Hawke's Interview
This is what would happen if Hawke's different personalities would be subjected to a set of inquisitive questions,
about their life, home, friends, and such. All for fun, of course. I own nothing.
Note: this interview is about a male Hawke, but Fem!Hawke fans are welcome to imagine this as they desire.
Diplomatic Hawke:
Interviewer: Welcome, serah Hawke. How do you feel about this interview?
Diplomatic Hawke: Well, first, let me thank you for bringing me here. I feel very good about this interview,
and I welcome all your questions.
Interviewer: Good, now for the second question, how did you feel when you fought and defeated knight Commander
Meredith?
Diplomatic Hawke: I felt sorry for her, no one deserves her fate, but she threatened me and I fought back.
Interviewer: So, you say if she hadn't threatened you or your close friends, you would have let her keep
mages as slaves?
Diplomatic hawke: (awkward stare)Uh...I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Interviewer: People want to know if their Champion is a man who supports the opressed or if he
just happened to be around for the disaster, like with the Arishok.
Diplomatic Hawke: The Arishok was a problem that had to be-
Interviewer: Just answer the damn question!
Diplomatic Hawke: Okay! Okay! I...have to admit, Meredith wasn't my personal concern at that moment.
Interviewer(muttering for themselves): Hypocrite, politician and hypocrite...
Interviewer: Okay, what do you think about your friend , Varric?
Diplomatic Hawke: He's a valuable friend, and I respect him. But why him, in particular?
Interviewer: His stories about adventures he's had with you are famous, or infamous.
He also seems to be the most popular of your known compannions.
Diplomatic Hawke: Oh, that makes sense, of course. Well, he is also very big, for a dwarf.
Interviewer: How so?
Diplomatic Hawke: It's the only way that I see for his ego to fit him.
Interviewer: What is your favorite dish, serah Hawke?
Diplomatic Hawke: Baked trout and mushroom sauce. With a pinch of red pepper.
Interviewer: Oh, that's great. And how much does that dish cost you?
Diplomatic Hawke(hesitating): The money is well spent on it, I assure you...
Interviewer: Yes, yes, spare me the crap and tell me the numbers!
Diplomatic Hawke(cough): I'm afraid I would shame you if I told you the precise numbers...
Interviewer: So, tell me, what's your favorite place in the entire city?
Diplomatic Hawke: In Kirkwall? The viscount's Keep.
Interviewer: Why, exactly?
Diplomatic Hawke: It is the well organised place where I like to be, where law and order is at home...
Interviewer: Or where all nobles chat among themselves as the rest of the city is choking with poverty.
Diplomatic Hawke: I take it you have something against my noble status?
Interviewer: No, not against your status... Against you.
Interviewer: SO, what plans do you have for the future, serah Hawke?
Diplomatic Hawke: Well, I plan to take a boat and return to Ferelden. Maybe help rebuild Lothering.
Interviewer: Oh, that's a noble goal! Uh, no pun intended. I wish you luck serah Hawke.
Diplomatic Hawke: Thank you...and I was also thinking of making a second home there, you know.
Interviewer:(grinning) Like a summer mansion? For holidays? Maybe a pool in the front?
Diplomatic Hawke(sighs): Uh...this is getting us nowhere.
Interviewer: If I may ask, what was the strongest foe you encountered, in your journeys?
Diplomatic Hawke: Honestly, I think the strongest foe I fought was my fear, actually.
Interviewer: Interesting. Very honest of you, to admit that.
Diplomatic Hawke: Thank you.
Interviewer: Tell me, please, what's your opinnion of your remaining family member?
Diplomatic Hawke: I am going to ask who you mean, now.
Interviewer: Your uncle, Gamlen.
Diplomatic Hawke: Oh, of course. He's a good man. He also fathered my favourite cousin, so I
think only of good things for the man.
Interviewer: Nice of you to admit that.
Interviewer: How do you like art, serah Hawke?
Diplomatic Hawke: I own a few paintings, and symbolic statues.
Truth be told, though, I don't get what they mean, mostly.
Interviewer: What do you mean?
Diplomatic Hawke: Well, they're colourful and well done, but I can't get their meaning.
Interviewer: Too deep for you, huh?
Interviewer: Another one for you, serah. What was your hope when you joined the Deep Roads Expedition?
Diplomatic Hawke: I was hopeful, really. For me, and my family. And then the betrayal from Varric's brother struck.
I was really surprised when that dwarf closed us in the room where we thought we wouldn't escape.
Interviewer: But you made a fortune, and Bartrand did not.
Diplomatic Hawke: And I'm very sorry for him.
Interviewer: What is love for you, serah Hawke?
Diplomatic Hawke: A very beautiful sentiment, which should be shared by any man.
Interviewer(whispering): Yeah, sure...
Interviewer: Here is the last one, serah. Tell me something special about yourself.
Diplomatic Hawke: I am not the son of a high lord, or a spoiled child or a great man.
I am just a piece in the beautiful puzzle that is the world. And I'm trying to solve
this puzzle by connecting with other pieces. By helping others realize their worth,
as I did.
Interviewer(blinking repeatedly):...Huh?
Humorous Hawke:
Interviewer: Welcome, serah Hawke. How do you feel about this interview?
Humorous Hawke: Warm and fuzzy.
Interview: Okay, this works.
Interviewer: Good, now for the second question, how did you feel when you fought and defeated knight Commander
Meredith?
Humorous Hawke: Can we repeat answers?
Interviewer: No.
Humorous Hawke: Okay, I felt...warmer and fuzzy-er.
Interviewer(holding back laugh): No shit?
Humorous Hawke: Yeah, and then I was there, wondering " Hmm, are you into
interior decorating, now, Meredith?" I could see her in an office or something...
And I always thought she had a tough exterior, but then(waves around)...puff!
And I thought she was a cold woman before... But that took it up to eleven!
Interviewer(getting up from the floor, still smiling): That's all?
Humorous Hawke: No. I also felt bad for her lover, Orsino. I guess slaughtering
all his apprentices meant they broke up...
Interviewer: (laughs more)
Interviewer:Okay, what do you think about your friend , Varric?
Humorous Hawke: Cute.
Interviewer: Uh, I'm sorry?
Humorous Hawke: He's cute. Too bad he's taken...
Interviewer: By whom?
Humorous Hawke: By what, more likely. (gritting his teeth) Bianca.
Interviewer: I'm sorry to hear that, I guess...
Humorous Hawke( grinning ): Oh, really? Say, you wanna grab a coffee
after this chat is done?
Interviewer: Uh, what?
Humorous Hawke(leaning in closer):You're cute, all these questions...
Interviewer(backs away): I-I dont-
Humorous Hawke: Let me have you just for a few minutes...
Interviewer(goes even further back): Sorry, I have someone!
Humorous Hawke: Yeah, me...
Interviewer(running away): Nooo!
Interviewer: What is your favorite dish, serah Hawke?
Humorous Hawke: I think it's the mystery stew, from the Hanged Man.
Interviewer: You mean that weird mix of meat and chunks of what could
hardly be identifyed as vegetables?
Humorous Hawke: Yep.
Interviewer: Why do you like that?
Humorous Hawke: It works well to cure hangovers...or so I heard anyway.
Interviewer: So, tell me, what's your favorite place in the entire city?
Humorous Hawke:(deadpan) The Hanged Man.
Interviewer: Okay, let move on, now...
Interviewer: So, what plans do you have for the future, serah Hawke?
Humorous Hawke: Oh, I have many things in mind. I think of something like
maybe less walking around, solving problems of complete strangers, and
more drinking at the Hanged Man...Oh, wait, I already have that part done!
Interviewer: If I may ask, what was the strongest foe you encountered, in your journeys?
Humorous Hawke: My mother. Damn, that woman could scream!
Interviewer: Uh...what?
Humorous Hawke: Yeah, she used to get me grounded all the time, when I was
a child...for filling her shoes with peanut butter.
Interviewer:I guess she was right to be angry, no?
Humorous Hawke: Yeah, she was right. And great target practice for bees...
Interviewer: Tell me, please, what's your opinnion of your remaining family member?
Humorous Hawke: My dog? He's nice, and barks a lot.
Interviewer(coughs, embarassed): I actually meant your uncle, Gamlen.
Humorous Hawke:(slaps their forehead) Oh, him! Ha! Sorry! Oh, he's nice, and barks a lot.
...And he has fleas.
Interviewer: How do you like art, serah Hawke?
Humorous Hawke: With a pint of good ale.
Interviewer: I'm sorry, what?
Humorous Hawke: When I'm drunk, I go like " oh, brother, where art thou?"
And "Oh, sister, where art thou?"...and then I realize I'm alone and I drink some more.
Interviewer: Oh...
Interviewer: Another one for you, serah. What was your hope when you joined the Deep Roads Expedition?
Humorous Hawke: Well, I have three thoughts in mind: money, money, and yeah...more money!
Interviewer: Did you expect what happened to Bartrand?
Humorous Hawke: If I expected the guy who had a lousy temper and practically had "Greed' tatooed
on his forehead , to try and betray us? No. How could I? His screams were just the mark of a nice man,
willing to share...yeah. Sure...
Interviewer: What is love for you, serah Hawke?
Humorous Hawke: Two words: you.
Interviewer: That's only one word...
Humorous Hawke: Not if you join it with "me", then it's not!
Interviewer: Here is the last one, serah. Tell me something special about yourself.
Humorous Hawke: Just one? Hmm...let me think.
Interviewer: Take your time...
Humorous Hawke: I play the guitar.
Interviewer: Interesting. Have you any favorite songs?
Humorous Hawke: Yeah, it's called " SMASH-THIS-THING-TO-PIECES-FOR-NOT-WORKING-PROPERLY!
Aggressive Hawke:
Interviewer: Welcome, serah Hawke. How do you feel about this interview?
Aggressive Hawke:(dead serious) I feel just like I want to punch you in the face.
Interviewer:(swallowing a lump)Okay, this first exchange was lovely.
Interviewer: Good, now for the second question, how did you feel when you fought and defeated knight Commander
Meredith?
Aggressive Hawke: As good as I always feel when I defeat someone.
Interviewer: Have you felt good fighting her?
Aggressive Hawke: Oh, yes. She was a tough enemy, but in the end
she fell...just like anyone who makes me cross.
Interviewer: I imagine you must not have many friends...
Interviewer: Okay, what do you think about your friend , Varric?
Aggressive Hawke: He could be more responsible. And brave.
Hell, I think if I didn't bring him with me he'd still not solve his
problem with Bartrand.
Interviewer: Yes, and look how that ended...
Interviewer: What is your favorite dish, serah Hawke?
Aggressive Hawke: A large slice of red, bloody meat.
Interviewer: And an axe to cut it smaller?
Aggressive Hawke: If you suggest I'm some barbarian...
Interviewer: Oh, I don't suggest. I know.
Interviewer: So, tell me, what's your favorite place in the entire city?
Aggressive Hawke: I don't like it in the city. I like to camp out in
the Wounded Coast, preferably at night, testing my limits and
fighting any danger that crosses my path.
Interviewer: And you do that knowing people call Fereldans
barbarians?
Aggressive Hawke: I don;t care how they call me. I like to live
freely.
Interviewer: SO, what plans do you have for the future, serah Hawke?
Aggressive Hawke: I think I'm going to hire some mercenaries and
live hard.
Interviewer: Oh...that's not surprising at all, really.
Aggressive Hawke:(punches interviewer) Surprise.
Interviewer: If I may ask, what was the strongest foe you encountered, in your journeys?
Aggressive Hawke: It's difficult to tell.
Interviewer: (pinches nosebridge) Please do try.
Aggressive Hawke: Okay, it was the High Dragon I fought in The Bone Pit.
Interviewer: Oh, you're famous for that fight...
Aggressive Hawke:(Proudly) Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Tell me, please, what's your opinnion of your remaining family member?
Aggressive Hawke: I'm great, and if anyone says otherwise, they're welcome to
taste my fist.
Interviewer: Uh, so you don't feel lonely?
Aggressive Hawke: I feel whatever I want to feel. Lonely included.
Interviewer(ironically): Great indeed.
Interviewer: How do you like art, serah Hawke?
Aggressive Hawke: I like the paintings depicting wars and battles.
Interviewer: Oh, and you like the historical value of it?
Aggressive Hawke: No, the blood. The more, the better.
Interviewer: Another one for you, serah. What was your hope when you joined the Deep Roads Expedition?
Aggressive Hawke: I wanted to gut some darkspawn, get money, get out of there.
Interviewer: And how did that work for you?
Aggressive Hawke: Very well, really.
Interviewer: Well, aren't you a great storyteller! So much details!
Aggressive Hawke: You wouldn't handle my details.(Grins)
Interviewer: What is love for you, serah Hawke?
Aggressive Hawke: A great waste.
Interviewer: Why is that?
Aggressive Hawke: I'd rather fight than love. Fewer losses.
Interviewer: Okay.
Interviewer: Here is the last one, serah. Tell me something special about yourself.
Aggressive Hawke: I write philosophical poetry in my spare time.
Interviewer: Oh, and what's your favorite philosophical theme? Blood?
Aggressive Hawke: No, stupidity. And I think I have some inspiration for
a long piece, to write before bedtime.
Interviewer: Oh? Only before bedtime you have spare time?
Aggressive Hawke: Time is the only thing I spare...
This was it. Hoped you liked it. I tried to make it funny, hope I succeded.
Obviously, our personalities had some problems with these questions.
Especially Diplomatic!Hawke, whom was mistaken for a smug bastard (which obviously he/she isn't) by the Interviewer.
Snarky!Hawke was just himself, and Aggressive!Hawke...well, I tried my best with all of them.
And a final note, this piece was inspired by that dialogue with Varric, about the ogre, in the Hanged Man.