Note: This is dedicated to two people. First off, this is for Phil. He won't read this, nor will the other person but I want you all to know that these people are my two constant sources of wisdom and constancy in my life. Phil, so beautiful, ominescent and mysterious. He is truly the moon in the sky. The second is Pasi. Where Phil is my moon, Pasi is my sun. A brilliant mind and a good, decent man. I owe them both so much.
Another Note: This is my first story in a long, long time. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of three years after I moved to a big city to attend school. I haven't had the heart to write until now. I hope you like it.
Oh yeah, and this doesn't really have any spoilers in it...it can be placed pretty much anywhere.
The Moon to my Sun.
I cannot remember the time that I realized that I had loved Hephaestion. Perhaps it was when he laughed at me for falling off of the fence at the stables. Maybe it was the time, when we were boys, he blackened my eye for calling him a girl. What is it? I cannot remember, I have loved him for so long. The thought of his anger being wrought against me cannot stop the smile from appearing on my face and I get a confused look from the said source of my amusement. Hephaestion's blue eyes seem to bore right into my soul, searching out the single and solitary purpose of my smile, I know instinctually that he is wracking his brain for some reason why I smile. Let him squirm, it is amusing to see such a powerful, stoic and beautiful man turn into the squirming adolescent boy he once was.
Leaning back, I let my fingers brush against the stem of my wine goblet, I revel in the feeling of the warm metal. A Smooth and suppleness that makes me recall the memory of his skin. Or rather, what I had always imagined his skin would feel like. Flecked with the scars of war, the badges of his legacy to my cause.
It drives me mad, this thought of having him and yet, not. How could I know if I took him that it was out of his love for me and not his sheer devotion to my cause and his Emperor. That thought has quelled many actions but tonight I feel the wine, stress and grief has weighed too heavily on my mind. I know that little of my self-control is left and although I would sacrifice it towards keeping myself from ruining our precious relationship.
His blue eyes cloud over, and I cannot help but ask him what it is that caused the dark look. Hephaestion turns his face from mine, his long hair curtaining his profile and blocking it from my view. From the small shrug he gives, his arms crossed over his broadchest, I understand that something is bothering him. "What is it, Hephaestion?" My voice is twinged with authority, and I immediately wince at the sound of it.
Turning to glare at me, his cerulian eyes glint angrily at the command, "Nothing, Alexander."
I raise an eyebrow, giving him a disdainful look. I can see him caving, his defences are weakening against my gaze. As if I am on the outside, looking in, I walk around the large table that keep us apart. Squeezing myself between him and the table, I lean back and look down at him, my own posture closed off. "Hephaestion, I can see that something is bothering you, please tell me."
Lunging from his chair, he still had to look up to see into my eyes at his full height. "Why should I tell you, Alexander? Because you are my king?"
I realize then that maybe he was thinking the same thoughts as I was. I realize that maybe I had waved my own authority over him at times that I shouldn't have. This was one of them. I sigh softly, something between relief and regret. My fingers itch to wrap themselves in his hair and turn him against the table. Lean in and push him against it so that I could pin him there and tell him these things I think without having to speak. Gods, if only he knew.
"I would die for you because now, I live only for you. This little piece of me that I will not give you, Alexander. I do not want to yeild but if...if I must, you only have to ask." His voice is twinged with a bitterness that is unbecoming to someone as beautiful as he.
"I ask of nothing that you do not want to give in your own time and right, Hephaestion." I feel drawn into the depths of his cornflower eyes, glittering with the remnants of his anger.
This commander of men, life trained soldier seems so much like theangsty youth of our earlier days. Never had it been Alexander and Hephaestion, even when it should have been on our many adventures in our childhood. Always it had been about me, and honestly, until now, I have not realized how selfish I had been when it came to him. Hephaestion grew to cater my every whim and yet, he still managed to mold himself into something equally as unique and magnificent as I have been deemed. No one had seen it before, or maybe I had not noticed...but now, looking down at him, so conflicted and tormented, I am fascinated. As I am considered the sun, brilliant and volitile, he is the moon--ominescent and mysterious. Beautiful in an unimposing yet obvious way.
My fingers brush against his jaw and stop beneath his chin. I lift his face so that I may see clearly what I suddenly find so bewitching. It is hard to believe that he is a soldier, just as I am. His eyes are wide and clear, piercingly bright with an intelligence and wit that I had not seen before. "I have loved you all of my life, Hephaestion, that you know well. Never have I felt such things towards you that would make you yield to me what you cannot give. Albiet, I crave it like I thirsting man craves water. Know this, I do not ask of you what you cannot give because I am your king, I ask it because I love you and wish to give you the same in return." The words seem inadequate and even clumsy.
He lunges forward, the movement pure instinct and training. His lips crash against mine, flooding my senses. The smell and taste of cinnamon and something more subtle, something soft like lavender. I could feel his fingers, raking against my scalp as he tugs me farther down and deeper into his mouth. Then he breaks away from me, I gasp at the sensations that churn within my heart and head. His back to me, he shoves aside the flap of the tent. Two long strides, I catch his hand and yank him back into the tent. He fights against my grasp but I prevail because of my sheer size. Pinning his back against the table's flat top I lean over him andcatch his mouth in another intoxicating kiss.
Hot tears slide down his cheeks, I brush them away and bring my damp fingertips to my mouth, tasting the bitter saltiness of his tears. "You are the moon to my sun." I find myself whispering softly in his ear. "My Love."
END.