Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note.
WARNING: The majority of this chapter is plotless weak attempts at humor, forgive us. Next chapter could possibly be better.
August 2nd, 2013
It was scorching and humid day in northern Florida, where two 11th grade girls made their way to the stone bench in order to eat their lunch. They dismissed the strange look of the path before them, and didn't realize that the 'heat waves' were not going away as they approached them. Shrugging it off they both continued walking toward the bench, as they went to pass through the 'heat waves' they noticed something off about their surrounding's. Aileen screamed, and grabbed the other's arm, running to the side of the road so as to not get run over by the car heading straight for them.
The other girl trailing behind her, Alexis, gave a yelp as she was dragged towards the sidewalk. Alexis had a look of confusion on her face as driver of the car that nearly ran them over yelled insults over their way.
Aileen cleared her throat, and squeaked out a "Where are we?!"
Alexis stared wide eyed at her surrounding's replying with a faint, "I have no idea..." Looking past her friend she caught a quick glimpse at the building behind her, she did a double take before rapidly tapping on her friends arm. "That looks like L's skyscraper in Death Note!"
"We should go inside, I mean, worst-case-scenario we get yelled at and say we're lost. Which, actually, we sort of are..." Aileen trailed off.
"How are we even supposed to get in? It looks like you're supposed to drive in," Alexis responded, tilting her head to the side.
"I don't have all the answers, Alexis!" Aileen grumbled.
Meanwhile...
"Uh, Ryuzaki, there are two girls looking at the building. Like, they just almost got run over, and now they're staring at the building. Just standing there. Staring. It's kinda freakin' me out. Oh god, I think one just made eye contact with me..." Matsuda said.
"Seriously, Matsuda? It's reflective glass. That's impossible," Light scoffed.
"It is highly unlikely," L agreed.
"But, what should we do? They're just... standing there. Staring. Wearing weird clothes."
"Weird clothes?" said Light.
"Yeah, I think one of them is actually wearing a shirt with Ryuzaki's face on it..."
"What?" L said. "That isn't possible."
"Well why don't you get up and look for yourself? Because it looks like you..." Matsuda told him.
"Watari, go look for me." L said, not moving an inch.
Watari sighed and walked over to where Matsuda was standing.
He stood and stared for a moment, and then, "It is your face, Ryuzaki."
"We should question them..." L responded. "I'd like to know why my face is on her T-Shirt."
Back to Aileen and Alexis,
"Wait, where are our lunchboxes?" Alexis questioned.
Aileen looked around for a minute and then noticed them crushed in the middle of the road. She pointed and screamed, "NOOOOOO!" to the delight of onlookers.
Alexis saw and murmured, "I wanted that, though... I had a PopTart in there..."
"I had Pringles," Aileen muttered. "Just like, 'Hey mom, sorry, but our food got ran over.'"
"'Can you bring us some Slips?'" Alexis laughed.
"You know, this really isn't a laughing matter." Alexis spoke up.
"Yeah, but seriously, what else are we gonna do? I don't know where we are and I'm just confused."
"And everyone's dressed weird, and we're getting strange looks from passerby..." Alexis informed her.
"At least we still have our backpacks though. I'd cry if I lost my Zelda bookbag..." Aileen said.
"Your Zelda bag?! What about my iPod?! I'd cry."
"IT HAS THE TRIFORCE, MAN!"
"So? I'm glad we have our iPod's."
"I'm glad that I can IGNORE YOU!"
"How rude..."
"THIS ISN'T FULL HOUSE!"
"It is if I want it to be."
Watari cleared his throat.
"Oh, em, gee, he looks like Watery." said Aileen.
"What a cliche thing to say, not to mention you pronounced it wrong." Alexis chastised.
"IT WAS A JOKE!" Aileen yelled. "Don't take me so seriously, man. Well, I mean, take me seriously sometimes, but not when I'm joking, you know what, I don't know where I'm actually going with this."
"Aileen, shut up," said Alexis.
"Okay."
Watari shook his head before gesturing them to come over, "We have a few questions we'd like to ask you."
"Like a survey? Like in the mall when they make you write your name down and you're like 'Okay' because you don't want to be rude?" Alexis asked.
"Something like that," Watari said.
"Okay, but only because you asked politely," said Aileen.
Back to the Kira-Searchin' people.
"They were just yelling... and Watari was just standing there," Matsuda said.
"Quit watching them, Matsuda," scolded L.
"Don't tell me how to live my life!" Matsuda yelped.
"Actually, I have every right to tell you how to live your life."
Matsuda just sputtered in response.
Watari and two burgundy haired girls walked into the room.
A pen suddenly hit Light in the eye.
"Ouch, what was that?"
"First Illusion: Hell's Insects," said the girls in unison.
"Jinx!" yelled Alexis.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Aileen.
"Actually, I believe it was a pen," said Light.
"I WILL SLICE YOU IN HALF WITH MUGEN!" yelled Aileen.
"Mugen, activate!" said Alexis.
"Are you sure we should have let them in, Ryuzaki? I think they're insane," said Light.
"My face is on her shirt, Light," responded L.
"L?!" squealed Alexis, clutching her chest. "My heart hurts."
"If you fall to the ground I'm gonna kick you," said Aileen, looking over at her.
Alexis' hand's fell back down to her sides. "Point taken."
"Just call me Levi!" said Aileen. Then she looked to Light, "That's Captain to you, low life."
"Excuse me?!" said Light.
"You heard me! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, KIRA!" yelled Aileen.
"Dude, you're gonna get us killed!" said Alexis, hitting her friend on the shoulder. "It hasn't even been an hour."
"Sorry, Spoiler Alert," said Aileen.
"That's not what I meant we'd be killed for."
"Oh? Be more specific. Also, now I'm Leo," said Aileen. Then she looked at Light, "That's Lord Glen to you, disgusting! Oh, Spoilers again."
"Pandora Hearts!" Alexis sang. "But seriously, stop changing your name. You're not even a man."
"I DON'T HAVE TO BE A MAN TO BE MANLY AND ADORABLE AND CUTENESS INCARNATED!"
"If you're Levi and Leo, then yes you do."
"I hate you."
"I'm going to kick you in the face. Levi style."
"Last time I checked I don't turn into a titan every time I bleed and watched my mom get eaten. No, that's not on my agenda today."
"...Are you okay?" asked Matsuda.
"NO, BECAUSE WALL MARIA HAS FALLEN AND ALSO WE'RE LOST AND CONFUSED!" yelled Aileen.
"But mostly because Wall Maria has fallen," said Alexis.
"Please, be serious," Aizawa spoke up.
"We are serious!" yelled Alexis.
"TITANS ARE NOT A JOKING MATTER! MY 3DMG IS BROKEN, MAN!"
"Okay, enough, enough, just shut up. Sit down, be quiet and actually take this seriously!" L scolded at the two girl's.
They whimpered and sat on the floor.
"And quit sounding like a kicked puppy," said Light.
Both girls stood up and punched him in the throat at the same time, then sat back down and clapped and high-fived.
Light just sat there shocked and brought a hand up to his neck.
"That was unnecessary," said L.
"Yes it was, he has no right to talk to us. AND, he didn't refer to us as Lord Glen and Captain, so," Alexis shrugged.
"Yeah, we were serious about that," said Aileen.
Alexis looked over at Aileen, "Mello would have shot us by now."
"I wonder if he even knows how to shoot a gun yet, I mean L's here, so how old even is Mello right now? 14? 13? He hasn't left Wammy's yet, so..."
L gaped, "What did you just say?"
"Uhhh..." said Alexis.
"Nothin'," Aileen muttered, looking away.
"Dean and Sam would have poured holy water and borax and cut us and stuff by now," said Alexis.
"And screamed "CHRISTOS!" in our faces," said Aileen.
"I'm confused," said Matsuda.
"Aren't you always? I mean, you're cute and all, but, kinda dumb. Not as bad as Light and L and everyone treat you as, but you are pretty dumb," said Aileen.
"That was rude, I mean who are you, Elliot?!" said Alexis.
"Yes. Now I am," Aileen responded, looking over.
Aileen sighed and held her head in her hands, "I shouldn't have said anything..."
"I AM THE YOUNGEST HEIR OF THE NIGHTRAY FAMILY! HAHAHA! I HATE VESSALIUS'S! EVEN THOUGH I'M FRIENDS WITH OZ, IT IS SO CANON!" yelled Aileen.
"Be quiet, will you?" said Alexis.
"Okay."
L sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, "Now, let's start from the beginning, where are you two from?"
"Florida." Aileen responded for the both of them.
"What's your name?" L asked.
"That's confidential information," Alexis deadpanned.
"I can always find out who you are from your faces," L informed them.
"There aren't any records of us that you're going to be able to find, no matter how hard you try," said Aileen tauntingly.
"Yeah, technically speaking, we don't even exist," Alexis added.