It Only Hurts When I Breathe
What's Good For Me
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It was obvious.
She'd never love me.
If you couldn't see it, you'd have to be blind.
I wasn't alone. Numbuh 1 was on my side. He was going through exactly the same thing. He won't let me forget that, bitching about Numbuh 174 and he's not good enough for Numbuh 5.
It's not about me. But still, it's nice to have someone to know how I feel, even though he doesn't listen, only dumps his problems on me.
I really appreciate what everyone's done. It's just, what has to be done has to be done.
I placed the note on his desk while he babbled on about Abby. He didn't notice. I knew he wouldn't. I pretended to look at my watch, and blurted, "Oh my God, it's that late already? I gotta go Numbuh 1!" And scuttled quickly out of the room before he could say anything.
As I approached my room I raised my hand lightly to my throat.
Pinching slightly before I let go, I moved it to my door knob. I looked behind me. Everyone else was asleep, and I was pretty sure I'd taken care of Numbuh 1.
As I entered my room, my eyes drifted to the poorly hidden knife out of habit.
I'd been trying for a long time, but now I'd finished all my preparations. I didn't know it would take this much work to take the easy way out.
I knew it would hurt everyone, but I'd be gone. It's their problem. I want to hurt her, for what she did to me, but it's not her fault. And I know if I hurt her, she'd just go to him and cry on his shoulder.
I guess I don't really want to hurt her, I just want to be him.
He'd taken her from me.
He knew I'd liked her. He'd warned me, but he laughed after he'd said it. I thought he was joking. But what was I supposed to think? He and I had just become close friends.
It wasn't the first time he'd said something like that. When he took her, I'd realized he hadn't been joking about anything else, either.
For a while all I could think was, how could I have been so fucking stupid?
He's a conniving bastard that plays innocent way too much that half the time he runs out of excuses. Nobody else ever notices.
Breaking out of my reverie I realized I'd been standing by the small pile of crap I'd hid the knife in for several minutes.
I bent down to the floor and swept away the single paper hiding it. My fingers touched to rubber handle. It screamed "Su-su-suicide" to me. That's why I'd bought it in the first place.
I'd been cutting for months.
I just noticed a few days ago the small blotched blood stains. I never thought to clean it. Didn't matter now. I never had to worry about that again.
I put the knife to my wrist.
As I began to dig my eyes clenched shut. Even after I realized it was a stupid idea I'd been preparing for so long.
It didn't hurt to cut or to die, but I wanted to see the result of my revenge.
It was a stupid drunken decision that I don't know how I thought of. After I sobered up a little, I found the note and remembered everything I'd concluded a good idea the night before in which I'd spent alone, crying.
The bloody hangover mingled with my good judgement.
The moment kept flashing against the black darkness of my eyelids.
The moment I walked in, smiling, excited, and panting from running so fast, I realized he'd convinced me to leave the tree house to get flowers so he and Kuki would be left alone. I walked into the room and the flowers dropped from my hands.
He was exactly where I'd hoped to be in a few moments.
Her green sweater clung to the back of his head, her legs, clad in black tight pant, were shaking. That was when I ran from the room. I couldn't watch anymore.
My eyes shot open.
For the first time since I was five, I felt tears mingling with my sweat. Back then I cried all the time. It's ironic, I cried when people called me a crybaby. But when I was five, I made a pact with myself (my only friend) that I would never cry again.
I felt a shudder run through my body.
My hands started shaking and I lost control. All of my body fell to the floor, the carpet covered in a puddle of blood.
How much blood had I lost?
Maybe I wasn't strong enough to die just yet.
"Wally!"
Kuki?
No.
Probably not.
It was Abby.
Her voice was high.
I cracked my eyes open, only enough to see.
I hoped no one would notice.
They didn't.
They never did.
Abby was being clutched by Chad.
She was nestled in his lap.
Hoagie was there, too.
Nigel and Kuki weren't.
No reason to be up.
I fell back to sleep in seconds.....(Please Read and Review!)