Final Fantasy 7-Stupidity…

Yes I must start off with an author's note. This is my I'd say roughly sixth story. I am typing more that should be on by the end of this week. I have Fatal Frame let's kill Itsuki,Fatal Frame 3,Are you sure this is really Kingdom Hearts, and when the others are finished I'll update. All are humor at the moment. I'm working on a drama one right now. And if you don't like really stupid funny stuff don't read this. Thank you and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1-

"Cloud, your mean," Yuffie stated from the dark corner of Cloud's basement. She was tied up and dying from blood loss.

"I don't care Yuffie, have fun." Cloud turned away from her and went upstairs with the others.

"Cloudie-Kun!" Sephiroth jumped on Cloud and started licking his face. "Remember, I'm your loyal dog!"

"Get the freak off--!?" Spirit 'incidentally' stuck his tongue in Cloud's mouth.

"He's mine!" Aeris thwapped him in the head with her pokey stick. "You jerk! What the freak do you think your doing!?"

"It's his fault!" Sephiroth pointed at Cloud and started to jump up and down.

Then Cloud jumped up. "Ahh! Need to floss, brush, mouthwash! Need the mouthwash!" Cloud ended up drinking the whole jug of mouthwash.

Then Vincent walked in dragging a dead, or close to it, fifteen year old boy behind him. "Hey." Vincent bobbed his head to everyone and continued on to his room upstairs. As he was dragging the body, it bounced off of the wall and a chunk of the boy's hair was ripped out. "Oops."

"Uh, hey Vincent?" Cloud ran up to him. "What are you doing with the kid?"

"He is my disposable pet." Vincent dropped the kid.

Cloud then got a good look at the kid's face and almost screamed. "Oh my god! Oh my dear god! That's the freaking Sephiroth look alike thingy!"

"Oh, I know that. You want to hit him? Ten bucks a slash."

"No, let him go! He'll blow up my whole mansion! Ruin my army! Destroy everything!"

"You said you loved destruction!" Sephiroth was behind Cloud. "You lied to me!?" He began to cry and wept in a corner.

"I do but, I need my house, and my friends."

"When you say friends, you don't mean me…" Sephiroth cried harder.

"Your right, I don't. Well, I think I like the kid better than you." Cloud folded his arms and smiled. "You know, he might even--"

"Cloud!" Vincent shot him in the arm. "Don't get any ideas!"

"Holy crap my arm!" Blood started spurting everywhere.

"I've got it!" Aeris walked up to him and healed it. "Moron."

"Don't hit my Cloudie-Kun!" Sephiroth tried to help his obsession.

"He's not yours!"

"I'm not anybody's! Leave me alone!"

"But Cloudie-Kun, I cannot leave you alone. I cannot live without you!" Sephiroth was down on his knees.

"Oh I know what you mean…." Cloud also got down on his knees. "Come here." Cloud put out his arms as if waiting for a hug.

"Oh Cloudie-Kun! You do feel the same way I--" Sephiroth had come so close to Cloud when Cloud had hit him on the head with his sword.

"I don't think so! Your pathetic. Falling for a trick like that." Cloud stood up and went to his room.

"Cloudie-Kun… don't go!" Sephiroth was stretching out his hand like he would never see Cloud again.

"Shut up!" Vincent was holding his head. "Geez, since when was your voice so high and squeaky? You sound like a girl."

"I will do anything for my Cloudie-Kun! I would wear a dress, cut my hair!" Sephiroth turned evil on the last few words because we all know he would go nuts cutting his hair.

"Whatever. I have to go tie up my hostage." Vincent walked away dragging the Sephiroth look-a-like.

"Your… heavy breathing…. Cloudie-Kun?" Aeris was standing behind Sephiroth holding a butcher knife.

Cloud was in his room typing away on his laptop when he heard an explosion. He sighed, got up, went to his door and slightly opened it. Then, he stuck his head out. "You better not be fighting over me and blowing up the kitchen again, Aeris and Sephiroth!" Even though he said this, he knew this was exactly what they were doing.

"We would never do such a thing my Cloudie-kun." Sephiroth said this in a sweet voice.

"What do you mean yours!" There was another loud boom after Aeris had spoke.

Cloud closed his door and sat back down at his laptop. Then he sat there thinking. "What would everyone do if they knew I am engaged to my beloved PS2? I know I am good looking but, you are my one true love…" Cloud picked up his PS2 gently and hugged it.

"Cloud, how could you!?" Sephiroth was standing in his doorway with tears in his eyes. He also looked quite crispy and was steaming. He even had a little strand of hair on top of his head burning. "To think I got myself cooked for you!" Sephiroth ran away crying.

Okay that was the first chapter and um....hope you liked it. Thanks for reading.