Watch, As I Waver

Prologue

"I can't believe you're really going," I said just above a whisper. I felt the tears beginning to sting my eyes, and I gripped onto the quilt beneath my hands, trying to hold them back.

I looked up as I heard him walking toward where I sat at the edge of his bed. He looked sad, tired too.

"Usako. We've been through this. I'll only be gone for nine months. It'll be fine."

I could feel his concerned look, though I couldn't see it since my head was down. His hand came under my chin as he forced me to look in his eyes. He smiled softly at me and sighed. God, I loved his smile.

"Usa, just think. We survived somehow before we were together. I know we can do this."

I nodded in agreement. I knew we'd survive this too, but I'd miss him so much.

"I know, Mamo-chan. It's just, I hate the fact that I won't see your face everyday, or be able to kiss you whenever I want," I told him, biting my lip when I finished speaking.

I felt his arms come around me, pulling me close to him. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, causing me to tear up once more.

"I love you too," I whispered back. I inhaled the smell of his hair, his cologne. I loved the way he smelled. "Mamo-chan," I cried, angry at my own weakness, "I'll miss you."

He kissed my temple before pulling me to my feet and saying, "Let's go."

I nodded slowly and followed him out of the apartment.

The airport was noisy and over-crowded. I silently wished we had more privacy to say good-bye. I looked up at him, meeting his gaze. Nothing made me feel more beautiful, more special than the way he looked at me. His deep blue eyes could hold so much emotion when he'd let them. Now, they were filled with sorrow, longing, love. I'm sure mine were filled with the same.

I brought my hand to his face and began to brush the hair out of his eyes. "Be sure to bring me back plenty of American souvenirs," I teased as I let my hand rest on his cheek. He captured it with his, and looked into my eyes with an intensity I had never seen.

"When I come back," he said seriously, "I'll bring you ME-all of me. Forever." I held my breath as he went on. "Usako, you've held my heart, my soul for the past thousand years, and you always will. I love you, and..."

He began to fight to take something out of his jacket pocket, and I felt my eyes moisten with emotion and anticipation. He finally won the battle with his jacket, and he held the object in front of me.

"I want you to be my wife, Usako. Marry me." I blinked several times, not sure that I heard right. I looked at him, then at the ring, then at him, then at the ring... Shock. The one word to describe the feeling that was rushing through me was shock.

"Usako?" he asked, worry covering his features.

I looked at him once more, tears in my eyes, and a smile broke across my face as I screamed, "YES!" and threw myself at him.

I could hear his deep laughter as he held me, and I could feel his tears as my faced pressed against his. "I love you, my sweet princess," he chuckled as I hugged him.

In the midst of our "celebration," I heard the final boarding call for his flight. I unconsciously stiffened. Mamoru released me and looked at me tenderly.

"I'll write," he said. I nodded, trying to be brave. "I'll miss you, Usako," he said as he brought his mouth to mine.

I don't know how long we kissed, but it wasn't long enough. He turned to walk to his plane as soon as our kiss ended, not able to look me in the eye. It was a strange feeling, watching him walk away from me. I wanted to call out to him, tell him not to go; but I knew he had to. He had to fulfill this dream. So, I decided to leave, and walk away before I did something rash, but not before looking at my Mamo-chan one more time. And it was at that moment that Mamoru turned and gave me one last longing look.

Well that did it. My composure broke, and I began to cry. I'm sure I looked pathetic to the people making their way through the airport, but I couldn't help crying. I felt that if he left, something was going to change, and in a way I wasn't prepared for.

Once Mamo-chan was out of site, I turned to go home. I couldn't stand to be there any longer. But as I was walking out, something caught my attention. Specifically, the sound of hundreds of screaming girls caught my attention. I was able to stop a hysterical-looking preteen and ask her, "What's going on?"

"Oh my God!" she screamed at me. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" I asked, trying not to sound irritated.

"The Three Lights are coming in today! There coming HERE!" she screamed, then began to run in no particular direction at all.

So the Three Lights were here. So what? Like I cared at a time like this. I know I should be ecstatic. I'm engaged! And it is wonderful, but being apart from Mamoru just hurts too much. What's worse, these frantic girls are reallllly starting to annoy me!

"Would you all just get over it and calm down!" I yelled bitterly. "They're just singers and you're ruining my depressed mood!"

Only a few girls actually turned to acknowledge my statement, which made me even angrier. Stupid teenage fanatics...Finally, I reached an outside area of the airport, and hopefully I'd be able gain my sanity back. I sighed loudly in exasperation.

"So you have a problem with the Three Lights?" a male voice asked me.

"No, I just have a problem with the hundreds of crazed teenage girls threatening to trample me in order to get to them," I replied, not bothering to look at the person I was now having a conversation with.

"Hey," he said and I ignored him. "Hello?"

I continued to walk.

"Hey, Odango Atama, why don't you show some respect and actually look at me?"

I stopped in my tracks. No one calls me 'Odango Atama!' No one but Mamoru. I whipped around defensively, "Just who do you think you are?"

"Allow me introduce myself," he said holding out his hand. "My name is Kou Seiya, lead singer of The Three Lights."

Okay, remember the shock I had mentioned earlier? Well, it's back. Maybe not as intensely, but it's still present.

"What? Nothing to say, Odango?" he mocked.

My shock had subsided. "First of all, don't call me Odango!"

He gave me a lopsided smile, "Aw, I think it suites you."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" I asked him angrily.

"Well, besides the obvious," he said while motioning to my hair, "it's a cute name."

"..."

He laughed at the confused look that must have crossed my face. "A cute name for a cute girl," he stated simply. "Yes, Odango is perfect."

I couldn't say anything, either because of the anger or flattery. Maybe both.

"Well, see you around, Odango," he said before casually walking away.

"What the hell was that all about?" I questioned aloud before turning to FINALLY make my way home.

I must have sat by my window for hours that night. I wondered what Mamoru was doing. I wondered if he'd be thinking of me every time I was thinking of him. I hoped he would. I could still feel him, stronger than ever, which was a comfort. If I closed my eyes, and concentrated with all my might, I could reach out to him and almost see him.

The following day would be my first day of school—my first day as a junior. I felt so nervous and excited. More so nervous, but still excited. Without Mamoru there to support me, though, my confidence level seemed to drop significantly.

He wasn't there to tell me not to worry, that my first day would be a breeze, that I would have every guy who saw my drooling at me feet. Then he'd get all serious and say something like, "But if I ever catch any of those guys looking at you the wrong way..." And then I'd laugh, and he'd pull me close and kiss me...

"Mamoru, I miss you..." I sighed.