HAUNTED
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just my crazy little thoughts. The song in this fic is called Haunted by Kelly Clarkson...I do not own that, either.
Summary: People really CAN be haunted by the presence of loved ones. GSR, songfic, CD
A/N: This isn't beta-ed. Again, this is a songfic...if you don't like them, don't read it. It's your last warning for that. There is a Character Death...don't read if you don't like. Last warning for that, too.
Sara sat at home, hugging her knees to her chest. She missed him so badly. It had been a month that she had been living here without him with her. She unconsciously twisted her wedding ring on her finger, not having the heart to remove it. She carried her husband's ring on a chain on her neck at all times. Nobody had seen or heard from her since her husband had been shot and killed. She wouldn't talk to anyone, so took a leave of absence from work, she wouldn't eat, and she wouldn't sleep. She hadn't slept in several days, due to the fact that when she closed her eyes, she could see him, feel him, and smell him all around her. She would awake, crying, in the middle of the night because of another nightmare. She would always hear him whispering, no matter if she was asleep or awake. Life was so cruel. She could hear his voice trapped inside her head, whispering his dying cries. They ricocheted off her skull and bounced through her head. She would cover her ears and scream, just to make them go away.
Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
The first few days of his death, Sara was crying her eyes out, wishing he were still here with her. Days flew by like seconds, and she had cried all of her tears out. However, she still wanted him to be here with her. The day he died, Sara was enjoying a lovely dinner and a night off with him, until they got called in. A high-profile case came in and they needed all hands on deck, not caring that it was the first day off the couple had in a long time. So, they went to the crime scene, and the suspect returned. Sara screamed as the suspect grabbed her husband and pulled the trigger several times when the gun was pointed at his chest. She ran over to him and hugged him. Just an hour ago, he was holding her hand and hugging her tightly...now he was dying, she was crying. She was shocked, broken, and dying inside. He murmured an 'I love you' before slipping away.
Faster the days go by and I'm still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand
You held me tight
Now you're gone
And I'm still crying
Shocked, broken
I'm dying inside
Sara sighed as she hugged his pillow to her chest. She felt the tears prickling her eyes as she felt his presence around her. She cursed him for leaving her, and the tears spilled again. She buried her face in the pillow, soaking it with her salty tears. She heard his voice louder in her head, and she willed it to stop. When it got too loud, she screamed, "Where are you! I need you so bad! Why did you have to leave...don't leave me on my own in this world! I want to talk to you and hear your voice...not this haunting crap I keep hearing. Most of all, I want to hold on to you tightly...one last time! I've been dying inside...I can't survive without you!"
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
She got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. It was night and she didn't bother to turn on the lights, so everything was blanketed in darkness. She walked to the refrigerator and opened it, the coldness somehow making her feel better. She was so tempted to grab a beer and down it all at once. She then thought to saw a shadow out of the corner of her eye. She stood up straight and looked around, hugging herself protectively. She saw it again and whispered, "Please, stop this...I can't take it anymore. Either show yourself or disappear...don't do this in between crap."
She suddenly saw the outline of her late husband and froze. She wasn't sure if she was hallucinating, if it was real, or if she was going crazy. She reached out to touch him, and he felt solid and warm. She could feel him and see him, a strange comfort to her. She didn't want him to go...yet.
Shadows linger, only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don't leave my side
She hugged him, and he hugged her back. Tears fell because she knew he would go away in a little bit. She cried as she whispered, "It's not fair. We were so happy...you were my world. Then He took you...God took you away from me, tearing me apart. I miss you so bad, hon, and you hurt me. You were smiling when you were shot...how could you have been happy?! I was so sad and depressed!"
"No, hon, you're wrong," he said gently. A huge comfort to Sara was that her husband' voice wasn't ghost-like, nor did it have that eerie chill to it like the other crap she was hearing. "I wasn't happy, I was sad...it must've been hiding inside my heart. I never wanted to leave you."
"You did a really good job at that!" she snapped sarcastically, tears falling. "You are so confusing...you always kept your emotions at bay. Everyone at work thought you were a robot...a human without a heart. But I knew the real you...a gentle, loving man with a soul behind the mask."
It's not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness was hiding inside
Now all that's left are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise
"I know, and I'm glad that I let you in when I did. I love you so much," he said, smiling. "I'm sorry for leaving you. I know it was hard for you–"
"Was?" asked Sara. "Was hard? It still is hard...it will always be hard."
"But I'm right here," he said, placing his hand over her heart. He kissed her before walking away and fading into the dark. Sara touched her cheek with her fingertips and wondered if she had just made all that up. She knew she wasn't because the air was cold again...when he was there, the air felt warmer, and more welcoming.
"Where are you?" she whispered, looking around. "I don't want you to go...I can't be alone anymore. Just let me feel your comforting presence...not that creepy, dying presence I feel. Just be here with me."
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
"Why though?" she asked. "Why did you go? You left without a fight...you didn't try to live."
She ran her fingers through her hair and grabbed a bottle of Scotch from the fridge. She didn't bother with getting a glass; she took a swig and sat back down on the couch. She wished she couldn't feel anymore, she wanted to be numb.
Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn't feel at all
Let me be numb
I'm starting to fall!
She polished off the whole bottle before saying, "Come back to me, Gil. I need you here with me...don't leave me! Be with me right now, talk to me...ANYTHING!! I need to know you're still with me and that you care!"
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
"You were smiling," she murmured, again and again. She repeated this phrase for several minutes. Before falling asleep, she muttered, "Where are you?"
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling
You were smiling
You were smiling
"I'm right here, Sara," Grissom said in her dreams. "I always will be."
A/N: I've been listening to that song for hours on end, and this popped into my head. Again, the song in the fic is Haunted by Kelly Clarkson, and it ROCKS!!! I've been listening to it ever since I got her new CD. My mother thinks I have an obsession with Kelly Clarkson as well as CSI. Anywho, yet another sad fic from me...oh, well. Let me know if you liked it, hated it, or think I need to start writing some happier stuff.