I had just gotten to the lake house, it was the beginning of what I thought would be an uneventful, but normal, summer. I would hang out with friends, train my dog, and show horses, nothing else. I was staying at the lake house for the week, with only my phone and dog to keep me company. Beginning of June ended up being in the 50s, so swimming wasn't an option. I went onto the dating app that I've had on my phone for too long of a time, I was looking through pictures of guys, messaged some, then I came to his profile. I sat there looking at his picture and reading through his profile multiple times, he didn't look like my type, cute in a goofy way. His profile was written out hilariously, his username being "yogurtnipples86", I thought where the hell does someone come up with that name? I messaged him, asking him if he was drunk while he did the profile, not expecting any sort of response.
A couple hours later, I got a response we started talking, learning about each other, joking around about anything. The week passed, we talked the entire time. I was shocked with my own behavior,usually not the girl to be interested in a guy for any period of time. Two weeks into talking, I got nervous. I stopped responding. A few days passed and he sent me a message, telling me that it was great to talk to me and that if I ever wanted to talk to again to message him on facebook, he gave me his name, Edward Cullen.
I didn't respond for another few days, going back and forth if I wanted to friend him on facebook, at the end, I did. It took off from there, as I talked to him, I realized I was falling for him, a person I had never met but someone who made me feel more comfortable than I have ever been. I hadn't met him, but I trusted him. Trust never came easy for me for many reasons. My past relationship had been built on his lies and him being emotionally abusive and before that, being sexually abused for a year at age six, left me nervous and untrusting of most people. Trusting him, was the biggest thing for me.
By mid-July we started to skype, we started to skype every night. Three hour conversations, sometimes just sitting there in comfortable silence, growing closer. August 7th he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was ecstatic. I was over the moon, smiling like a fool around my family. On August 15th, my birthday my family got Chinese food. I opened my fortune it said "This year you'll have a bold and dashing adventure" it was suppose to be him, I know it.
We finally met on August 29th, in a mall in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I thought about turning around three times during my drive there, I was so scared. Scared that we wouldn't get along or that he wouldn't like me when we met. I kept driving though, I kept reminding myself that if I turned around, I would be missing out on possibly one of the best things in my life. We met, we had a beyond fantastic time. The 12 hours we spent with each other felt like two hours. I couldn't wait to see him again.
We set up the next time to see each other two week away, we would be spending the weekend together. The beginning of September we met again, he told me he loved me. I believed him, we made love, watched movies, made dinner, it was a romantic weekend. I had doubts in October, but I knew I couldn't run away like I did so many other times. He was worth staying.
November 7th, we flew to meet his family, his sister got married in Boston. His family liked me, we had a great weekend. No bumps. His sister's and I became friends, his grandmother liked me. Fast forward to December 10th, it had almost been a month since we've seen each other. We go out the night before everything was normal, everything was great. He came home from school, sits on his bed says "we need to talk". I know where this is going, he said he's been thinking for a few days and he thought we were going to fast, that he wasn't sure if he loved me in the capacity that I loved him. He doesn't understand, love is hard, love isn't constant. I was willing to fight for us, why isn't he willing to fight for us? December 11th, I text him a lengthy message, saying we could get through this with communication, but he has to be willing. He asked for a few days, I said yes. December 15th, I text again, ask if he's ready to talk…. currently waiting for response…