Author's Note #1: I feel a bit strange posting this, since I was only sort of writing as Lelouch - I was also writing as myself. Funny how our stories have intertwined.
Author's Note #2: "The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off." - Gloria Steinem
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Suzaku -
I think I understand you now. Perhaps not completely, but better than I have before.
You and I have different visions of the truth. For a while, our visions appeared to be the same, and it was during that time that we were happiest together. When your vision changed, we separated.
We've both done only what we thought was right. Neither of us can be faulted for that; all sentient creatures are motivated by what they perceive to be right. The conflict lies in that we both think ourselves to be right and the other, wrong, and we're both too stubborn to see otherwise. I would retreat if I thought it would do an inch of good, but I know better. And you know I couldn't pretend to be wrong if my life depended on it.
You may hate me for pointing out where you're wrong, and I'm sure you think I'm simply trying to direct the blame away from myself. But I think you're angry with me for saying those things because I'm telling the truth, at least as I see it. Maybe it doesn't coincide with your version of the truth - defend yourself. I would gladly listen if you would speak. I thought we both sought the same ultimate goal, and we could do so much more together than we could apart. But that decision isn't mine to make.
The biggest difference between us lies not in our ideologies. The difference is this: I have stood rigidly by the principles I have always believed in, and you are a hypocrite.
You surround yourself with people who put you down for who you are; it's no wonder you hate yourself so much. And yet you won't turn your back on that poison. You don't know yourself because you're ashamed and afraid of who or what you might truly be. How can you possibly know what you believe in when you don't know or believe in yourself?
Perhaps that's why you tend to take the easy way out, following what others tell you instead of following your heart. Perhaps it seems easier now, to let others make decisions for you, to pass off the responsibility to someone else, to run away from your problems. But I assure you; all you've done is put off the difficulty until a later time, when the weight of your decisions will hit you with an even greater force.
I hope every day that you will see sense, although I'm sure you're too stubborn to realize it on your own. But I still believe we could be destined for great things if our paths cross again.
My offer to join me still stands, if the day ever comes that you decide to truly listen to your heart.
Lelouch