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Forward:

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Sheppard stalked angrily out of the gym with Teyla in hot pursuit. "You must talk to someone, Colonel!" she insisted. He stopped suddenly and turned on her. His eyes were full of pain tinged with rage. "No, I don't. Drop it, Teyla, I mean it!" There was no mistaking the tone in his voice. Whatever it was that haunted John Sheppard, it was getting worse. The pain had always been there, she'd noticed it the day they met, but he'd never spoken of it. When she brought it up, he'd always shut down. Today was the worst she'd ever seen, he couldn't hide the agony no matter how hard he tried. She'd always assumed that it was due to some great personal loss, but he never let on. Sheppard was a man who could talk a great deal, about a great many subjects, without ever revealing anything personal about himself. She let him go without pressing him further, because she knew that look. She wasn't worried about his ability to command, he'd never once let his personal feelings interfere with his duties, but she was worried about HIM.

Sheppard retreated to his quarters and headed straight for the balcony. The problem with this city was that he could never really "get away" from it all. He thought about the beaches he'd discovered when he found the mainland. He needed to go surfing. Problem was, he didn't have anything to use for a surfboard. Actually, the real problem was that no matter where he went, or what he did, he'd never be able to escape the pain. It was always there. Sometimes he could bury it for a while, lose it in the heat of a battle, but only for a while. He'd come to another galaxy and still, he could not outrun the pain. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the ocean breeze as it washed over his body. Tried to find the calm that the waves and wind had always brought him. It was no use. It had been a year now, to the day. But the pain never lessened. He didn't even bother brushing the tears away as they began to stream down his face.

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Dr. Weir to the control room," Schneider's voice boomed over the intercom. She arrived a moment later. "What is it?" she asked. "The Daedalus is hailing us," he informed her. "They've returned already? I wasn't expecting them for another month or so," she replied. "Daedalus, this is Dr. Elizabeth Weir," she waited for the response. "Doctor Weir, this is Captain Michaels, just wanted to let you know we've returned with additional personnel. We should be arriving there within the next twenty minutes," he finished. "Very well, can you tell me how many?" she asked. "Ten on this trip, Doctor." He replied. "We'll be ready, Weir out," she looked perplexed, but said nothing further as she exited the control room and gave orders to prepare living quarters for the new arrivals. She had to assume that they would be military personnel, since they hadn't requested any more scientists or analysts. Sheppard hadn't said anything about needing more personnel, nor had Colonel Caldwell, so she had to assume that the decision was Hammond's. She made a mental note to ask him about it later, when she had more privacy to discuss it.

Sheppard looked haggard as he walked down the corridor leading to Beckett's office, McKay cheerfully chirping away beside him about the new toy he'd found on SP3-117. He'd been summoned to Beckett's office the moment they arrived back at the city, but McKay was simply tagging along, merely for the pleasure of hearing himself speak, he suspected. The door to Beckett's office slid open but Sheppard froze as the sound of a woman's laughter filled the air. McKay plowed into him, as he was too busy prattling on to notice that Sheppard had frozen.

Twin pairs of emerald colored eyes locked together and all activity ceased...

McKay was the first to break the silence. "Major Devane? But... that can't be..." he trailed off as the impact of what he was witnessing finally hit him. No one moved, no one spoke. All eyes were on Sheppard and Devane. Finally, a single tear slid down Sheppard's cheek.

"Logan?" he croaked.

Logan Devane nodded, tears sliding freely down her own cheeks.

"Hey there, Flyboy," she managed to croak in reply.

Without another word, she launched herself across the room and into his arms. Great, heaving sobs wracked both bodies as they clung fiercely to one another and then sank to the floor.

Beckett cleared his throat meaningfully and motioned for McKay to follow him out the door and allow them some much needed privacy. For Beckett's part, he'd never seen Sheppard so vulnerable or unguarded. Sheppard's emotions were palpable, and he was glad that no one else had been there to witness the very unmilitary-like exchange between Sheppard and Logan. He, himself, had been delighted to see Logan Devane. Someone he'd believed he would never see again. Her loss had been both professional and personal to him, as she'd been one of the few military people he felt completely at ease with.

Sheppard continued to hold her as he tried to regain enough composure to finally speak.

"Logan, what the hell...?" he trailed off, unable to finish the question. Then again, he rarely needed to finish a complete sentence around her. She knew him better than anyone in the world.

"I wasn't in that building when it blew, John," she began. "They made it look like I was, but they grabbed me as soon as I walked in the door. They knocked me out and carried me out the back way. They took my tags and my bag, and my..." she trailed off as he leaned back, reached into his shirt and pulled out his own tags. There, on the same chain, was the other item they'd stolen.

"Your ring," he finished for her.

"Yeah," she nodded sadly as she looked up into his eyes and touched the still gleaming silver claddagh ring he'd given her on her sixteenth birthday.

"Abdul Ramiin was one of the local warlords. He went to that camp looking for a doctor," she shook her head.

"And he found you," he finished for her.

"Damned insignia...It was like a magnet for him. He knew soldiers would come looking for me, so he had to make it look like I'd been killed in the explosion." She took his face in her hands and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I'm okay John. The hardest part was knowing what it would do to you. Knowing that you would somehow, someway find a way to blame yourself, even though you weren't there and couldn't have prevented it," she leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder. "I missed you so much," she croaked.

Sheppard stroked her silken, golden blonde hair.

"I missed you, too," he shuddered and held her tighter. "I can't even tell you how much...I'm sorry I didn't come looking for you. I'm so sorry I believed them when they told me you were gone," he bit his lower lip to keep from breaking down again.

"You have to listen to me... There was no way for you to know. These people were good. They were organized. They had a plan in place long before they executed it. They made sure no one had any reason to believe that I was still alive. Please, John, please stop blaming yourself, I never have and I never will. But I'm here now. I made it back and I caught the first flight to the Pegasus Galaxy I could find," she grinned. "I'm really glad you decided to take the mission," she pulled back to look at him.

"It's what you wanted me to do all along, right?" he gave her a patented Sheppard half-smile.

She nodded happily.

"Oh, and by the way, just so you know, Colonel Sheppard, I've been upped a grade, too." she flashed him a wicked grin.

"Lt. Colonel Devane, now, eh? Nice." he kissed her on the forehead.

"Couldn't very well have you outranking me now, could I?" she teased.

"Certainly not," he agreed.

"You know, if anyone were to walk in here right now, we'd have a tough time explaining ourselves," she reminded him.

"I'm not really in a big hurry to let go of you right now, y'know?" he tightened his grip on her at the mere thought. "Besides, I think Beckett will keep everyone away, for a while anyway," he assured her.

"Good," she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder again, content to stay right where she was.

TWO HOURS LATER********************

"I know you'd planned on being part of this expedition before your...ordeal... Colonel, but I'm surprised you didn't wait a while before getting sent here. You've hardly had time to get back on your feet again, since returning from the dead," Caldwell's eyes assessed her unflinchingly.

Logan cleared her throat, "Permission to speak freely, sir?" she asked.

He nodded, "Of course."

"I can get back on my feet here as well as back on Earth, sir."

He nodded again, "You don't think familiar surroundings would've helped some?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Not really. I'm a soldier, sir, I've been trained to adapt, as you well know, given our history. You also know that this is something I've wanted for a very long time, and believe me, the whole time I was held prisoner, all I wanted was to get as far away from Afghanistan as I possibly could."

Caldwell smiled warmly, "Mission accomplished," he chuckled.

Logan smiled back. She knew that most people saw Caldwell as a hard-nosed, no nonsense leader, but she'd known him longer than most of them. She knew the Caldwell who could be warm and compassionate and funny.

"So," he continued on. "you will be taking command of an SG Team, just like you did back home. You've been fully briefed on the enemy here?" he waited for her to nod affirmatively. "I know you're going to hate this, but I want you to take a couple of weeks, familiarize yourself with the city, the planet and all the intel that's been collected so far," he held up a hand to halt her forthcoming protests. "It's important, Logan. Doctor Beckett tells me that you also have the Ancient gene. You need to use this time to learn how all this stuff works, I'm sure Colonel Sheppard will be happy to give you some flying lessons too," he sat back and waited for her to gather her thoughts.

"Yes, sir." she murmured.

"You've been gone a long time. You may have aced all your fitness evals, but I don't think you've given yourself the opportunity to process everything you've been through," he stated firmly, yet kindly.

"You don't think LIVING through it was enough?" she asked.

"You know better, Logan. You know the dangers of post-traumatic stress out there in the field. I can think of at least four people, right off the bat, that you've literally had to haul back from the edge... why do I need to remind you of this?" he was only slightly exasperated with her.

He'd known Logan Devane a long time, he knew her abilities and her limitations. She'd always driven herself harder than almost anyone he'd ever seen. She was strong, capable and resourceful, but not invincible. Sometimes she needed someone to reel her in. He was happy as hell to have her here, he wanted to keep her here, so he wasn't about to take any chances with her health or her safety.

"Alright, alright, I'll behave," she gave in, resisting the urge to pout.

"And don't sulk. You know you're curious about this place, so don't pretend you wouldn't enjoy having the time to explore it," he growled playfully.

CONFERENCE ROOM

Weir waved Sheppard over as he passed the doorway to the conference room. They were alone and it seemed she wanted it that way as she closed the doors behind him.

"What's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"You're in a good mood," she noted the obvious. There was a definite lightness to his step that hadn't been there before in all the time they'd been in Pegasus.

"Yep," was all he said.

"I guess I don't have to ask you how you feel about the addition of a new SG Team to the line-up," she stated wryly.

"I think it's great. Colonel Devane will be a huge asset for us," he replied.

"Yes, I'm familiar with her record... You two are... friends?" she was trying to be delicate.

"Yes," he replied warily. He'd been expecting this line of questioning from Caldwell, not Weir.

"You must have been so relieved to see her alive," again stating the obvious.

"Immensely," he acknowledged.

"Her being here, it's not going to cause any... added concern... for you, is it?" He certainly wasn't making this easy for her.

"Added concern about what?" he asked. He knew where she was going, but he wasn't about to make it easy for her. He and Logan had always been circumspect about their personal lives.

"Is it going to be a distraction for you? Every time she goes out on a mission, is it going to be hard for you to focus on your own missions?" she asked bluntly.

"No," he replied simply.

Weir stared at him, clearly vexed by his obstinence.

"No? Just no?" she snapped.

"As answers go, I thought it was pretty succinct," he tried not to smile.

"John, I need to know, so let me spell it out for you. I know the two of you are close. Close enough that she tried, for two years, to have you transferred to the SGC. I saw how devastated you were when the news came that she'd been killed in Afghanistan, not that you ever SAID anything, but it was there. You told me yourself that she was the reason you finally agreed to come on this expedition, that you were honoring her memory by doing what you knew she'd want you to do. It would be only natural for you to be distracted and overprotective now that she's back," she said.

Now he smiled. "Overprotective? Let me tell you something, Doctor, if I so much as dared think about 'overprotecting' Colonel Devane, she'd kick my ass from one side of the galaxy to the other. You said you were familiar with her record, then you should know how capable she is. *I* know how capable she is, and she's been going on off-world missions for a lot longer than I have. She knows how to handle herself and she doesn't need me to second-guess her!" he chuckled.

"I see..." she trailed off thoughtfully.

"Are we done? Colonel Caldwell is expecting me soon," he inched away as he spoke.

"Yes, we're done," she shook her head.

She didn't really know much more now than she did before. He seemed to be sincere in his assertion that he could handle the danger Logan Devane would be putting herself in on a daily basis. He certainly respected and trusted her more than anyone else she'd seen him deal with.

"John?" she stopped him before he could make it out the door.

"Yes, Doctor?" he winced.

"I'm truly happy that you have your friend back, and I'm happy that she's here," she smiled warmly.

He flashed her that patented Sheppard half-smile. "Thanks. I am too," he said softly before striding out the door.

Funny, she thought, but she could swear that, that trademark smile of his seemed a few hundred watts brighter than it had been before Logan Devane returned from the dead. She shook her head and accepted the fact that Sheppard might never divulge the full extent of his feelings for Logan. But, she thought, as long as the two of them maintained their professional demeanor, there wouldn't be any problem.