Over the months since the London scare Maya found herself frequently trying to build up the courage to tell Riley the truth. The moment she thought she was losing her best friend Maya realized what she had been fighting against for years.
She was hopelessly in love with Riley Matthews.
And she still hadn't told her.
Her first attempt was over summer vacation. The two girls sat side by side in a park in overlooking the ocean.
"It's beautiful isn't it, Peaches?" Riley asked, her eyes fixed on the horizon before her.
Maya's attention wasn't focused on the water, but rather on the girl next to her, "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
The voice in her head was screaming at her to come clean, but she couldn't bring the words to leave her mouth.
Riley, you are the most beautiful thing on earth.
Instead, Maya turned her head and stared off into the distance, mentally kicking herself for being so weak.
The next time had been preemptive. Maya didn't want to start their sophomore year with the secret between them. Riley deserved to know.
"Riles," Maya began nervously, she picked at her cuticles as she sat at the bay window. "I love you. I'm in love with you. Tomorrow school starts again, and I was hoping we could start it as a couple. If you want to." She took a deep breath, "Now I just have to get those words out of my mouth when she's actually in the room."
As if on cue Riley waltzed into the room, "What were you wanting to talk about before I was called downstairs?" She sat down on the bench and turned to Maya.
"I uh the thing is," Maya struggled to get her thoughts out, "I … I'm nervous about my drivers test."
I'm an idiot. A hopeless idiot.
Most recently, Maya tried at Christmas. It was her first time making an actual move, but the oblivious love of her life didn't seem to understand that.
Riley's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what her best friend had held above her blonde hair, "Peaches, mistletoe!"
Maya laughed, "Is that what this is?" Her porcelain skin blushed a bright pink.
"Maya, if you wanted a kiss all you had to do was ask," Riley smiled as she leaned in close and placed a chaste kiss on Maya's cheek before turning her attention back to the device in her hands.
Feeling defeated, Maya frowned and tried her best to pretend the encounter didn't just happen. She leaned forward and turned her attention to what her friend had streaming on the phone.
Today would be different. New Year's Eve was only a few days away and Maya would be damned if she started the new year off with Riley not knowing the truth.
Bluntness was necessary she had decided. Riley didn't seem to pick up on subtleties or creative approaches. Somehow she would force the words out of her mouth, despite that being her downfall so far.
"Riles, I need to tell you something," Maya turned her attention to her best friend. They sat side by side at the bay window, and Maya felt this was the only truly appropriate place to do this.
"What is is, Peaches?" Riley didn't look up as she continued scrolling through her Facebook feed.
Maya took a deep breath before closing Riley's laptop, "This is serious."
Suddenly Riley's demeanor changed as she turned to her side to face Maya, her face riddled with concern. "Is everything okay?"
A subtle laugh escaped Maya's lips as she nodded, "Well I hope it will be. I have to tell you something. I've tried over and over again for months. I can't let us go into the new year with you not knowing."
"Maya?"
She held up her hand, "Please let me finish before I chicken out again?" When her request was met with a nod Maya continued, "Riles, I love you. I've been trying to tell you for so long. I love you."
"Maya, I love you too," Riley's voice was strained in confusion. "We tell each other that all the time. I don't understand what the secret is."
"Of course you still don't get it," Maya laughed to herself. "I promised myself I'd be blunt. Riley, I love you in a way that's not like friend, that's not like sisters. I am in love with you. Have been for longer than I can even remember."
"OH," Riley exclaimed before repeating herself more calmly, "oh."
"Yeah," suddenly Maya felt smaller than she ever had before, which is difficult for someone of five foot.
"Last week," Riley remembered suddenly. "You wanted to really kiss me didn't you?"
Maya closed her eyes tight and nodded, struggling to keep back tears that instantly had formed in response to Riley's question. "Not one of my proudest moments."
"I'm sorry," Riley said sincerely. "I didn't know. I had no idea, Peaches. How long?"
Slowly Maya opened her eyes as she sniffled back her unfallen tears, "How long have I loved you or how long have I been aware of it?"
"Both I guess?"
"I don't know how long I've loved you. Once I realized it I couldn't remember a time I didn't. I think part of me realized it on the ski trip, but I ignored it. When I thought I was losing you forever earlier this year I knew I couldn't fight it anymore. I want to be with you, Riley."
Riley was stunned. In the many futures she had imagined for herself this was never in the mix. For some reason falling in love with a girl never even crossed her mind, but now that her best friend was pouring her heart out to her she couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't considered it before. She wished she had an answer for Maya, some sort of reaction to everything that had just come to light, but she didn't. Instead Riley simply sat there in stunned silence.
"I'll understand if you don't feel the same," Maya continued. "I mean I hope you feel the same. But I'll get it if you don't. You just had to know. I couldn't hold this inside any longer."
"I don't know how I feel," Riley admitted honestly.
Several minutes passed with neither girl saying anything. Maya felt hopeless as she struggled with the urge to cry. Things didn't play out how she had wanted, but at least she spoke her truth. She only wished Riley would say something. Maya was stuck in limbo, both rejected and not rejected all at once, and it was killing her.
"You need time to process this?" She asked.
Riley turned to look at her, revealing that she too was on the verge of breaking down, "I think so. I don't know."
"New Year's Eve is Sunday. Remember that saying about whoever you're with at midnight is who you'll spend the year with?"
Riley laughed, "That was the New Year's you were standing next to Lucas. I don't think that saying is accurate."
"Maybe you have to kiss the person for it to work? Riley, take a few days and think. And on New Year's if you decide you do feel something for me, if you want to try this, kiss me? At midnight. And if you don't we'll go on like this never even happened," Maya pleaded with her. "Okay?"
"Okay," Riley responded as she leaned closer to rest her head on her best friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry I never noticed."
"I know you are, Honey."
Why did I do this to myself?
Why did I tell her?
This is all going to end badly.
Maya paced back and forth in her bedroom. She had finished changing into her party dress and applying her makeup, and her anxiety attack seemed right on cue.
"All ready to go?" Shawn popped his head into his newly adopted daughter's room and was surprised to see her on the edge of crying. "Maya, what's wrong?" He sat down on her bed and motioned for her to join him.
"I told her. I told her everything," Maya confessed. Shawn was the only other person she had confided in about her feelings. "Tonight's kind of the deadline."
Her words were met with a confused stare. "Deadline?"
"Either nothing happens and we forget I ever said anything, or … "
Shawn raised an eyebrow, "Or?"
Maya's face blushed, "Or she kisses me at midnight. I'm a nervous wreck, Dad."
A wide smile spread across his face, "I hope I never get used to hearing you call me that. Kiddo, you've got nothing to worry about. If she's as smart as I think she is everything is going to work out. Don't forget who her parents are."
"Yeah, but if she's Cory then I'm you. No offense, but I don't want to just be the best friend anymore. I want to be more," Maya responded, already sounding defeated. "I want to be the soul mate."
"Don't give up just yet, Maya," he urged. "I know it's hard but have faith that in," Shawn pulled out his phone to check the time, "six hours that girl of yours makes the right choice."
The Matthews family had made an effort to have an annual New Year's Eve party since the one thrown during the girls eighth grade. It had transformed from a group of Riley's classmates to a tight-nit group of family and friends. Farkle, Lucas, Zay, and Smackle had all arrived prior to Maya. She, Shawn, and Katy were among the last of the invited partygoers to make an appearance. Maya was scared of facing Riley, who she hadn't shared a moment along with since their conversation at the bay windows days before.
"Hi, Riles," Maya said as Riley opened the door to greet them. "Happy New Year." Her voice was small and unsure. If it wasn't for Shawn's reassuring hand on her shoulder she was sure she'd have fallen over.
"Hi, Peaches," Riley answered, equally as nervous. "Can I take your coat?"
Maya nodded as she pulled off her winter jacket and handed it to Riley. She looked down at her feet, trying to avoid her friend's gaze.
"Maya get over here we need a tie breaker," Zay called over, apparently in a heated discussion with the rest of their friends. She was thankful for the distraction as she made her way over to the group.
The next hours passed by slowly. Maya had so far succeeded in avoiding conversation with her best friend. That was until Riley decided she wasn't enjoying the silent treatment.
"Bay window," Riley stood in front of the armchair Maya currently resided in. "Right. Now."
Maya nodded wordlessly and followed her upstairs.
"So you don't even want to talk to me now?" Riley rounded on her the second Maya took her usual spot on the window bench.
"I'm scared to talk to you," Maya admitted. "I wish I knew what you were thinking. I know I caused this." A single tear escaped from her left eye and trickled down her cheek. Riley took the palm of her hand and brushed it away before it could fall.
"Peaches, don't be scared of me. You said if I didn't feel the same we can go on like normal. This is not normal," Riley observed. "You've barely said one sentence to me all night. This isn't us!"
"I know. I meant it. I mean it! I really do. I just wish I knew now. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around you since I told you," she confessed, on the verge of a full breakdown.
"One more hour. You kept your secret from me for months, no for years. Give me this last hour," Riley begged. "You are the one who said midnight on New Year's so please can you try to pretend things are normal until then?"
Maya nodded, "I'll try. Sorry, Honey."
"Good, now lets go back downstairs enjoy the party," Riley entwined her hand with Maya's and led her back downstairs.
Luckily the short conversation seemed to do the trick to Riley's delight. Maya sincerely seemed to be enjoying herself. At least she was until the countdown began.
"Guys, it's almost midnight," Josh yelled out from where he had been sitting with Eric. "Less than a minute left!"
Suddenly Maya's heart rate quickened.
"Ten," the party goers yelled in unison.
This is it.
"Nine!"
I could lose my best friend in nine seconds. Why did I do this?
"Eight!"
She is never going to kiss me. She just wanted us to be normal for a little longer.
"Seven!"
I can't be here.
"Six!"
I have to get out of here.
"Five!"
Sorry, Riles.
"Four!"
Maya darted past everyone and up the stairs.
"Three!"
Riley ran after her, catching up just as Maya pushed the window open in an attempt to escape. "Maya, where are you going?"
"Two!" The countdown continued from downstairs.
"I'm sorry. I just can't," Maya confessed as she held on to the frame of the open window.
"One! Happy New Year!"
"Peaches, sit down. Please," Riley begged her. "Don't leave."
Wordlessly Maya pulled the window down, latched it, and took her place next to Riley.
"You have nothing to run from," Riley told her. "You have nothing to be scared of. It's just me. It's just us."
"It's never been just us to me, Riles. You are everything to me," Maya admitted.
"This isn't playing out like I wanted it to, but it's probably better that we're here. It's our sacred place after all," she looked around for a moment taking in the Bay Window before shifting to turn back to Maya. "I don't know if I love you like you love me. I can't tell you if I ever will, but I do know that I want to try."
Maya was taken back, not expecting to hear the last few words leave Riley's mouth, "Wh-what?"
"I've always loved you," she continued "Maybe you can teach me how to love you even more?"
"Riley?" Is this really happening?
"Happy New Year, Maya," Riley's face blushed as she leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on Maya's lips.
Maya's eyes fluttered close as she melted into the kiss she was convinced was never going to happen.
Upon breaking the kiss Maya let out a small laugh, "That was my first kiss." She opened her eyes to see a nervous Riley biting down hard on her lower lip. "You kissed me."
"I've been waiting all night to do that," Riley admitted. "I thought you had changed your mind when you weren't talking to me earlier."
"I'd never change my mind about you," Maya responded adamantly. "It's only ever been you, Riles."
"What happens now?"
Suddenly the tables were turned. Maya was no longer the scared unsure one, she was the one in control of the situation. Riley nervously waited for her to guide what would happen going forward.
"I never actually thought this would happen," Maya confessed. "I guess I never let myself imagine getting this far!" The two girls laughed together for a moment before Maya continued. "I guess next we go on a date?"
Riley nodded but a frown crossed her face, "I was sort of hoping for something else to be honest."
"What? Anything," Maya pleaded. "Anything you want, Honey!"
"Would you," Riley struggled to get the words out. It reminded Maya of herself all the times she tried to tell her how she felt over the past year. "Would you … um … maybe want to be girlfriends?"
Maya's face lit up immediately, "Yes! So much!" She launched herself forward to claim Riley's lips with her own, moaning into the kiss. They savored the taste of each other for several moments before breaking for air.
"Happy New Year, Riles," Maya finally replied to the sentiment Riley shared seconds before kissing her for the first time. She placed her palm on her best friend turned girlfriend's cheek and used her thumb to gently rub the delicate skin beneath her own.
Riley covered Maya's hand with her own, a giant smile across her face, "I think this year is going to be the best year yet."