Please read: This has been dramatically edited! I just re-read it and had to slap myself and curse my high school writing...grr...I got rid of the unnecessary adjectives and redundancy...

A/N: This fic was re-edited after 2 years since it was posted...at least I think I've improved and matured a bit...enjoy the fluffy-ness that ensues after being bitten by a weird old plot bunny while watching a CSI: New York re-run

Disclaimer: I don't freaking own Alice Gakuen or CSI:New York

Eyes that usually held an unusual twinkle of happiness and determination was a fraction wider in shock, filled with pain.

"Mikan..."

Sumire tentatively moved behind Mikan just in case the other needed someone to hold. It was evident to everyone, especially to Sumire who was standing right beside her, the hurt in Mikan's eyes. If they had been younger and in the same situation, she wouldn't have even cared. One would have thought they could hardly be called friends. The two still held a strictly 'tough love' kind of friendship but times like these when there was genuine hurt, they knew they could rely on each other for comfort with the addition of Hotaru of course. Sumire had accepted long ago that she could never hold a special place in Natsume's cold heart. Everyone had noticed the sudden change in Natsume ever since Mikan had arrived, and they all knew it was for the better.

'But…seeing as to what has just happened…it's hard to remind oneself that there is someone behind his cold mask...I'm so sorry Mikan…'

Sumire waited beside Mikan, along with Hotaru. Waiting, just in case Mikan would break down. Everyone who saw what had happened in the classroom couldn't help it as a wave of pity and sadness came over them.

"I can lend you my baka gun if you like."

Hotaru said in a monotonous voice but her eyes betrayed her anger at Natsume and her worry over Mikan. The whole class waited with baited breathe Mikan's reaction.

Mikan worked hard to force a small smile on her face.

"I'm alright. That stupid jerk. Who does he think he is anyway?"

Mikan let out a strangled laugh. No one was fooled.

"M-mikan…"

"Seriously, I'm alright, Anna." said Mikan as she turned to Anna's worried and questioning gaze.

"It's not like I'm gonna cry. I'm not some fan girl."

Mikan's mock laughter rang out once again. Placing her hands on her hips and her head held up high.

"You should know I'm stronger than that. I'm Mikan Sakura!" beaming everyone with a smile.

Most of the class let out sighs of relief and turned their attention elsewhere. Her closest friends were not fooled. Sumire decided to go along with Mikan's act, acting like she did believe Mikan. "Haha, that's Ms. One-star for you!"

Hotaru's lips finally pulled down into a frown, her eyes never leaving Mikan. Ruka stared worriedly, not even bothering to cover up what he really felt.

"Um, guys, I have to go do something…See you guys later!"

Mikan waved goodbye as she ran out of the classroom with her smile still plastered on her face. All her close friends watched in worry and sadness, knowing they could do nothing about it.

Mikan closed the door to her room. She slid slowly to her knees. Her hand clutching the front of her chest willing the pain to go away. She didn't bother wiping away the tears that had threatened to fall as she held it back in the classroom. New waves of pain racked her heart as she pulled herself up on her bed. The scene in the classroom playing over and over again. Natsume had been acting strange for a while. She tried to ignore it when he wouldn't budge to her interrogations. He had been hurting her more than the usual insult he uttered to annoy her. And today was the last straw. Mikan couldn't stem the pain anymore.

Natsume had his face hidden under another issue of his favorite mangga as he sat back lazily in his chair.

"Natsume!" a sweet voice called out from beside him.

He lazily slipped the mangga of his face and stared up at the soft brown eyes that were threatening to pull him in, once again. Mikan was standing over him, a blinding smile firmly on her soft lips.

"What?"

"Do you remember what day it is?"

"No." Natsume focused his eyes on the ceiling, smothering the pain he felt knowing he was hurting her again...but it had to be done. It was their first year anniversary as a couple. The memory of the day he asked her to become his girlfriend drove through him like a knife.

"I-it's our anniversary." Mikan said in a soft voice as her eyes suddenly found her shoes very interesting.

Natsume's eyes widened a bit in the unexpected reaction but he still kept his gaze away from her. He was expecting her to punch him and start yelling.

"Hn. Is that it?" Natsume managed a tone of indifference.

"N-natsume…" Mikan couldn't help the pain lacing her voice.

Mikan's closest friends watched the scene play in front of them in barely hidden shock at Natsume's behavior. They all knew he could be cruel at times, but this...

'Congratulations, dude, you've graduated to a whole new level of cruel' was something that flitted through Koko's mind

"Hn. You decided to bother me for that? Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can take with you anywhere near me."

Muffled gasps were heard all around the classroom and even Hotaru's eyes had widened in shock.

Natsume lazily got up, walking by Mikan's shocked form and exited the room.

Natsume stared up at the darkening sky as he heard someone walking across the lawn towards him. He go up slowly, checking himself making sure his indifferent mask was on. Even with the assurance that his mask wouldn't slip, he kept his back facing the person who had just arrived with the intention to talk.

Mikan was staring at the feet of Natsume. Her fists balled by her side. Her eyes still contained pain and flickers of pain. Damn it to hell if she wasn't about to show them to Natsume.

"What did you wa-"

"You know what's so weird…" Mikan sputtered just before she lost her nerve. Natsume turned his head to look at her as Mikan slowly lifted her gaze to meet his eyes. She couldn't help it as she bit her lip seeing no emotion in Natsume's eyes. They almost seemed dead. The same expressionless-ness he held in his eyes in the past few days.

Mikan took a deep breathe and steeled herself from the pain her heart was causing her, she continued.

"You know what's so weird…I'm not mad at you…I hate myself for falling in love with you and not knowing how to let that go.(1)"

"I hate it that you can make me feel grateful to know and love you and at the same time garner self-pity for myself! I want you to feel my pain but at the same time, I don't ever want to see you hurt! I want to curse you! Just shout crap in your face! But I also want to tell you over and over and over again until I drive into your thick skull that yes, fuck, yes I freaking love you! I love an insensitive cold jerk of a guy and I know that you love me too!"

Mikan let flow the tears that she held back. Natsume slowly turned his head away from her. Not wanting to let Mikan have the chance to see through him once again. He was unable to control the emotions that were already showing in his eyes. Crap, he could never control his mask whenever she was near.

It chilled him a bit that he could still speak the cold words that needed to be said...but deep down, he feverishly hoped Mikan could hear his silent pleas.

"Don't make this any harder than it already is…" 'It hurts me too to have to push you away.'

"B-but you know that I loved you! That I still love you!"

"I can't accept your love…" 'I don't deserve it'

"…I can't afford to love you back…" 'You deserve so much more.'

"…I can't afford to have a weakness…" 'I can't afford loosing you.'

"I know you Natsume! I saw through that mask of your's long ago! Stop trying to push me away! I know you have a heart and that you care for others!"

"It just shows how much you don't know…" 'coz I can never hide anything from you anymore, you cracked through my mask a long time ago. I keep trying to harden it but you keep breaking through.'

"…As for my heart, I don't own one anymore." 'Coz you already owned it from the start.'

Mikan's sobs rang through the meadow…Along with Natsume's silent tears…

Natsume's eyes widened a bit as he felt warm arms wrap around him. He hadn't noticed his body was already shaking from crying.

"You-you can be a c-complete i-idiot sometim-times...shut-up already...it's what you do right?" Mikan buried her face into Natsume's back as she let out something between a sob and a laugh.

"Who are you calling an idiot?" It was whispered so quietly, Mikan barely heard. Natsume prized her arms from him gently and turned around to finally face her.

"Figures..." Figures you can see me for what I am and still dare to hold me and reel me back in huh?...

Mikan had closed her eyes shut but snapped them open when Natsume gathered her into his arms. He pressed his face against her soft hair and breathed in deep. Mikan actually felt Natsume's body shaking slightly.

"N-natsu-" Mikan tried to pull away to look at Natsume's face

"Shut up of for a while, will you?" said Natsume, sounding a bit scratchy a muffled as he hugged Mikan tighter to emphasize, burying his face even more in her hair.

Mikan let out a laugh that came out as a croak as she cried harder. Her sobs, sounding weird as they came out of her smiling mouth. She had finally gotten through the thick-headed angst filled teen that controlled fire.

"Y-you're cry-crying!"

"Sh-shut up!"

Mikan sobbed and laughed harder at Natsume's embarrassment. They looked weird standing in the middle of a clearing just holding each other while one of the was crying while laughing.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, I know...haha, I think I should take up Hotaru's offer about the baka-gun the next time you become an idiot again."

"Hn...I think you should...I love you"

"I know."

"Mikan" Natsume all but growled as her as she laughed again.

"Haha, hey, I think I deserve to shut up after pouring my heart out and crying my eyes dry."

"Hn"

"...Fine, I love you."

"Hn"

"...hey, can I tell others you cried AND stuttered?..."

...

THE END

I decided to add a little humor at the end...I get pissed whenever I read about Natsume pushing Mikan away because he thinks he's dangerous and all the that crap about how he doesn't deserve her...but I had to write one! Ugh, I feel ashamed of myself...ugh...

(1) The line that inspired this little story...

Please leave a review and tell me what you think.