My name is Aisha, and I'm addicted.
To candy, of course! Why would anyone think of something else?
I'm so happy whenever Mr. Mastermind comes into my room because he gives me candy, and have I said I love candy?
He gives me a different kind of candy every time he walks in.
They're all really sweet!
It's fun eating them because every time I do, it's like I'm in a movie!
The world changes.
Sometimes it becomes colorful and I can feel more.
Other times I hear or smell or see something new! Last time he told me it was the smell of coffee.
I really liked it.
I saw something, though.
No, someone.
He had red hair.
I told Mr. Mastermind this and he smiled.
I asked him about it and he said that I'll find out.
What does that mean?
Today he walks in too.
It's darker under his eyes today.
I smile.
That means he must be getting closer!
When it's dark under his eyes he always says he's close.
He said he wanted to fix Eve.
So I ask him today if Eve is fixed.
He looks unhappy and says no.
I ask him why he keeps trying.
I don't know why but he stops.
He turns to me and asks if I really want to know why.
I nod.
He says something about how it's about time and goes back into his room and brings back a bag of candy.
He opens my mouth and slips one of them in.
It's really sweet!
I've never tasted a candy so sweet before!
But as I eat it more, it gets nasty.
Like, really nasty.
I want to scratch my throat.
The nasty taste isn't going away.
What do I do?
I can't breathe.
I'm coughing so much.
Why won't this taste go away?
Everything's twisting and blurring.
It's like entering another world again.
But this time, all I can see is red, red, red.
Clear skies and ample sunlight, a recipe for a burst of joy, yet dreary faces dot the scene like an invasion of dandelions on a lawn. It can't be helped; the constant battling and rebuilding has certainly taken a toll on them.
But not I. Not I, the great Dimension Witch, embodiment of purity and manipulator of time and space! Oh no, the presence of evil will not dim my mood today! Evil never gets to justice!
A load of bullshit, but believing in it gets me through the hard times. If the battlefield's a stage, then I'm the heroine. Just kidding! Taking on the role of a heroic character isn't all fluff and rainbows. But if we're using that analogy, the curtains don't fall when the battle's over. No, the stage extends so far beyond that. The public soaks up whatever it sees, so for their sake and my reputation's sake, I don't quite go backstage until it's just the rest of the El Search Party. I can tell others have done this as well, pulling up whatever facade for the public eye and then transform into whatever's left of them when out of sight.
Some of them never go backstage. There's someone specifically that pops up in my mind.
But enough of that depressing talk. It's your typical sunny day, and I just don't want to feel miserable when I'm starting the day off in such a good mood. After all, we did force Chloe to retreat to the palace, and the portal to the demon world has been sealed. Vanessa is confident that they won't last long. She says it's not over yet and that she still has some matters to tend to before getting back to us, but we can relax and enjoy the Harmony Festival for now. Which means... Shopping! ...Except I'm short on money and the shops here in this makeshift camp don't sell anything other than necessities. Then again, the Harmony Festival is tomorrow, so maybe…?
I head to the small shopping district and my breath lingers in my throat. Villagers are on ladders, hanging up small street lamps and bringing out fresh candles and fabrics of all sorts. Underneath their jaded expressions and worn wrinkles is a fiery yet motherly glow. It's hard to describe, but it's the way how the jaw remains unclenched, how their forehead remains uncreased, how the eyes dilate and enlarge, how their smiles brighten up the face and raise their cheeks. Right there and then, it hits me. The fruit of our efforts lies here. All this time it had been in the apples of those cheeks. Haha, get what I did there? Fruits and apples? Okay, I couldn't help that one, but you know what I mean; although their glow pales in comparison to the sheer brightness of the sun, I'm sure that their renewed vigor would figuratively be enough to light up all of tomorrow. I join in, helping with the decorations despite the kind protests from the villagers, but once they let me I can tell from their eyes their gratitude and appreciation.
I can't help smiling. It's been so long since I've smiled like this before. Most of my smiles up to this point were small, polite smiles. But as I laugh and open my mouth wide, I can't help but feel relieved. There's a lot I can't help in this one moment, actually. Like throwing my head back as someone shares a corny joke, or patting a small yet brave girl encouragingly on the head, or imagining her smile on Elsword's face, or wondering where he is right now, or what he's doing, and even what he's thinking—
Shit.
Shit is right, because there are tears streaming down my face and my chest tightens. I don't get how it hurts so much to ache for someone. My chest throbs painfully as I hang another street lamp on the rope, and conveniently I shift too much of my weight on one side. I must look like an idiot, hanging onto the ladder and the rope for dear life as the street lamp dangerously swings towards my head. I forget all my training to keep my eyes open in battle and clamp my eyes shut. I should have known that was a bad idea, because I lose my balance once again and fall off the ladder.
My training finally kicks in and I manage to land on my feet without wobbling. But the damage is done, because the villagers stop their activities and stare at me. I wave it off with a chuckle that sounds more nervous than I want it to be and excuse myself. I hear hushed whispers, and heat rushes to my head where it then settles at the tips of my ears.
I'm so embarrassed. Why did I do that? Why did I run away? I could have pretended I was just tired or make some bullshit up, but no, I had to make it so fucking obvious by escaping. I was having so much fun too in such a long while, and if it weren't for that damn idiot I could have—
"Aisha?"
I know that voice.
I know it so well because—
—It's amazing that my neck doesn't snap when I whip my head back faster than I have ever moved before—
—I've wanted to hear it for so long.
I do a once-over, drinking in the sight of him. He's wearing his spare set of casual clothes, which is really just a red long-sleeved shirt and baggy pants. I try not to look for too long on how tight the sleeves are around his toned muscles, only settling on them for a few seconds before looking up.
Ever had that moment where you just wanted to do nothing but stare into a specific someone else's eyes? If no, it sounds creepy (like why would you do that?), but for those of you who are more understanding, this is that moment. In comparison to when I first met him, his pupils are more defined and the red irises more vivid, giving him a sharp look that most guys would have only after using eyeliner. I'm not sure if it was the Dark El or puberty that did the job (because damn it hit him hard). Whatever the cause was, it doesn't matter.
I like them.
I like the way their edges seem to soften at the corners. It reminds me of what he looks like when he's sleeping peacefully. I like the way how his pupils seem to dilate. It makes him look like he's absorbing the sight of me like I'm doing. For a brief moment, I wonder if my pupils are doing the same. If that were true, wouldn't this be like a love scene? Hope swells up in the pit of my stomach, giving birth to butterflies.
But then his eyes sharpen and his pupils shrink, giving way to red irises that now gleam with a hungry glow.
I fucking hate them.
I hate how they remind me of every fucking thing that's changed about him. I hate how they make me tremble, because I know things won't ever be the fucking same. Not after the hell that is war. It's changed him, warped him inside out. It's done the same to me, and you have no fucking idea just how much damage it's done to me. I'm not all innocent and curious anymore. I don't really care about improving as a mage anymore. I don't care about the stupid ring. I don't want to look for it anymore. Why does it matter whether or not I regain my powers back? It's not going to bring my old self back. Magic does a lot of things, but as a witch of time and space, I know it can't reverse time the way you want it to.
But there are things I care about. I care about things like how it sounds when I bash my staff into demon skulls. I care about how death looks on someone's face. I triumph when I feel like I've fooled everyone else into thinking I'm just a happy magical girl. I sigh in relief when my body aches to the point where I can't move because that means that this is all real, that it's all authentic, that it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Weird, right? Most people would wish that wasn't the case. Most people would wish that it's all just some strangely realistic nightmare. Not me, because for a lack of better words, it's fun. It's fun knowing that on the front lines, I'm just a vulnerable mage. No matter how much I strengthen my physique forcefully using magic, I'm just flesh. And flesh can be broken. And healed. And broken yet again. There isn't a point where I'm invincible, not even when I cast Magical Makeup. Most people don't want to be hurt. Yet, here I am, relishing in the fact that by being hurt, I must have done something well. After all, being hurt is simply part of a warrior's job. It's natural. It's supposed to exist.
I… I don't know how to live anymore without being reminded that pain exists and that it hurts.
"Who did it?" he growls.
I blink in confusion, but I avoid speaking because I feel like if I do, everything will spill out.
He steps forward, and I step back. "Who hurt you? I'll slit their fucking throats."
I repress my sobs with a shaky inhale and a gulp. In some other context, I would have thought this was romantic. I mean, a man going to whatever lengths to protect his woman? That's a romantic scene, the kind that would make people squeal and cheer.
This is anything but. I try to search for something else in his eyes, but there's nothing but pure bloodthirst. He continues boring into my eyes as if he's trying to force an answer out of me.
I avert my eyes. "I-it's nothing."
"Aisha…" There's a tone of warning in his voice. I wonder if that means he'll get angry if I don't tell him, but I'm going to stand my ground.
I flash him another one of my polite smiles. "How was your day, Elsword?" For a moment I feel like I've fooled him, because he steps back and relaxes. My chest drops in disappointment. I thought he knew me better than that. Then I realize his jaw is still clenched even as he smiles politely back. Of course.
"Wonderful! How about yours?"
What a fucking lie. I lie too. "Good." I press my lips firmly together. I know exactly what he's going to do next. He's going to pretend that nothing ever happened, and then we'll talk about the weather and what we plan to do next. And from there, both of us will take our leave, never meeting again until the next time we're summoned to the battlefield. Am I fine with this? Hell, no, I was never. But I also never spared the effort. That's the problem. I hesitate whenever he does this, afraid that if I call him out on it, he'll just push me away. This time, my mind is clear. Funny, right? How my mind can be simultaneously boiling with murky emotions yet be as clear as one of the facets on a pure El shard. "You're sure you're fine? What was that all about anyway?" I bat my lashes at him, trying to blink away my tears.
He seems surprised. I don't blame him, given how long I've let this gone. "Sorry, I must have scared you. I'm still anxious about the demons, you see. You never know when they'll come back, and I was scared they hurt you."
He's good at keeping his calm. On the outside, at least. I mean, that's all I can tell. My gaze flickers down to his chest, wondering if his heart is hammering just as much as mine is. It's not like I can really figure out anyway, but thinking about the possibility fills me with hope and determination. I step closer to him and stare straight into his eyes, hoping that he'll understand that I can see past him, hoping he'll understand that I'm sick of it. "Liar."
"What?" He blinks several times as if he doesn't believe what he's hearing.
"You're a fucking liar. You didn't think I believed all the shit that just spewed out of your mouth, did you?"
His eyebrows crash down against his wide eyes. My chest rises. This has got to be the most emotion he's shown me ever since Feita. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He's stumbling, faltering. Finally. I watch him close it, gulp, and then open it again.
"What do you mean…? Aisha, I…" He scans my face. He's looking for any signs that I'm joking, but I refuse to give him any.
"I'm sick of it." He says nothing, giving me permission to continue. "You're not happy, yet you pretend to be." I choke the next words out. "Even if—even if it's just us two." There's so much more I have to say, but here I am, opening and closing my mouth silently like a dumb fish. So much to say, but nowhere to go. I've been holding all of it in for so long that I don't know how to release it.
Maybe it's the same for him, because he looks like he wants to say something. Both of us are at a complete standstill, just staring at each other as the silence thickens. We both shift and avert our eyes elsewhere, but neither of us leave. I choose to study his side profile while he occupies himself with the nearby Clock Tower. He's lost a lot of his baby fat, giving way to a more defined jawline that still retains some of his boyishness. This is an action I regret, because his gaze instantly flickers to mine. Heat blooms across the apples of my cheeks, and my heart betrays me with a leap. I quickly look down, but I sense his gaze is still on me.
I want it to stop. It's so awkward. It's clumsy and not the way I wanted it to go. I imagined myself spilling out everything about him that's been plaguing me and Elsword nodding with understanding and promising me that it's not going to happen again.
But I don't want it to stop. It could be worse. He could have pretended he didn't understand and left after making some excuse, but he didn't. In fact, this is the farthest that we've gone ever since the war stopped being our mission and started invading our way of living. It's progress, and as someone who really shouldn't be hoping for much, I'm satisfied with this. I really am. The way he reacted to my words means something to me. It means that I matter to him. Maybe he wasn't lying when he said he was worried about me. I start stepping away. I don't want this to go wrong somehow. I've learned that if you see things through to the end, you get an unhappy ending. Besides, I'm satisfied as it is now.
Sudden warmth clasps around my wrist. "Don't leave." Something in his voice tells me that he won't let go unless I agree to stay.
I quickly turn around, yanking my wrist out of his wrist, because what if he felt my pulse? Does he know how fast my heart's beating right now? I cross my arms, shooting him a look that I hope looks annoyed. "What do you want now?"
He's undeterred, because he then asks, "Would you like to walk with me?" with a crooked, sheepish smile—something I've never seen on his face. This time, I'm doing the searching. There's no way he's serious. Yet try as I might, I can't find any signs of insincerity. He's completely serious. I can't believe it. But I have to believe it. All the evidence is there in front of me. I have to believe it. This is exactly what I've been fighting for. I can't just let this chance go.
If Elsword can persist in the presence of risk, so can I.
The smile on my face feels sweet as I nod and say yes. It feels sickly sweet, like candy drenched in sugar. Like the happiness I'm feeling right now. Seriously, I'm happy, so happy that I wonder if I even deserve to feel like this, deserve to walk right next to him when all I've done is push him away as hard as he has.
I'm so giddy and bouncy that I reach for his hand. The moment our fingers touch, sparks pop at the point of contact. I quickly retract my hand with a yelp. I turn to look at Elsword, and he's busy nursing his own hand. Both of us stare at each other in disbelief.
We burst out laughing. Elsword's mouth explodes into a cheeky, wide grin that ignites a sense of coziness and nostalgia. It's like I traveled back in time to those easygoing nights, where all I had to worry about was finding the ring. A faint memory wafts the smell of bonfire smoke towards me and displays a vision where the warm light of the fire dances across the figures of our party.
"Biiiitch," he whines, "I thought you told me you don't use Lightning Bolt anymore! What was that about me being a liar?" As if to make a point, he ruffles my hair, which transforms a few suspiciously floating strands to something akin to a hairball.
I playfully slap his hand away and shrug with palms facing up. "Sorry, can't help it. I'm just magnetic. Blame yourself for having an Iron Body."
"Okay, Super Nova."
I gasp. Was that supposed to be a pet name? "Don't tell me that was your Final Strike." I don't miss the smirk that instantly splits across his face like the cracking of an egg.
"Nope, I have a Sudden Strike planned in mind."
"And I'll stop it before it happens with a Guillotine Press."
"Sure, Super Nova. Don't burn out before then." I'm starting to really like that nickname. I write a mental note to think of one for him.
"You'll make sure that won't happen by gifting me with a cup of coffee." He groans and rolls his eyes, but I use my secret technique I spent years perfecting and sharpening just for this sole moment—puppy eyes. I can tell by his softening eyes that he's giving in.
"Fine, just this one time."
I smile, this time feeling it lift the flesh under my eyes. "You won't regret it." Won't regret trying to talk to me properly, that is, but I'm too prideful to admit his actions brightened up my day.
It's just casual talk on the way back to the shops, but I don't mind. It's much better compared to what it was before, where we would exchanged glances if we ever saw each other in town and that would be it. Besides, I don't think either of us are ready for the heavy talk. The sunny day's too beautiful to ruin, and there will always be another day, another chance.
It turns out Grail is running the coffee/tea stall. He flashes a rare smile, and if weren't for Elsword's wide eyes, I would have thought it was just my imagination or the light playing tricks. The Grail that gave out orders during the war and the Grail that's part-time alchemist and shopkeeper now are… different. This Grail seems more of an actual dog, with a dog-like grin and a bounce to his hops. Once we approach him, however, he reverts back.
"Oh, it's you two. How can I help you?"
Elsword steps forward. "Two cups of coffee, please." Grail pours the drink and hands one to Elsword and the other to me. The alchemist then gestures to the cream and sugar next to him. While Elsword digs for ED, I linger near the cream and sugar, unsure if I should add any. He finishes paying and walks up to me. "You're not adding anything? I know you like your coffee sweet."
I chew on my lip in thought. "I don't know. I've gotten used to black coffee after the shortage."
"C'mon, it's right in front of you now. It's okay to take it."
I shake my head. "I'm not feeling sweet coffee today."
He furrowed his brow and let out a low hum. "How about you add your usual amount, then if you don't like it, we can trade."
"Sounds good." I add four spoonfuls of sugar and four spoonfuls of cream. I sip it cautiously. An overwhelming ocean of sweet cream envelops my mouth. I quickly swallow it before it can do any damage to my taste buds. Part of me wants to just deal with it and smile. After, all, this cup's on him. That's what my default response is, but...
I'm feeling brave today.
I wrinkle my nose and give my cup to him, relieved when I look down at clear, dark coffee. I carefully experiment with the amount of sugar and cream and find that all it takes is just a half spoonful of each. Feeling satisfied, I turn to Elsword, catching him sneak another spoonful of cream into his cup. Seriously? Seeing as how his cup is still full, I decide I'll tease him later. I don't want to startle him. Considering we fought around and even in fire, another burn is the last thing he needs, especially on a day he's supposed to be resting on.
Grail comments, "You look happier today." I look up to see that he's staring at me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm surprised. I didn't expect people to see through me so easily, but I figure that once you become as old as Grail is, wisdom allows you to do that.
I hope I'll mature like that in the future.
We find a decent-looking bench to sit on and sip coffee in silence. Compared to the silence we shared earlier, this one is more peaceful. Peaceful enough that I enter a trance-like state where thoughts that were previously swarming around like an agitated group of bees are now more organized and clear but still haphazard in a sense. At one point I envision myself leaning my head on his shoulder and almost laugh out loud at the thought of it. It's so stupid. I'm an idol of justice, and he's the bearer of Conwell. Both of us are dedicated to the mission of the El Search Party. Neither of us are in a position that we can find and pursue love so easily like that. It's not like we're sworn to an oath or anything, but as a protector of the people, it's implied. Even if he feels the same way I do (which is something I'm not in a rush to find out), we don't have that privilege.
Still, I can't help but think—I know I'm supposed to be a warrior, a hero, a protector of all, idol of justice and everything, but can't I be a normal girl for once?
Either Elsword notices this or feels the same way himself, because he leans over with a twinkle in his eyes, just stopping short from kissing my ears. Instead his whispers do. "Let's sneak out during the festival tomorrow." My ears feel strangely cold when he moves away with a grin akin to that of a small boy. I can't help smiling in response.
"It's a date."
"Promise?" He holds up a fist with one pinky extended. He's such a child, but that's something I don't really mind. Actually, it's pretty cute.
I hold my pinky next to his. "Yeah," I start, entwining our fingers together, "Solace." It wasn't the kind of nickname I initially thought of giving him, but it feels just so right.
I wake up in the middle of the dark, not knowing what time it is. A simple glance at the clock confirms that I'm right on time—six in the morning. I hurry up and step into the shower, sighing as the cold droplets wash away the last of my sleepiness. I squeeze out potion into my hands and rub it all over my body. Following my hand motions is a trail of freshly dried skin. Yep, this potion is awesome; it dries my skin instantly without making it feel dry. I wasn't able to get my hands on it when the demons start invaded Feita since we had to cut down on rations, so I had to make do with damp dewiness. Yes, you can make the argument that I could have used magic, but when you're exhausted from using your mana—trust me—the last thing you want to do is to cast magic.
I'm not completely done until a little after eight. Most of the time was spent making last minute adjustments with a seamstress who promised me she would help me today. Can you believe it, though? I couldn't fit in my dress I wore three years ago! The bust was too small, and the dress was too tight on the hips. And all this time I felt like neither changed… I think of bragging to Rena about it but decide against it. Her… assets are still in a different league than mine and that fact is just going to add to her vanity. She's already complaining enough about how a hairdresser cut off too much hair when she just wanted a little dusting to fix her split ends. She's too picky; her hair is still below her knees!
Even so, I let her twist my hair up into an intricate updo. Her fingers are elegant and gentle like a mother's, the one thing that hasn't changed about her after all the years we've been together.
"Done!" she chimes, taking a step back to admire her handiwork. She grabs another mirror and hands me it. I adjust it so I can see the back of my hair. I'm impressed. I don't know how she does it, but it looks like magic. Curly purple strands are weaved into a braided updo secured with decorative twigs.
Twigs, huh. I stare at her warily. "These ones don't explode, do they…?"
She gives me a sly smile. "No, unless I make them." Upon seeing me tense, she laughs it off. "They won't hurt, I promise." That doesn't do anything to reassure me. She definitely has a plan up her sleeve, and I hate the smug smirk on her face that says she knows that I know.
"Are you going with Raven, Rena?"
"Yup!" It's strange to see her this cheery. I suppose it's the festivities. She does like an excuse to dress up. Her next words surprise me. "Is there anyone you like, Aisha?"
I imagine how Elsword might look tonight. Yeah, I already have an answer. I don't want to admit it, though, but seeing how happy Rena is tonight, there's no harm in being honest. "Yeah. I'm not telling you who it is."
"Aww… You can tell your big sister anything!" Yeah, right, like hell she is. She wasn't even there when I needed her the most. Whatever. I thank her for helping me before making my way out.
Stars are unmistakably pretty. These shining specks dot the blank canvas of the night like lights on a Christmas tree, gifting those that spot them an unforgettable vision. Personally I think the view at Ruben is better, but beggars can't be choosers. Today is a similar story, yet not the same. Billions more reveal themselves as if they had been waiting for this day, amplifying each other's light and truly becoming the mini-suns they are. Does it have to do with the moon and sun becoming one and plunging the world into peaceful darkness?
"Hey, Aisha," greets Elsword. Our eyes lock, and I wave with a smile. That is, until I notice. His hair is neatly slicked back with gel with the remaining locks tied into a mini-ponytail with an elastic. Wait, not an elastic, but it's something green that resembles something like a flower crown… It's hard to tell.
"Goddamn, you look so good."
"I know." Wait, shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. I did not meant to say that out loud. I open my mouth to correct the misunderstanding and then close it. There really isn't anything to misunderstand. It's the truth. His outfit suits him well. I'm still embarrassed that I blurted that out loud, but I just have to play it off like I meant it. No worries.
Elsword's smirk fades to a gentle smile. "You're gorgeous, Super Nova." It takes every bit of will I have to stop myself from choking on the drink I just bought. I can't believe this asshole. Here I am, trying to relax after making a blunder and then he just straight up tells me I'm gorgeous. Does he know how I feel? Is he doing it on purpose because of that? I'm suddenly thankful for the red-orange hues of the candles. Otherwise I'd look like a tomato with mutated purple leaves or something.
If Elsword notices my blush, he doesn't give away any indication that he does. He redirects my attention to the stalls with a sweep of his hand. "Where would you like to go first, my lady?" Bless the El Lady, he's even offering me his arm to take.
I point to a stall with all sorts of accessories. That's usually the first one I go to.
He scoffs. "Laaaaaame."
I glare at him. "Not as lame as your sweet tooth. I put a hell lot of sugar and cream and you still added more."
His ears are going red. I smirk in triumph as he averts his eyes and mutters, "Shut up."
Wow, that was really fun. We went everywhere we could think of and even had the opportunity to prank others. Right as I'm running out of ideas on what to do next, Elsword places his hands over my eyes. I flinch immediately in response.
"Shhh, it's okay. I'm just taking you to somewhere special." I nod and follow his lead. He's… surprisingly good at this, keeping up with my pace yet guiding me along the way encouragingly. A wave of comfort washes over me. I feel like I can put my life into his hands and trust him with it.
I gasp. It's so beautiful. Fairies flit around, giving the clearing an ethereal glow. Their light dances on the paper chains that hang from the tree, giving the illusion of some shifting, glow-in-the-dark ornaments.
"I know it looks shitty, but—"
"It's beautiful." Even now, I'm burning this perfect scene right into my retinas, hoping that with enough exposure I'll remember every single detail.
"Aisha, I…" I focus my attention on him. His hands are shaking, but there's a glint in his eye that tells me that he's confident and determined. "I want to tell you the truth." He gives me a questioning look as if he's asking me if it's alright.
"Go ahead."
I can tell that this scene right here is something I won't ever forget. I'm sure of it. It's going to keep on living inside me no matter what happens. I'll make sure it never happens.
I wake up.
I want to know what happens next.
I try my very best to go back to sleep.
I must know!
Mr. Mastermind keeps talking about "purpose".
He says it's why he's trying to fix Eve.
I think this is my purpose too.
To remember.
"I'm sorry, Aisha. I have to save her."
"Then let me go with you."
"I don't want to put you into danger. I have to do this by myself, Aisha."
My jaw clenches as my chest plummets to the pit of my stomach. "You can't go by yourself. You've seen what your sister's turned into. You can't go." He remains unmoving, unbudging. That's what I liked about him. He was always there and always dependable. But now? I hate it. I grab his wrist and on the verge of tears, I plead, "Don't go. She'll kill you. Don't go."
Elsword cups my face with his hands. "Please, Aisha. You know how important this is to me, right?" I hesitantly nod. He continues, "This is my way of atoning for what I did. I can't let the same happen to her."
I shake my head. "You're too late. She's already gone. She's not Elesis anymore. She's just the Crimson Avenger."
A renewed fire flickers to life in his eyes, the eyes that I both like and hate. He whispers, "I know, I know. But that won't stop me from trying." Just hearing those words is enough for me to cry, but I try to hold it in as best as I can. He's persistent enough that it feels like I would be doing him a disservice. What if I successfully stop him and he just reverts back to how he was before? I can't have that. We made so much progress. So much fucking process, and to risk throwing all that away? Maybe I am a grape-headed idiot. They say that if you truly love someone, let them go. It had been one of those phrases that seemed pretty obvious, but I never truly understand the breadth of meaning behind it until now. So I grit my teeth and nod in defeat. "I feel like I'm sending you off to war or something."
He laughs, and I wonder if this is the last one I hear. "We've been fighting in one for a while, Aisha. This will just be another fight."
I blurt out the word before I can even register. "Liar." Both he and I know this one will be anything but. It's a personal one, and the difference between Elsword and Elesis in that fight is that Elsword doesn't want to kill her, but Elesis doesn't give a damn about killing him. It's impossible that she'll suddenly change her mind on the battlefield. Not with the way she's turned out. It doesn't help that her status as a genius swordswoman with a belt of experience widens the gap.
I'm really worried. I'm so worried that I don't notice I'm sobbing until he brushes his thumb underneath my eyes and holds me close to him. I take a deep inhale, wondering if this is the last time I'll smell him. "Don't," I say in between sobs, "die…"
"I won't."
"Promise?" I hold up my pinky.
He entwines his with mine weakly. He's shaking. "I do, Super Nova." He lets go of me.
I hesitantly do the same. It's time for him to go if he wants to catch up with her. I gather more mana than usual and cast a long lasting Power Aura.
Weird, he doesn't take off right away. He doesn't even turn around to run to his sister. Instead, something hits my head. Hard. The last thing I hear is: "Sorry, Aisha, but I don't trust you."
I wake up. For a few moments I lay there in complete ignorance and bliss.
And then the pain hits. With a groan, I clutch my throbbing head and notice it's swelling near my right temple. Where did it come from? I look at the clock. The time is peculiar—it's three in the morning. Why would I wake up at three? My heart pounds. It doesn't make sense. I don't have to go reli—or pee for fuck's sake. Did I have a nightmare or something? I'm not sweating, though.
Then it all comes crashing down with a force so strong that pins me completely down.
Shit.
I scream strings of profanity as I fight the invisible force and get up. He was meeting his sister at Hope Bridge, wasn't he?
I grab a couple of mana potions and quickly teleport there.
No.
No, it can't be.
Elsword…
Please stay alive.
You promised me you would.
I finally arrive, but before I register the scene my guts betray me by emptying themselves. It's not until I stand up heaving and clinging to something that I scream.
Nothing comes out. Nothing has to come out, because the sight itself is enough to explain.
Elsword's dead body sprawls across the cobblestone, and Elesis is nowhere to be seen.
My heartbeat is loud.
Like, really really loud.
I don't understand.
There's water dripping down my cheeks.
There's snot dripping down my nose.
It hurts.
I put my hand on my chest.
It really hurts.
I see Mr. Mastermind sitting next to me.
The first thing he asks is if I'm okay.
I tell him I don't know.
I tell him that my chest hurts so much.
He looks sad.
He grabs a new candy from a jar and puts it in my mouth.
He says this will help with the pain.
This one's sweet too!
It's not as sweet as the one he just gave me.
He's says he's sorry but I don't understand why.
I don't know why he's crying.
The pain's going away.
Bye, pain!
I tell this to Mr. Mastermind.
He doesn't stop crying.
Why?
He keeps saying he's sorry.
He cries more and then leaves.
It's a new day today!
My chest hurts so much.
I didn't sleep at all.
I thought of the boy I saw when I ate that candy.
Thinking about him more and more makes my chest hurt more and more.
I don't know why.
I feel like there's something I have to do.
But I don't remember what it is.
Maybe I'm stupid.
I don't care if I'm stupid.
It hurts.
It really does.
I see the jar where the candy Mr. Mastermind gave me yesterday came from.
I reach for it.
I can't lift the jar lid for some reason.
What was the word called?
I think it was heavy.
That's it!
The jar's too heavy!
I shake the jar and the lid comes off.
It breaks.
I reach inside the jar and eat one candy.
Hm, it's not working as well as it did last time.
I eat another one and wait.
It's working this time!
What happens if I eat more?
I eat two more and wait.
Look, I'm suddenly happy!
But after a while it stops.
So I take more until my mouth tastes sweet.
It stops.
So I take more and more.
More and more until the jar's almost empty.
Mr. Mastermind walks in.
He's angry.
He pulls me away from the candy.
I kick and scream.
He hugs me.
It's like the hug the red boy gave me.
He says he can't lose me too.
My body feels weird.
I say, "You're too late."
CAN I JUST GIVE A S/O TO Mayumi-chan AKA Chizu AND fairy-circle FOR EMERGENCY PROOF READING LATE INTO THE NIGHT? YEAHHHH.
Okay, besides the last minute cramming, I would like to say that I did enjoy writing this. Like, a lot. Aisha's always been a character that I've been comfortable writing with, so actually going as deep into characterization like this was definitely something new to me. Hope this didn't turn out too shabby!
Thank you so much for reading! Tell me in your review (hinthint) about what you thought of this!
Hopefully you'll see me again,
Sakubus
P.S. If you're feeling really unsatisfied with this (as proven by Chizu screaming in caps lock), remember that if you're patient, good things might happen... Except for a good ending. Sorry, you're stuck with this one. :P