the hell not," he answered to the air, and closed the door on what had turned out to be a really good night.
=end=
Sigh. If you miss Luke and Lorelai like I do, hopefully this helped. Thanks for reading ;)